JessiChell

@IJB063 Explain this part to me, "you only need to read into the porn addiction threads and try to actually have a spiritual conversation here which is not about imposing one onto another just see what they posted before my comment and you actually know - i‘m telling you because i‘m the women’s shelter you get here, there is none. they either laugh about you or somehow post some obscenery."

@remember In fact, the men under this thread were admiring the woman in the fucking video! The blonde in the video, who is not me, can you go harass her channel? Oh look shes wearing a tank top in one of her videos! She must be asking to be exploited by men! ????? what a dirty slut LOL

@remember I cannot understand anything you've just written. Every person's comment under this thread, (except yours) has been appropriate. Me asserting myself is not being "aggresive" towards you. Get help.

@IJB063 Look I don't want to bash people here. I know some people are religious/spiritual and have good intentions. But most people who claim to be, "spiritual" are just hypocrites. They don't practice what they preach. Never trust anyone who ends the shit they spew with, "namaste."

@remember Lmfao at your fucking "namaste" at the end of your ignorant, hateful comment. "Low quality if this forum" that's fucked up to the people working towards improving themselves and searching for happiness here. Why would searching for a womens center to do an isolation retreat mean I have a lot to learn? I do have a lot to learn, hence why I'm here. "being the pray and the hunter at the same time." I see you've been following me for a few posts now. Creepy. Being a hunter? You mean I hunt men? I'm confused by your comment. All women hunt (look for) men. Grow up. Do you have some aversion to Leo and his porn collection? Should we discuss this? Please tell me. How much do you know about Leo's porn collection, stalker? Posting a picture of myself, in a forum of people working on themselves? That picture is fucking PG. It's not sexual in any way. And even if it were, I have every fucking right to put what I want up there. Why don't you post a picture of what you actually look like? Instead of hiding behind a photo that is not really you. "Rednecks?" Sounds like you've received a lot of hate here. Weird, I wonder why. I am vain. I work on my body and am fucking proud of it. I'll post a picture of myself, on my profile, that is supposed to represent me, any day of the week you small, insignificant man. "why do you think guys are objectifying you?" Not once have I asked this question. Not once on this forum, until your stupid ass comment, have I been objectified. I am here to try and leave ABUSIVE men, when they show me they are abusive. What should I do in real life? Pour acid on my face? Should I only date men who want ugly women? Should my future partner not value the work I put into myself? And believe me, this forum is not where I come to seek validation for how I look. I'm not sorry that some of my responses are honest about my sexual experiences and how I truly feel. That's the whole point of this forum, right? Being as honest as we can be? P.s. most women are highly sexual. But its morons like you that make us feel like we cannot speak our truth without judgment. "namaste", prick.

Please look into bioidentical hormones. Taking testosterone to treat depression. 9 times out of 10 if you have extreme suicidal depression, it's from low testosterone. This is the field I work in. If you want more info you can dm me.

@ajasatya I've actually been looking for something like this that provides vegan meals. I looked it up and there's one, one state away from me but they're closed because of coronavirus. This I am definitely going to do in the future. However, I know I need to do something soon because I've been avoiding doing extreme inner work for a while. Mainly because I didnt know it existed. I've taken 5 days off work, because that's all i can do at the moment, and I've rented a cabin in the mountains and will be isolated for those 5 days. I will try to meditate but idk about doing 10 hours a day. I will be lucky if I can do two. The womens center i was going for is also closed until July so I'm just going to do it on my own. I hope 5 days is enough to get started to face some inner traumas or to force myself to look inward more. Right now, i have anxieties being away from my phone and it's so weird to not be talking to my ex, we would speak for long periods every day. I'm just detoxing all of this. Anyways, thank you for sharing. I'll definitely be doing this as soon as they open. She also seems really happy and sweet. Her personality seems very different to mine. I dont know if I would love it as much as she did. But I think that retreat would still build a little pillar of self-love for myself. Thank you for sharing ?

@flume Your second PS is incredibly insightful and simple to understand. Thank you so much for the comment! I might steal that and post it somewhere. Lol

@IJB063 haha well obviously all my posts are directly to Leo. But I know he's a busy guy. I take everything people say on here with a grain of salt. So, no worries on sharing your opinion. I know there's people here who have done more work than myself, because I'm still really new, and they may be able to answer basic stuff. Most of my stuff is tier 1 understanding. Have a great night.

@IJB063 hmmm. Okay. I'm still like a baby to this. I might have more questions later. Let me finish the book.

@IJB063 I guess I was thinking that when you are conscious, you cannot be hurt by things you cannot control.

@Leo Gura Thank you so much for your response. I will let go of this fear.

@IJB063 Okay, that's a fair summery. Thank you

@Chakra Lion I've read your last comment 5 times. I really resonate with it and will try harder to be conscious and protect my inner child. Thank you so much for it!

