Someone here

Still restless. Still using cigarettes and coffee to cope with it, even though I know they are probably making everything worse. I smoke constantly now, almost mechanically. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m choosing to light the cigarette. My hand reaches for it before I have even finished thinking. Coffee follows the same pattern. I tell myself I need it because I’m exhausted, because I need to function..But then the caffeine keeps my body awake, the nicotine keeps my nervous system activated, and the restless feeling grows even stronger. It has become a vicious circle that I can’t seem to step out of. I’m stressed, so I smoke.I’m exhausted, so I drink coffee. The coffee makes it harder to sleep.The lack of sleep makes me more anxious, more restless, more desperate for some kind of relief. Then I smoke even more. And eventually I’m lying in bed again, completely exhausted but unable to surrender to sleep. That’s the cruelest part. My body is begging for rest, but my mind refuses to give it. I don’t want excitement anymore. I don’t want stimulation. I don’t want to be entertained by life. Yesterday night, I reached a point where I was literally begging God to shut down my perception. God just fucking kill me or something.Just make it stop. Turn everything off.Give me darkness.Give me nothing. I was so desperate for sleep that I didn’t even care what form the relief took anymore. I just wanted consciousness to disappear for a while. I wanted to stop being aware of myself, my thoughts, my body, the passing of time, the unbearable awareness . Some psychologists say that half psychological problems stem from sexual issues and the other half from sleep issues. There is something uniquely painful about being exhausted and still being conscious. When you’re tired enough, consciousness itself starts to feel like a burden. Every thing becomes heavier. And when the night stretches on long enough, I start losing my sense of myself.I become almost zombie-like.I don’t know what I’m doing.I don’t know why I’m doing it. I walk around, smoke, drink coffee, stare at things, try to distract myself, try to force myself to sleep, and somehow everything becomes disconnected. I can still perform the basic motions of being a person, but internally I feel completely detached from them.It’s a painful state of consciousness. I’ve had enough of sleepless nights.I just want to rest.That’s all.No thoughts.No clocks.No cigarettes burning beside the bed.No cup of coffee. I’m actually drinking coffee right now as I type .

Taper Fade Haircut for guys (who have hair lol).

It’s really two different directions, and it depends on what your goals and priorities are. If the goal is to understand God intellectually, then thinking and deep contemplation are necessary. But if the goal is to experience peace, stillness, and bliss, then quieting the thinking mind through meditation may be more beneficial. Neither approach is necessarily better..it depends on what someone is seeking . For example, my mother is at an age where intense intellectual exploration may not be as suitable or necessary for her. Meditation and cultivating a sense of inner peace might serve her much better.

It may sound a little simplistic at first, but in the depth of meditation, there can be a shift in perspective where the sense that something needs to be fixed or figured out simply falls away. From the absolute perspective. You still have to feed your body obviously. it’s not necessarily that life’s problems disappear, but that, for a moment, you experience things without the assumption that there is something to solve. It’s just another perspective on the same reality.

😂

A list of my favorite songs from my favorite singer .

A collection of great wisdom from Sadhguru:

Honesty is a hell of a thing . do I really love my family or doing it out of conformity ?! Am I just acting ? What Am I hiding?

But how to do it ? That’s the question. I understand the dynamic . But I can’t stop it . It takes work , maturity and discipline.

