Lyubov

Your first sentence is the issue here right off the bat. You seem to consider your presence a burden. I feel a lot of shame in this. A “good person.” Do you feel like you are a bad person? I would do inner work, therapy, etc to really raise your self esteem and start loving yourself. You can always be doing this simultaneously with going out a bit here and there and looking to meet women.

He’s angry. He talks really fast. His body is devoid of something that’s missing. It’s his coping mechanism for not feeling something very painful beneath. This guy is either going to have a breakdown and have to rebuild himself into something more functional or he’s gonna be trapped in this for the rest of his life kinda like Donald Trump. The choice is his. He would benefit listening to someone like Mike Tyson, who walked a similar path and was brave enough to move beyond the resistance and anger.

Like I said, I’m not totally against everything he says and I do recognize he has played an important role in many peoples lives. I can also acknowledge his short comings as well and see in what other ways he isn’t helpful.

This is why I feel like such a clown touting liberal voting. I don't really do it. And I don't go to protests either or shout "eat the rich" or some bullshit like that. Dems talk big in the US but what those values look like actualized as real policy is unclear. It's like talking about a piece of technology you know will one day be created but it's still a ways off and no one knows what it will actually be like.

I wouldn't say biased. I just can see through his dog and pony show. He touches on some good values found in stage blue but much beyond that he is a dud. A lot of lousy thinking people will delegate their thought process to him because he is using big words and kinda/sorta espousing views that support their conservative world view. I think my description of him is apt.

This is why I say he is a stupid person's idea of a smart person. JP is articulate but much of the meaning behind what he is saying isn't all that deep or profound.

you're just some guy who she says hi to sometimes while she rings you up for gas and a candy bar. I don't think you're very high up on her radar.

You guys need to start drinking and doing drugs (coke and molly). You already do LSD and dress your reasons up for doing it in the name of God so you feel good about it. Drinking and drugs is just another change of state. You think it's some unconscious step backwards but honestly have no clue what you're talking about. Obviously, you must do it responsibly. Your life is out of balance neglecting your party side.

I swear this “too conscious to date” talk is starting to sound like when Dungeons and Dragons players will talk about how they won’t waste their seed on a common harlot because they are a wizard. Dating is possible when you are godly conscious. If you’re having problems with it maybe don’t look for a girl in a disco club?

If he was carrying around an assault rifle then absolutely he should be charged. Thing is though leftist don’t carry around high powered assault rifles to intimidate people and bring “law and order” so it’s kinda a ridiculous comparison.

I believe he is being charged with reckless intent amongst a slew of other charges. Reckless intent is a form of homicide and most severe form of man slaughter. I’m not a lawyer but it basically means putting oneself in a situation where you know you are putting other people at risk of bodily harm. I don’t think it’s possible to really convict him of murder 1 or 2 charges since he didn’t go out specifically to murder people but he put himself in a situation he had no business being in that obviously carried a tremendous risk towards others. I think a case against his guardians would also be suitable. Whoever provided him that assault rifle.

I see it as an "anything for views" type situation. We can spend all day here trying to analyze him. I think he realized he was fine making a fool of himself and trading his dignity for some internet fame. I guess he values that more.

I'm not sure about that. It may seem like a good way to avoid having a ONS (maybe, some girls won't hook up on the first date with a guy they like cause they are afraid it will be a ONS) but I'm not sure about lifelong relationship. All the same I could of made her a FWB, which I almost originally did. I don't follow your claim.

Fair enough, I would say it's more than that though. I feel I'm missing out sometimes on other exciting sexual experiences by choosing to be in a monogamous relationship. I know her past isn't related and has nothing to do with spiting me in any way or anything. We got together by just going with the flow and having fun. I don't really like manipulating stuff and trying to control it when it comes to dating. I get amazing results just being a chill and fun guy. I feel justified in having desires for something more beyond the relationship though and can see how it leads to wanting more new experiences myself. I don't like this word beta though. It's just a cover up for basically "bad." Basically all that toxic pick up BS is just dressing up core beliefs a lot of the guys that get into it have. "I'm bad", a vow they maybe made when they were bullied in school, is just dressed up again as "I"m beta." And so it just pulls all those strings on stuff bellow the surface and tries to change it through overly practical overly manipulative approaches. It's good for building some initial discipline and getting a guy off his ass from playing video games all day but it is very limiting in the long run when it comes to dating and leads to marginal internal changes.

