Myioko

I feel pretty heartbroken today, I've come to the realization that I've never shown anyone a lot of outward care or been able to express what I feel (with the exclusion of animals/pets) Feeling like I'm trapped in a glass box, silently watching the world . . . What will I do now?

@modmyth Hey! I feel lucky now, this was actually up next on my 'to listen to later this weekend' music. I didn't listen to it a few days ago because I guessed the music would be intense Watching that cow video made me smile I thought of this video. But, I don't know anything about elephant body language so I can't tell what the elephant is feeling

@modmyth Do you have any rap or hip hop music recommendations? I watched this the other day - (they are vibing/so into it!) ...you know what I'm not sure about that, how the cows would respond if I came up to them. Some of them have babies, some have big horns, sometimes there's just a lone cow. I can try it out and get back to you on whether or not I'm alive afterwards! (half kidding, but now I'm curious)

@modmyth I was really impressed with his music! The style of music was refreshing and interesting to listen too. I like that Massive Attack song a lot and how the two combine, especially a minute and a half in. And the cows aren't just quite wandering, but...those ones have a lot of space. The one in the picture was in a wide opened space on a hiking trail that I like to go too. It has a gated entrance so that the cows don't come loose. Sometimes I'll have to turn around early while walking because some cows are in the middle of the trail, or, they'll be hanging out right next to the entrance and I will have to take the long way back out the second exit.

Listened through some record player music the other day, these are the ones that I liked most (ears: not this used to listening to so much rap music overall. I liked some of the ones with hiphop/hiphop influences or mixed with other influences. ) ((Like some of it was very catchy but the n word and the word bitch was stuck in my head afterwards. It took a while for my brain to acclimate)) Found this song in a more roundabout way from another Danny Brown album

Unsolicited Advice World Unwanted, irritable information! I've flipped from being an almost open book to feeling responses, a 'willingness to take and accept all', to being highly sensitive to stimuli and...not ok with anything physically drastic. On the other side little things have become more noticeable and feels more like 'magic' to me. The world doesn't give af about subtlety though and just keeps on moving. Grouchiness, peace of mind, irritability, hot mind, cooled mind, fearlessness, back to peace of mind, leveling happiness. Loud A.C outside my window, the taste of sugar in my mouth, the moon has made it's way this time of the year to the side of my window and is like a torch light into my room. How dare you, moon?! Who told you you could do that? I can't sleep!

Super cool link!! - old illustrations

Who knew insides could look so flowery and decorative

Multiply!

Broken storm New leaves New flowers I feel like I can breathe again . Nightmares many nights . Willing to mess up . I listened to this song several times today, I hadn't heard this one before. Once I had listened to Muse on repeat for a couple of days right before my dog died, it was a full load of classes as well as some work during finals week and I was a busy mess, scrambling to get homemade Christmas gifts together. Sometimes at night at the very end of the day I would go out on walks or go on a quick run at the gym because I needed to get some 'sitting down all day' jitters out Muse - Exogenesis Symphony The beginning of that song reminded me of this music Interstellar James Blake - Are you even real I was listening to Sondre Lerche this week because I saw that he had new music out - he just likes singing about night doesn't he? Sondre Lerche - Alone in the night Sondre Lerche- Dead of the night Across the universe Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind Possessing and caressing me Jai guru deva, om Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes They call me on and on across the universe Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox they They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe Jai guru deva, om Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing Through my open ears inciting and inviting me Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns It calls me on and on across the universe Jai guru deva, om Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Jai guru deva Jai guru deva Jai guru deva Jai guru deva Jai guru deva Jai guru deva The Beatles Aurora Fiona Apple I remember this song happened to be playing when I had a 'spiritual awakening' type of moment when I was 19 (so when I hear it the memory is tied with it) Young the giant - cough syrup As well as this song I associate with similar feelings, ((I was hit with the sudden decision to go vegetarian that moment while listening to it! I feel weird saying that though)) (Which came first, the song or the thought??) (Why can't I always make life decisions that quickly and easily lol?) While my guitar gently weeps Regina Spektor - While my guitar gently weeps " It was written by George Harrison, the band's lead guitarist. Harrison wrote "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" as an exercise in randomness inspired by the Chinese I Ching. The song conveys his dismay at the world's unrealised potential for universal love, which he refers to as "the love there that's sleeping". " I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping While my guitar gently weeps I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping Still my guitar gently weeps I don't know why nobody told you How to unfold your love I don't know how someone controlled you They bought and sold you I look at the world and I notice it's turning While my guitar gently weeps With every mistake we must surely be learning Still my guitar gently weeps Well... I don't know how you were diverted You were perverted too I don't know how you were inverted No one alerted you I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping While my guitar gently weeps Look at you all Still my guitar gently weeps - (cue the oh oh, yeah yeahs!) - Blondie - heart of glass My favorite version of this Totoro song that I used to listen to several years ago in my instrumental music playlist And I saw that this song had the word 'Kaze' in the song name as well, which I looked up and it means 'wind' in Japanese just another video of Moses Sumney singing Misc - CLEAN THE HOUSE Misc - Jack Stauber : Dead Weight Birthday My therapist told me last week that I had ADHD and this video popped into my head

