Shugo

Just found this thread, very interesting situation you're in ! Have you spoken with your relatives about your relationship with Crysty ? What do they say ? Also, does she have memory prior to coming in contact with you ? Does she have memory of having been alive here on earth ? Does she know if she has different forms, or why she took this one ? Where did she go to to bring you the crystallized apple ? Does she interact with other nonphysical beings ? and other human beings ?

@Serotoninluv No free will, for me, would go along with no responsabilities and no purpose of the existence of life. If psychedelics have a tendency to make people think or feel they have no free will, they surely are messing up big times, because our free will is our only true possession in the first place imo. My perspective is that we have a Will to exercize, and choose which reality to actualize at each moment, building up mindfully our inner and outer reality. Infinite different paths are experientially available, yet, it is up to us to connect with those of our choice. Therefore, exercizing our free will in an all-encompassing infinite reality where every potential exists, IS the ONLY game we're playing. It would be a misrepresentation to think that because every path exists, therefore there is no free will. It is, indeed, because every path exists, that we can travel in a unique pattern corresponding to our conscious existence, carving our own personal movie in the Infinite Mind of the All. I'd be interested to have some comments on that. I've already entertained the thought that psychedelics could, contrary to their apparent benefit, cause underlying energetic issues undermining the exercise of our full will, that are subtle enough not to be researched, unless the case is obvious.

« All that we see or seem Is but a dream within a dream. » ~ Edgar Allan Poe You'll totally dig the book The Kybalion, it dives into details to explain this, and much, much more.

Hey guys. Here's another text I wrote when feeling inspired. Hope you enjoy it, and please give feedback if you want to (The narrator is our inner voice) I want to help you, but more importantly, I want your freedom. Thus, you have to chose to receive help, or else I cannot give it to you, because your freedom is much more important. It is the prime essence of your being here, exercising your freedom. Your growth matters less than your own choice of growing, your will to do it, your joy to lift your foot towards any direction. « Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. » Matthew 7:7 Remember. The universe conspires to send back what you emit. Just choose a path and it will flower before you, expressing itself with the same depth and nuances that you are carrying within. You know it, that’s what scares you. You’re responsible for everything that happens to you, and everything that doesn’t happen too, kind of. Just energy and imagination making love to create reality in each thought. But you shouldn’t take it so seriously. Life’s your playground. It’s not a matter of life and death, in any case, you’re made of matter and you’ll die, it’s the point of living. Might as well enjoy the ride fully instead of mindfucking yourself to oblivion with that complex labyrinth in your mind preventing you to escape from your conditioning and finally cocreate your life consciously with the Infinite Intelligence we bathe in. « Wait, and ye shall not arrive; wander and ye shall be lost », those may as well be part of the quote. What you are, what you think, what you feel and what you do, is what you get. Whatever you do, and however you do it, you’ll get more of that. So keep waiting for the moment to arrive when you finally take the first step. That’s what you’ll surely be doing. Wait and wait and wait. Though if you start walking any path, knowing that it will flower before you, then you won’t stop walking. So when you’re already moving along your path, it’s easy to continue, and when you’re not even walking, it’s easy to keep standing there. What’s difficult is to get ourselves out of that trance-like state of unconsciously going over the same days, thoughts and feelings, stagnating for years instead of exponentially improving ourselves. It involves being able to let go of habits, which means of parts of our identity. Being flexible in who we are in our personnality, in our web of thoughts and patterns which we define as « Me ». See this « Me » is the psychological « I », and when one is strongly identified with it, it may bequite difficulte to tackle it with fluidity and flexibility. But the raw « I » is the spiritual « I ». And this one is buried deep within our consciousness. It is it, that chooses our moment of birth and death, that arrange seemingly random coincidences, fortunes and misfortunes. It is the ever-present Witness of Experience, viewing all different paths from Above and guiding us through our intuition. Therefore by connecting to this state of being, one can more easily hack into the psychological « I ». The will can hijack habits if it is backed by the spiritual « I » and faith, gratitude, discipline and love for the universe and one’s authentic self. IT doesn’t even register as will then, for it comes from within, and will is often thought to be imposed upon the core from the surface layer. Deep authenticity involves acknowledging our whole depth, the integrality of our Selves. And this wholeness actualles encompasses all the Evil in the world that we all strive to appease. We are made of It. We are EVERYTHING. Thus, shall we accept the whole of the Mind in order to become free human beings, never again viewing someone or something as outside of one’s self. Never believing something to be out of reach. Knowing that the substance underlying all Experience is Imagination, in which and by which we’ve been thriving and coping for aeons of time, and will do still for Eternity. It will require to consciously become One’s own Self, a cell among the body of the Universal soup to finally walk in Life as in lucid dreaming, realizing our deepest truth from our most authentic core, our purpose as this cell at every moment in time.

