Verg0

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Well, I got a new job as a "Media Consultant" 2 month ago. Basically what I´m doing is a lot of cold calls to make appointments to sell a professional website concept (B2B) in an anti-sale style. Why I entered this job: - to save up money for future investments - to learn something about marekting and sales and gain experience in this area What I like about the job: - It´s a relatively chill job and it´s kinda fun - I´m making some money + I have the possibilty to make much more money (through provision) - I´m not selling shit, but something that can actually be valuable for some people - I´m getting to know a lot of great and interesting people in many different business fields (because I`m only meeting up with the head of a business) --> expanding my network - I´m learning a lot about many different businesses and gaining insights about very practical things in business that I did not knew before - I´m having stuff to do and getting outside while lockdown - Eventhough I have a boss, I´m kind of working for myself, chill work environment What I don´t like about the job: - Very long work hours (sometimes I´m leaving at 07am and getting back at 8pm), so I rarely have time for something else (like working on my YouTube channels, reading, working out etc) - I´m not getting paid very well, so it's only worth it when I start to sell more and get really good at it (finally managed to write my first contract a week ago) - It´s not easy to sell such an expensive product (23k spread over 4 years, so ~480$ per month) - It´s kinda exhausting - Cold calls are extremely hard (but also great to learn how to deal with rejection haha) - It´s really present in my mind even in my free time, hard not to think about it -It´s not really in my area of interests - Not so much time to take psychedelics The main thing is: I know that this job is not aligned with my life purpose or with the lifestyle I want to live my life. It´s just a stepping stone. And I´m not doing it to pay the bills because I´m living with my parents again at the moment. So I have the freedom to leave anytime I want to leave. But the question is: How do i know when it is the right time to quit this job? (Because I know that I want to leave for sure) I did not wanted to leave directly because I wanted to give it a chance and get good at it. Now I´m 2 month in and I still have mixed feelings about it when I deeply feel into it. On the one hand I want to save up a lot more money than I have now (currently I have about 3k) to invest in a lot of different things that are quite expansive: -buying and converting a van (~10k) + travel expanses in general -a good coach training Program (~10k) -ayahuasca/psilocybin retreats to find a place where I want to volunteer - and many other things that could be useful on this self-actualization journey On the other hand I want to have much more time to invest that time into building my own buisness, shooting YouTube videos, learning other skills, doing meditation retreats, traveling etc. The most painful thing is that I know that I´m not following my heart and it feels like I´m not trusting God fully in the sense of: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:25-34 But also I´m trying to find the balance between trusting God and taking responsibility (+taking action) to follow a strategic plan to realize my vision and actualize my life purpose, even if that means I have to sacrifice my time for some time Well, that´s it for now thanks for taking the time to read this. I would appreciate if you would share your thoughts on this topic in general Feel free to ask me anything if you want to know more details.

It is tough, but absolutely possible to do it. What helped me is patience, the ability to focus and not getting lost in distractions and seeing every situation in the most beneficial way. Oh and don´t forget to enjoy the journey! You can also try different jobs, gain experience and than live in your van for some time or travel around or take time off between different things that you are doing. Yep, just keep going! Having a clear vision and a strong why can help with that.

Nice share, thank you! Absolutely resonates, I´m starting to realize that from my direct experience more and more!

It still works, because Covid is just an excuse you're using to be lazy. I met more people last year during Covid than ever before in my life.

You´ll definitely realize your life purpose! Much Love to you

Yeah, I agree. But on the other hand I can´t quite say when it´s too much. The first few times I did it were quite gentle but one day I met a Rapé Master and when he gave me his Rapé (a lot) it was on a completely different level. I can´t really compare it to all other experiences I had with Rapé. I was giong through a bit of suffereing and vomiting for 30 minutes and was feeling the peaceful aftereffects for 2-3 hours (Normaly it´s more like 3-10 minutes). Some people who recieved his Rapé couldn´t move for the next 6 hours or so. It´s astonishing what this medicine can do. So I don´t know if they had "too much" or if they were just experiencing the medicine. He called it being "cleansed" haha. Sometimes I also feel it is frightening to take the Rapé and to experience it (on higher doses), but I still work with it from time to time.

