Tristan12

There is a lot I want to learn about emotional healing work. I spend a lot of time contemplating the questions I have, and of course I have books, people to talk to and other resources to learn from, but i'm specifically curious about using psychedelics for learning, specifically for questions I have that would be difficult to get answered otherwise. I know that you can of course get some really profound insights from psychedelics, but what I want to know is could I take a psychedelic and then list off a bunch of questions I have and then get them all answered directly? I know that psychedelic insights often come from a journey or experience on the psychedelic that eventually provide an answer, rather than being like if I was to ask someone a question and they give me a direct answer. If I took say mushrooms or ayahuasca or something, is it likely that I could communicate with an entity or just contemplate on my own a list of different questions I have and quickly get answers to them as if I was asking those questions to a real person? The thing that concerns me is how specific and detailed some of my questions are and i'm not sure if they're the kind of thing that psychedelics could provide answers for. Also, i've thought about using psychedelics for the sake of exploring and learning about my shadow and subconscious mind, and to understand how to work with it. The fact that psychedelics can thrust you head first into your subconscious mind seems like it would be such a good way to learn about it and understand it rather than only reading books about it or trying to access your shadow sober. If I had a trip and set the intention to learn about that, is it likely that the psychedelic would show me about my shadow and how it works and basically the entire trip be a detailed learning experience, answering any questions I have? Or is it more likely that I might get some brief or less specific insights and the psychedelic would take me where it wants to go instead? Thanks

Okay. Do you find you are still able to contemplate very specific and nuanced questions while on psychedelics? I get the impression they would be good for more broad questions like what is death or what is consciousness, but I'm not so sure about something very specific. For example I know ayahuasca is known for its healing abilities and I would be curious to take it just for the sake of understanding the psychology behind it and how the healing actually gets created, for the sake of trying to recreate it sober. I don't know how likely it is I'd be able to get that specific of an answer. Also, what psychedelics do you recommend specifically for contemplation? I've heard that some tend to take you where they want and others let you have more control, which i'm guessing is what you'd look for for contemplation. And i'm guessing you wouldn't want too high of a dose, for the sake of still being able to think and use your mind relatively normally?

I'm interested in learning about emotional healing and psychology not just for the sake of healing myself but also just for the sake of having the understanding, since this work is my life purpose and area of mastery and something I want to learn as much as I can about. I'm working on trying to create healing processes that can be used sober, so I'm more interested in using psychedelics to assist in gaining the understandings to figure out how I would do that, rather than using them for healing directly. That's why I'm wondering if I could ask/contemplate very specific and nuanced questions on psychs and still get solid answers.

Thanks for sharing

The weirdest thing just happened. Lately I feel like I am getting really close to finishing healing, like it could happen any day now. As I was working on my healing process, I got this glimpse of the lost part of me that I am trying to integrate at a much deeper level than I usually do. What I saw was that from all the hell and suffering I have been through (which comes from the pain this part of me is stuck in), it felt like this part of me had almost become angelic, like I could feel this golden glow around it, and like this part of me was just dying to love so badly and wanted nothing else. It felt like this is the core piece of my heart I am missing, and that once I integrate it, and this part of me is healed and no longer in pain, nothing will be holding back the love. My heart will be free. Once I saw that, it was like I got a glimpse of what it will be like for me once I heal completely. Nothing will be holding back my love, my heart will be set free, and because my heart is longing for love so fucking badly, that's all it wants to do. As I realized this, the love just got so so strong. Images of lots of things I currently don't like/bother me etc. came to mind and I just didn't care at all. I love them and I want them so badly, it means nothing to me if they bother or hurt me in any way. I love them so much, and i'm crying over how much I want them. I've had lots of times where I have reached deep states of love, and I have cried really hard and it was really beautiful, but this time, when I got a glimpse of what it looks like my heart will become once I heal and nothing is holding back the love, I experienced love like i'd never felt it before. It was easily 10X any love i've ever felt before, it was just so intense. I realized why I have been through so much hell and suffering over the years. The ridiculous depth and strength of the love I could feel here, I could feel it was directly proportionate to all the suffering I have been through. I could tell that the depth of the love I felt here and will feel in the future is only possible because of the depth of the pain I have been through, and how badly my heart wants to love as a result. Every excruciating moment of suffering I have been through, day after day, year after year, is gas thrown on the fire of my heart, and the fire is fucking raging. My heart is like a horse that's been locked in a cramped stall all its life that will finally be set free into an endless field, free to run, and my heart is going to take off. Usually when I get into a deep state love like this and I am crying, it lasts for a minute or two, but then I cool down and get out of it. But this, I just couldn't let go. I started to come down and wipe my tears, but then it just pulled me deeper. I could see what my heart will become once I heal and I just couldn't get over it. It felt like my heart is just going to go mad in love, I could see the potential for it, and I just could not stop crying, for a good 10 minutes. I've never had anything like that ever happen before. Rumi has this quote: "Your heart is cooking a pot of food for you. Be patient until it is cooked". I realize that what I discovered here, what my heart will become once I heal, this is what my heart is becoming, this is this "pot of food". This is the reason why I have been through all the suffering I have. This was God's intention. What will become of my life after this? How will I live? What will I be like as a person? I can't wait to find out. "I am hopelessly in love with you, no point giving me advice. I have drunk love's poison, no point taking any remedy. They want to chain my feet but what's the point when it is my heart that's gone mad!" - Rumi

