Lyubov

It's just a no fap thing I think. I heard this before. They say don't jack off so you're horny and wanna chase women. I've not really noticed a difference. If I'm too horny I actually get impatient and women can feel those "thirsty" vibes. It can be a sort of turn off for them. They like a guy that's in control of himself. I personally haven't found nofap useful (gave it a try A LONGGGG time ago and longest I lasted was a week). Basically gave me blue balls and sexual frustration.

I personally agree that cheating is the end for a relationship. It’s kinda hard to avoid all sorts of micro infidelities today though like liking a photo of a girl you wanna fuck or occasionally peaking on tinder or making eyes and flirting a bit with a co worker or wishing an ex happy birthday. Social media especially has kinda just opened a whole new world of mingling and orbiters. I think it can easily be avoided physically cheating if you both have boundaries. It’s why I’m not so into this “pure freedom no boundaries around socializing” in a relationship. It’s not as simple as just detaching if you both have a lifestyle that doesn’t quite jive with a serious LTR. A couple that’s serious about a LTR will have the communication and lifestyle that accommodates an LTR. A guy running around and drinking with his bros on a Saturday night behind her back while she is at home taking care of the baby is another example of this. It’s not healthy for an LTR.

Yes, it’s an awful feeling. I would go out and fulfill it then. Do what you have to do even if it includes moving, saving up money to live in a new city or not at the parents, etc.

Does the pope shit ?

@Tangerinedream Glad you were able to find common ground I've actually felt good when my girlfriend brought up stuff like this to me and was a bit territorial. Made me feel appreciated and like she wanted us to be devoted to each other so it made me feel closer and desired by her. It made us closer I would say when we found common ground.

This is very insightful. Have you road tested this detached state in a relationship? Have you found it leads to deeper trust and connection? I’m willing to accept in myself that I’ll always have tiny bits of jealousy, envy and insecurity. I think I’ve addressed and worked on it a lot and actually feel it’s quite manageable and being expressed in healthy ways for the most part. I also feel it motivates me to be devoted as well and communicate my needs. So I just am wondering what feeling fully detached in a LTR is like and how it tends to play out.

Not exactly. It can actually lead to getting your needs deeply met if you know how to go about setting boundaries in a healthy way and communicating what you want from your woman. Many women are super loyal and they get something met as well feeling owned (not over controlled). In fact I think it’s kinda a sign of weakness and a lack of devotion if you aren’t a bit territorial and firm in a relationship. This is probably one of the bigger misnomers in western dating. If your woman is so attached to being this separate and having this much freedom and hanging out so freely with other dudes (ex bf, former fwb, orbiters, etc) in a relationship it’s a bit of a red flag for me that it eventually won’t work out anyways. It’s really a balance and depends on the woman. I don’t feel comfortable being a “we” over an “I” if my beautiful girlfriend is hanging out one on one or in private groups with orbiters which are what most guys are to beautiful girls. Obviously what I’m saying is contextual and little things can vary. I’m not like a firm no guy friends type of boyfriend but I’m wary of it for sure and screen for it and see if such a woman placates this dynamic so to speak and outwardly shows she doesn’t wanna hang out with other guys for the sake of the relationship. There are girls that are really serious that will do this but they will expect respect and trust and of course some space in return to do what they please.

It depends on the friend. If it’s some guy that has respect and is clearly not trying to make a move okay maybe or if it’s some long time platonic friend okay. But if she’s beautiful many guys will be hanging out with her cause they wanna be an orbiter. Why tf would I wanna get in a relationship with a girl that doesn’t seem ready for a long term committed relationship? Women aren’t stupid. They know what orbiters are. Screening their friend group and their past is important. Can easily end up in a relationship with a chick that is hanging out with her ex or a past fwb. No thanks !

I’ve seen this before. Some YouTuber did mushrooms and was actually quite green in appearance but then all of a sudden they are a hardline Christian. My understanding of it is that each stage builds on the next. You can fall back onto whichever one you are mostly deeply grounded/rooted in if something challenging happens in your life (ie your tree falls over). It’s actually very challenging and I theorize most people aren’t actually yellow or turquoise but have built themselves up to it. If their survival needs and world view are greatly challenged they will sort of fall back on the stage their roots were originally set in in order to get grounded again and get some reference points back into life. Some pick up artist for instance tripped hard on mushrooms and became quite blue. Before they were very toxic orange in appearance.

does lobster have tiers like a gold club, silver club, diamond club, etc? tony robins does something like that and in the highest one you get to shake his hand or some bullshit lol

It's just goofy PUA terms. He basically wants to get some one on one time with girls he likes from his group of friends. I'd say the best way generally is to get their contacts through the group of friends (just socializing and going with the flow) and then start texting them and ask them out on a date. If you are being a bit flirty in the group with the girls you will sometimes just find yourself alone with them and from there you can have a deep convo / kiss and see if you are into each other.

I know what you mean. I think getting out of your own way and making space for new ideas and creativity helps. This usually can be achieved a number of ways. Self reflection, and usually putting a bit of skin into something helps me. For instance buying something nice like some expensive paints and art supplies. I'll appreciate it more and use it more if I had to work for it and thus I find myself being more creative.

Don't waste your time

Doesn't sound like you sexually assaulted her at all according to you post. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or acted way out of line from what I read.

