Lyubov

This is actually a good point. If it’s so triggering that you are having panic attacks I would do less. You could be stressing yourself and your system too much and it will be hard to go out again to do this. Get yourself up to a point where you still feel grounded but out of your comfort zone and build from there. It takes slow little bits to get to a point where you don’t react to this.

Take nice deep breathes. Feel where they are. Look up “somatic” exercises on YouTube for calming panic attacks. Count/name stuff in your environment, notice the colors of it, touch something warm/cold if different temperatures, breath through your nose and notice any smells, chew some gum and focus on the taste, notice different sounds around you. Basically you are in a fight or flight situation cause something in your past made you feel you were in danger when socializing or around people. By exposing yourself more to this and actively noticing what comes up you will retrain your nervous system.

@Bobby_2021 You basically have two choices here. The first is you either work towards accepting her past and the way she is, which will probably surface a lot of anger, envy, etc. This is the choice that you want to be with her. She can’t change the past. This won’t be easy but if you deep down want to be with her you’re going to have to work on this cause the relationship will erode and become toxic. The second is you look for a woman that has a different past that you will easterly accept. Nothing wrong with this one either. Everyone has different preferences and different compatibility. if you let this sit and don’t try to work on it I don’t see a relationship not a marriage working out.

The fact you are asking this question shows you aren’t worth engaging with. I love how anti vaxxers think they are persecuted against ?

The people that need to be taken out by the virus because they are bringing everyone else that isn’t as stupid down with them. Wish we could gather them all up and just put them all on a island.

You are making assumptions here. No guy cares about a woman’s past when they are hooking up or are uninvolved with them. Celebrities are just doing this with lots of women and are uncommitted to all of them. It’s not uncommon for a guy to start caring about her past the more committed and the more “we” takes center stage. Seen it play out with such celebrities aplenty in ugly ways through tabloids and news so I don’t follow your logic. Most men will always have something stirred up a bit when facing their girl’s past. It has deep bodily and psychological roots in men that go beyond culture.

I often times find myself having this feeling of pent up anger/rage. It will show up especially in my romantic relationships and in my current one as well. I won't really communicate it properly nor do I know how to express it in healthy ways with a partner. It will make it hard for me to communicate with her when I get triggered by something that makes me furious. I will feel a tremendous amount of rage and then try to communicate in an amicable way without blame or judgement but I can feel it's built up and I'm holding it back, the conversation may then fall apart and we will have a big fight. I try to play the "mediator" or be the cool headed compassionate communicator but when tension builds up it sort of reaches it's breaking point. I will snap at her and tell her to leave and am left feeling incredibly angry. It doesn't feel good at all. How can a guy express anger in healthy ways in a relationship when he feels triggered or something builds up between the two? I'm tired of holding it back.

You don't see how the mechanics underneath are the same though? You've labeled the 30+ people as potentially/sometimes unhealthy but on what grounds? What if she did so in a healthy way? Would that negate the justification for his disease? According to stage blue 1-2 is unhealthy for their society. According to where you are at 30+ is potentially unhealthy. It may very well be. I can't confirm this. I'm not such a women. My larger point being that men are justified if they feel disease over their woman having had more partners than them. How they go about expressing it, learning from it, or finding a partner that matches them I think is what's most important.

This is all your own bias and negative beliefs. "Neurotic" was a word largely coined by early male psychologists to hand wave away the emotional needs of women. I've been sympathetic towards your views in this thread but you clearly have a lot of built up anger around this as well. I don't judge you for it but keep it in mind that this may be fueling some of your distrust for her and hurting your relationship with her. This stuff can be really tricky to work through but you have to do your part and address your own inner stuff if you want to have any hope of you two coming together and working on your communication, expressing your feelings and setting healthy boundaries.

The thing I've noticed here though is the same mechanics playing out at different stages. Maybe she doesn't have to be a virgin but would you be sympathetic to how he felt if said he had sex with one or two women and his girlfriend had sex with 50 or 60 and that disparity made him feel uneasy and bothered? This is a more realistic situation today in stage orange. I see the same mechanics underneath at play.

you actually have no clue what you are talking about, but ok, keep believing this. enjoy this fortress you've built for yourself.