#2 Misc

Picture flashbacks! I spent too long on this

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✧ . . . ✧ I've been listening to a lot of moody music the last two days, and checking my phone too often for that! I listened to childhood nostalgia songs yesterday, here are the two more upbeat songs: 99 red balloons I remember listening to this song in gymnastics class when I was 7 years old Funkytown (bonus: pretty song!) ✧ . . tragedy Comment from the guy himself: "Yeah.... emotions were never my strong suit lol ... " Other YT comments: "Very, very interesting to see such an accurate representation of what true grief looks like. At 0:03 As He looks down at the ground, he feels shame & guilt towards the tragic event. Although it may not have been his fault, he still feels an incredible amount of sorrow & guilt. What happened happened. He has finally came to a conclusion that what happened can’t be changed. 0:03 - 0:04 he feels a sense of regret. He wiped the tears away from his forehead instead of wiping away from under the eyes. This is an intense feeling of remorse. How could he have saved his dog? What could he have done differently? 0:05 Acceptance. This is the final stage of grief. Pay attention to the intense gaze into the camera. He knows the fate of the tragedy; he knows that the only time he has is now. Though he can’t change the past, he CAN, in fact change his future." "“Kevin, your dog just died.” Kevin goes through every single stage of grief in one second. The sigma inside overcame the beta urge to be sad. He skipped straight to acceptance without hesitation. Just the most manly and dominant alpha move possible." "As a human, I can feel his pain just from the look of his abdomen. Truly heartbreaking" "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" misc: Umpteenth

Emerald green (not that it has any particular meaning, I just happen to be seeing a lot of it today) (Now that I think of it, I do suddenly remember a dream last night where the ground was all made of different colors of foam 'silly putty' and everybody had their own color, and I traded my green sand for someone else's lavender colored sand. And I thought 'HmMm, the colors green and purple are easy to get mixed up in my head, even though they are opposites. Why is that?)

These pictures are pretty cute, altogether it makes it feel like a children's storybook

I'm feeling frustrated right now amongst many other things. I hadn't thought out yesterday at all until tonight, and I saw that I actually did have homework I was supposed to do/to catch up on over spring break which I had no idea about. I have other things to do too. I'll see how I feel tomorrow Resolved, some time has been cleared up

I don’t know if I’m heartbroken (in what form is the brokenness..??) but (screw that, I do feel heartbroken) I do feel my heart torn open I don’t know if I believe in inherent selfishness anymore. Only pain, self preservation, distraction, disillusionment, and protective barriers disguising itself. A couple of remnants of my old resentments have completely dissolved away I feel multiple currents of living, with thinking and thought swirls getting caught on top of the surface of crossing currents; feeling and living springing out in its own spontaneous physical forms. Layers on top of layers, nothing to grasp or to hold. People are a part of each other, they effect and bump into each other, to say otherwise is to go against nature. To listen to someone speak, to read a book or hear a song, is learning about yourself just as much as being in your own head is. Songs are like pure fragments of someones journal page suspended in time, that's one reason why they can be so interesting! You only hear what you already know or are curious or open to know. If someone tells you 'Your wrong, thats wrong!', trust yourself in all of your illusions and not-knowing, and be curious what they are saying, what you are saying. We all have mini character dynamics battling inside ourselves just as outside ourselves, and shunning any of those leads to violence. (Those are my current thoughts right now at least, lol) ((I feel almost half conflicted writing. If it were any more than half I wouldn't be writing on here! ~~TMI Hangover, it happens~~ I use those words as a logo on the back of my shirt, written in invisible bold letters. I've also been selling those shirts online in my imaginary dreams for 20 invisible dollars each. One person requested a refund because they claimed that one of the letters was peeling, I had to just trust them on it because I couldn't see, so I so kindly gave them back double their money)) -Serious, joking -Open, closed -Life flow, stagnation -Feeling, not feeling -Love, fear -Beginning, end -Clarity, chaos -Selfishness, selflessness -Directness, non directness (note to self: communication styles and habits: Passive aggressive to assertive to aggressive range) -Grounded, in the air -Boundaries, lack of boundaries -Vulnerable and strong, weak and...??? Listened to today: . . . . . . . .

*boop* whoooosh, magic (goes my imagination at least)

I love feeding the rabbits these!

It's been ridiculously nice weather out, I've been taking more pictures than usual I haven't been able to get myself to anything more than stare at scenery (usually the sky and trees) or anything random, take care of the animals, sometimes talk to people or watch a movie, cry or stare into space, do dishes. I was able to sleep last night but I don't have much of an appetite for food. (edit: I feel better in those areas) I'm starting to feel grouchy that I have to start doing things again, I reallly don't feel like studying, drawing/painting, writing. Every evening/night I gravitate towards this spot outdoors, its one of the only places around the house that I don't have memories associated with him so it feels temporarily 'safe' in a way, especially at night. Plus the moon is in the perfect spot to watch and it was full last night. I was going to watch it take full course over the sky but my blood sugar dropped low and I suddenly became very tired. the shadow is the cats ear Early morning light!

I found out last night that my brother died I edited out the details. He had just turned 21 last month

Todays new songs This one is rememberable I then looked up her other music video I love this! And otherwise good song, besides the part after 2:35 where I jumped at the sudden LOUD sound Thanks to spotify for hand feeding me obscure recommendations