Someone here

I’m feeling less… feelings in general. It’s hard to explain exactly what I mean by that, but lately I’ve been feeling emotionally flat and generally less interested in things. I’m pretty sure this problem is due, at least partly, to hyperstimulation and technology. Think back to before YouTube was even a thing, around 2005. I was little back then, but I remember feeling on top of life. There was a certain simplicity to everyday life that I don’t think I fully appreciated at the time. Ordinary things felt more meaningful. Going outside, playing, walking around, watching TV, going to the park feel satisfying. There wasn’t this constant pressure to be entertained every second of the day. Now I’m feeling generally very bored of life. It’s the same theme I’ve been expressing in this journal from the very start. Modern life is a double-edged sword. It gives us excellent opportunities for entertainment, information, communication and It makes our lives physically easier in so many ways. We can have almost anything delivered to our door, talk to someone on the other side of the world instantly, watch practically anything we want whenever we want, and have endless entertainment available at any moment. But at the same time, I think it robs ordinary life of some of its beauty. We no longer want to go to the park and enjoy the weather. We just want to stay online 24/7. We have become so accustomed to stimulation that simple experiences can start to feel boring in comparison. A quiet afternoon, a walk outside, sitting somewhere with nothing to do, or simply being alone with our thoughts can feel strangely uncomfortable when we are used to having a screen constantly demanding our attention. It has pros and cons, obviously. I’m not trying to pretend that technology is inherently bad or that life was perfect before the internet. Modern technology has given us incredible opportunities, and I’m grateful for many of them. But speaking personally, I’m fully burnt out by the online lifestyle. I think I’ve reached a point where I don’t necessarily want more entertainment. I want to be able to enjoy ordinary life again. I want simple things to feel satisfying. I want to go outside without immediately feeling the urge to check my phone. I want to be able to sit with my own thoughts without needing constant stimulation. More than anything, I want to recover that feeling I had as a kid .that feeling of being on top of life.

Never heard such clarity in tackling the problem of separate self and personal choice more clearly than this .

Truth, especially very advanced existential truths, is often beyond communication. Sometimes, a look in the eyes can communicate what a million words cannot. People don’t understand me. Most people, that is. They ask me, “Why are you so carefree, to the point of carelessness? Why are you always silent?” And my response to them is an even deeper silence. There is a deep-down understanding in me that transcends all languages and all forms of human communication. It’s not a particular insight or a piece of information. I can’t even write it here. It’s something that becomes crystal clear when I’m alone and silent. Whenever I’m alone and silent, I know the truth. And it’s such a great thing that I’ve given up trying to communicate it to people, or even trying to express it to myself. I just live in it. I love it.

I know the Quran was written by Muhammad and that I don’t believe it is the direct word of God, as it claims to be. Nevertheless, there is something about the Arabic recitation of the Quran it feels like a drug for the soul. That is one of the reasons I continue to read it. One of the key differences I see between the Bible and the Quran is their approach to storytelling. The Bible often spends considerable time on detailed narratives, genealogies, historical events, and other minutiae, whereas the Quran tends to be more direct and focused on spiritual and theological concepts. It still copy pastes stories the Bible lolz. That said, both contain moral laws that can be viewed as barbaric by modern standards, as well as passages that appear to contain scientific errors and encouraging violence which is obviously outdated.

Are you interested in marriage and kids ?

I want to build an awesome sober life. That might sound ironic because we often associate excitement with a highly stimulating lifestyle like parties, constant entertainment , things like travel, social media, and always having something happening. And for a while, it can feel exciting. Until it doesn’t. Modern life gives us endless opportunities for stimulation, but without boundaries, that abundance can quietly make us restless, and it’s the case for me.When everything is intense, ordinary life starts to feel boring. We become so used to chasing the next hit of excitement that we forget how fulfilling a calm, present life can be. I want something different. I want to enjoy things without being so attached to them. To be fully present. To wake up clear headed. To have experiences I actually remember. To create more than I consume. That’s an important distinction for me to contemplate and work on .

Please don’t smoke 🚭.

Then do that if that’s where you are in life . Don’t generalize . Others have different life situations and priorities.

So you separate enlightenment work from personal development work . That’s a distinction I agree with . But why does personal development work have to come first in your theory ? Do you think you can’t become enlightened without first being employed and married and running a business etc ?

lol bro

They don’t like jerks too . Balance is key .

This is false . A lot of problems can be solved by meditation because a lot of our problems are just overthinking . you can’t solve your poverty with meditation but you can solve your anxiety through mindfulness practice.

I told you he’s not a “good person” in the sense you seem to be demanding. He can be rude and insulting and unnecessarily harsh toward people ..I’ve seen it happen plenty of times. But that doesn’t make him a devil either. Those incidents, they happen relatively rarely. As for demoting or banning people, I think those measures are sometimes inevitable when they’re genuinely the only reasonable way to maintain the space. You were demoted because you suddenly started preaching mainstream Christianity, and I think you understand that this particular place isn’t really an appropriate setting for that. I’m assuming that’s what you mean when you say Leo personally hurt you. And generally, no I don’t think morality itself constitutes awakening. If anything, the more I awaken and free my mind, the more I question whether simply being “good” because conformity demands it has any inherent validity. There’s a difference between genuinely understanding why you act a certain way and merely obeying a moral code because you’ve been conditioned to see it as right.

3 days without smoking. I’m experiencing the same withdrawal symptoms again, especially the emotional sensitivity. I’ve noticed that I can become emotional over very small things. For example, if I accidentally break a dish, I can suddenly start crying. It feels strange because normally something like that wouldn’t affect me so much. I’m honestly not sure how much of this emotional sensitivity is related to quitting smoking. I know nicotine withdrawal can affect your mood, but I don’t want to assume that everything I’m feeling is because of that. What’s interesting is that physically, I actually feel much better. I feel more energized, I have more energy in my muscles, and I’ve been eating well lately. My body feels healthier, while emotionally I feel much more sensitive and vulnerable. For now, I’m trying not to fight it or judge myself for being emotional. I’ve been meditating and using simple mantras like, “Everything is okay,” and “You are safe.” I repeat them when I feel overwhelmed, and it helps me calm myself down. Maybe this is just part of my body and mind adjusting to being without nicotine. I’m trying to be patient with myself and let these emotions pass instead of overthinking them.

Yes you should start seeing noticeable changes around the 6 months mark .