You see, this is something I wish I was emotionally mature enough and self actualized to feel and see. I feel slight resentment towards my gf that we didn't have sex the night we met but 6 days later Cause I'm sure she has had sex with other guys the night she met them. I've had ONS with other women so I get it. It still doesn't sit right with me she held it from me for a few days cause she liked me so much when I'm sure a guy who just wanted a fuck and was forward about it got it sooner. A lot of men today feel they have to sort of live up to a certain seductive standard and life style or else they are seen as "weak" or undesirable as a man. I've had my head filled with plenty of this garbage as well and can't help but feel it tug at me sometimes. I do feel this force that I need X number of sexual partners before finding a wife, have to be player statue or else I'm "beta", etc. None of this shit really feels good to think about and is kinda toxic. There is some helpful stuff in it for sure cause a lot of guys that get into pick up are huge push overs and they probably needed something to toughen them up and motivate them a bit but it becomes a huge trap after a certain point. Male dating advice can be helpful but it needs to be balanced with consciousness.

um, that's not true at all... I have seen little to no correlation between the two.

You have a slew of beliefs. They start out wide and then trickle down to just a handful. It's like an inverted triangle. You gotta start untangling the beliefs and then at the same time learn to do body based stuff at the same time to calm your nervous system and train it so it isn't triggered by these situations.

You have a belief or two here about yourself that is going to limit your life. Follow this inner thread why you think you can’t get a girlfriend. Probably the majority of it is untrue and what is true has a solution.

Yep, you nailed it. I am very acutely aware that there is this wound being touched below it that is reacting. I actually have a pretty wide variety of tools in my toolbox and I’m in the process working through what is bellow it at the same time as this life lesson is being presented to me. So I know that whenever I get those red light feelings to process them in small chunks and make decisions from a place of presence and that freeing feeling of love. This is why I feel like following the more freeing emotions and leaving my comfort zone and this sort of icky feeling that is around if I stay. I realize there is way less keeping me here materially than going with her. I have that luxury. I also felt the same wound being touched before and I followed my heart and great healing came to me from deciding not to follow the same feelings that are telling me to stay. We went through this before on a lesser level and I was brave and faced this fragmentation and that feeling of fear that wanted separation. We came out incredibly strong. I feel like this life lesson is being presented to me so I become less attached to wanting separation and a closed heart. I know it isn’t the end of the world if I go with her for a few months and we see how it works out. She even said she doesn’t want to go forever, to go and see if she likes it or not. I tend to not have many regrets actually. I’m quite happy about that. I have only a few. I know if it doesn’t work out I could still come back. That I would still have traveled to a new place and had a new experience. I can’t say going with her would be some huge regret. I feel like I would regret it if I let her go and closed my heart back down.

Basically my girlfriend and I are deeply in love. We have been through a lot and are constantly growing together. We have helped each other a lot. The thing is she very likely will have to relocate for work to a different country. It's in her contract and the borders have just opened again. I'm not sure our relationship will survive this one. I'm not really sure I wan't to do long distance and move with her. I'm open to what happens so I'm not trying to think about it too much. It just hurts knowing this is looming in the next couple months. Any advice or support during this time of struggle would be greatly appreciated.

I think it may be quite dynamic and different for everyone. I think you start craving a deeper intimate sex you can usually only get with a long term partner. I think at a certain point, if you are wise, you realize chasing a new partner is limiting you greatly in this domain of gaining deep intimacy and love so you sort of get wise. Your emotional body tends to follow you the more beliefs you untangle and the more power you gain while self actualizing. Sometimes you have to untangle these beliefs through lived experience. "I've had seven girlfriends in the past two years and a few hookups as well, maybe I'm avoiding something?" It isn't immediate but it takes time. I think part of the process might be engaging in a decent amount of sex so you see each time and with every new partner that it isn't a means to an end for long lasting peace and stability in one's life. Look at all the wise men who are deeply developed. Most of them come around eventually to being married with a conscious partner themselves. I think a lot of them have to date and have a good bit of sex beforehand before they are mature enough to see that. Not all of them but sometimes you have to burn your hand a bit so you really know what not to touch. Some people fall way too deep into this though and never learn.

