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Everything posted by JessiChell
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@Oliver Saavedra I watched Leo's video about judgments and I see that is what I'm doing. I'm struggling to break this. I didn't do the exercise Leo asked us to do. I'm just in a funk. I'm doing the physical stuff to make myself feel better, eating healthy, being productive etc. It's like I'm avoiding inner work. But I'm doing my isolation retreat Wednesday so I'll be forced to confront myself then.
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@Javfly33 Yeah, I am a little more authentic. However, I enjoy my partners because I can engage with them in intellectual conversation to some degree or maybe even a current event or values, basically interesting things to discuss. I find so many people lack depth. They love alcohol, drugs, they barely make it through life. With women its witch stuff, spells, astrology, stuff that I'm just not interested in. I like talking about theories, values, emotion, just other topics that don't surround surface level shit. Last night this girl was telling me her superpower in witchcraft was blood spells. And don't get me wrong, I respect her. But I just am not interested. I engage in the conversation, I ask questions, I learn about it, genuinely. But I feel drained after.
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@Member Yeah, I'm definitely looking for the right company. But I feel like I'm not gonna find it by not going out, you know? It's a tough situation.
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@Preety_India Yeah, I'm alone almost all of the time. While I have tons of time to work on loneliness, I feel like I do need genuine friends in the area I live in now. All of my friends live far away and I think I may be isolating myself too much. Either way I keep socializing to a bare minimum because I always feel like I have to entertain people. I'm always the one that makes people laugh and it drains me when I get home. Thank you
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@Jacobsrw Yeah, I can see how I isolate myself from social interactions a lot because of this feeling but that's probably why I'm feeling this way. Its annoying that the answer is to do it more lol. But I see the relevance.
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@Arcangelo This journal is the coolest fucking thing I've read on this forum. It's like a movie. I'm rooting for you! Some things that rub me the wrong way is, you're so quick to ask out. I feel like there may be a generation gap thing. I would feel more comfortable with a man asking for my number or social media and getting to know them before committing my real life time to them. May I ask, why instead of making it about pick-up, make it about becoming a flirting master? So I'm similar to you in a way that I hunt men. (I'm not right now because of inner work blah blah) I'm an attractive woman so I do get asked out a lot. However, the men that have been my boyfriends are men that I've studied, observed at a distance, interacted with socially and then have created some form of banter between us. They are usually charismatic and have a lot of women chasing them, therefore I have to have an edge. The edge I've chosen is humor and banter. Now, you can use this skill for others you care about so it's not just pick up techniques. (It makes people feel good and want to be around you) If I banter with a man and he effectively banters back, I know we will have chemistry. What if you switched up your goal for the next week? Instead of going for a kill (date, stating your immediate attraction), try to get a fucking ridiculous laugh out of a girl. One in which she actually snorts or laughs stupidly. And when she snorts/does embarrassing laugh, poke fun at her snort/laugh (in a playful way) not a mean way. Example of play way: You - tell joke or talk to her a bit until you can slide somehting funny in Girl - laughs obnoxious or snorts You - *laugh a little at her, put your hand very lightly on her shoulder* (physical touch is key to start a woman to feel safe. If you touch her in a very platonic way she will feel "safe") You - *begin to walk away while still looking at her and making faces and casually laughing* wave your hand, and say "see you darling" At this point, just leave. If she calls back to you then maybe consider asking for her number. This will take practice. Women will gravitate to you. This is what women want. Even if they dont know it. It shows you're not desperate. Which is what the immediate kill signifies. We smell it as you approach. They want to be teased a little. It shows your confident with your words and makes me think you're dominant in bed. I will answer any questions you have. I'm so excited for you, keep journaling!
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@Chris365 this is what I was thinking but felt like I shouldn't say. You sound really rare though. I dont think I've ever heard this type of restraint from a guy.
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@universe Okay, I think you are right. I am working on self-love overall and this is probably a symptom of that. Thank you
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I am RO for a non-profit, was once a volunteer position but I worked my way up to a paid position. The organization itself is a large component of my life's purpose. It allows me to fulfill this box but it comes with a ton of responsibility. (I'm telling you this because I'm making it clear I will not leave. So that's not an option) But my employers are very controversial. We go through phases every year, where we will get tons of social media backlash for a comment one of my directors have made. Last year we dealt with all our organizers in Italy and New York leaving all at once over a comment made by one of the directors. Anyways, right now we are dealing with a social media post and getting a lot of flack from our organizers for it. Yesterday I spent a good amount of time explaining our position to one of the organizers underneath me and she wouldn't apologize for her comment. So I just said, "We are disagreeing on how this came across. Assumptions are not safe to make. Especially for an organization you represent. Moving forward please do not project an assumption publicly and it should come through me first. Does this make sense?" The organizer wrote, "ok" My boss was not happy with this. She wants an apology from this organizer. If I forced an apology from this organizer, which I will do, because I do what I'm told, the apology will not be genuine and will probably build resentment within the organizer. This is common theme with my employers. Ferociously want everyone to think they way they do or we get rid of the organizer. They've been stabbed in the back countless times by people and are constantly criticized. They are hurt. They have trauma and are trying to manipulate reality for fear of being hurt again. They will not let things go. Is there anything I can do? Can I help them? What do they need from me?
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@Raptorsin7 Wow I'm following cause I dont know the answer. I know when I fell in love with my ex of 8 years, he was obese, but his face was beautiful. I loved his charisma and intelligence. So I know looks have very little to do with it. But you dont sound excited about her. It sounds like you've decided she check boxes instead of really enjoying her company. But idk.
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@dimitri thank you, dimitri ?
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@EnlightenmentBlog Regrettably, I cannot sleep with my boss to advance my position. They're in a committed relationship with each other.