This is pure bias though for you to think the former is more justified than the later. Men are entitled to feel the way they do and not want to date a woman with a past different from theirs. There is a good Oscar Wilde quote: "Women want men with a future, men want women with a past." I'm not saying any man has to prescribe to this nor HAS to feel bothered by their girl's past. I also don't think it's fair weaponizing her past and using it to play a blame game if she has been honest about it. If a guy is not bothered by his gf's past if there are differences, I fully respect him and don't think anyone else's insecurities should be projected on him. In a way I'm a bit envious of such men for being so present. Her past doesn't define her and doesn't mean she is a bad person. I am not judging women here. But those feelings are valid for men to have and if they would prefer to date a woman with similar experience as them that's okay too.

This is actually well put. I actually want to build on this some. To the OP: If you feel hurt that her past is different from yours, then it's up to you to work through what you are believing about yourself, what you are believing her past says about you, what you are believing about her and women in general, etc. How does this stuff make you feel? What does her past touch on for you? Anything from your past it triggers? A lot of the fear of her cheating could be deep rooted pain and envy that you "missed out" or this is all touching on some deeper wound. Blaming her and worrying about her cheating can be a sort of way of avoiding just the deep rooted pain and envy that you missed out on experiences she has had and it can even go deeper than that to stuff from feeling neglected in school or at home as a child. You gotta start digging to see what this is connected to. I don't know you or your relationship though. It can be confusing if you feel sort of unsure about the boundaries and don't know what is healthy or not in a relationship when it comes to these. This is where it's important to be building non blaming/nonjudgemental communication with her like I wrote in my previous post. I provided a good book on this. Also being really honest with yourself about your own desires, what you want in a partner, etc is incredibly important as well. I've seen there are sort of two distinct voices to this issue when it comes to a man that is bothered by his gf's sexual past. One voice says to deal with it yourself, that it's all your own insecurities, etc and another voice that says to dump her, she isn't worthy of your love, find a different girl, etc. I think there actually needs to be a sort of balance between these two. On one hand you do need to address these insecurities and go inward but also you need to be honest about what you would like in a partner and what you realistically can be comfortable with in a relationship in relation to her past experiences. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to date a woman that has a similar past or experiences as yours. But be clear and own your decisions. If you choose to stay with and marry this woman acknowledge that you compromised/sacrificed on this and decided to choose her over your emotions telling you how you feel bothered by this. Don't flip it around and then blame her for her past later and let it leech out through a lack of trust and suspicion, don't use it against her when you feel short changed. She has made you somewhat/fully aware of what her past is like it sounds like so it's up to you to be honest with yourself if you can accept it in marriage or not. I would look to honor both sides but realize you have a ton of freedom here to work through this and plenty of choices you can make, be honest with yourself where your "edge" is (the end of your comfort zone). Try to live just a little beyond it but also realize going too far from it can make life very unenjoyable. There is nothing wrong with letting go of someone if a long term future with them is too far out of your comfort zone due to your differences. Go inward but also honor who you are mostly likely to be compatible with and what you can realistically handle in a marriage. I would start with the inner stuff first and prioritize it, you can slowly adjust the outer stuff when you feel clear in your choices. I would also be working on your communication skills with her.

Stop gaslighting him and filling his head with insecurities. This is untrue. Just because you can’t intuitively read women like this doesn’t mean other guys can.

Not as simple as that. Needy precisely means he has a need not being fulfilled in the relationship. He is talking about marriage here with a woman. Not getting into bed with her for the first time. This is actually is a pretty tricky situation and is actually more complex than it first appears In the OP. I think you should start to build the communication skills with her OP so you can discuss these feelings/thoughts with her. Sit down once a week to have a meeting about the relationship. Start off with more mundane stuff and build up to deeper insecurities. This will also allow for boundaries to be discussed and reiterated as well. Look up the book “nonviolent communication.” You will also need to work on your own inner stuff, self esteem, ets so you feel secure and grounded as well. The deeper you communicate and open up with stuff like this with her the deeper your roots will need to be. She could just want some space and not feel comfortable having to explain herself all the time. It’s tricky though cause you come from a different background. The thing is it isn’t what you say, but how you say it. There are ways for you to communicate your needs to her in a way that DOESN’T dump everything on her and hurt the relationship, where she will then be likely be open to texting you more when she is with her friends, sending pics, feel support here, etc. think about what need you feel isn’t being fulfilled and how she can be an ally in the relationship for it.

