Tristan12

First of all, realize that the self-development/spirituality part of you will lead to a lot more happiness, and the looking great/having money part of you is all ego, and that stuff will never make you happy, it just seems like it will. I think you should try and find out where your ego motivations are coming from. If you're into high consciousness things like spirituality and enlightenment but you are still so drawn to this other hedonistic stuff, odds are that this part of you just wants this stuff so you can feel better about yourself, because you're insecure and have self-esteem issues (which there is nothing wrong with and I totally understand). In that case you should work on those, and help yourself get real love and validation from yourself, at your core, so you no longer crave it from external sources (which will never get you real self-love anyways). At that point your self-esteem and general level of consciousness will be higher, you will start to move out of spiral dynamics stage orange and farther into green, and now it will be way easier for you to pursue higher consciousness things. I'd suggest taking Leo's life purpose course. I took it a few months ago and I loved it. it shows you exactly how to find your deepest passions and values, and then use them to help the world by making a career out of it. Its combining creativity with higher consciousness, spiritual values. The most important thing is to know that the part of you that wants lots of money and sex will never make you happy. Know that pursuing higher consciousness is the right thing to do, so make sure you work towards that. Find the things that you're really passionate about and that you really love deep down and then base your life on that.

I like Teal Swan. I feel like she's one of the few psychology/mental health teachers that gets to the root of issues. A lot of her videos are still kind of surface level or 'quick fix' kind of things, but she definitely still provides root fixes in a lot of her content which I haven't found anywhere else. I've had problems with social anxiety and really low self-esteem all my life, and her videos on shame, self-trust and self-love have all really helped me to get an understanding of where my issues are coming from. I have also been using her book 'The Completion Process' over the past few months to go into my past and find the trauma that caused my low self-esteem. It has worked extremely well and for the first time I'm actually building true, lasting self-esteem whereas nothing else has worked for me. I do kind of get that vibe from her that she seems kind of inauthentic, and it seems like she doesn't really connect with people or her audience well when teaching, and so I wouldn't be too surprised if she has done some shady stuff, but I know for sure, from my own experience that her information is high quality and has genuinely helped me overcome my deep rooted self-esteem issues (caused from an abandonment trauma in my childhood) which no other self-esteem building technique has helped me to do. As for the thing about her embracing suicide, I think its just a misunderstanding about the fact that you have to feel into your emotions and go towards them to be able to process them and move past them. if you resist and reject your thoughts on suicide it will just make your problem worse.

Oh my god I'm obsessed with downtempo. I haven't tried psychedelics with it yet, but here are some of my favourites. Check out the artist Alicks. His stuff is absolutely insane. (The sound of this song through thick is what I imagine an awakening feels like lol) Those are just some of Alicks's songs. Most of his stuff is on itunes and then on youtube he has two albums (a mess and Fell) as well as a bunch of singles. Here are some other good chill songs: this song reminds me of what a DMT trip might feel like: