Someone here

There is an old man whom I see almost daily, walking past me. I don’t know exactly how old he is, but he looks to be at least in his 70s. He is a stooped elderly man, with an ice-white beard and ice-white hair. He uses a stick to walk, and it takes him almost 15 minutes just to cross a street vertically. Watching him makes me deeply uncomfortable, because it reminds me of something I have always feared: old age. I have a very big fear of growing old. I don’t want to reach a point in my life where even crossing a street becomes a difficult task. The thought of gradually losing my independence, of having to move through the world with increasing difficulty, is genuinely frightening to me. I don’t want my own body to become an obstacle between me and the simplest things in life. Old people are also more prone to chronic illnesses, fatigue, insomnia, and all sorts of things that can make everyday life exhausting. My mother once told me that old age is very difficult, and she almost teared up while describing it. That moment stayed with me. There is something heartbreaking about it . I know that I tend to be a generally negative person and most of my expressions on this journal are negative . I use this journal for completely unrelated and free expression.My mind naturally gravitates towards the darker aspects of existence, and I have a habit of contemplating the unpleasant possibilities that other people might prefer to ignore. Perhaps this is why thoughts about ageing and physical deterioration affect me so deeply. I struggle to look at the human condition without noticing its vulnerabilities. This also connects to what I have been experiencing lately with mental fatigue. For some reason, I dislike the idea of being incarnated in a physical form at all. A physical body feels like a dense and gross substance, something heavy that I must inhabit and maintain for as long as I exist in this world. I wish I could be a breeze of cool air, an ethereal entity, or an angel made of pure light. Something weightless, free, and unburdened by the limitations of biological existence. Something that could simply exist without constantly having to worry about its own physical condition. When I look at the human body, I cannot help noticing how vulnerable and easily damaged its various parts are. The organs can be injured, the eyeballs can be pulled out, and the skull is essentially a rigid container protecting a mushy brain inside. The joints can break, and every bone seems capable of being dismantled under the right circumstances. Even the body’s most essential structures, the very things that allow us to perceive the world and experience consciousness, are susceptible to damage. morever the body must go through pain and must go through death . So I’m not sure if this is negative in and of itself or i am being overly negative about it.

I’m here. Why would I talk to you if I believed you were merely an inert character in my mind or dream? Leo, this makes no sense, and it’s not funny anymore. This solipsism bullshit has gone far enough. I suggest he cross-reference his insights on psychedelics with those of other enlightened people and double- and triple-check his position on this point, particularly regarding the idea that equating oneself with God is identical to the philosophy of solipsism. at this point , this is dangerous misleading from Leo’s part .

The commitment should be to teach the truth , not falsehood.

I’m sad that our teacher is teaching us delusion and falsehood.

@Lyubov thank you .

You’re repeating the same suggestion, and I don’t accept the premise that it’s true. You’re saying, “the discomfort is real, but you are unconsciously creating it because of a Conscious belief.” Pure contradiction. that is the very thing we are supposed to be investigating you’re presenting it as the conclusion before it has actually been established. To cut to the chase: I experience this discomfort even while I’m asleep, when I’m supposedly unconscious. So what belief exactly is creating it then? If your answer is still “there must be an unconscious belief,” then thanks because you just proved my point . There is indeed an unconscious mind . So if we’re going to actually get to the root of this, you need to stop starting from the conclusion that “I’m creating it because of a false belief im doing intentionally ” and instead acknowledge the possibility that the cause genuinely isn’t known yet. It’s completely unconscious. See?

I can reach a state of absolute zero thought in meditation but there is still some tension in the background . also a hypothetical question: what is memory ? I can right now recall an event that happened when I was 10 years old. Where is that memory stored if there is no subconscious mind ?

I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t agree that I’m deluding myself or consciously creating this issue. The discomfort is real. I’m not choosing to experience it, and I’m not inventing it because of some belief that I’m refusing to acknowledge. The fact that I don’t know the source of the discomfort doesn’t mean the discomfort itself isn’t real. I literally experience something uncomfortable in my mind, and I don’t currently understand where it comes from. That uncertainty is the issue I’m trying to communicate. I also don’t think the main issue is necessarily locating some hidden subconscious belief or turning this into an abstract philosophical question about the “ is there something beyond consciousness for the fuck of it just meaningless abstract philosophy .” Make sure to get that right before projecting . I’m willing to examine my beliefs and be honest with myself. But being honest with myself also means not forcing myself to conclude that I’m creating something when I genuinely don’t believe that I am. I can take responsibility for understanding what’s happening without taking responsibility for having deliberately created it. I do experience discomfort without apparent cause in the surface of consciousness.