Hey guys, here's a text I wrote when feeling inspired. Hope you enjoy it, and please do give feedback if you want to https://qilin2015.wordpress.com/2017/01/28/step-into-the-vortex/ I am Void. I am Infinity. I am Reality. I am One. I am Sound. I am the Word. I am the Universe. I am Unity. I am a Thought. I am a Vortex. I am multitude of parts within Oneness. I am a Map. I am a Web of Thoughts. I am a conglomerate of Vortexes. I am a Human Mind. I share myself with other unique multitudes of parts within Oneness We influence each other We nourish each other We evolve with each other We connect with each other We like each other on Facebook We create ever greater complex organisms We digest and swallow and regurgitate Some of us are shallow We feast upon meals from basic instincts We feast on goodies that serve our best plans It all depends on what I focus on, What I dwell upon. Will I imitate those Thoughts around me, And mingle with the Ocean so much so.. That the single drop that I am Loses its identity ? Or will I become the most exquisite form of Uniqueness that I can bring forth upon myself Becoming the One I never dreamt of Being In this most unique form and state that I feel Within ? So long will it take, as it should be. For any fruit was born out of a tree ! Which grew for years along autumn and spring.. Losings its leaves, and growing them back for free. Naturally. Without any fear or doubt as of if the process is natural or not ! Do you think the tree is scared when in winter, it has no leaves ? « Oh my gosh I’m naked and cold and scared I’m losing hope in Life I don’t know if seasons are real or not ! » Why shall we not feel the same way about I, Thought ? My Human Mind Map is a Cosmic Tree, whose fruits bear when ready After nourishing it with a juicy kind of thoughtmeal Enough Emotion and Mental picturing Enough Water and Air for the drinking and breathing A sparkle of Sunshine, the Fire of life, to sprout it from within And there you reap what you sew in your environ-Mental garden ! Your very own Eden. You have a chance to taste yourself in this manner Have you ever looked at your garden and tasted the fruits ? Mine sure as hell isn’t looking real pretty ! Tasting it made me dizzy. I haven’t payed attention to it since I was a kid. The rosebuds be flowering, but me be computing. What can I see ? What can I say ? I’m just a Thought, I got caught in wandering. Gravity’s a bitch for us, it’s hard to bear. We have no way to know how to be aware Of the magnificent circuit of mental-travelling machine That’s built in our own circuitry since for evah, It’s within. There ain’t no way to feel that with your senses. Your fucking thoughts aren’t coming from your nose or your ears. But what you see and touch and smell and hear You sure as hell think about it though ! So our senses are like probes to feel the 3D reality And get a feedback to the thoughts and emotions that we deal with within Those can’t be looked at through a microscope, So fuck materialistic science since it’s backed by thought ! Thanks for the rime, that comes from the heart that shines Through the understanding of the power of NOW. Then we probe the world with our senses, and we probe it with thoughts. I am ME. I am a Thought, and I carry Thoughts within me. They form the map of my Individuality. I can only use the word ME for ME. That is what defines ME. There is what is Within « ME », and Without « ME ». Interior and Exterior is the only Duality. I am also One, which is everything Within, Without, and the Layer between. Me is also the Layer, from which I can look Within and Without, And strive to make my best to MAKE THEM FUSE WITH EACH OTHER ! Reaching for Unity through transparency. Infusing my own Uniqueness from Inside and transferring it to the Outside. Letting the Light of One reach through from Within to Without and mingle with One again It’s a spiritual sex act. It’s a dance. It’s a breath. Mingling the air from the outside with the inside, taking in all the goodies, except that in my breathing out, in my penetration from within to the outside, I bring forth Life, spermatozoons in the Ovula of Matter, the shared 3D reality where Ideas come to LIFE through human beings, the sexual organs of thoughts to penetrate matter. This is the Game. Here, Ideas come to Life through the act of Unique Individualities, each picking from the Thought Realms the Ideas that One wants to transmit. Ideas themselves might pick individuals, like pets pick their future human companion. By vibration. By universal laws. By heart. By social conditionning also of course, but that ain’t my focus. We leave in a magical place. The evolution of the whole cosmos takes place in our own body, mind and soul. Us Being here is of Primordial Importance for Every One and Everything. Everything has the necessity to Be as it IS, and You Evolve by the use of Free Will to the most Unique expression of the At-All-Times Perfect expression of You, encompassing All Polarities of Existence in the Light of Love and Truth, reconciling the paradoxes and marrying the opposite, building the perfect inner alignment for the One who Dreamt being You to Remember his Dream ! By living it first person through your eyes and your actions and you reading this right now, at the right time, in the right place. As everything you’re doing from the beginning to the end. Whatever you do, it’s all according to Plan. So get Creative and Passionnate ! You can stop worrying and start welcoming everything that’s thrown at you as a preplanned gift for you to act upon as a way of playing that epic movie that your life is in the infinity of possible choices that you can make freely, navigating through the movie in the most exquisite way that only you could possibly play!