Well for me I’ve greatly overcome a ton of challenges with socializing, making friends, women and sex. This was not easy. I’m 30 now and much of my teens and first half of my 20s I was a gamer and deeply depressed and full of shame. I’m incredibly proud and grateful for what I’ve m accomplished, basically getting as good with women as I have and being able to hang with just about any guy making videos on YouTube how to pick up women. This was incredibly hard and basically took almost ten years of massive amounts of exposure to experience, lots of inner work, therapy, psychedelics, etc. Things really started getting good for me after I did Ayahuasca three years ago but this was maybe the hardest experience of my life to go through. It was an incredibly confusing and new experience especially and I did not have support coming out of it so I would say I was one of the people that comes out of such experience really messed up and needing help. I was able to get it and I built my life back up again and I’ve made such massive changes looking back over the last several years. I would say therapy helps me a ton. I’m grateful I have someone to work with that I find so incredibly beneficial. I think psychedelic assisted therapy is probably the most powerful treatment for a consistent chronic mentally ill person but unfortunately it’s not really available in many places and we are still in the Wild West when it comes to this stuff. I would greatly advise against just going to a cowboy shaman if you haven’t done the container work to find a support network and trained professionals who have tripped before as well that can help you work through this. I honestly am so grateful I just so happened to have the resources in place to get this container together and integrate and regroups after tripping several times, some people go for some sort of emotional healing and just get lost in this dogma and world and god help them, they end up usually really crazy and kinda fucked up for a long time. You can see such people running around on this forum especially in the spirituality section. I would say don’t take grounding and your reference points for granted. They are kinda double edged sword. On one hand they sorta hold to the past and keep stuff from being let go but on the other they bring a sense of realness and balance and a “foundation” to change. Gotta pitch the tent somewhere. At this stage in my life I recommend therapy, exercise, exposing oneself to lots of experience and MAYBE tripping in a safe and trusted setting with approved facilities, facilitators and holistic mental health experts to work with after. I tend not to recommend solo retreats, meditation retreats or reckless drug use expecting a cure all.

I’m feeling really sad. My girlfriend feels I’m not taking her serious. We have an issue about moving that I’ve told her I’m mostly committed towards moving with her for work but she is untrusting of me. She wants to move to a totally unrelated place sooner cause she doesn’t wanna be in the city we are in together. I’m not on board for this. She also tells me she feels used by me and that I’m not taking her seriously because I’m happy with my life the way things are and she isn’t. She’s afraid I’ll get bored of her and leave. We spoke a bit about long term plans, even if we moved together, and then the next step after that and she was hurt to hear that I don’t have my life planned out and that I’m somewhat unambitious and she wasn’t as big of a factor in the equation. She’s been pushing me to do more which I finally am and now she seems sorta weary and resentful that the stuff I’m doing isn’t really factoring in our relationship. Basically we are two people on different paths and this is causing a lot of emotional turmoil for us both. I promised I would move with her for her work and I’m open to that but this issue of long term commitment and her just resenting living in this city and she blaming me for it (feels like it), saying she’s only here because of me, etc is heavy to carry. I’m confused and so is she. Both of us are hurting. Praying we can find harmony.

I’ve come to realize I’ve repressed a part of me that is wanting to get physical with other men that want to exert some sort of control in my personal space or disrespect me through words. I’ve realized violence and anger are sort of disowned as unspiritual when in fact this is not true. Embracing violence and using it consciously is actually part of the whole and it’s necessary for self defense. I’m currently in decent shape but I’m going to get stronger in the gym. Also thinking of joining martial arts classes to get this energy under control. I don’t want to feel a blockage or a holding back if I have to use physical violence but I also want to be conscious and in control of it and not be a bully. Any guys here master the energy of physical rage and use it in a healthy and protective way without it corrupting you or having to disown it or becoming “trigger happy” ? I think martial arts is probably the best path for expressing this energy.

They cover a lot of the usual stuff here from Ayahuasca/MDMA to therapy to fathers to the role of masculinity. It's pretty interesting!

wow never thought of this one either, great! love hitting some drums. it's not too hard either to play some big african drum like a djembe with my hands.

They had psychological tests for working at the grocery store here… unbelievable. It felt invasive too. I would lie to get a job if I had to. I need to eat.

I would talk to a therapist. I think you are a fine person but it will help a lot and make you feel more comfortable around people. What it sounds to me is like that somewhere in your life you were hurt by people and you formed all sorts of beliefs to keep yourself safe and now you feel resistance, anger and pain when you are pressed to get close and intimate. Totally normal reaction. Talking about it will make you feel more comfortable and passionate to get closer to people and you will find yourself having less defensive thoughts your life will improve and you will soon be writing how much you enjoy getting close to women (or men)

This is actually a great idea and really satisfying too.

Oh yeah I understand you, I think they are violent cause they have to do with punching, kicking and harnessing anger/passion in class to do well at then but they are not the kind of violence you are talking about which is destructive and non consensual .

I think It should be expressed physically in a healthy way. I’m thinking martial arts for mastering this energy and physical exercise/sports like wrestling, boxing, weight lifting, etc are the best bet. I want to join a gym for this and consciously harness it and transform it through physical activity. Im looking right now at kick boxing and martial arts.

I rarely even interact with such people. Usually they are out of my life if I come across something I don’t like.