JessiChell

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Everything posted by JessiChell

  1. @Espaim Can you give an example? Remember there's a difference between criticism and honesty. Don't criticize yourself or others, but being honest, unless at your job or in an unhealthy relationship, doesn't seem like it should be this challenging. I could be wrong but what have you told your friends/family?
  2. @Monkey_in_suit With Kindle you can read a lot more books and they offer recommendations to your preferred genre. If you are a casual reader, I wouldn't recommend it. If you read a fair amount, get it. No, you won't have trouble falling asleep. It's not the same type of screen.
  3. @Dumuzzi Yeah, I lived in London for 4 years and traveled frequently. I travel at least once or twice a year (pre-rona) to Europe. But I'm now interested in Bali. I will check out Nepal and others but I almost dont mind a touristy place as long as its beautiful.
  4. @Aquarius Oh no I'm not catholic. I'm not religious. But the catholic womens retreat sounded like a solid idea. Either way, I'm not going. I'll be going off on my own in the mountains in a cabin. Thanks for your advice!
  5. @Solvinden This statement is absolute truth. The desires to birth children always stem from selfishness. Having said that, I cannot imagine leaving someone I was truly happy with over their inability to reproduce (something they have zero control over.) How utterly heartbreaking. But I hope you find yourself and find happiness. Also, I hope she finds happiness.
  6. @kag101 I mean I've used Tinder in the past when I was in my mid-twenties. I went through my casual hook up phase with it. I'm just growing farther and farther away from the idea of a romantic relationship. By the time I find someone mildly amusing and then have a conversation with them, I could have just watched a Leo video and meditated. I'm done pouring my energy and love into others. I want to love myself the way I love the people I care about. The only thing I miss is cooking for my ex. My friends live in London or Florida so I have a long-distance relationship with them and cooking is always how I express my love. But I found a little old lady in the apartment next to me to cook for, so that is helping. I mean, I am not looking for what Leo is looking for in terms of "enlightenment." I actually believe a little ignorance is okay. I'm actually quite scared Leo will eventually leave and go live in Alaska somewhere. (but that's a different anxiety/different story) I want just enough self-love to be okay with not being in a romantic relationship for the rest of my life and leaving unhealthy situations. I think instead of completely killing my ego, I will just stab it a few times and be more mindful/conscious of it when making decisions. I'm actually in a very healthy platonic relationship with my girlfriend. We are incredibly close and she accepts me for who I am and vise versa. So I know I'm not batshit crazy and capable of healthy love. She just lives in London and I moved away from there two years ago so it's hard being long-distance. I will probably move in with her, (because she does not believe in monogamy or living with men and considers herself a "witch") when I get older and we can get a black cat and scare men who live in the neighborhood. I can cook for her and will have a vegetable garden, so I'll be happy. I'll just have to get used to her woo-woo beliefs and weird collections of random shit she finds on the ground. When I become financially independent, I will probably live in different countries for a year or so. I'm thinking Bali to start with, so I'm planning that and looking at houses. I'm happy (kind of), don't worry. No need for tinder. Well... I'm at peace. And I think that's important. Also, my isolation trip is June 11-16 so I'm prepping for that.
  7. @Solvinden Why is it important for you to have biological children? Or even children at all? What do you want to gain from having them? What feeling do you think they will give you vs adopting children?
  8. @Hardkill To make legitimate money online takes a long time building a platform or learning a new skill. (YouTube, streaming, penny stocks) etc. If you have access to phone/computer you can go to indeed and find a telecommunications job for around 12$ an hour and that may get you by for a while. You can look into penny stocks but this take 3-4 years of practice and learning to become successful. Ricky and Ross are great penny stock traders if you want to google them. If you have skills you make something and start an easy business or you make a little money through dropbox shipping. But you need to decide what you want to put real work into. Or just look for remote jobs on indeed that pay hourly.
  9. @kag101 how do I put the little quote at the bottom of my name? Yours says, "remember when you wanted what you currently have." I know what I want mine to be now.
