Someone here

I want to share a personal story, an event that happened in my life lately . I thought twice , well actually a thousand times before writing what I’m about to write but my higher self assured me that it’s the right choice to share . My mother is 65 years old . She is definitely in her worst phase in her life , partly because of old age obviously. She has diabetes and high blood pressure and few stones in kidneys and joints friction and pain. She is basically done with life . There is nothing she is looking forward to . She is just praying and living with her condition because she is aware that some people have it a hundred times worse . But is that true ? Let’s see . so she had a heart attack a while ago and basically they found 7 different veins in her heart damaged. The only solution was an open heart surgery. And she did it . They would wound her chest ..and literally break one or two of the chest bones and then remove the damaged veins from her heart and then wound her leg and take 7 healthy functioning veins from her leg and replace them in place of the damaged veins in her heart . All of that of course done under full body binge . Things like this happens all the time in hospitals. But imagine instead of just knowing this mentally , that you actually go through it . I’m a heavy smoker ,so I might get some tumors and damage in my heart even before I hit my 50s. This is a form of suffering, isn’t it ? now , she finished the operation successfully and woke up and the recovery period was even more painful. She couldn’t do anything except lying there in bed . I had to feed her , shower her, clean her Pampers cause she can’t walk to the toilet. the days went by and of course she regained some vitality and energy but another thing happened. Her stomach started hurting because of spending a long time without moving and she had her “waste “ solidifying like a brick of concrete or steel . For three days she couldn’t defecate. you take it for granted that you are able to defecate ? You are a delusional devil . the only solution was Suppository which is a small medicine inserted into the anus that dissolves and helps trigger a bowel movement. And we did that .she ended up defecating with bleeding . for the next couple of days she entered a level of emotional and mental suffering so overwhelming that her mind seemed to distance itself from what was happening. She was experiencing so much suffering that she couldn’t believe it was happening. It felt unreal . She felt like she was detached from what was happening to her and from reality . Or I would describe it as she was going through so much mental and physical suffering to the point she couldn’t believe this was actually happening to her for real .basically dissociation.We couldn't talk with her even though she was wide awake but she was very sad about what happened to her that she couldn’t function. thank goodness, that too ended and right now she is 100% awake, alert , able to talk ,able to walk , able to feed herself, able to go to the bathroom without needing any help . now , I have a question here : what is that about ? Just WHY? and I know some people have it worse . Now imagine death . Imagine physical death . You are going to die one day . I will repeat that again even though that idea itself creates so much shock that we start to also dissociate whenever we confront it : You . Are . Going . To . Die. One . Day . death is scary because of two things : we don’t actually know what is going to happen after we completely die . With the caveat that some spiritually awake individuals do know but they can’t communicate it with words . The second reason is because the process of dying is painful . And get real , pain is bad .its just wrong , right ? It shouldn’t exist . It’s a mistake . “All is well “,”God Is Love” my ass . Of course it depends. Taking a bottle of sleeping pills and passing away peacefully in your bed isn’t as painful as burning to death . But death is going to fuck the ego completely in the ass . The ego is going to lose the game no matter what , that’s why again and again “surrender while you are still alive “. awakening is the solution .there's no other way around it. Like I said The kicker is of course.. You have not the first clue what's going to happen after death. Unless you awaken to what death is . The true self or the soul is eternal because it’s derivative from god and god is eternal and can never die but The body seems to die. What goes on after that? Nobody knows. Again it depends of course on how does one die. Suffocating to death doesn't sound like a pleasant experience in comparison to dying without any melodrama (like dying while sleeping). But the moment of death..that one final moment is when the levels of fear reach infinity. This moment is what I'm terrified from to an unimaginable degree . And this moment is ego losing to God . And afterwards you are under God’s command, mercy , decree . He will do with you whatever he wants and you have no say in the matter . All you have is the ability to discover is God good or evil ? Is existence good or evil ?

This can’t work. If my feeling of being separate disappears how can I still exist as individual which is by its etymology means I’m separate from the rest of existence? It’s pure contradiction. Can you clarify more ? If my sense of being separate really disappears without coming back ,”I” would literally die and all will be left is reality doing what reality does .

1) all of existence is myself . All of us are expressions of the same energy. For two human bodies to perceive the world simultaneously does not contradict oneness . 2) I’m not sure what is your second point regarding randomness.

I prefer leaving this point as far as this topic goes . It’s definitely a challenging topic and I’m not going to claim I know the answer with 100% certainty. I totally agree but the conclusion here is exactly what i said . Logic breaks . Duality collapses . But thinking and reasoning only works through distinctions and me and you just agreed that distinctions collapse regarding God and we must embrace paradox .

God is more than me because I (the human being typing these words) can’t move a mountain or create a fucking insect on the street . God is also me because creation does not possess existence independently it receives or “borrows” its existence from God. Where else would it come from ?

Are you saying for perfection to be truly perfection it has to include imperfection within itself ? Am I understanding you correctly? No . Be precise. mind or awareness? They are not the same thing . Mind is a concept and I explained to you how illusory it is. so your question does the physical world exist independently from my awareness? yes it does . when you close your eyes… the screen doesn’t cease to exist. The universe exists . the universe is contingent. therefore the perfect necessary being (God) exists . you can know that . the every essence of God is itself is impossible to answer because it’s prior to definition, language, thought , forms, distinctions etc. knowing must dissolve into being . Even God doesn’t know what God is. Because there is no knower and known . It just is God .

My own contemplation + insights I learned from Leo+ some knowledge about God from the Quran + AI editing my terrible punctuation.

The answer is simply that it’s impossible for a perfect ,all-powerful being to get tired . but for argument’s sake, if God lost consciousness even for a microsecond , the entire universe will collapse or ceases to exist. I swear . I’m dead serious. there is no such a thing as a “mind “. Show it to me . It has no form or actual existence. The misunderstanding happens because we assume that our thinking processes and constant state of daydreaming ,talking to ourselves, imagining , dreaming etc has a generator entity which we call the mind . But there is no such thing in reality . we also assume that the mind is in the head . We assume the self is in the head or the face or behind eyes . Simply because most of the fives senses are located only in the head : the eyes for sight , the ears for hearing , the nose for smelling , the mouth for tasting . Whereas the touching sense is spread equally across your skin all over your body . So we think of ourselves as the mind or the ego which lives in the head or the face . If your eyes and ears were located at your feet , you would think the mind is in your feet . the universe exists because God created it . The mechanism by which god creates is through direct manifestation without needing anything else . this particular universe before your eyes appears physical , material , etc call it whatever you want . but the universe could have been mental like a dream . the nature of God itself is beyond physical vs mental . It’s 100% ineffable.

guys ..make a decision to stop . I’m familiar with both of you . You know better.

And @Joseph Maynor entered the chat .

I was responding to your message.

*Amen .

Correct. that still doesn’t answer what is the thing I want to dedicate my life to.

This is false . The unseen to the seen ratio is actually like 99% / 1%. the surface of perception is not even close to a particle of sand in the whole earth’s deserts to the entire physical world . Let alone the spiritual world and the spiritual creatures like angels and ghosts .