Travelion

I still don't have a hot witch girlfriend.

I usually don't experience existential anxieties. I'm sure some of you know the short story "The Egg" by Andy Weir. It's about reincarnation and eternity. Since I watched the animated version from kurzgesagt, I now feel some sort of existential anxiety when I think about immortality or eternity. It is just overwhelming. It reminds me of my last trip. Which was a great experience but I also got confronted with eternity. And in my sober state that scares me. Why is that? Because my ego can't comprehend it? I asked myself what exactly I am scared of, and I don't know. Maybe it's the uncertainty. Sometimes I think wether it wouldn't be better if everyone/I was just unconsious for ever (like eternal dreamless sleep). But I guess these thoughts arise from a state of fear. My question is, how to deal with existential fear? Accepting feels difficult. Practice more acceptance? I appreciate your advice

Hello. I know my answer comes late. Thanks for all your words. I already read your answers when you posted them, but I didn't answer them. I needed to take a break from actualized.org, meditation and spirituality. I was just desperate. I really appreciated your words, but I didn't know how to properly use your advice. I know that repression is not a healthy way to deal with fear, but I didn't know what to do. When I decorated our Christmas tree with my family, I could not enjoy it. To "never stop being aware of something" was very scary. I didn't know what to do, I never felt an anxiety like that in my life. I am not an anxious person. I think, in retrospect i was not ready for my ego-death-experience in September, at least not for the consequences for my existence. I don't know if I "worked out my fear" or anything like that, but at least I don't feel anxiety when I think about immortality, reincarnation, and the story "The Egg" anymore. Idk, it just does not feel dangerous now. Maybe it will do so in future again. But I will work through it. The experience in September was probably the most incredible gift of my life. Thanks for your kind words and advices.

Holy shit, what a report so impressive

In one of my dreams I was at Leo's home in Vegas and he had the most big-ass sandstone palace you could ever imagine. It was covered all over with emeralds. In another dream he showed me his recording room and the entrance led through an old pig slaughterhouse.

I don't know about bluetooth, but WiFi, 5G etc. is not harmless i think. It was shown that some people developed OCD caused by the WiFi in their car. As soon as they disabled the WiFi for a certain period of time, the OCD was gone. And WiFi disturbes the brain during sleep. If the brain is exposed to strong WiFi signal, it is harder for it to reach the theta and delta brain waves which are important to nocturnal regeneration. During sleep the WiFi should be turned off. And this effect of brain disturbance could even be strengthened by 5G. I may be wrong, I'm not an expert. But there definetly is research in science.

Diamonds from Rihanna, Especially this cover.

Maybe you are sleepwalking? I know what you mean, sometimes mine and/or my brother's door are locked when we wake up, sometimes even during the day, but that much more rare.

How old is that page?

@The0Self From your point of view, and surely in the absolute sense. But I don't want a misconception to occur in my mind :).

The last minutes are great, but what if the physicists assume that consciousness is just a coincidence? Wouldn't that fit perfectly into their problem? But maybe that's almost as worse as unexplainable

When you guys say "Death is an illusion" or "Death is impossible", what do you mean? I always thought that whenever Leo or you talk about the concept of Death, that you mean the disappearance of consciousness, (in theory) like before birth. 5 years before everyone's birth, he or she experienced what the mind can imagine as nothing. Just 0% consciousness. That with the appearance of the dead body the consciousness fades away. What else could you otherwise mean by "Death is an illusion"? Because everything other than what I described keeps the consciousness.

At least, you are not alone in the sense that everyone of us will face similar worries (I guess). But from your point of view, you can't prove that Unfortunately it will only appear like that. But I can tell you, I'm not a bot.

Same for me as for EmptyVase. Very interesting

@Adamq8 holy fucking shit. I honestly don't know what to say. I thought my mind was confirmation bias-like validating my experience over and over again during my trip using the words my friends spoke or the words that we're from the songs we listened, but it was FUCKING GOD talking through my perception to myself. And god did that through running gags and popular memes and jokes of my circle of friends. WHAT? It all makes sense now. And I thought it was just delusion.

@Adamq8 What do you mean by "She knew everything i knew" like you could talk to her about it and she responded reasonable during that state? and now with your ego consciousness she doesn't know that anymore, but through your imagination during that trip she like REALLY knew it? During my first ego death I also experienced that, but I thought that was only my mind like misinterpreting the people around me. Bro, reading this was so scary! But I'm glad to hear that others experienced that, too.