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@dimitri This is how I've been living for a few weeks now and it's definitely improving my relationships with people and myself. Even going through a break-up quite recently, I've been peaceful and happy on most days. I don't know what an avatar is, but if it's my photo you're referring to, thank you for noticing. <3
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@Flowerfaeiry You will know when you're at your breaking point. Start distancing yourself. Go to the gym, go out with friends. Do whatever you can to start preparing to be on your own again. Spend less and less time with him. If you are one of those people who needs to see definitive evidence (like me) realize this is from a lack of self-love. Then, search for evidence when you can. Leaves his phone unlocked? Go through it. Do whatever you can to give yourself the strength to get out. ALSO, download audible and start listening to this book today: Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft It teaches you how to leave an abuser and how to spot his lies/inconsistencies.
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@EnlightenmentBlog Yeah, I've done a lot of what you've mentioned. I've worked with them for a while. But maybe one day. We'll see
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@EnlightenmentBlog I really value your comment, thank you. Planting seeds is a very good way of putting it. One of my employers messaged me yesterday saying I was doing a really great job. But after that what I wrote happened. So I feel the situation is very sensitive. I want to show them I'm valuable. So they may consider me for other positions. But after they offered a position to someone else, and some other positions, I feel like they don't like my style or the way I handle things. They have aggressive people for social media and then calm, understanding people for HR. They haven't offered me a position for either. Women dominate HR and men dominate their social media team. I think as I'm writing this out to you, I have a feeling of not being good enough. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I know I will need to work on letting this go. I don't feel good enough because they've chosen others who I felt were unqualified and lacked dedication. So I want to know how they view me.
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@legendary I guess I could try to be a little more honest with them. Even if I feel it won't be received well. That's scary because this is very important to me. But I may let go of this fear eventually. Thank you
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This sounds more like me and it where I feel the most comfortable, thank you.
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@legendary Oh man I've been avoiding the colors of societies videos. I'm working heavily on myself at the moment so I don't have the time to dive too deeply. Multiple people have tried to speak with them about these issues. Ironically they chose my ex for social media position because of his aggressive behavior online. They fired their amazing HR person a few months ago because they disagreed with her methods. There's nothing I can do or say what she probably said much better. I guess what I'm asking is... how would an enlightened person act in this situation? Because I am not that. And before I get there, I would like guidance. edit: thank you for your response
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@LastThursday I've let go enough to not let it stress me out. After dealing with this for multiple years, I've learned to let go. I care about both of my employers and love them, I wouldn't say my goal is to "fix them." But I definitely want to be the best I can be and am open to criticism. I think it's natural to show stoicism in our work environment. But I don't have strong emotions over this. So it's not "faking" it per say. I just want to be as mindful and open as possible. That's my goal. edit: thank you for your response
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@John Iverson hahahaha no, she's not a dog. Like, put water in a tub and put candles. That's it. Good luck with finding her! p.s. Don't have children.
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@John Iverson I'm not an expert. But I would say, find your passions and hobbies in life. You will meet women who have the same interests. That way you can work on similar goals as your relationship becomes long term. You don't need fancy ideas, money or anything like that. All women want is consistent effort and honesty. Make her a bath after work randomly, take out the trash without being asked, a massage randomly, ask her "how are you feeling" often, write her a sticky note saying you care about her, be enthusiastic to make her cum (even if you don't know what you're doing, its effort), do your own laundry every so often, and just listen to her. Make sure you have your own life and are not needy. That's it. Just value her. If you're passionate about a hobby, a woman who loves you, will learn your hobby and do it with you.
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@Javfly33 I love this.
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@okulele I looked it up. I think I'm looking for a book that explains to women why men do what they do. Understanding how their brains work in relationships and things like that. But thank you for the recommendation!
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Before you read: Please see my attached photo. I've made a little tip list from watching hours of Leo's videos to encourage self-love/actualization. Hi everyone, I am currently working towards self-love, actualization (as everyone else), being able to be happy alone and being able to leave abusive partners. I am a little two weeks post-breakup from a toxic/emotionally abusive partner and I was asked out last night to go out Saturday. A distraction. Here are my issues/questions regarding this. Leo says we need to abstain from distractions and go through a period in our life where we are not dating/having sex, flirting, etc. This is incredibly hard for me and here's why; I haven't downloaded any dating apps but my online presence and the people within my community are pretty substantial. I get hit up a lot from men, online. Last night a guy messaged me and I agreed to a "date/hang out" Saturday night. I am not looking for a relationship what-so-ever, but I know even hanging out with men is considered a distraction by Leo. But I'm also confused about Leo's video where he says we have to come from a place of abundance. SO am I creating abundance? and that's okay? Or is this a distraction and, if so, may I have one distraction every so often? So, in terms of distractions, how much is too much? Can someone take me through what a day of consciousness (self-love) would look like? Do I just stop talking to people? Delete all social media just to be completely alone and isolated? And for how long? Would this create abundance in the future? Before you respond: I want you to be coming from Leo's perspective. Please do not post other "gurus" or talks. I feel safe and comfortable with Leo's ideology (I don't care if that's unhealthy.) (It's healthier than being mistreated by a man who has narcissistic traits.) I would like a sound recommendation you have seen in one of Leo's videos or from him posting something OR if you've spoken to him personally about this, even better. Thank you for reading. Update about isolation retreat: I found a catholic women's retreat in the mountains for abused women. You can go and take a silent retreat and no one will talk to you. I'm thinking about going to that because they provide food and lodging. I can be without my phone but in a safe place where no one will talk to me. Kind of like a convent. I'm thinking about bringing a guided meditation, and no phone/tv. I'm hoping the retreat will force me to deal with that feeling of emptiness or having that whole inside of me. Any recommendations, I'm always willing to listen to.