You seem to crave those feelings that you have, and find reasons to feel and feed them. Only by focusing on trust and forgiveness will you be able to experience them. And forgive yourself as well as him. You deserve to be loved and to love. And love is free. Don't try to cage or change someone you love to fit your needs. Love them despite anything, and from that place of love, you can't do anything wrong really. I've been having issues with mistrust and jealousy, I kind of realized that I was more sad from feeling jealous and betrayed than I was actually feeling it. It's an illusion our egos hold onto because it feeds their martyrdom narrative, which makes it exist. Letting go of jealousy, fully trusting and loving someone, after learning otherwise, that means a part of you has to die, and this is not pleasant. You could even hold onto those bad feelings for the rest of your life by fear of letting go and surrendering to existence without illusory suffering. That's how much the ego wants to stay alive. That's how much you want to keep those feelings, because they make up who you are. At least that's how I feel.

This is one of the most comprehensive video on the subject on porn. You will understand how your biology is fucking you up, porn addiction has a tremendous power in our brains. Attraction between males and females are one of the most sacred events on earth, it's an allegory of the dance between opposite forces, nothingness and infinity, above and below, negative and positive, fire and water, consciousness and matter, coming together to realize the Oneness. Kind of new agey though very true. When you don't have confidence, when it's not natural and flowy for you to have sex with girls, fapping to porn robs you of your power to actually go and see them, have pure feelings for them, have confident sex with them. I'm telling this from what I've lived, what I'm living personnaly. Oh and stop telling yourself that it's a sin to have sex before marriage. If you're into spiritual stuff, for sure sex is sacred and should be performed only with someone with which you have a deep connexion, and girls love it only that way really, they can't stand porn-like sex, they'd be glad to be taken roughly but only by someone with which she could share parts of her heart. Then you should have sex with as many girls as possible that you would be glad to have as your wifes and who love you deeply. But you shouldn't lean onto those kinds of beliefs to stay in your comfort zone and fap to hardcore porn whilst saying that sex before marriage is a sin. This is nonsense to my ears. Don't you feel the cognitive dissonance ? What I would personnally advise is to watch videos from Real Social Dynamics, rsdfreetour / rsdtyler /julienhimself/ rsdmax on youtube and mostly practice getting out of your comfort zone. I used not to have a clue about what was going on, now I know the basic structure of human interaction from biological, psychological and energetic points of view, which means I can do something about it since I understand it. Though you still need balls. Also, mostly, in my opinion, David Deida has captured beautifully how the Feminine and Masculine forces interact. Read The Way of the Superior Man and Intimate Communion, it will lay down a conceptual structure in which you know where you're at and where to go. You seem like you have deep hearty feelings that are not balanced by confidence, and this I know well. You need to live my friend, do things that make you step out of your comfort zone bit by bit, so that the next girl you have a crush on, you don't become her non-sexual friend, you act with confidence to sweep her off her feet with your love and confidence. Ain't that a pretty picture ? But this needs to be built brick by brick. I myself have been in your shoes, mostly when I was beginning highschool, though I never held the belief that sex before marriage would be a sin. I just wasn't feeling confident and I believe that the fact that I'm holding in my secret garden two very opposite things, the addiction to hardcore pornography and the desire to find a pure princess that I could love infinitely like in the Disney films. Eventually, this will blow up while growing up. Girls aren't princesses at all, they like rough sex too, maybe more than we do. And really, I don't want a princess, I want a girl that challenges me to better myself in every way, because that's how life is, we evolve, if we don't we die. Commiting to a relationship with a girl is the exact opposite of the comfort zone. Only after having pushed through it will we reap the benefits that were sown, by gladly welcoming into our lives without any needyness and with full confidence someone that matches our own needs to evolve to the next level, and that will also evolve at the same time. One last thing I too unconsciously fantasize about a mentor. But I know very well that I shall be my own mentor and my own student. This is the only way. You couldn't even profit from what a mentor would be able to provide for you if you're not your own mentor and student first. A mentor can't help you with anything that you're not willing to do for yourself. Though I agree that it would be of good help to have someone you can rely to and ask questions and be cheered and challenged whilst making your own progress. Girls are the best mentors for spiritual progress in my opinion. They have the ability to feel the little holes in your structure and point them out, only to feel you become stronger. They can rip your ego of all its fallacies until only the purest diamond is left shining. Though it is very rare to undergo this kind of evolution so deeply, couples usually fall apart because they're not commited to truth, freedom, love and evolution, or they're just not on the same level anymore and need to evolve somewhere else. But through Intimate Communion, we can truly reach the depths of our beings, and surrender to the powerful archetypal forces of the universe, fusing each other into One, enacting the universal dance through the bodies mind and soul in an intense explosion no less powerful than an nuclear one. Those relationships are quite special and unique. And they're to be lived only by the most free and loving human beings. It can't be otherwise.