JessiChell

@ajasatya I've read your journal. I definitely need to put more time into meditation and exercise. Maybe if I did that, I wouldn't feel so guilty over this distraction. Thanks!

Recently I've gone through another painful break up (5th day since break up) with someone who was emotionally abusive and who did not value or reciprocate my efforts. I've been watching Leo's videos on how to actualize because I no longer want these relationships. I want the one where two people are healthy and they have a syncing relationship. (I forgot what Leo calls this) My issue in relationships, along with trust issues (mainly because I can tell when people are not being fully honest) is...not being able to leave when they show a big red flag. ANYWAYS, too much info, I know. But I'm currently in an immense amount of pain that I want to never go through again. I've decided to do Leo's 10-day, nature isolation stay. I'm going to be booking a cabin in Boone, NC. I'm hoping this will develop my "pillars of actualization" so I have a good foundation of self and in the future, no matter how lonely I may get, I will be able to walk away from people who are not right for me. Before I do this I have some questions because I'm unsure about a few things. 1. Should I bring my dog? Will bringing him inhibit me from self-actualizing? 2. I know there is no contact with people, tv, but can I download songs and listen to music? Would I be able to bring a few books? If so, how many? 3. Are there any activities I can do? Or should I just sit in nature and then on the couch at nighttime? 4. HAS THIS WORKED FOR ANYONE ELSE? Are you stronger? Do you still feel that deep whole inside of you? Do you still feel a need to have a family? (I have a very strong urge to feel connected to a family (not children just an intimate partner), to be valued by someone, to be important to a partner.) 5. I am a woman, and I have a gun and would like to bring it with me for protection. Is this a good idea? Will I be extremely suicidal at some points? I have not had suicidal thoughts for years. But I feel the need to protect myself deep in the mountains alone. So I need some advice. If you've read all of this, thank you for taking the time to do so and I hope you are doing well on your actualizing journey. Also, any other tips you think you would find helpful to me, please feel free to give. Love, Jess

@DIDego This was my response to Legendary which I dmd him because idk how to tag him. Anyone who is reading this, if you feel you have more insight please, I am willing to listen. "Hey Legendary, Thank you for responding on my post. They locked it and kept it under the actualized forum so I cant respond to you there. I reviewed Leo's list which I hadnt seen and thank you. When you say bring videos of Leo's, he says dont bring distractions. Wouldnt that be considered a distraction? I'm confused at what the day to day retreat would look like. Is cooking a distraction? I really like the idea of a womens retreat, however, dont you think that would teach me to rely on others and not myself? I thought the point of the trip is to build your foundation for not needing anyone. Now I'm not saying "I dont need anyone" like for support or anything but I mean in those moments where someone has hurt/abused me and I have no one. I want to be enough for myself to leave. Does this make sense? I'm sure I will always want a partner. But as Leo says, it should be "icing on the cake" right? I watched your videos which were great relationship geared work. I always watch and read how to be more empathetic and how to be a better partner overall. However my partners never want to put in that same self reflection work. It would be great if they did. I think I've lost my train of thought now...but please anymore information or advice is appreciated. Thank you"

@DIDego Thank you for your response, Didego. It does sound terrifying and I am considering Legendary's womens retreat suggestion. However, if I go to a womens retreat, wouldnt that teach me to rely on other women or other people instead of myself? I will ask this to Legendary as well. I'm very serious about working on myself to make me more...of a complete person. I know full actualization is never obtainable but I want to be able to love myself enough to walk away from people who hurt me. I feel like that means I should do something radical to build this foundation within me. I'm open to all of Leo's suggestions to do this. Killing my ego etc. Being more honest, anything... Do you know what Leo might suggest where to start? I felt like this would be a good place because I want radical change. Anymore advice is helpful. Thank you

@dimitri Thank you for your response, Dimitri. I have been meditating every day. I use an app called Headspace. I'm working my way through the grieving sessions. Because to me, it does feel like I've completely lost this person forever. And I have. But I'm trying to accept this truth. And I'm also grieving because I am disappointed in my own growth as a person all around. I've meditated infrequently for 3 years. I know it needs to be every day. I am trying. I've reviewed Leo's list for the retreat since posting this and he says no dogs, no books, no distractions. So I have found some answers. Thank you ?

@Philipp Thank you for taking the time to respond, Phillip. Firstly, I have been letting the pain come and go. Cry when I need to cry, reach out to my friends who live far away when i need to, etc. This is how I've been taught to go through breakups. However, I watched a Leo video yesterday that said our thoughts determine our emotions. (I think it was the controlling emotions video.) And although he did say to go ahead and feel those negative emotions but just be aware of the thoughts your having at the time, I struggle to see how I can control not being sad. I have admitted to myself that, yes, this relationship with this person was not healthy. He did not live up to my standards that I bent for 9 months. I realize I'm grieving the comfort this person provided. So I'm trying to change those thoughts, however I dont have the pillars of self love I think to be able to not feel overwhelmed. Any insight on this from Leo's perspective? I only feel comfortable with Leo's strategies at the moment for improvement so if you've seen a video or know from personal experience what is going on with me, please I'm open to information and improvements. Yes, I was considering taking psychedelics because Leo recommended but after talking to someone experienced in them. He told me that my first time should not be alone. So I will refrain. Sorry if this was long! I'm trying to be genuine. So...I'm not sorry this was long but I do appreciate your feedback.