I remember very vividly one of the most vivid dreams in my life . It happened in childhood. I saw Jesus in the sky telling me “I’m the truth and light and love and I can heal all your wounds . My love for you is infinite “ . I kid you not , I did actually have that dream . At the time I was agnostic /atheist .

@LastThursday @Lyubov Thanks . I’m going to read and respond soon .

I would like to revive this thread because this inquiry is an issue for me for a while now . I wrote this today in my journal . If anyone got insights regarding this topic, please share . “Lately, I require more hours of sleep than I normally do. It does not feel like ordinary physical tiredness. My body does not necessarily feel exhausted, and I do not have a headache or any particular discomfort in my head. It is something subtler. my mind is tired. Not my head or brain . There is a kind of tension within me that I find difficult to locate. It is not in my head, not in my brain, not in any physical place I can point to. It exists somewhere in the experience of being conscious . Or rather in my subconscious mind because Even when I am doing nothing, some part of me seems to remain occupied. Thinking. Anticipating. Worrying about things that have not happened. Trying to understand things that may not have an answer either In the moment or at all . There is an invisible effort involved in all of this, and its exhausting and I’m not sure how to resolve this issue without resorting to bad habits like smoking . When I sleep, I am temporarily released from myself.there is no need to hold myself together. For those hours, the constant internal subconscious activity becomes quiet. Maybe that is why I need more sleep lately “ . and this is OP; “ I was meditating by watching my thoughts arise and fade while remaining as a witness to them which is the simplest meditation technique to me . It simply shows the gap between awareness and the mind or the thinking process. Thoughts which arise in my consciousness are not coming from my own authoring ..they arise on their own and also the mind chatter itself is very clearly and sharply distinct from awareness in the sense that I can observe the mind blabbering from a distance without me needing to engage with it. I have made that line very clear. A lot of times I reach a moment of complete silence of thoughts where there aren’t any thoughts at all present in my awareness but I still feel bad or restless in the back of my mind. I still feel tensed . My facial expression is disturbed and my body is tight instead of loose . I concluded it is because of years of conditioning and years of suffering and memories and the subconscious mind . But if all of what I mentioned now are not accessible directly in my awareness when I reach the zero thoughts phase in meditation..then where are they present ? The only answer that comes up to me is they are in the unconscious mind . But how can something exist and be unconscious? Either a thing is conscious or it doesn’t exist. What am I not getting or getting wrong ?“.

Brother , you are all over the place . Every other day you contradict what you said earlier. I suggest long-time of introspection and spending time figuring out your most authentic desired lifestyle. I know you are a young man and it’s normally to be confused in your age, as you don’t have that much life experience. Do you REALLY Want to be a virgin and single for the rest of your life ? I don’t buy it .

Lately, I require more hours of sleep than I normally do. It does not feel like ordinary physical tiredness. My body does not necessarily feel exhausted, and I do not have a headache or any particular discomfort in my head. It is something subtler. my mind is tired. Not my head or brain . There is a kind of tension within me that I find difficult to locate. It is not in my head, not in my brain, not in any physical place I can point to. It exists somewhere in the experience of being conscious . Or rather in my subconscious mind because Even when I am doing nothing, some part of me seems to remain occupied. Thinking. Anticipating. Worrying about things that have not happened. Trying to understand things that may not have an answer either In the moment or at all . There is an invisible effort involved in all of this, and its exhausting and I’m not sure how to resolve this issue without resorting to bad habits like smoking . When I sleep, I am temporarily released from myself.there is no need to hold myself together. For those hours, the constant internal subconscious activity becomes quiet. Maybe that is why I need more sleep lately.

It has everything to do with it . What’s the value of repeating “‘ nothing ultimately matters “ all the time, when in your actual approach to life, you live as though things like survival, comfort , happiness etc matter to you ? it’s not what you blabber that has any relevance. It’s your actual lifestyle day to day , there is no value whatsoever to the statement “nothing ultimately matters” except being used as an excuse for escaping negative experiences and emotions.

Keep in mind that we don’t know you or your level of actual success and experience with women to be able to assess your qualifications of being an online dating guru .