Someone here

It’s all “you” in the ultimate analysis, but that does not necessarily entail solipsism. Existence is identical with itself .reality at its deepest level is one unified being. all of reality is “my being.” Yet this does not mean that the individual person orthe particular body-mind I identify as “me” is the entirety of reality. Reality appears to give rise to this particular body-mind, here and now, as one limited perspective within itself. This is the limited sense of “me.” At the level of appearance, there can be multiple bodies, minds, perspectives, and experiences existing simultaneously. There can be many distinct points of view without contradicting the absolute oneness of existence. The key distinction is between substance and appearance. At the level of substance, reality is fundamentally one. At the level of appearance, it manifests as diversity, multiplicity, and seemingly separate individuals. Reality appears to be composed of many things and to contain “others,” but this multiplicity belongs to the level of appearance rather than to the underlying nature of existence itself. This is why oneness does not equal solipsism. Solipsism claims that reality is ultimately confined to a single individual mind or person. But the individual person is itself limited, whereas reality is not. Reality is infinite, and the particular body-mind that I call “me” is only one limited manifestation or perspective within that infinite reality.

smoking . I feel like I’m totally going back into a full smoking binge. I’m smoking more than half a pack a day now, and the frustrating part is that only a few weeks ago I felt like things were more or less under control. There was at least some sense of moderation, some awareness that I was smoking and that I could still make choices around it. But these past few days have been really bad. I’ve also started buying the cheapest brand possible and it has the opposite psychological effect. Because each pack is cheaper, buying another one feels less consequential. There is less of a barrier between the thought of smoking and actually having another pack in my possession. I end up buying more packs And once the cigarettes are there, I smoke more. What bothers me most is that I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. This isn’t ignorance. I know exactly what smoking does to the body, and I know that every cigarette is contributing to damage that I will eventually have to live with. That awareness produces a tremendous amount of guilt and regret. Sometimes I think about the fact that I’m consciously doing something I know is harmful, and there is something deeply uncomfortable about that contradiction. I can understand the consequences intellectually and still continue behaving in a way that moves me toward those consequences. The guilt itself can become part of the cycle. I feel bad because I’m smoking, and then because I already feel like I’ve failed, there is a temptation to simply surrender to it. Instead of thinking, “I’ve smoked more than I wanted to today, so I should stop here,” the mind can move toward, “Well, I’m already doing it anyway.” One cigarette becomes another, another pack becomes another, and eventually the whole thing becomes less about consciously choosing to smoke and more about allowing the behavior to continue on its own. Lately, I’ve been almost deliberately allowing myself to go with the flow. There is a strange kind of surrender in it: smoke as much as you want, don’t fight it, don’t impose any limits, and eventually smoke until it stops registering in your mind that you can smoke anymore. It’s almost as though I’m trying to reach some psychological saturation point where the desire itself becomes unbearable or meaningless. There is an element of wanting to exhaust the habit by giving it everything it asks for. Sleep . my sleep has actually been doing well, which is one of the more positive things I’ve noticed recently. I’ve figured out something fairly simple: the earlier I go to bed, the better I sleep. My sleep seems to respond much better when I give myself a sufficiently long period of winding down instead of trying to squeeze sleep into the final hours of the night. The difficult part is that nighttime is also when I enjoy being alive the most in a certain sense. I like having that quiet, private stretch of time when I can do things I actually care about. I can read, think, write, explore ideas, learn something new, or simply sit with my thoughts without the distractions and demands of the day. There is something deeply satisfying about being awake when everything else has become quiet. That makes going to bed early psychologically difficult. It can feel as though I’m giving up the best part of the day in exchange for better sleep. But I’m beginning to understand that this way of thinking is misleading. The nighttime lifestyle that feels pleasurable in the moment is also precisely what contributed to my insomnia in the first place.

There is a teaching in the spiritual traditions that enlightenment cannot be reached merely through books, ideas, or intellectual understanding. The path demands something deeper: the guidance of one who has already walked through the darkness and emerged on the other side ,aka a guru or enlightened master. The journey towards ACTUAL enlightenment begins when we face suffering that we cannot escape. This deep suffering strips away the identities and attachments we have built around ourselves until we are left standing before life with nothing to hide behind. And then, when the student is truly ready, the teacher appears. The guru does not necessarily come to save the student from suffering. Rather, the guru helps the student see through it. They point beyond the pain, beyond the story, beyond the identity that has been constructed around it. They guide the student toward the place where suffering turns into awakening through surrendering the ego. It is not about seeking enlightenment as an escape from life. It is about meeting life completely:with its beauty, its terror, its grief, its hunger, its uncertainty and allowing every experience to burn away what is false. When the student has reached the place where they are no longer merely looking for answers, but are truly willing to see, the teacher appears. Without DEEP suffering, both physical and psychological, there is no possibility of even taking the spiritual path seriously, let alone becoming truly enlightened and realized. If seeking enlightenment is treated as philosophical entertainment, or merely contemplating cool ideas about existence, you will never become actually enlightened. There has to be a genuine hunger for truth, or profound suffering that forces us to seek beyond our mortal body and this world.

Today I smoked and drank Coffe as soon as I woke up from a not so perfect sleep. It’s the same mistake I’ve warned myself about numerous times . It kills my appetite for food and makes me wanna throw up . I’ve spotted this pattern very often. Let’s not do this again , my future self .