Is direct consciousness a (the only?) way of accessing truth that 99.9% of humanity and science is missing?

During my ego death I had an insight that reincarnation is a real thing and will continue forever. During the experience that was no problem at all and it was even perfect. But in fact I live 99.9% of my time as a little human ego with the following concerns: how the fuck am I supposed to live through all of human pain and suffering FOREVER (like for real)?! I know that only my ego is having these worries, but imagining all of this is just so terrible. I want to learn more about reincarnation. What are good books or other sources about this topic? (I prefer German sources, but english ones are okay too). Unfortunately Leo does not have a video about this, but you guys might help me Out aswell :). Especially the following questions occupy my mind: How does reincarnation really work? At the start of a new life, do we keep anything from our past lives? How does karma affect reincarnation? Is enlightenment the only way to stop reincarnation? Or is it mahasamadhi? Is mahasamadhi reachable if motivated by fear of rebirth?

What are the main problems of science? Obviously doing science is probably the most usefull method humanity can do to gain technological, medical, ect. development and to improve and save millions of lives. But is conventional science harming some people in any ways? What are those? I oftentimes hear that science is unable to make metaphysical statements. If we leave out those, isn't science our best tool to investigate our (seemingly) objevtive outer world and life? Where is that approach of reality problematic except for metaphysics? What would free of ideology-science look like? What are the most common self deceptions within science?

I was like (beginning)"oh my god, what have I done. Well, I have to go through that." "They we're all right, WTF!!!" "Oooh, so that's what reality is." "Holy fucking shit, my life is a movie."

How is your health situation going? Are you worried that at some point you will no longer be able to run actualized.org?

They just assume that consciousness emerges from the brain.

You couldn't really convince him unless he experiences it through direct consciousness.

Yeah I often use Leo's guided meditation, but I will try out the other one you showed me, too. Thank you I just hope me Ego doesn't overrationalize the experience too much and modify my memory.