When you are just meeting a woman keep your frame about “no strings attached” sex. No need to look at sex as if it’s so sacred you can’t engage in it with a woman you haven’t married . There is so much for you to learn. What you are wanting is just incredibly impractical today. No one has time for this. Getting really good in bed is actually more important IMO than technical game / pick up. You can reach “intermediate” level in pick up and do better than most of these so called “advanced” guys if you have also consciously started walking the path towards sex god statues. Women can feel when you are incredible in bed. Super intimate sex and relationship surfaces all sorts of stored traumas and can be incredibly healing if you work with a partner through them. It’s why finding a ling term partner to get good in bed with is crucial to become a sex god. One super deep long term sexual relationship with a beautiful woman will heal almost every issue you have with attracting women if you consciously take advantage of this opportunity in the relationship. I would rethink everything you’ve written here and consider having casual sex with women. From there you can find a girlfriend.

the man's guide to a woman by john gottman is really good. this is a very practical book and I actually found applying the information in this book very easy to do and very helpful in life. way of the superior man by david deida is really good for getting one interesting perspective on the masculine/feminine but it’s kind esoteric and airy fairy. I don’t necessarily agree with how he conceptualizes everything but it’s a great book for understanding women to a degree. I’ve read it twice now. It’s more for understanding your masculine side.

Really happy you have had this experience. Therapy greatly changed my life as well

I do. I can foresee it in my future. I know when I get older my desire for sex with different women will slow down. I'll be much more open to ending the chapter of playing the field. Most guys I've seen who aren't married by their 40s usually have peter pan vibes going on with them or are married to their career. I am fine spending my 30s dating and getting experience and putting lots of good miles on my dick. Make him one of those nice classic cars.

Taking a taxi or Uber back isn’t awkward at all. I used to think that but realized how silly that is. You’re creating an obstacle for yourself and making it weird believing that it’s awkward/weird. You gotta learn to sit with the tension but at that point you should already feel warmed up and in flow so it’s not really a problem. If you live like SUPER far though (1hour) via taxi then maybe it’s time to relocate to the center!

I slept with a sexy Russian movie star once and then started sleeping with her equally beautiful sister a year later. I was a savage years ago when I used to actively game ? I love the Russian hunnies!

loool I did not expect that

I think it depends what you value. I feel a rejuvenating wave of energy every time I look upon my gf’s physical beauty. But just because I may not see that in another woman it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I do agree with what you are saying and how intimacy increases this. Pretty amazing how that occurs. I was mostly just making banter here. Beauty is subjective and everyone has different preferences and there is no better or worse, just personal preferences. I’m glad I’m able to fulfill mine in this regard. @Leo Gura they are my absolute favorite.

Nah man, I’m mostly busting balls here. It was discussed a few times before in some other threads in dating/relationship section where those gaming the US claimed it as the best and some in Europe chimed in saying how they are wrong and there are better and different dating pools out there. I have no doubt Vegas has a lot of good looking women. The problem is you gotta play the Vegas / US game to get to them though. It’s doable for sure but I will always call out how Europe is way better for game if you want to sleep with really hot women and not have to have a six figure job or be part of some inner circle.

Dude, Russia and Ukraine is literally a paradise of women. All the countries east and north of Germany as well. I don’t like number ranking beauty but I will say I find more than half of everyone I see around my age (20s/30s) sexually attractive. The numbers drop the further west you go on the northern hemisphere. Leo’s all against living in underdeveloped places, fair enough. If he can still speak decent Russian though the dude would literally drown in women out here. It’s just my preference so some will disagree.