There is a pattern in my life that I am beginning to recognize more clearly: my lowest lows are often followed by my highest highs. The intensity of one seems to be connected to the intensity of the other. When I experience a period of pain, uncertainty, boredom, disappointment, loneliness, or discomfort, I instinctively want to get out of it. I resist it. I question it. I wish it were different. I want to move quickly toward something more exciting, more fulfilling, more pleasurable. And then, when life eventually turns upward again, I embrace the high completely. I enjoy the excitement, the happiness, the energy, the sense that everything is working. But I rarely stop to recognize that the two experiences are connected. Perhaps I have been looking at the lows as interruptions to life and the highs as life itself. But that is an incomplete way of seeing things. The low is also life. The boring day is life. The uncomfortable moment is life. The period when nothing seems to be happening is life. The uncertainty, the waiting, the frustration, the disappointment, the emptiness, the restlessness …etc all of it belongs to the same existence that contains the moments of joy, excitement, achievement, love etc. I cannot selectively accept only the parts of life that feel good if I wish to not be frustrated by false expectations. If I want to experience life fully, I have to become willing to experience the entire spectrum of it. The highs feel so high partly because I know what it feels like to be low. Pleasure has contrast. Relief has contrast. Excitement has contrast. happiness becomes more meaningful when it is not the permanent background state but something that rises and falls against everything else. If every moment were a high, eventually there would be no high. It would simply become normal. The extraordinary would become ordinary. I envy guys who have sexy girlfriends , but from the POV of a guy who has an attractive girlfriend he’s completely normal. He’s not losing sleep from the happiness overload or something. i think I have sometimes unconsciously created the expectation that life should continuously move upward or that I should always be progressing, achieving, discovering, experiencing, improving, or feeling something pleasant . But life does not move in a straight line. It moves in cycles. There are periods of expansion and periods of contraction. There are moments when everything feels alive and moments when everything feels quiet. There are seasons of movement and seasons of stillness. When I resist a difficult experience, I add another layer of suffering to it. There is the experience itself, and then there is my rejection of the experience. I am not only bored; I am frustrated that I am bored. I am not only uncomfortable ; I am thinking that I should not be uncomfortable. I want to learn how to live the moment completely ..not only when the moment is beautiful or pleasurable, but also when it is mundane. I want to be able to sit inside an ordinary moment without immediately judging it as bad . There can be an afternoon where nothing happens. There can be a week where I feel restless. There can be a period where I do not know exactly what I am doing. There can be days that feel repetitive and uneventful.Life will always forever have that dynamic . I cannot make all of life high. I think I want to develop an acceptance relationship with the ordinary parts of existence. And if I can truly accept that, perhaps I will experience the highs differently too. I will appreciate them more deeply .

One of the worst things I have noticed about smoking is what happens when it becomes the very first thing I do after waking up. There is something psychologically powerful about the first action of the day. It sets a tone. It creates a kind of momentum that can quietly influence everything that follows. When the first thing I do in the morning is smoke, I am essentially beginning the day by immediately giving in to an impulse. Before I have even had the chance to become fully conscious, to breathe, to think clearly, or to decide how I want to spend my day, I have already surrendered to a craving. And once that pattern is established, it becomes much easier for the rest of the day to follow the same direction. One impulsive decision can make another impulsive decision feel more natural, until the entire day begins to revolve around satisfying immediate desires rather than making deliberate choices. The morning used to feel completely different to me. I remember waking up in a good mood, feeling relatively peaceful and I could sit down with my coffee and simply enjoy the beginning of the day. I would watch the golden rays of sunlight enter through the windows and fill the house. There was something beautiful about those quiet moments before the noise of life began . Now, when I wake up, the experience can feel almost opposite. Instead of waking up slowly and naturally, I often wake up agitated. My mind immediately starts racing. Thoughts appear one after another and desires, cravings, expectations, and the urge to do something immediately. There is very little space between waking up and being pulled into stimulation. It feels as though my mind has forgotten how to simply be still. That realization has made me understand that my problem is not only the cigarette itself. It is also the relationship I have developed with stimulation. For a long time, I trained my mind to constantly seek something: something to consume, something to think about, something to anticipate, something to crave, something to distract me from the present moment. Eventually, stillness itself began to feel uncomfortable. Recently, however, I have noticed some meaningful improvements in my insomnia. I can fall asleep more easily and much faster than I used to. I believe a major part of this improvement has come from surrendering my addiction to mental stimulation. Instead of constantly trying to entertain or stimulate my mind, I have started allowing it to become quiet. I am learning that I do not need to respond to every thought, satisfy every desire, or fill every empty moment with stimulation. Sometimes the mind needs nothing more than permission to rest. Perhaps this is why the first moments after waking are so important. They are an opportunity to decide whether I will spend the day reacting to impulses or acting consciously. I don’t want my first decision of the day to be dictated by addiction. I want it to be a choice. I want to wake up, breathe, drink my coffee, feel the sunlight, and simply be present for a few minutes. I want to remember what it feels like to begin the day without immediately needing something from it.