@Dumuzzi When you say, "my age" I'm 30. I'm not incredibly young. But I have been neglected for quite some time from partners. (Of course, I've chosen this) Deep in my heart, I want to have a meaningful healthy relationship/family (not children). And maybe my higher self wants to lose the desire completely to want a partner/family. I've been through sleeping around with a lot of men around 25 and casual sex is not what I enjoy. I feel like through this thread, I have discovered I feel like I'm betraying the work I've done for the past 14 days and that's probably what led me to make this post. That feeling of betrayal. I think I'm getting hung up on Leo's "Distraction" video. Because I'm scared to make mistakes or hold back progress. But I think as long as I'm conscious of what I'm doing, it is not a distraction. Either way, I'm going to go ahead and not cancel the plans. Mainly because I'm craving physical affection and I'm choosing to give into this craving. This, "Quality men do not engage seriously with and commit to women who sleep around." I do not believe. My future partner, I want to love me for who I am, therefore no judgment will be placed on me or my actions. He will love me and himself, fully. I wouldn't be interested in anyone less than that. "highest quality male you can find and get him to commit." This sounds like entrapment. I want to be chosen on an intrinsically deep level that is not backed by society's standards or expectations. I don't disagree with the gaping hole inside of me, there absolutely is. But instead of it being spiritual, I believe it is a lack of absolute self-love. My energy is more masculine than feminine but is interchangeable at times. My goal is to eliminate that hole inside of me, but I think we may have different opinions on how to get there. Thank you for your response though

@Nahm Thank you for your response. I will admit I'm struggling to comprehend some of what you're saying. Probably because of the phrasing and wording. Please let me know if I have this correct; distractions do not exist as long as I'm working on becoming more conscious and aware? I've seen Leo's video on changing the thought filter on handling emotions. I do agree I need to put more work into meditation and yoga. Is this close to what you were saying?

@wordsforliving Yes, I've been making my way through that video every night. That's where I'm learning about self-love and wanting to understand if I'm working towards it. It helped me so much to understand self-actualization much more because I realized it's about self-love. Which I know I have very little. I'm missing a core pillar. Which I wanna get from the retreat. ❤ Hope you're well, friend.

@JosephKnecht You dont have to be here. Go meditate.

Wow, you are goals, sis! How inspiring! ?

@Hansu Oh I just saw Leo commented. Disregard my comment lol.

I think we all have self-love issues of varying different degrees. So we must always be working towards this. In fact, right now, I believe self-actualization almost directly translates into self-love. (But that's just a thought.) I have no idea where this guilt for your actions is coming from. What are you afraid of being? Why do you hate yourself for these actions? I think Leo would say you are not living consciously. You're living in the past by even thinking these thoughts. But I saw a video Leo posted about letting go. Maybe this would be helpful?

@Chakra Lion You articulate what I can't, but that's exactly what's happening to me. I'm just hung up on how to get there. In theory, I understand but its the day-to-day, practical guidelines I'm struggling with. Like how much social media? How much should I limit contact with my friends/family? Would one distraction this weekend be the biggest setback? It's these questions I need help with. What is the day-to-day routine of acquiring self-love?

@Bazooka Jesus Because my ego has formed the perfect illusion it believes men want and need in order to trap them into giving me validation and emotional connection.

@kag101 Through the breakup, I've been speaking to my best girlfriend, sister and a few friends to handle my loneliness and feeling of hurt from the relationship ending. I have briefly flirted with two guys for one night but then stopped talking to them. My issue is tiktok and social media. It's hard to put down at night but I'm not talking to any men. I have been dealing with my emotions and feeling them. I've layed for hours and cried and am just now starting to feel anger and indifference towards him. The guy I agreed to see Saturday I know from buying my car. He started following me on social media two years ago and has had a very big crush on me for a long time. I think all women have men who are lowkey infatuated with them, he is one of mine. I can tell he's waited a long time to try and get a chance but I don't think he realizes now is not the time. He heart reacted a photo I posted. I asked him how his life was. (I was bored/lonely) He responded. We spoke very briefly and he asked me to wine at his on Saturday. I agreed. That's it. I will not be developing an emotional relationship or attachment to this person. What do I want out of this? Sex. Good sex. From someone, I know who at (if even the surface level), cares about me. My ex had ED and low testosterone. He refused to have a sexual dialog with me (we were long distance) even though I sent him very high-quality nudes and videos. He was very uncomfortable talking about his sexual thoughts/desires with me. And I often felt unwanted. He wouldn't even be enthusiastic about making me cum. In the end he admitted to fantasizing about other women when I had asked him many times prior to which he would say "those thoughts are private." I broke up with him after he admitted this and wouldn't speak with me about it or answer any questions I had. So yes...I want to feel desired again. I say this with humility, but I am very attractive. In bed I'm an exhibitionist and am highly sexual and open. My ex, I realize now just wanted me because I was beautiful and had qualities he valued. He wanted me to show me off but not actually put in work to build a relationship and deep connection. So... in complete and utter honesty...I want to feel desired by a man and want to feel worshipped. Is this my ego talking? Probably. I'm not conscious yet. Can I consider this a treat to myself after not feeling desired from the man I loved for 9 months? I'm feeling my feelings, I am meditating and I am not talking to men.

@Dumuzzi I really resonate with your response. Especially this part, "it would probably be good for you to not date for a while and ignore men's advances for the time being. Of course, once you are ready to engage with someone seriously and on a more spiritual footing, it will be a different story." But good god, is that hard. I don't even know what to do with my time after work. I know meditation, working out and cooking are the primary things. But it's just so lonely. I'm not flirting or talking to men in depth. (My horrible justification stemming from fear of loneliness) I am still going through a breakup and am "weening" myself from talking to my best girlfriend a few hours a day and then almost not engaging in conversations with men. I will work harder towards putting social media behind me and the advances of men. I know I'm running away from that pain. I'll try tonight to get off tiktok and meditate. Then I'll try to do some yoga. I'm just constantly thinking about him with other women and it's so painful. I don't know how to handle this.