Sounds great! Congratulations Was it really too much for you to handle? Because the result of the insight sounds quite peaceful. Would you do it again oneday? I can´t relate to the experience of absolute infinity cause I have not experienced it to that degree. But I did the same last week (~100 uq LSD and 110 mg DMT) and it was showing me pure Beauty. Infinite Beauty and Perfection. Absolutly astonishing but not too much to handle. Thanks for sharing your experience!

I want to move out (feel like that is quite an important step towards my life purpose and my personal development in general) and that requires a little bit of money so I need to get a new job. Any ideas for a high paying job that doesn't require a college degree and that is possible to apply for during covid? In the best case even a job that can teach a very useful skill for life in general

@captainamerica Essentially how to lead a plant medicine ceremony. (And general knowledge about how healing works, how to navigate in the spirit world and knowledge about different plants). Maybe a deeper sense of Self Understanding but as @Sempiternity already said, the answers to that are already within and solo retreats and psychedelics can help with that. But a vision quest with shamanic guidance (preparation and integration) also seems to be a great idea. I think I'll go the route to visit different retreats and shamans, participate in their ceremony and ask for a volunteering position to get in touch if their work resonates. @flowboy Yes! I've listened to this podcast the time it was released. Awesome talk and interesting content. Basically wrote down the same stuff you've listed here. Thank you for your comment! I am thinking about attending a retreat with Hamilton as soon as his retreat center opens up again to get in touch with him and his work. He's also offering online plant dietas at the moment but I'm not sure if that's worth the money.

One of the next possible steps towards realizing my life purpose is to do an shamanic apprenticeship. Possible action steps that I´ve discovered so far: -Buy one that is offered online (extremely expensive, not unique and kind of a bad commercial vibe) -Visit different Ayahuaca retreats and ask the shamans that truly resonate for an apprenticeship. (expensive and must be executed over a long timespan) -Travel to South America and search randomly (kind of dangerous?) Any thoughts about how to find an authenic shaman who is ready to take on a student? Where to go? How to search?

@Michael569 Great idea! I'll look into online teaching @datamonster I'm not that interested in learning programming skills or something along those lines but thanks for the recommendation. I'm not sure if college is worth the time, I would just get a psychology degree to be a therapist but I can also earn real life experience by working directly and then get into coaching. @bejapuskas Nice! Will try that one!

@aurum @Sempiternity Thank you very much für your answers!

Great shows that were not recommended yet: Casshern Sins (dystopia, what does it mean to be human, what is death) Ergo Proxy (what does it mean to be me?) Texhnolyze (Nihilism) Haibane Renmei (what is heaven, life and death, culture, angels) Kaiba (what is memory, who am I) [more spiritual] The Tatami Galaxy (is there a perfect life) [very spiritual, just a masterpiece] Kino no Tabi (travel, freedom, belief systems) [similar to Mushishi] Great movies: All Satoshi Kon Movies Tekkon Kinkreet Tenshi no Tamago Night is short, walk on girl

Great recommendations, thank you! I really love Mushishi Here are some great philosophical / spiritual anime: Barakamon (Peaceful living, life purpose) NHK ni Youkoso! (Social anxiety and life as a nerd) Casshern Sins (dystopia, what does it mean to be human, what is death) Ergo Proxy (what does it mean to be me?) Monster (Morality, Life and Death, psychology) Serial Experiments Lain (ideas about the internet in 1998) Texhnolyze (Nihilism) Shinsekai yori (Growing up, culture) Haibane Renmei (what is heaven, life and death, culture, angels) [more spiritual] Kaiba (what is memory, who am I) [more spiritual] Ping Pong the Animation (Mastery, life purpose) The Tatami Galaxy (is there a perfect life) [very spiritual, just a masterpiece] Kino no Tabi (travel, freedom, belief systems) [similar to Mushishi] Great movies: All Satoshi Kon Movies Saint☆Oniisan (Movie) Tekkon Kinkreet Tenshi no Tamago Night is short, walk on girl