  10. @kag101 I've stopped grieving for the most part. I still have a moment here and there but for the most part, I'm numb. Every once in a while I feel this hole in my chest and it's crippling. But I dont think that's from losing him. I think it's from something undeveloped inside of me. I put my phone down and focus on why I'm feeling this when it happens. I did a grieving meditation from headspace for 10 days and that was helpful. I did see the guy on Saturday. He really likes me but there is no spark on my end. Our values and life directions are very different. But I knew there was no spark before agreeing to go out. We had sex. It was incredibly, "meh." I realized this is not worth it. I think I only enjoy sex with someone I care about. (I think) Dont worry i was very honest with this guy before we met up i was not interested in a relationship or anything. I have zero desire to speak to men on dating terms. Like flirting or something. I've always met my partners doing something I was passionate about. I've always seen them at their prime and been amazed by their charisma and passion for what we were doing. (My last two exs were activists. My major ex who I was in love with for 8 years was a professional gamer.) Tinder and other dating apps are not for me. They dont show me who the person is. I know leo talks about creating abundance but it's so hard for me even pre-rona. I have a hard value that narrows my options down by a lot. I have a life purpose, activism. I have hobbies, gaming and shooting. But atm it's hard to meet people because all of my hobbies and volunteering has been put on hold. At this point I want to focus on becoming financially independent from my job. Its killing my soul. So I'm gonna do streaming on twitch mtg arena. My friend does it and makes 4k a month. Hes agreed to help me. ? so that's one thing off Leo's list if I cant create abundance atm. Then they have to also not be abusive. I am willing to accept someone with issues like anger. But they need to not call me names or cross boundaries. I really would love someone who isnt afraid to be as honest as humanly possible and then of course loyal. And loyalty means different things for me, including appreciation and putting work into the relationship. My girlfriends keep telling me they think hes gay. I just think he had low testosterone and was terrified of being sexually vulnerable. But its anyone's call at this point. I know I rambled a bit but I dont have a life atm. ?
  11. @modmyth He wasn't all bad. But I did have constant anxiety and fear of talking to him about things. He would explode. He was passionate about my life's purpose, which is activism. So yeah, it was a hard blow to realize he didnt care as much as I did. Thanks for the love, girl ?
  12. @lmfao So you would need to get your hormone labs checked along with your thyroid levels. (This is not medical advice, I'm just letting you know there are safe alternatives to anti-depressants out there but you would need to see a MD certified in Bio-identical hormones) Bio-identical hormones are natural to the body and much safer than anti-depressants. When we experience fatigue, depression, or low sex drive, those are all signs of low testosterone levels or thyroid issues. A lot of people have this issue because our diets are heavy in estrogen levels (milk, cheese, animal products etc) It's not like going on roids or anything your regular doctor would recommend. They act as replacements and don't force your body to "make more" they simply supplement. I work in a private sector of healthcare and I'm telling you the meds regular doctors will put you on will mess up your brain and the way it functions. I would look into functional medicine. If you look into functional medicine make sure they're MD and hopefully won't charge too much. Hope this helps <3
  13. Me again. I'm now making my way through, "The Untethered Soul." A book that helps to practically pull you into consciousness without spiritual jargon. Teaches us how to notice the voice inside and still the thoughts so that you're only left with, you. I have a hypothetical question however, that's holding me back from being like, "yeah if I can just still my mind and quiet my voice, all my problems will go away." The hypothetical: Let's say I'm conscious as I can be and have a healthy life, of which I want to live. I'm fully sustainable and love myself, absolutely. Then I decide I enjoy spending time with someone and decide a relationship is something I want to pursue with this person. Now, this person is great for a while, but then a year in, they begin to pull away, stop reciprocating your energy and you see signs that point to them not being interested/loyal. Now remember I'm fully conscious. I provide everything for myself emotionally. So does that mean, that I will have no feelings to how they treat me? Does that mean that even if I notice evidence of them lying or something that I will simply feel nothing and continue to be with them? Or let's say it's not even malicious...let's say they just simply dont reciprocate. Do I stay with them? Because I need to look inward and fix all the things I feel I need to provide for myself? Or do I leave? Wouldnt leaving be a admitting that you let your thoughts get to you? My thoughts have always protected me from people when it got too much for me to handle. Letting go of my thoughts and seeing red flags is something I'm terrified of letting go of. I have a lot of experience with red flags. So I'm afraid Consciousness will make me stay with people who do things that hurt me. I'm confused. Please help.