The ultimate structure of reality explained at 1:16:08

Me too

This is just how Leo teaches, he can be sort of critical sometimes, but in reality you're right, it doesn't make sense to judge a being for being selfish when it was literally made to be selfish. There is nothing wrong for a living being with an ego to be selfish, because its just in our nature, and God loves and understands that completely. Of course to reach God we have to drop that selfishness, but it doesn't mean we have to do it in a condemning manner and judge ourselves for having it in the first place. We can love and empathize with ourselves through all of our selfish ways and thus transcend them through love rather than beating ourselves up about it. People might judge you for being selfish, but God would never do that, because you're exactly right, why create ego if you're gonna judge it. This is why I think the classical definition of karma is BS. Why would the universe design a creature to be selfish and commit devilry and then judge and punish it for being that way? It makes no sense. Of course actions have consequences, and you can do negative or selfish things that then land you in a lot of suffering, but the suffering is not meant as a punishment, its just the result of your actions, and it should help you to make wiser decisions about how you act. The idea of being punished for your negative actions through karma could never work to make a person more loving and less selfish, because then a person would be loving and good out of the desire to avoid negative consequences, which is still a selfish desire. Only when a person stops caring about karma/being punished and is loving just for its own sake, only then would they be truly loving and selfless. Karma makes no sense, especially in a universe that is absolutely loving.

@RickyFitts Oh lol that's funny

All of my favourite songs and artists from different genres. Mostly relaxing and emotional music, consisting mostly of downtempo with some R&B and alternative.

I can totally relate I'm in a pretty similar situation myself. For me i've just made the choice to put up with living at home and just working as much as I can to build a career until I can support myself financially. For me its just a better option than having to slave away at some mindless job to be able to barely cover living expenses, and not having much time to work on my passions. I've manage to sort of distance myself from my family to the extent where I barely talk to them and I just isolate myself as much as I can, and they don't bother me so much now. I still can't wait to move out though. I don't really know what to tell you, this is just genuinely a shitty situation to be in. Hopefully you end up getting a job you like, but if not I guess you'll just have to decide if you want to settle with a job you don't like for a while to be able to live alone, or if you want to live with your parents. You could try to look for some alternative way out like maybe living with friends to lower living expenses, or maybe you could really put your mind to it and come up with some way to land a job that you really like and is perfect for you, but if not then I feel like you'll just have to bite the bullet of a difficult situation and make the most of it, whatever you end up doing. I'm sure long term it will work out, if you're worried about money still being an issue for you later in life, then that's something you can work towards and set goals for, just like any other area of personal development. Start learning about finance and investing and figure out what you can do to make more money for yourself if a job won't be enough for you.

Minecraft and GTA 5. I love open-ended games where I can do whatever I want and be creative. I love Minecraft especially, the creative potential in that game is insane, and its just ridiculously fun.