Part of my Life Purpose is that I want to lead people to the realization of Infinite / Divine Love and Infinite Self-Understanding, but first I need to define it clearly for myself, have realizations into the nature of it and embody these things in my own life more. My questions: How do you define Self-Understanding for yourfelf? How do you define Infinite Love? How do you realize / awaken to Infinite Self-Understanding and Infinite / Divine Love? What are you doing daily to integrate and embody these realizations? How I define Self-Understanding so far (I have formulated it in the form of affirmations): Self-Understanding is the Awareness of Truth. I understand myself/ my Self as God, as infinte consciousness, as that which is unlimited, one and self-created. I am Truth. Therefore I recognize that I am always already free. My true nature is bliss. I am worthy. I realize that infinite abundance is always here. I do not lack anything. Joy and fulfillment are natural to me. I am able to do what I want when I want. I am at peace I am in alignment. I have got an understanding of my own capabilities, character, feelings and motivations. I know who I am. I am Love. From being in harmony with God, I recieve wisdom. Wisdom is the power to percieve Truth and the ability to make the best us eof the knowledge of Truth. How I define Divine Love so far: Absolute, Infnite, Divine Love is the essence of Truth, Consciousness, God, Reality and my Self. It is ablolute acceptance of everything. I love everything and everybody. Love is the Awareness of the beauty of creation. Love is Selflessness. The purpose of my life is to love. I love all men as God. Everything that happens in the universe, happens to maximize Love. Love is having a vision for my life and a vision of what I can offer to mankind. Absolute, Infinite, Divine Love is unconditional. I am unconficionally loved by God. What I already do: Daily meditation, affirmations, being in nature, journal, doing psychedelics, reading books, meeting like-minded people, be as loving, accepting and present as I can What I want to do now: Create a specific vision of myself embodying these things, study spiritual texts, do reatreats (darkeness, vipassana, isolation, psychedelic), try fasting, get a mentor Do you have any more ideas? How are you guys doing it? What kind of intentions do you set for a psychedelic journey when you want to explore these themes? Thank you for your time, I really apprechiate it.

'What does it mean to love someone?' I just came to the realization that I have never defined it for myself and now I am contemplating it. I also find it difficult to distinguish between universal Love and loving someone in a relationship (or to integrate the lessons from divine Love into my relationship). So what does it mean to you to love someone?

Heyy! I just met a woman at a little healing gathering a month ago and we started to connect very quickly. After the week ended we started to spend a lot of time together and we got to know each other on a deeper level. What comes up a lot when we spend time together is that she feels like I am hurting her through my words and actions. Even though my intentions are purely to love her in her being and support her on her way, she still feels like I am holding her back or I am mean or just focusing on myself and at the same time harrasing her in some way. She often gets very very emotional (even with little things I don't even recognize) and I don't know how to deal with it. In these situations I get very quiet and meditative because I just don't see the significance of giving these 'problems' the importance that she expects me to give them. I don't want to give up my sense of peace and happiness for petty little problems that an ego mind is clinging to, so I just stay in my space of peace. I think a relationship is a beautiful mirror and a very good chance to reflect on my behavior and become more aware and conscious in everyday life. So I thought I would start to work on my communication skills and learn a lot about relationships and sex to develop and improve myself in that area. I'm at a point in my life where I have a lot of freedom and I am in the researching phase of realizing my life purpose. But I can't improve my relationship skills instantly overnight. So on the one hand I take responsibility for my actions and try to improve myself and our connection but on the other hand I see in her a deeply traumatized person that is very sensitive, gets easily mad and angry, holds on to the past, doesn't love herself, doesn't even want to take responsibility or improve/learn/self actualize/become more spiritually aligned and has a completely different worldview and slightly different values than myself. That part triggers me because in my last relationship I spend 3 years trying to inspire my partner to go on that journey with me and it got to the point where I realized that it will not happen, no matter what I do because I cannot change another person. And now the same dilemma comes up for me again. I want to love her unconditionally but at the same time I feel a deep 'wish' in myself (or I have the expectation?) that I want to create a vision with a partner that is also passionate about Self-Understanding, the embodiment of Love and spiritual practice or Self Actualization. And I don't know why, but I feel the desire to help her, support and give her the tools so that she can heal herself to match my (or hopefully 'our' ) vision more. Another thing I noticed in myself is that I have the fear of hurting someone else. So I tend to hold my full potential back and/or sacrifice myself for the well being of another person. I guess that is something I need to work through. And now I'm at a point where I don't know what to do or say to her anymore (yes I tried to communicate everything I just said here with her). I don't even know how to think about the situation, because everytime I try to think about it (or everytime I am in the situation where she get's so emotional) my mind goes straight into silence (which is also a beautiful thing I guess haha, but not really practical). And the last thing is that I don't really feel needy or like I need a partner in my life right now, because I want to focus my attention on my life purpose (which is also something that requires that I need to spend time alone and do solo retreats or move to a different place etc.). But again, I can also imagine to go on that journey in a relationship where we lift each other up. Thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts or questions about more details, please feel free to answer! I would really appreciate it. Verg0