The report already is so long, i skip to the beginning of the peak experience. I was at home. I felt sensory overload in the living room, even though it was pretty quiet. That's when I started to feel insecure, and I kept thinking that a disaster was about to happen. Then I went to my room and went to bed with my twin brother (my closest caregiver). I started to feel more and more anxious and realized that only my brother and my girlfriend could give me security. Layers of my identity as Jonas (my name is Jonas) also became clear to me, especially in terms of how much security which gives me. For example, my landlady and aunt weren't that important, then all of my close friends came along, everyone who was also in my apartment and a few others. And the innermost layer was my brother and my girlfriend. I knew that she couldn't be here now, so i focused on my brother and held onto him. All along he said that everything is fine and that I don't need to be afraid. I really noticed how each layer slipped through my fingers and I was always holding onto the next layer. I still knew that I had "only" taken one drug. Still, I started to cry with fear. I also asked for a trip killer, so two of my friends went out to get one. My brother kept trying to calm me down. At this point it helped that I had dealt with things like the illusion of the ego, ego death, psychedelic experiences, and spirituality before. Because at some point I realized that if the ego was really an illusion, and it was dissolving because of the 1cp-LSD, it would probably feel just like my state, namely that the individual layers were crumbling and I always clung to the next layer and that the ego creates another fear in me with every shift. It felt like I saw through my ego. At some point I realized the real power of letting go and I was able to stop clinging to my brother. I realized that I can just surrender to any fear and that the only way to escape a fear is to really let go and face that fear. It became clear to me that every living being sets its own limits, but unfortunately mostly unconsciously, which is why you cannot easily recognize and overcome this limit. When I was able to let go of everything, values like having a lot of money and little money were just as important as wanting to live and not wanting to live. Life seems more important to us than money only because living is a more important part of one's identity than having money. Our consciousness has nothing to do with being a human being, it is completely independent of it. It felt as if my previous life was only there to experience this moment at some point and that I was now pulled out of my ego to the Absolute Truth, namely that everything is one, reality is non-dual and completely infinite. I felt free from all limits that could ever exist, I felt infinite, I felt the unity of reality and the non-duality of the whole universe. This was a state of extreme bliss as I realize that all fears were only fictional and meaningless. I had something like the attached image in mind, just without the person, but the pattern around it was similar. I now understood why dualities like life and death, everything and nothing, flow together in the largest possible picture. Even logic and time are just limits of your own mind. I felt pure existence, every moment was eternal, my consciousness was nothing but perception. I had lost track of time. I was a single singularity, all dreams, desires, fears, emotions of all people. At that point, I didn't want the trip killer anymore either. It was a wonderful miracle. I cried with joy. The following words kept coming into my head over an over again: - Being. Just being. - Existence - Love - Non-duality - Moment (i realized that only the present exists) - Consciousness. I recognized the infinite power of letting go, every possible suffering could simply be let go, but of course not in low states of consciousness like that of everyday human life. I said several times things like “trust me”, “let go”, “don't hold on”, “listen to yourself”, “go seek inside yourself” and “let it go”. I wanted to advise everyone in the world to use these words. I also understood the importance of inner calm and the search for the real self in the world. I saw that love and hate were inextricably intertwined. It was at this point that I also understood karma. Everything we do to others, we experience ourselves at some point, everything we do for others, we do for ourselves. I constantly had images of intertwined strange loops in my mind. I saw existence as a strange loop. Anything I would take would be taken from me in another life. I understood why all people were blind to this absolute truth and why no one could logically convince anyone of it. It was as if I had grasped the absolute meaning of existence. I had realized that the unified consciousness of the universe had created itself for the purpose of existence. The positives and negatives didn't matter. I should experience every other life, infinitely often and infinitely long. However, I didn't know how my experience was going to continue. Miss-interpretation of reality After my peak experience, I woke up in the "real" world. I thought that I was now in a world where everyone else who was there knew what I knew. One of the reasons for this was that when I was walking around, I just dropped to the floor and was only caught because my friends looked after me so well. I thought the universe would reward my letting go by being caught by my friends. Every time I let myself down, I was caught by the others. When the others spoke, everything they said only confirmed what I had just experienced. I thought I (the consciousness of the universe) had created everything myself, every music, every smell, every color, every voice. There was nothing but perception. Everything was just beautiful in its perfection. I realized that life was a movie that I watched with my friends and everyone else. I knew I would go through someone else's life one day. I thought my friends knew what I was experiencing because I interpreted some statements as follows: - "That's a nice head" (he meant the hookah). I thought he meant that as a metaphor for the wonder of existence - "Now he probably doesn't want to take the trip killer anymore" I thought he meant that after I had learned this truth of the universe, I now know that I no longer need to be afraid of it - "But that took a long time" (he probably meant the duration of my mental absence from his point of view during the peak) I thought he meant that it took my whole life to come to this insight. - One line in a song read “and all that counts, is here and now”. I thought this was related to only the present existing and just to focus on - "You could almost make a meme out of it." I thought he meant the feeling when you first live my experience. - I asked my brother and a friend how I should have known all of this, and that at some point I will be totally scared (because I would probably experience it again in my next life, at the latest when I die). I don't remember the answer, but I still interpreted it in such a way that they both knew what I was talking about. I thought that from now on I would be in a reality in which my fellow human beings know the nature of the existence of everything. Later that evening, when a slight feeling of sobriety returned, I thought I was now in a kind of paradise where I could shape my life as I wanted. However, anything that I took positively would fall back on me negatively in another life. I didn't know whether to offer my help to my friends in order to improve my karma. I was confused what to do and whether I would really live in paradise, because I felt like Jonas again, who would like to see his girlfriend, even though the fear of never seeing her again was actually only imaginary. However, I really thought I was in a different reality. That was also because when we sat on a bench outside, the skyline of Nuremberg (in Germany) looked completely different from what I was used to. But that was still due to the remains of the 1cp-LSD. Since my brother said I would feel better in the morning, I didn't know what to expect when I went to sleep. At that point in time, I wanted to go back to my "old" life. I tried to get myself off the trip through low-consciousness stuff like watching a live stream and playing a mobile game. That's why I took the trip killer, also to be able to sleep, although I was still afraid of what would happen if I disappeared from this “paradise” due to the trip killer. I went to sleep at some point and the next morning I felt exhausted and confused, but sober again. I went back to the bench from yesterday evening and was glad that everything looked the way I knew it. Conclusion I never thought that such a dose would trigger such an incredible experience and would definitely have taken less if I had known. I was not prepared for that, i've taken 150 µg before and it was like 100 times weaker. The ego death was not intended. That was probably the most profound experience of my life. How do I properly integrate such an experience? Thanks for reading :).