Terell Kirby

Practical advice for going about making high quality choices/decisions in life. Everyday of our human lives, we are bombarded with choices that will either advance us or regress us. How do we as humans get better at using critical thinking in our decision making? How do we use bad decisions in an empowering way? What is decision making and is it important to master?

@SgtPepper thanks for providing a different perspective, this did kind of turn into marriage bashing lol. There are good marriages out there, but people don't realize it's the people that make the marriage, not the marriage that makes the people. Of course two codependent/toxic individuals would have a hellish marriage..just like two healthy people would have a fulfilling marriage. We tend to crap on the idea of marriage as a whole, versus taking a hard look at the individuals involved.

If you were fulfilled, you wouldn't have a fear of missing out..... There are relationships that are secure to where this isn't even a thought, and that's an example of a secure relationship. Yours doesn't sound like it. I understand you are fearful, but take it one day at a time, and do what you're heart feels is right. Life is too short to be questioning if you want to remain in an intimate relationship or not. Be more decisive.

@Actualizer777 You may want to reframe your thinking here. Just because you don't have any problems in your relationship on the surface, does not mean you are happy. In the end, only you know if you are happy. And honestly, you even asking these questions tells me that you are not really fulfilled in your relationship.. There are plenty of people who are in relationships where there are no issues per say, but they are miserable on the inside...because they know deep down the relationship has ran its course. So instead of asking me these questions...I'll say, again, that you focus on these questions for yourself: 1. Can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life? 2. Do you want to be with this person for the rest of your life? Your spirit and intuition knows the answer to each of these. And if there's any doubt..it will continue to nag you, internally.

Is she your first? In this case, as a heterosexual male, I would say the chances are slim you'll be together long term. And if you want to sleep with other women because you haven't experienced it....at all....you shouldn't feel bad about it. I say let your nuts hang man, you may want to look into high consciousness pick-up to improve your skills with women. Dating and having sex with many women does build you self esteem to an extent. Just don't make it your religion..it's a phase you will pass through, and will prep you for a higher quality long term commitment to a woman you are compatible with..sexually and emotionally.

@Actualizer777 just know the feeling is natural. The main thing is to be totally transparent and honest with yourself first. I had an ex I dated for three years in my 20's that I ended things with after having similar feelings. It was scariest decision ever, and she was hurt by it. It hurt me too, but after a while I go over it, and started to live authentically in my dating/sex life. Just ask yourself two things: 1. Can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life? 2. Do you want to be with this person for the rest of your life? If you don't want to be with this person, You'll notice your stomach turns when you ask yourself these questions.

THIS sums it up really..I think most folks are fixated on the idea of marriage than the reality of it as well. I've seen cases where the happiest moment of the partnership was the wedding alone, then it all went to hell shortly after.

I see what you're saying in terms of divorce favoring women, but I don't think all women who divorce due to strictly for financial gain. There are cases of abuse, neglect, infidelity etc that could lead men and women to divorce their partner. From your statements, I sense a bit of a generalization towards women who decide to divorce their husbands. Not all men are innocent (neither are women). It's much more nuanced.

Hard data always helps! It’s crazy that numbers are that high. Question is, should be zoom in on the concept of marriage itself, or the dysfunction/neuroticism of the individuals involved? I find that we often get the two mixed up..I can see marriage being rooted in good intentions for positive purposes, but given bad name due to the ignorance of couples and their choices.

@Mason Riggle thanks so much for sharing. I’ve also heard of the rewards of marriage, and have seen some good examples.

@Peter Miklis ? all good points. I guess I wouldn’t necessarily call it selfish to not want kids and commit your life to personal growth and self actualization, that may ultimately be the selfless thing to do in which you are offering your gifts and talents to the world. I’ve seen selfish parents who have kids to be their personal servants, thus leaving them inflicted with trauma and having them do all kinds of dysfunctional things in society that harm others. I’d like to have kids but only if my psychological and physical resources, and that of my spouse, are up to par. So many people get involved in marriages without thinking deeply about the dynamics at play. Explains a lot of abusive and toxic family situations where everyone loses, especially the kids.

@Blackhawk Lol Exactly. Rationalist like yourself are easy to see through. Science is your religion it seems, but it would be a mind like yours to call out dogma in others without seeing it in yourself. Projection 101.

You sound like a materialist. How about you provide some evidence on why you’re not God? If you start referencing science, you would have already exposed yourself. This forum is not for closed minded materialist. Go somewhere else for that

@Inliytened1 thank you for this insight

Leo’s biased is that of one that promotes the use of psychedelics in raising consciousness, and those who have not partaken is the use of psychedelics are not as woke as those who have. I can see his point here, but it’s very much full of assumptions. In actuality, there is not variation in the substance of reality on a psychedelic vs. not on a psychedelic. It is still all the mind of God...the mind of YOU. @Leo Gura can you show love and compassion for those that choose alternative paths that don’t include drugs? Some of us feel put in a box and judged by this.

@Moksha beautifully written, thank you

@Leo Gura Thank you for the feedback.

I can emphasize. The paradox of it is that death and acceptance are the same thing from the perspective of the Ego. The thing in you that accepts death is your higher consciousness. It can accept it, because deep down it knows that life is infinite. Life ending as the human you imagine yourself to be is the real fear. But the death of the body and the mind doesn’t mean that your consciousness won’t remain. Pure consciousness is the void of emptiness that most of us mortals fear.

@WelcometoReality very true. It is this holding onto that would needs to be dropped. Language plays a role here...quite prominently. What you are is something that cannot be spoken of. The realization itself is something that can’t be described per say...but yet, it’s as real as ever.

To say God isn’t something is to assume a limitation. God is infinite..there are no limitations to its choosing and acting. God is also you in every sense.

@Eternal Unity most certainly

To add onto this from a Spiral Dynamics view, most men (particularly in the West) need to master and fully integrate the healthy aspects of Stage Orange. Healthy masculinity does exist (purpose, drive, mission, achievement, sexual conquest), and can be brought with men as they enter into Stage Green..which rounds it out (fuses it with feelings/emotion/feminine side). This sets you up to get into the more advanced aspects of spirituality, which emphasizes synthesis and holistic being (Tier 2, Yellow and Turquoise). It’s best to fully integrate the masculine and feminine prior to this.

The Ego can’t help but live from a mindset of scarcity. Once dissolved, an orientation of abundance can be rest assured. The real question is what can we do to dissolve the mass amount of dense egos present in today’s society for the sake of greater consciousness? Now that’s a puzzle!

Any tips for getting rid of these kinds of relationships? Do you go gradual or hard cut off? The toughest thing is realizing certain family and long term friends are no longer good for your health. Is it really possible to love people from a distance?

As I raise my consciousness, I feel like my bubble of perspective is a screen of some sort. It’s crazy how we’re so glued to our phones, computers and television screens when reality itself is the biggest screen and most important to be conscious of . But i guess this is only when looking at reality for an Absolute perspective instead of a relative/human one.