Mosess

Its happening in your mind. I'm happening in your mind. Actualized.org is happening in your mind.

i ain't theorizing, i was contemplating, sharing my question with u. its happening to our little limited (personal) perspectives. its not happening if we zoom out of our limited (personal) perspective.

@Member i still didn't come to that realization yet then, or i did but my ego is having a hard time accepting it.

@bejapuskas ok, ill try to explain About a year ago, the fact that I Am here in REALITY seemed "Normal" to me. after doing a little self inquiry; Suddenly it hit "me" that I AM HERE RIGHT NOW witnessing whatever THIS IS! Sounds simple and stupid to anyone but me for some reason. Tried talking to everyone close to me, they don't seem to understand what i'm trying to say, i consciously concluded that i'm just stupid or dumb. After that realization, i actually don't know what reality is. I don't know who i am, what or who people are. what this fan in-front of me right now REALLY is. I Conceptually i do, but looking deeply im like " what the flying fuck is that thing" Thats what i'm trying to find out I know that i am not this body, not thoughts, but am still identified to feelings to some extent.

@Carl-Richard ???

Can i ask what your mystical experiences were like?

ehh, not really guessing, i'm stating it I've interacted with ALOT of students in my college who are near the same age as i am. I can confidently tell you that they are mostly not interested (even in the slightest bit) in knowing who they are or what reality is. They think they already "got it figured out because its written in a book".

@louhad No matter how much i try ignoring or forgetting about it, that desire is always there. I don't even think its an option to stop seeking. Its everywhere, always in front of me no matter where i am or what i'm doing

@Recursoinominado <3 <3 <3

Good to know

What is the difference between "De-realization" and "Awakening"

Does that mean that enlightenment is followed by depersonalization? You realize that you are, but that completely shatters what you thought you were.

What books did you find helpful in understanding more about how women and/or men think?

@humanProcess I'll check it out, thanks!

@humanProcess So do you have any book suggestions?

ideas in general are nothing but hallucinations. I think that it is better if we understood why these ideas came to be rather than just disregard them as "delusions" or "hallucinations"

Touched my heart

I hate everything, Literally. I hate my friends, my family, society, people, life in general. I can feel it everyday from when i wake up until i go back to sleep, then hope that i never wake up the day after and when i do, i just try to sleep again, and again until i get headaches from oversleeping. I can't bear it anymore and i hate saying this because it makes me sound weak. Those fucking thoughts in my head visualizing my self committing suicide in every way possible, from jumping from my rooftop to smashing my head in a wall until my skull breaks. But i would rather feel this hatred and pain then transfer it to someone else like my mom, although i fucking hate her too. (i feel guilty for saying this because she is my "mom".) These mixed feelings of loneliness, despair and hate that i am carrying inside of me everyday makes me want to isolate myself even more. It is as if i am a living black hole which is endlessly sucking itself alive. I hate interacting with people because i lost hope in everything. I feel that talking is as useless as living. meaningless. Talking to anyone makes me feel as if i am the stupidest human that could possibly live on this planet. makes me want to lock myself into a soundproof room for a couple of days. sometimes i think what my life would have looked like if i just cared about the mundane shit that everyone seems to care about and just died in peace instead of suffering like this.

I've noticed this phenomena that i wanted to share here for some insights. First thing is, i want to mention that i can't interact or talk with anyone while simultaneously being in the state that i'm about to share with you. Lets get to it. I reached a point in my meditative practice where i could shift to a state where i am extremely conscious of the NOW whenever i intend too. It takes about a minute or 2 of what i like to call "Complete Silence". Complete silence is not the type of silence where you don't hear anything. It just happens when i put my complete awareness on my body, and keep it there with extreme concentration for about a minute or 2 until i can no longer identify it as "my body". What i call "my body" now is just "something called body" in that state, and everything is completely unknown and mysterious. Some of you might know this state by the name of "No mind", at least that is what i think it is called. During that state, i am completely detached from my body and mind, and i just am. Now, who am i? i'm still trying to realize that truth, but that is not the point here. I've noticed that whenever i am out in public (with people whom i don't personally know OR with a group of friends) and i consciously shift to that state of awareness that at some point, (This point, it is so fucking subtle), people either start looking at me in wonder, engage in a conversation with me, make statements about me or ask a me a question. In other words, when i try to, or get to this state in public, something weird happens; From the POV of transitioning through that state, there is this sudden interest in "this body" which is "me" to "those" who are interested in. This sudden attention is diverted to "me", to "Mosess". From the POV of someone watching me go through that state, He/She will see a person who is completely still and silent, not reacting to anything (which is weird/ freaky to many, i know lol) I personally somewhat fear being intimate with people due to past traumas that i am currently working on. I try to avoid gaining unwanted attention from people which is a bit hard because i am somewhat considered an"attractive guy" by many, and therefore when entering that state in public, i cannot maintain that state for long due to people engaging conversations with me. I can't hold that state while interacting with anyone, It almost feels like i am getting pulled back into identifying with my self to interact or engage with people. Has anyone experienced this? Is this "Normal" for you truth seekers/ Enlightened beings?

Check out OSHO - The book of women

Is there a reason for this? And how can i maintain no mind while interacting?

interestinggg

<3

Yea, i am what is currently being labeled as a monster, and I am the one who is labeling my self as that. In fact, i am also labeling everyone else as a monster aside me, why? Because no one that i know of gives a shit. a single SHIT about anyone but their "self", and that is STILL not the problem. For example, i talked to my closest friends about my thoughts, what did they do? They looked at me as if i was trivial, told me that "my problem" is that i was doing useless meaningless shit in my life. (Contemplating Reality). I can see how they are right and wrong simultaneously. I just had a conversation with one of my friends yesterday; "Are you aware that you are alive RIGHT NOW?" "yes, i am aware" "and that is a normal thing? to be?" "yes" "What is NORMAL about THIS?" "i am alive and i will die one day, stop thinking about trivial shit like this and....." (gets angry) Hence, feeling stupid talking to anyone about the thing that is happening to all of us, or only me i guess. The solution might be simple, don't talk to people about it. I have tried that, but then i just stay silent (which i enjoy actually) and watch them talk until they notice that i am silent and ask me why, and the cycle repeats itself.

Watched it a couple of times, makes me feel better at first knowing that i'm not going through with this alone, but then makes me think about how fucked up i am to actually subconsciously want people to suffer like me. Feel what i am feeling just so that i don't feel lonely. My question is, why do i feel like a fucking devil. Like Literally inside of me, i feel like i don't wish the best for anyone anymore like i used too when i am interacting with anyone. Like i am filled with hate, envy, pride, you name it. Every negative aspect that could be named in a human being. Its like on the outside i'm a cute cat that seems harmless, but take a look at whats happening on the inside and you'll be up for a surprise. a fucking monster. Makes me think, if i was another person that was interacting with myself, i would NOT want to be my friend. I would NOT want to even talk to myself given what i just explained in this paragraph. This happened after my "enlightenment" experience yes. i would not call it enlightenment as i have zero fucking clue what that was. It fucked up my whole interpretation of everything. Made me realize how much i didn't know anything. And now every interaction i have with anyone even if its a close friend I've got the mindset of "I don't know anything", hence feeling stupid/indecisive while doing anything. Since everyone claims to be so certain of who they are and what this fucking weird reality we are all living in is, makes me feel even more stupid, ignorant and lonely. I LITERALLY don't know who i am, let that sync in. How can i know what anything is if i don't know what or who i am.