These are some important questions to ask myself. I think I could end up writing several paragraphs following each thread that sort of comes up when I begin to answer these two. I think materially I am more happy where I am. Also the part of me that likes feeling separate and single feels better where I am. That is the part that is sort of painful to accept. That part of me still wants to be single and sort of keep my heart closed off from the relationship. I find us melting into each other. We work so well as a "we." But then knowing there is this barrier for us to overcome strikes some nerves in me and I see I have my own barrier about this to overcome as well. I lost a parent when I was young so it has been pulling at that early trauma. Part of me has been closed off from fully loving deeply and I find myself oscillating between wanting to be separate from her then to wanting to be with her and loving her deeply. The separate part can be summarized as protecting myself/heart, closing my heart to her, have the benefits of being single, maintaining my lifestyle here, the stability I have here, feeling like I'm losing her and feeling scared and despair and like I'm with her out of fear/pain and that it's not good to have a relationship based off avoiding that, etc. I then swing over to loving her, leaving my comfort zone when it comes to how intimate I can be, feeling there is something greater we can work towards, how healing and good this relationship is for the both of us, how we are so lucky to be as loving and vulnerable as we are with each other, deep love, feeling sort of boxed in as well, like I'm settling and want to still play the field, feeling how amazing she is and how much we have grown together, basically feeling I'm the luckiest man in the world to have her and be so deeply in love with her, etc. As you can see there are sort of positive and negative feelings/beliefs to each side. Add on top of that a feeling of having to rush to figure it out and not having enough time. I'm ready to get off this carousel of despair and make decisions from a place of clarity, self love and presence. I know we will be better off as well if I can keep my presence and stability when working through this.

Thank you so much ? your words are very helpful. It feels good to know other people have traveled similar paths and I’m not alone on this. There is wisdom out there for me to hear. Also thank you for reminding me I /we aren’t helpless here. There are choices to make and we are free to choose them. I've felt my heart close down a lot for her this past week. I would say that is the hardest part to really sit with. This has really tested me in keeping my heart open. It feels right to move with her cause I know there is greater treasure behind that point but part of me is very resistant and doesn’t and closes off.

She was very emotional about it and she seems incredibly steadfast on not quitting. She has made them wait for over a year and she really respects them. I just feel at my limit with this. I don’t think I can convince her to stay. She hates it here in the country we are in. She completely broke down about that and she is holding onto hope she can escape from here. It’s very hard to settle with someone when they hate the place you both live so much She feels this is an opportunity to leave and she isn’t ready to let that go it seems. I’ll see if this changes or not. I’m exploring opportunities to move with her but tbh I feel the same as her. I like where I am and it took me a long time to finally be able to move around and make my dreams come true moving abroad. I don’t want to give up what I have here This just feels like a nightmare, but I can’t lose hope. I have to be strong. I allow myself to do my best and trust life during these hard times.

This is really hurting so much. We talked tonight and there is no end to the tears. I feel completely emotionally blocked. There is just an endless flow of sadness when I let down this blockage. We haven’t decided what will happen. We haven’t compromised yet, but I have hope. Tonight it didn’t feel like we made progress. It’s honestly hard to even stand why is going on now. Mind feels totally cluttered. I’m considering moving with her, but I have no idea yet how this will work, what the visa situation is, etc. Can I even enter where she is going now or are the borders closed? It’s rough. I feel helpless. I’m not helpless but I feel helpless. I'm going to call my mom this weekend for her input, she always helps when I’m at my limit like this. I love my girlfriend so much. She feels the same about me. This is destroying her. I feel so bad. I just can’t stand the sight of her in pain like this. I can have hope in these hard times.