Well ... my experiments with NN-DMT continue and now it really opens me up and starts to improve my life in a radical way. For now 7 days I used it every day. The intention was to "mircodose" it every morning and see what happens. Well, they were more like low-dose trips, sometimes really strong, sometimes weak. The routine I follow at the moment is like that: Wake up, breathe consciously, be grateful, listen to worship music, vape DMT. Then when I feel the effects I start to read out my value definitions and affirmations and it works so damn well. I start to feel the words and I start to become what I say. So when I say: " I am Truth. I understand my Self as God, as infinite consciousness, as that which is unlimited, one and self-created. I am Love" etc., it just brings tears to my eyes or leaves me in silence or awe. Also the gratitude really intensifies drastically. Then I go into Mediation. What I noticed is that I am much more present, diciplined and motivated throughout the day. I effortlessly journal, read, exercise, work on my vision or on side projects and I am not so tired. It just fills me up with life-force itself for the whole day. I am feeling more peaceful, focused and enjoy everything that happens (Well, I already had these qualities before but now they unfold even more). Another reason that this is that way could also be that I am not working at a 9-5 anymore at the moment ( Quit when I started this experiment) So I am kind of "free" for the first time in my life and can invest my time as I want to because I am living with my parents again. Everthing feels more alive and magical. So the "mircodosing" works great for me, I will continue it a little bit and then take a break for a month or so to see what happens. Now to the second thing: 3 of these 7 days I took another, stronger dose of DMT later in the day and now I also start to get a different feeling from these trips. I have done all of them in nature which was a great choice! I also started to keep my eyes open, what I did not so in my first few attempts at home. The last one today was just ..... yeah ... how do I describe it I got "sucked into the forest/sea". I just thought "Wow, wow, wow, wow...." and I looked and looked and looked, trying to understand what just happened, but I could not. I was just in awe. It was pure magic. Everything kind of "looked" at me and everything looked very very similar, kind of the same. I looked at it and thought is THAT consciousness?? OF COURSE IT IS!!! It felt like another dimension, but I knew it was just the sea and the forest I was looking at. When I looked into the sky, I was again just in wonder. So free. So infinite. So peaceful, even if it was a strong experience and I heard that weird sound that I get from higher doses of DMT in the background. It´s so fascinating, interesting and magical. I want to explore it more and more. Is that an addictive behavior? Am I overdoing it? It certantly doesn´t feel that way and I can definetly live without it. But it fascinates me so much that I am so curious that want to explore it more. I am generally really good at letting go, surrendering and accepting. I can intergrate and work through my psychedelic experiences very well. DMT just gives me no hardcore insights like LSD or Ayahuasca, but just pure magic. Really interesting. I will report and share further experiences and experiments here in the forum Funny side note: Now I get this unique taste of the vape every once in a while, which is a good reminder. And sometimes I see very very weak, tiny patterns of geometry randomly. Any thoughts?