Lyubov

Nonviolent Communication The Six Pillars of Self Esteem The Big Leap Thick Face, Black Heart Tao Te Ching These are my S tier books for self work.

Vetting is very important though. It’s obviously really inefficient to sit down and read books that aren’t helpful. I found that AI is really good for this and also going on YouTube and researching a book beforehand. Especially for nonfiction and stuff you’re reading for your life, you don’t need to worry about being spoiled or anything. You can get an idea in what ways it’s good. I’ve saved a lot of time cutting down my read list with AI.

The problem with male value or this line of thinking is it’s subject to change. You’re building your house on shifting sands. Even when I was growing up and a young adult I can see things were different from even now with what is expected of you. So it’s not what you need to align with. If you build yourself on any judgement of value you will always be chasing a carrot on a stick dangling in front of you, caring what others think of you. Now obviously there are choices you can make after having observed the world with a very clear mind where you can clearly reason why and intuitively take action in a certain way or choose to shape your life a certain way. But this framing of it as an expectation or your value is ultimately going to fuck you. Me choosing to earn money and build a business has nothing to do with how valuable I perceive myself. I want to grow something and live nicely and support my family. I worked on my mind and education because I genuinely wanted to access those dimensions. Whatever people perceive of me now because of that is their business.

I’ve believed I’m bad since I’ve been a child. I’ll listen. The belief “I’m bad” is self destructive from my experience.

Been here. You’re over correcting now. You start off nice, starting convos, etc. But you don’t get results you want. So you go in the opposite direction. The guys who you often perceive as a douche may be kinda wild and selfish and unapologetic but trust me when you try to be them you will come across far differently. How much inner work have you actually done? You would benefit from deep self inquiry and journaling, reengineering your belief system and your relationship with yourself. You would then be able to observe your environment with a much clear mind and catch your flow. I’d also do energy work too to balance your chi.

It’s possible to be so attuned and in your flow that you can pull a girl that doesn’t even speak your own language. The night becomes the narrative and body language the words.

How attuned are you? You usually don’t have to do too much. I noticed that if you’re in your flow and just having fun there is usually a solid chance you will be invited for something or able to invite others as well. Being attuned and dropping expectations and reading the room is very important or else you can waste your time on 40 sets where you were opening strong, but it was evident you had a sort of “intent” so people feel like they are standing next to a salesman or someone desperate to close them on something. I would slow down and actually take time to just really observe people when you go out, get a feel for what mood people are in, people sense your presence. I know in Europe people can be quite chatty and like talking to strangers on the street and when out but when you’re in your flow you will find people you actually want to spend more than 3 minutes with. Trust me there ain’t 40 sets even worth opening when you’re tuned in and present. You walk into a space, you scan the room, then rest in your presence and then when you get a sense of what’s going on you put a little gas in it and be outgoing. Just spamming sets without presence and with expectation can become a trap.

Bro good effort but you gotta redirect it into keeping stuff going. I used to spam sets, it’s easy to keep doing that thinking stuff will start progressing in your interactions but really you’re the equivalent of a pop up ad in real life. Are you able to find a few girls who seem receptive to you and wanna go grab a drink NOW? Like you chat for 10-20 mins and then ask them with your wingmen to go to a bar or something? Sounds like you can open which is good but you gotta now start watching how guys pull and close.

I’ll check it out thanks. I have no idea what to do though other than trade my time for my valuable skills.

There was a similar discussion here a while back. I went in the opposite direction. I read mostly everything now. Yeah, books give diminishing returns after a while and you have to be strategic with what you pick. I even reread a few books instead of new ones because they were so helpful. I wouldn’t just commit to a book unless I’ve put it through vetting. I don’t believe I’m missing out on anything not being spontaneous about my book picks. Unless you have a super mind and are able to run through books like an athlete can run a kilometer it’s better to be intentional with what you pick. For audio books, to be honest if it falls into audio book territory it’s probably not good enough to be taken seriously anyways and could be supplemented with YouTube videos or research with AI. I treat anything as an audio book basically as a podcast where you can drift in and out of listening.

INFJ I think a lot of people here are neurodivergent and spiritually inclined.

Yeah, I enjoy making YouTube videos. But it’s ok. When your source of income and what you enjoy don’t align sometimes it’s a good opportunity to mature. I’ve come to terms with a lot of things and am grateful I can do what I do. We sometimes think accepting our lives is a form of giving up but it isn’t. Often times it’s in the acceptance where you’re able to think more clearly and shape your life how you wish.

Stopped reading like one paragraph in then scrolled and saw your bolded statement. My instincts are good.

Forgiveness is bogus because nothing can ever diminish your value so just creating this idea that you need to forgive someone before realizing your value or feeling better is a self imposed limitation (false). There is no rule that says you need to forgive anyone as if you have power over someone if they did you wrong, nor do they over you if they wronged you. The better word to use is acceptance. Do you accept reality as it is?

Don’t worry they will find someone else equally as demented to hitch their wagon to in 2028

Not even wine occasionally?

You can always get support from them until you are doing better and are stronger and then get off of them under the supervision of a doctor. They aren’t a life sentence.

We are in the same boat

2000 vocab words is definitely bullshit. That is B1 level, intermediate.

That is their prerogative. You can communicate your values and expectations. We don't get any guarantees others will agree to them.

In that case yeah most women will be pretty pragmatic about things and think about what you can provide, what your long term planning is like, etc. I wish my YouTube paid money but I can’t put that pressure on it or expect it to substitute for my real job which I use to support myself and my wife financially. There is nothing wrong just focusing on your art but we gotta be honest with ourselves and realistic about the way the world is. If no one wants to make long term plans with you maybe it means you haven’t set your life up to do so while considering another person?

I don’t know

My dad is 76 years old. This is sometimes really hard for me to accept. Does anyone else have aging parents where you are aware most of their years are behind them and they don't have so much time left?

I've never had an issue going in that direction. My energy has always ran too high, doing too much. Yeah if someone is exceptionally passive and "doesn't know what to do" then I'd have a different response.

So I came back. I left end of July. I am done with China for a while lol.... it just gets overwhelming and you feel like you're on an alien planet after a while. I had so much fun. Hope to go to Tibet next year.