The Jews

Truth transcends being and non-being , consciousness and unconsciousness, existence and non-existence, somethingness and nothingness . Truth is the place where there isn’t any truth to be found , or a path towards it , or obstacles that hide it , or a seeker that seeks it. it can’t be put into words , yes . Because words aren’t more fundamental than Truth itself . Truth encompasses all words and cannot be limited by any amount of words .

Do good to yourself and others .

- healthy foods include fruits or vegetables. These are cheap . It’s the unhealthy junk which is expensive. -make money by working in a job . Find a wage slave dog shit job like working in a grocery store or a barber shop . There are two types of exercise: - exercise that builds up your body like lifting. - exercise that breaks down your body like running . Pick the second one . There is no rush right now for bodybuilding and carnivore diet . we are not after bodybuilding. We are after any type of good habits that will build momentum in the opposite direction of the bottomless hole you’re falling in . make a choice to stop doing the bad habits that make you miserable. You can . It’s just difficult. But you can . It hasn’t changed much for me regarding side effects and I’ve been taking them for 5 years now . it varies case by case . Ask your therapist if they are appropriate for you .

the same problem again. I understand that you’re trying to say that people shouldn’t be controlled by their minds. Been there done that . I have no issue with that idea itself. What I’m pointing out is the way you’re communicating it. When you say, “don’t get fooled,” “you are the one who suffers,” and “either you listen, or suffer,” you are once again positioning yourself as someone who has seen the truth while the other person is supposedly unaware and destined to suffer unless they listen to you. When In fact, you don’t know if the other person is more conscious than you or is already aware of your point. That is exactly the authority dynamic I was referring to. You may genuinely believe what you’re saying, but believing that you have understood something others haven’t doesn’t make your perspective objectively superior.

Its a vicious cycle. Bad habits lead to bad outcomes. Bad outcomes lead to bad decisions. Round and round. Brute force stop the bad habits: Stop smoking. Stop watching porn. Stop using your phone for anything other than studying, working, or calling someone. Brute force start healthy habits: Sleep early and wake up early. Meditation. Healthy diet. Daily physical activity. Find a hobby that you enjoy, like football. Go outside and play. Solo or with people. If you feel depressed, and especially if you’re clinically depressed, you must take SSRIs.

Men don’t care about anything other than sex . that’s what women will never understand.

Enough spiritual wisdom for today.

I don’t appreciate this communication. You are clearly trying to become an authority figure, and any opinion whatsoever that challenges or conflicts with your own convictions is automatically dismissed by you as us being less conscious than you of the illusions the mind creates. You have to accept at some point that you live on a planet with more than 8 billion people alive, with radically different convictions and worldviews. Insisting that only your perspectives are true and everything else is wrong is as childish as childishness can get.

These sick tracks by Ali Nadeem have lots of good memories for me .

Beware of this need to be superior, or of needing your favorite spiritual teachers to be superior. Beware of also putting them on a pedestal, taking sides in a debate, and calling them “bosses.” Our goal here is not to make the ego stronger, but rather to surrender and to humble ourselves, so that we can help each other reach a higher state of consciousness and contentment. The way you guys are doing it here, and have been doing it for a long period now, is as far as possible from this ideal. There is a very subtle danger in making spiritual teachers into figures that we feel the need to defend at all costs, or in turning spiritual teachings into a competition where one teacher has to be seen as superior to another. The moment we become attached to proving that our teacher is better, wiser, more awakened, or more legitimate than someone else’s teacher, we should pause and look at what is actually happening within ourselves. We can admire someone, learn from them, respect their wisdom, and deeply appreciate what they have shared without turning them into infallible authorities or calling them bosses . We do not need to defend them as if our own spiritual standing depends on their superiority. Nisargadatta used to go to the toilet , just like you .

Need to listen to this .