Myioko

I love some aspects of tiktok but I do have a hard time finding a balance in it. I tend to redownload it, use it for a few days, spend one night feeling low and being on it for more than an hour and then deleting again. But the delete and re open cycle itself is tiresome and makes me feel like it isn't worth it. I feel like I'm always playing with fire there, not wanting to get to the point of addiction to the app. I use it to watch cute animal videos that I wouldn't otherwise find on youtube, humorous, interesting, creative videos, particular people talking about particular things like Hank Green, visuals like fashion and room tours. Many of the clips I watch are really good and I love, but because of how many things there are to see, the candy-like feel and nature of it quickly becomes disorienting and makes real life feel dulled out, with little time on the app. I also run into the darker-less inspiring part of my psyche when I'm feeling mentally low, the algorithm catches on very quickly to that and I'm annoyed when I find myself watching drama-movie clips. Or I'll hesitate just a few seconds too long on a war clip, or a pimple popping clip, and my algorithm will be stubborn on showing me more of those when I actively think 'noo I don't want to see these' The closest replacement that I've found to tiktok is watching 'daily dose of internet' on youtube. It isn't specifically to my taste but is the closest thing! Overall, when I think of children using the app, I feel afraid for them and what it'll do to their minds

It's NORMAL and natural to smile, laugh, or seem emotionally 'off' after a traumatic or slightly traumatic/stressful event. It does not mean lying or deceiving.

When I was a kid/teen I had a journal where the first page was my ‘likes’ list and my last page was my pet peeves list, and you’re right my pet peeves list was twice as long

Hehe just one more, If I could choose just one pet peeve, It would be that I haaaaaaaate it how microwaves beep incessantly if not opened!

My older sister is pretty and growing up with her I can say with confidence that she was not toxic, at least not by human standards, only an uplifting force towards everyone. So 1 not toxic woman, against the statement all pretty women are toxic, simply does not compute. Unless you view yourself as the absolute center of the universe

Humans are as special as you make them out to be. Have you ever had a pet dog, cat, anyone you viewed as special in your life? Cats are experienced as magical and divinely amazing by some, and like annoying repetitive poop monsters by others. What makes pretty men universally toxic? Saying pretty woman are universally toxic is a toxic statement/belief in itself but you seem 100 percent certain in your view, so there doesn’t seem to be anything to say

Hi! I had some internet addiction/major distractions when I was in college, alongside sugar addiction/distraction to cope with stress. I wonder if cutting out a smart phone might be the best choice for some, who are chronically distracted, and who don’t reallly need a smart phone. It might be something to try. It sounds like an extreme choice, but when I think ‘enough is enough’ and, ‘where are my actual deep benefits from being on my phone?’ The benefits far outweigh the pros to me. A couple years ago I lost my phone (and found it in the jacket I was wearing, a year later) and after the initial discomfort and irritability of having no phone, it felt so freeing. I’ve tried cutting out sugar for short periods of time before, the longest just being a month, but I’ve never found any success in that for me personally since I’m attached to/love chocolate and baking. What has helped me eat sugar in a lesser amount has been being gentle on myself/being okay with repeated off days, since food habits are so slow to shift and takes months and years to ebb and flow. I avoid buying bulk store sugar items, and go shopping once a week and buy smaller and individual treats. And if I really want, I’ll put in a bit of effort to bake myself cookies. I try to remember the recommended daily sugar limit, and how it can still feel like quite a lot/enough if balanced out right. Also, I’ve been noticing a lot of sugar free diet lemonaid or soda drinks out there, and they seen like a better alternative for any of the soda drinkers out there.

The few especially beautiful woman that I've known have been highly sensitive, empathetic, creative, intelligent, kind, down to earth. That's what I've seen from their nature. I hope you open a little window of curiosity into seeing things the way they experience things, or how I experience things as a woman, to gain a wider grasp into knowing their experiences ranging from light and dark, their truer self

Your feelings and experiences of dislike/anger/being treated poorly/annoyance are valid. It's just important to recognize that everyone has a complex world inside and deserves the withholding of assumptions and given a baseline of respect they deserve from being a growing human being, no matter their physical appearance. Everyone is flawed in various ways from how they grew up and how others have treated them, which trickles down to how they view and treat themselves, and it takes a lot of time for people to grow into their authenticity and drop what society expects of them or taught them. It's normal and very human to feel annoyed at entire groups of people, or just want to avoid them/they aren't your cup of tea. But if taken too far it can also be dangerous, hurtful projections on others, black and white thinking, can distort what is a closer version of reality, etc. Leaving a little window of empathy despite the anger and them not being your cup of tea, remembering that everyone has similar feelings and sometimes cries at night in the same way that every human does, helps remember the humanity in yourself and others. ,,,What I'm trying to say is, that it sounds dangerous to yourself and others to think, 'I hate her.' Towards a pretty woman you do not know. A more open thought might be something like 'I am wary of her. I've had bad experiences with pretty women in the past. But I wonder what she is like and what her world is like.' If you feel unhappy at a pretty woman for asking for directions in an unpleasant manner, who knows what kind of day she has been going through, if she is reacting to a mildly grumpy expression from you, or if her unpleasantness is caused by other factors than how she looks I'm sure having high beauty comes with its own difficulties, such as being objectified and not being seen by others as the person they truly are inside. Do you know of any women artists, authors, singers out there that you deem as having both kind hearted/depthful qualities and are also very pretty? Maybe it would be helpful to search for the people who surprise your expectations. It's easy imo to overlook these things if your reality has been painted with bad experience, and then only see the bad, since negative feelings can be much louder than positive ones.