Still restless. Still using cigarettes and coffee to cope with it, even though I know they are probably making everything worse. I smoke constantly now, almost mechanically. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m choosing to light the cigarette. My hand reaches for it before I have even finished thinking. Coffee follows the same pattern. I tell myself I need it because I’m exhausted, because I need to function..But then the caffeine keeps my body awake, the nicotine keeps my nervous system activated, and the restless feeling grows even stronger. It has become a vicious circle that I can’t seem to step out of. I’m stressed, so I smoke.I’m exhausted, so I drink coffee. The coffee makes it harder to sleep.The lack of sleep makes me more anxious, more restless, more desperate for some kind of relief. Then I smoke even more. And eventually I’m lying in bed again, completely exhausted but unable to surrender to sleep. That’s the cruelest part. My body is begging for rest, but my mind refuses to give it. I don’t want excitement anymore. I don’t want stimulation. I don’t want to be entertained by life. Yesterday night, I reached a point where I was literally begging God to shut down my perception. God just fucking kill me or something.Just make it stop. Turn everything off.Give me darkness.Give me nothing. I was so desperate for sleep that I didn’t even care what form the relief took anymore. I just wanted consciousness to disappear for a while. I wanted to stop being aware of myself, my thoughts, my body, the passing of time, the unbearable awareness . Some psychologists say that half psychological problems stem from sexual issues and the other half from sleep issues. There is something uniquely painful about being exhausted and still being conscious. When you’re tired enough, consciousness itself starts to feel like a burden. Every thing becomes heavier. And when the night stretches on long enough, I start losing my sense of myself.I become almost zombie-like.I don’t know what I’m doing.I don’t know why I’m doing it. I walk around, smoke, drink coffee, stare at things, try to distract myself, try to force myself to sleep, and somehow everything becomes disconnected. I can still perform the basic motions of being a person, but internally I feel completely detached from them.It’s a painful state of consciousness. I’ve had enough of sleepless nights.I just want to rest.That’s all.No thoughts.No clocks.No cigarettes burning beside the bed.No cup of coffee. I’m actually drinking coffee right now as I type .

Taper Fade Haircut for guys (who have hair lol).

It’s really two different directions, and it depends on what your goals and priorities are. If the goal is to understand God intellectually, then thinking and deep contemplation are necessary. But if the goal is to experience peace, stillness, and bliss, then quieting the thinking mind through meditation may be more beneficial. Neither approach is necessarily better..it depends on what someone is seeking . For example, my mother is at an age where intense intellectual exploration may not be as suitable or necessary for her. Meditation and cultivating a sense of inner peace might serve her much better.

It may sound a little simplistic at first, but in the depth of meditation, there can be a shift in perspective where the sense that something needs to be fixed or figured out simply falls away. From the absolute perspective. You still have to feed your body obviously. it’s not necessarily that life’s problems disappear, but that, for a moment, you experience things without the assumption that there is something to solve. It’s just another perspective on the same reality.

😂

A list of my favorite songs from my favorite singer .

A collection of great wisdom from Sadhguru:

Honesty is a hell of a thing . do I really love my family or doing it out of conformity ?! Am I just acting ? What Am I hiding?

But how to do it ? That’s the question. I understand the dynamic . But I can’t stop it . It takes work , maturity and discipline.

There is a pattern in my life that I am beginning to recognize more clearly: my lowest lows are often followed by my highest highs. The intensity of one seems to be connected to the intensity of the other. When I experience a period of pain, uncertainty, boredom, disappointment, loneliness, or discomfort, I instinctively want to get out of it. I resist it. I question it. I wish it were different. I want to move quickly toward something more exciting, more fulfilling, more pleasurable. And then, when life eventually turns upward again, I embrace the high completely. I enjoy the excitement, the happiness, the energy, the sense that everything is working. But I rarely stop to recognize that the two experiences are connected. Perhaps I have been looking at the lows as interruptions to life and the highs as life itself. But that is an incomplete way of seeing things. The low is also life. The boring day is life. The uncomfortable moment is life. The period when nothing seems to be happening is life. The uncertainty, the waiting, the frustration, the disappointment, the emptiness, the restlessness …etc all of it belongs to the same existence that contains the moments of joy, excitement, achievement, love etc. I cannot selectively accept only the parts of life that feel good if I wish to not be frustrated by false expectations. If I want to experience life fully, I have to become willing to experience the entire spectrum of it. The highs feel so high partly because I know what it feels like to be low. Pleasure has contrast. Relief has contrast. Excitement has contrast. happiness becomes more meaningful when it is not the permanent background state but something that rises and falls against everything else. If every moment were a high, eventually there would be no high. It would simply become normal. The extraordinary would become ordinary. I envy guys who have sexy girlfriends , but from the POV of a guy who has an attractive girlfriend he’s completely normal. He’s not losing sleep from the happiness overload or something. i think I have sometimes unconsciously created the expectation that life should continuously move upward or that I should always be progressing, achieving, discovering, experiencing, improving, or feeling something pleasant . But life does not move in a straight line. It moves in cycles. There are periods of expansion and periods of contraction. There are moments when everything feels alive and moments when everything feels quiet. There are seasons of movement and seasons of stillness. When I resist a difficult experience, I add another layer of suffering to it. There is the experience itself, and then there is my rejection of the experience. I am not only bored; I am frustrated that I am bored. I am not only uncomfortable ; I am thinking that I should not be uncomfortable. I want to learn how to live the moment completely ..not only when the moment is beautiful or pleasurable, but also when it is mundane. I want to be able to sit inside an ordinary moment without immediately judging it as bad . There can be an afternoon where nothing happens. There can be a week where I feel restless. There can be a period where I do not know exactly what I am doing. There can be days that feel repetitive and uneventful.Life will always forever have that dynamic . I cannot make all of life high. I think I want to develop an acceptance relationship with the ordinary parts of existence. And if I can truly accept that, perhaps I will experience the highs differently too. I will appreciate them more deeply .