@Leo Gura Thank you

@The0Self Interesting

You will immediately know that awakening is more accurate. It's just like waking up from sleep. I remember the times that I've awoken to reality being a dream, it has felt so convincing and like how could I ever doubt this, of course its a dream, but then I wonder, how do I know that my perceptions are accurate and truthful, what if I am deluded or just imagining something? Even though the awakenings I've had feel completely true and undeniable, like waking up from sleeping like you said, I still have this lingering thought in the back of my mind of how do I know my perceptions are accurate.

I still have a hard time understanding that if I normally perceive my reality as being real and physical, and it doesn't feel like a dream, but then I become conscious that reality is a dream, how do I know which is more accurate? All states of consciousness are Absolute Truth, but you still describe reality as being a dream and as not being physical, so if I can be in states of consciousness that perceive both, how do I know which is more accurate?

So are you saying that once you awaken deep enough, there will be absolutely no doubt or uncertainty, and so you can be sure that reality isn't what you normally see it to be in a regular state of consciousness?

@The0Self How do you know that when you have an awakening, what you realize is more true than what you perceive in your regular sober state of consciousness? I was thinking and I guess if I perceived my reality to be real and physical, that would be a thought, and even though things seem real, there is nothing in my direct experience that actually proves that reality is physically real and not a dream, and so without any thoughts, in a regular sober state, reality just feels like a question mark, like I don't really know what I'm looking at. Because of that there's no contradiction if I suddenly become conscious that reality is a dream. I still feel sort of uncertain about this, in the sense that what if I am deluded, or if i only see reality as a question mark because my consciousness is already raised and maybe a materialist wouldn't, but I guess if I remember that direct experience is absolute, and it's just thoughts that delude me, then whatever I perceive in my direct experience is what's true, and if I don't know what it is while in a sober state, then that's just what it is right now. Do you have anything to add?

I was watching the video Leo posted on his blog from this same channel about Egyptian spirituality. I found this video in the recommended section, and I wanted to share it here as it was really beautiful. "The basis of creation is Love. God loves his creation, and when his creation passionately loves him back, the purpose of creation is fulfilled."

I’ve heard of a place called Arkana from a couple youtubers who made some videos of retreats there and it seems like a really great place. I’ve never done aya but once I eventually do I plan on going there. You should research it

You may have issues around grief or other emotions from earlier traumas that make it difficult for you to access these emotions now, so you would probably want to find and address those, but for now, treat emotional numbness as its own emotion. If you think about your grandfather's death and you can't get yourself to grieve, just let yourself feel how you feel, even if you don't really feel anything, and just sit with that and let yourself feel that way. Numbness is often a cover emotion for overly strong or difficult emotions. A cover emotion is an emotion sitting on top of another emotion to try and protect you from a more painful emotional state. If you just sit with it, honour it for what it is (trying to protect you from a painful emotional state) and let yourself feel it, you will often drop into the emotion beneath it. I recommend just sitting with your numbness and letting yourself feel that, and it may help you start to feel again. It's important that you don't just try to push your way through the numbness and instead you honour and respect it for what it is, since its trying to help you, so go into it with that mindset.

I grew up with a single mother, and one thing I remember is that she always provided for me and gave me everything I needed, and I was never wanting for anything. Even beyond basic necessities, she would buy me toys and other things I wanted all the time, and when I look back I am really grateful for all of that considering that she raised me alone and she didn't always have much money. I was grateful for those things, but I wouldn't say they contributed much to the love I felt as a child. I think all of the love I felt came from some sort of emotional connection. When I think about times that I felt love as a child, I think of quality time I spent with my mum and family, but specifically times where I just really enjoyed it and felt really close with them, times where we were happy or laughing and I felt really connected to them and really loved. Other things I can remember that made me feel loved where times where I would get hurt or upset, and I would be crying, and my mum would be there for me and comfort me. That would always make me feel really loved and safe. Of course that didn't always happen, hence my trauma and emotional issues lol, so I think seeing how much it destroys you inside as a child to not get the love you need when you are facing some sort of distress, that's what really makes you feel the least loved as a child, and so I would say that the inverse of that is also true - your parents loving and embracing every part of who you are, and always being there for you when you are hurt, showing you that its completely okay to feel the way you're feeling, that feels like the most loving thing. The love you feel is never really about anything external, it's about your parent's love and embrace of you for who you are. To the degree that my mum/family did do these things, that's what made me feel the most loved. Emotional support and recognition/approval of certain qualities I had.