kundalini91

I want to tell about a pretty profound experience. So i am member of a snapchat group with some of my friends and i was at the moment unconscious enough too write the word narcotics. So i kinda got a little paranoid since most of my childhood i grew up with my mom and my drug addicted dad, so it´s a painful thing for me, since i been into psychedelics and mdma for some years now, any way.. This triggered some fear in my system, and as i was wandering around in my apartment thinking how dumb i was i kept saying to myself, chill out dude it´s no big deal, no police investigators or anyone is ever going to find this in your snapchat group with your friends.. so i decided to lay down on my coach and breathe into the fear i was feeling, pretty convinced this was a deeper issue in my psyche/body. I relaxed my body more and more, sometimes my fear pulled my consciousness back into my fear gripped mind, and i kept returning my consciousness into my body. Feeling my body as a little tense and i could literally feel my nervous system working on higher speed than normal. I used my meditation and breathwork skills to calm down, and finally managed a satori state in my body and was totally present with my feelings and emotions. So i asked myself where does this emotion originate from and in my close eyed visual field i saw a big heart in front of me and my first thought: was shower this kid with love, cause this is something originating from my childhood. And what happened was i was showed pictures and places i was when i was around 5 years old. I was with my mom at the doctors office and was completely terrified and was screaming and crying and kinda traumatized, because we had been at the doctors office taking a blood sample. And the blood sample was taken by a needle in the arm like the doctors do, and i got more and more memories how much i hated needles when i was a kid, and i somehow knew that this was a very bad thing because my father was a heroine addict and used needles. And mom always scared me and said be careful when you are out playing so you don´t step on a needle. So i breathed and calmed down my body and kept talking to that little boy and suddenly i could see him sitting on my lap, and i had a conversation with him, telling him it will all be alright kiddo. I love you no matter what, you are safe with me. And the feeling dissipated like a cloud in the sky, and i feel very blissful at the moment writing this as i figured out that a lot of my unconscious "mistakes" are actually not mistakes, but they are choices made by my higher self, soul whatever to bring out a negative feeling, so i can heal it myself and become more at peace. I have been into self-love, Carl jung and the shadow, personal and collective unconscious for a long time, and i now know that everything somehow happens for a reason, and i have a choice to dive deep into my fears, pains, grudges, depression, anxiety, grief and all the darkness which resides within my soul. Cause it really is true: we do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious..

I am going to therapy and working through pretty hefty childhood traumas, and after each session with my therapist i am sometimes tired, and pretty sensitive for what is going on around me.. I have a group of friends which i have been with for the last years, we have mainly done partying with mdma, ketamin, lsd and had a lot of fun on raves and private parties.. Last year i started the journey of self discovery and got directed towards my childhood which i am working pretty intense with at the moment.. The thing i wanted to ask is today my friend sent a video on a FB group on a man doing Ketamine with long hair and said here is a go you can aim for, and they sent some videos about us roaring in a boat high on mdma and ketamine.. and i sent a video of some cats outside my house and got no response... After therapy i am as i mentioned extra sensitive and get really sad for small things (like videoes from friends) not getting response for things.. So can we trust our feelings when we have opened up deep on our childhood traumas, and feel really bad at the moment, why can´t i just laugh and have some self-irony? This is definitely my shadow lurking and i guess i can really feel these feelings and ask myself what am i being triggered for?