  14. Thank you for your response, India. My shirt usually triggers people actually. They usually have to state they are not vegan in response to seeing a shirt with a word on it It's a defense mechanism that is deeply rooted in guilt/indoctrination. Thanks for the love, sis
  15. @legendary So, (remember/this girl) and I are type A people, because we're both hyper critical of each other (for different reasons)?I'm gathering from this video. Rape culture views are somehow threatening my ego? (I can see that, for most women it would be) And I will ultimately feel bad because I should "rise above this mud slinging contest?" No criticism is legitimate. Let it go. I saw in another video we have let go of all convictions as well. Right now I have only two topics i have strong convictions over, this and another I won't mention. I know I'm a hyena over this and for the other topic. Yes, I guess this is a red herring. I won't take the challenge, because I dont turn into a hyena unless provoked. But I will try not to turn into a hyena when provoked. Thanks for sharing, legendary. No promises, but thank you. ?
  16. @Espaim I'm triggered because shes victim blaming. It's view points from rape culture mentality. "Shes wearing this or looks like this therefore she deserved what men gave her/she deserves to be treated lesser because men have zero control." It triggers me because it hurts to have this toxicity/judgment placed on me. It hurts me because of the women who fight hard to have this mentality removed in society. I'm responsible for my outburst and saying "blow me," of which I've apologized for. Have a great night.
  17. @Leo Gura Okay, I'm sorry. I was triggered. ? @remember Sorry that last comment was a bit much. Wish you well.
  18. @remember *64 replies in* *gets shamed for posting picture of myself* *gets accused of being fake twice* *gets accused of stealing photo from someone* *drops insta to prove that I am real* "Oh man you must need subscribers" Blow me. I'm out.
  19. @remember I love how you keep coming at me. I'm literally not saying ANYTHING to you anymore. Oh do you know where you've seen my pic??! Look me up then, sis! Go stalk harder, go hate harder ? insta: jessi_chell Facebook: Jessica Still Enjoy the show.
  20. @Leo Gura Yes, I think that's true. I'll stop my assumptions.
  21. @JosephKnecht This person is triggering me and I'm trying to let it go. I know you're right.
  22. @IJB063 she has a very primal view of men. I should not have to cover up how I look to get genuine answers or caring from men. @remember Look attraction is very surface level. You work on your looks to attract a partner, you work on your inner self to keep that partner. (If they are healthy.) Wake up, girl. Own your sexuality and the way you look. Stop telling women to cover up and expect men to be better. There are good guys out there. They are capable of genuine thoughts and feelings.
  23. @IJB063 that's so weird because before this I commented on your post...yet you have no pic of a male model... Damn. Weird how that played out. What's funny is this girl thinks so low of men that she believes they are incapable of being genuine when someone attractive posts one photo of themselves.
  24. @IJB063 Leo's probably going to ban me if I don't stop. So this is my last comment. (Sorry Leo)
  25. @remember So the video of the girl who is literally speaking about her journey doing the Vanassa or whatever it's called is looking for quick jerk offs? Of course I assumed you were a man. Because either an incredibly angry man, who cannot get women OR an incredibly resentful, jealous woman with insecurities would make comments like this over a picture of me with a very appropriate shirt on and headshot. Wow. Just wow. I told you I am vain. I told you I work hard on myself. My profile picture is decent and an accurate representation of my looks. I choose to not hide myself. I do have insta and Facebook of which I do post to seek a little validation here and there. But guess where I met my ex? Doing activism. Without makeup. And I still got treated like shit. Anymore words of wisdom? Troll?