My biggest long term pet peeve is that my glucose monitor alarms are so loud and persistent that I have rageful fantasies of smashing it with a hammer, or not using monitor to the detriment of my health. I need it (or should use it/is very helpful) to monitor my high and low blood sugars. But there aren’t any monitors out there that have alarms that aren’t grating to my ears or make me jump. It’s embarrassing too when I’m out in public. It feels so infantilising to not be allowed the choice to customise alarms. Other pet peeves I have: -When I loose and forget items and have to make back and forth trips to find things -My family’s dog barking each time she goes outside -Any pets nipping at or touching my feet -Loud distracting sounds from environment or people -The scratchy sensation of chipped finger nails -Getting in the shower and realising too late I’m out of shampoo or conditioner -Feeling rushed and pressured by others -Being told to calm down -Being told to smile -Being told what I should or shouldnt wear -Over interruption while talking -Seeing someone not wash their hands after the restroom -Someone leaving pee on or around the toilet -When movies have such dark lighting and no light, or such high contrast -Phones staying out during social gatherings from people I want to talk with -When the family dog was outside barking to be let in, and I was upstairs in my bedroom, and people were downstairs by the door and would sometimes tune the dog out/not let dog in -When everyone within a group of people I’m with says ‘i’m happy with whatever, whatever you want’ and no decision is made (including me)

That does make sense, it would help with verbal and other skills. I just associate pickup with bad energy, not my personal cup of tea, not being in a good place emotionally for a relationship, having off or twisted or black and white beliefs, objectification, etc.

This is such a wild take. I don't think the words pickup and attractive go hand in hand

I really love this idea, and the scratchy map looks like a lot of fun. I ended up buying a white/gold map https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07RHMFF9Z/ref=ox_sc_act_image_1?smid=A20CEXKKKZVT9Q&th=1

There isn't anything particularly weird, it's just psychological. Their motive is to convert you to their one and true church

Wake up Look at my phone, read messages Get dressed Hot cocoa or tea and sit outside Feed pets 20 min walk Eat breakfast 20 minutes of free-flow writing/morning pages to clear my head

Mormon boys/young men are taught from an early age that they have to go on an LDS mission in order to be a good Mormon. They go out for two years and talk to as many people as they can, out on streets and knocking on doors. So they do take converting and baptizing people seriously, their motive is to baptize you, even if they are genuine in helping you and helping your soul. I would be careful and not go to more social and community events, especially if you are feeling lonely. If you're invited and messaged repeatedly, just stay firm in your no. They are very sweet and friendly and will make you feel welcome, and have a strong sense of community. But they are also judgemental, dogmatic and lack critical thinking skills, and will pressure you into converting

Yes, its taken a backseat the past year or so but I'm still just as interested in art

It's hard for me to rate it as a number. My baseline happiness was around 4 a handful of years ago. Now my baseline happiness fluctuates from 4-6 depending on the week, but I now have more intense lows as well. I tend to feel optimistic about the future but sometimes disconnected in the present. I have a 'wheee' personality and love playfulness, relaxing, solitude, creativity, reading when I want to. But that makes the work and methodical side of life difficult for me and I need to work on developing and balancing that, to become fully responsible and mature, so that I feel more liberated to enjoy life and feel internal safety to explore ideas and creativity in my mind. I'm usually uneasy and anxious around people, thats exhausting and so I need to overcome that to feel happier. I feel happy that I now sleep well and that I don't feel depressed in the mornings. I feel happiness and at peace when I'm on walks by myself in nature. I feel happy when I'm connected with myself and with others and not dissociative/feeling like I'm sleepwalking through life.

@Applegarden8 ☠️? I’d stay if it weren’t for the pickup stuff on here

@eos_nyxia Heyy I listened to that song a couple weeks ago, fb recommended it to me because the band is from Utah

I love this loll

@LastThursday I'm pretty fine/alright I'm scrambling to get things done lately. How are you? Nonsense as well as meaningful nonsense is always nice to write and read about! Yeah, I can't imagine the stress and trauma that would come with a continuous background threat of war mind

Hey it's nice to see you here, I always liked reading your other journal! (Yes Dali would be proud, and all artists should have mustaches like him to show just this) Those ruins look fascinating and it's a shame how war has torn down a lot of them

It's really great to read about your progress and I'm happy for you while reading this. Also..active and passive rest is such a helpful concept