I have had a lot of mystical experiences the last year, mainly through a lot of work on self-love, psychedelics, meditating in float tanks etc... So i´ve come across new people the last year, especially older awakened people.. have gotten one good friend which is 40 and another one which is a woman and she is 50.. i am only 28 which does not matter... And the thing is i did not like to be alone when i was younger, because i did not enjoy my own company and did not like myself very much. At the moment i have a beautiful girlfriend which loves me and i love her,we are currently looking for a house as we live in her mothers basement... So the relationship has been through it´s ups and downs, but i think relationships also can be tough mirrors and acting as catalyst for change for both parts. The thing is a lot of the guys i grew up with, friends from childhood and the dudes i have had in my life does not feel like they resonate as much with me any longer, every time i am with them i kinda get bored and lack connection... so i spend more time alone now than ever. And it feels like a byproduct of my awakening. People can say all they want about self-love and loving the universe, cause if i stay in heart, my awakened self (the original one) with a lot of the people i have had around me since childhood, i feel i don´t get accepted for who i am. So i am wondering as one awakens to truth - consciousness do we attract being who resonates on the same level of consciousness, do friendships fade more away for periods of time? The truth is i don´t want to be so much around especially my older brother (who talks all the time) and screams for attention.. and i don´t enjoy time with my friends the same way any longer.. it´s quite sad but have anyone else went through the same experience? wanting to be more alone? especially in nature, family really annoying cause they trigger your old self like Ram Dass quote: if you think you are enlightened go spend a week with your family.. And it feels like i am experiencing Ego backlash as well, my old self vanishing more and more, and then it comes back again, i make myself small around the people i grew up with.. family and friends. Maybe i am quite not ready yet, and there is a lot more to learn i guess. Especially when i am only 28. But on the other side i think we as humans are going through a very special time on the earth, more and more people waking up to the truth of oneness and nonduality. And i notice my self asking a lot of questions here, i would appreciate similar stories, even though i have all the answers inside..

I am working through my darkness as i write this, i have been for a long time now. The same challenges seem to reappear again and again.. Because of my traumatic childhood having to always read my parents, and where they were emotionally my mind seem to often think about what others think of me.. So it´s kinda like a paranoia thing, i have come far in my healing journey, learning to love myself more and more.. I lack connection with a lot of the friends and people i grew up with, so i feel a lot of the time like i am alone, and that´s okay i guess... Family is challenging as well, my brother and mother i hardly see these days.. cause they annoy the shit out of me... they talk all the freakin time, never silent.. I know i shall love all of life, all of my human experience.. every thought, emotion, feeling, person, family member etc.. Thinking of Ram Dass´s quote: I AM loving awareness helps everywhere i go, but i cannot bypass the emotions i have in my feeling body..like tightness in my chest, which feels like anger for all that i have been put through in this life, all the unfairness and BS (victim mentality) I know all this is just lessons for my karma and my Life-journey... Just wanted to share what´s going on inside me... I am tired and sick of a lot of people and situations of life... The suffering is good i guess, leads to more awakening, trials and tribulations for me to learn what i need to learn. Just felt for sharing. One Love <3

Thank you brother

Hi. New on this forum and have been through a intense healing journey the last year or so. want to start off by saying i am pretty lucky that i have access to my brothers float studio and have had around 200 + floating sessions.. Going inwards into the body and the emotions that lie inside, uncovering difficult experiences and feelings which have been buried deep since childhood. I was programmed since childhood to be the always happy guy, pleasing others, sacrificing myself for everyone and everything.. never truly listening to what i needed. Lots of this happened through a traumatic childhood, with a opioid addicted father , and traumatized mother.. So i have also done a lot of psychedelics, Lsd, Shrooms, San Pedro and Ayahuasca ceremonies.. Which led me to an amazing Jungian Therapist which is helping me to talk about the incidents, traumatic experiences and releasing the dark energy/emotions i have had held in my body. Things seem to go in waves in these times we are living in now, darkness comes and there are painful emotions which needs to be felt in the body.. and released with love.. What i am wondering about in this forum is that through my healing journey it seems that whenever a storm/ dark period is over i open up for more light in my eyes.. i see white crystals, white light in my vision/eyes.. especially screens and traffic lights seem to illuminate stronger than ever.. it feels like my experience of being human is becoming richer and richer.. my hearing i better, and the senses seems to become sharper. Maybe it has something to do with awakening, floating, breathing, and meditating a lot and becoming more present in my life/light? Long post, but i hope anyone experiences the same and have something to share in regards to this.

Thank you It is delightful!