Tristan12

I was thinking about my life, and all the pain and suffering I've been through, and how it has physically changed me and opened my heart to the point where I am way more receptive to love and appreciate it at much deeper levels than I ever could have otherwise. I then thought about how increasing your ability to love is the whole point of life, and nothing else really matters in life but love, and how deeply I can understand and appreciate that now. It made me realize that my whole life has been set up in a way to honour the only thing that matters in life. It made me realize, that if love is the most important thing ever, and it's the only thing I would ever want, how could I not choose to come into a life like this, a life that maximizes love? I realize that this life I've lived of extreme suffering that has led to this connection I have with love, because of how important love is to me, of course I would choose a life like this. No other life would be worth living. This is the only life I could ever possibly want. I'd be an idiot to choose anything else, it's just so obvious. Yes, I have to endure a lot of suffering, but I can get through it, and my willingness to go through it proves the commitment I have to love in the core of my heart. Going through hell isn't going to stop me from reaching love. And that, that is fucking love. Through this I realize that the life I've lived that on the surface would seem like complete hell and the last thing you would want to go through, I realize that this is the ONLY life I would ever want. I couldn't possibly ask for it to be any different, and I am beyond grateful for it.

The longing of my heart for the infinite Love of God

A few weeks ago I had this experience of love which was a bit different from usual, it was a different angle and flavour to love than what I'm used to, but extremely beautiful. I was starting to get into this state of this child-like feeling of love, the feeling of love you have when you're a little kid and the world feels so magical and beautiful and you have this warm, soft, compassionate love. It's weird because the only times i've been able to access that kind of love is through really old and nostalgic songs from when I was a little kid, and remembering that loving feeling associated with them. I forget exactly what I was thinking about that brought it on, but I just remember that I got into this state of that exact soft, compassionate child-like love. It became way more intense than I've ever been able to access from a nostalgic song previously. It sort of turned into an awakening rather than just feeling love. All the sudden it felt like this child-like love I was feeling, that felt exactly the same as how I remember it from when I was a little kid, it felt like this love is where I came from, this love is my home, and my present experience of life right now, which feels so empty of love and I feel so separated from myself, this is all just a dream, like i'm in some bubble, and the purpose of it is to bring me back to this love. This also made me realize how insane consciousness is. I could see that the entire reality I'm in right now, the floor and the walls of my room, my entire current existence, it's all just being created by my own mind, it's all just something i'm dreaming up. Even something that feels as real as the physical world around me is just a bubble that i'm dreaming up. None of it is physically real at all, it's just a dream. As I sat there experiencing this beautiful, intense child like love, realizing that this love is my home, this is where I came from (which is probably why I remember feeling that love in childhood right after coming into the world), I just remember having this intense feeling that this is what I need more than anything. When this soft, compassionate love touches me, I just need it so badly, the relief it brings me makes it feel like i'm breathing for the first time. Like I realize that all the time I spend without that love, I am so tense, it's like i'm holding my breath, just suffering and not really living, and then when this love hits, it's just paradise, it's complete relief, like I can just let go of all the pain and like I can breathe for the first time. Often times when I get into states of love like this, and I realize that this is what I've needed more than anything, it always feels like it never even occurred to me that this is what I needed. Of course I know logically that love resolves all suffering/pain/dysfunctions etc. but when I am going through so much pain, I always forget that I just need love. When love like this hits me, and it's just complete relief, I realize that this is what I've needed this whole time but I never even realized it. This feeling was especially strong this time, and it made me really understand this quote that I heard from Rumi a while ago. "Love is the pearl lost on the ocean floor. Love is the hidden treasure." - Rumi That's exactly what it feels like. You go through endless amounts of suffering that feel like there is no end to them, and then all the sudden love hits you, and you realize, "holy shit, this is exactly what I've needed, and it never even occurred to me that this was possible". At that point you've found the true remedy. But it's more than just a remedy, it's love. With love everything will always be okay. With love you will be happy forever. In this moment when I feel that love, its like that's it, that's all I need. I could just give up everything else in my life and be with this love and that's all I could ever ask for. When I have this love, nothing else matters. These moments of love remind me not to get lost in the day to day suffering of my life, and to know that through my work I will one day reach this love and be with it forever. I will give up my life, rid myself of all attachments, become the water droplet falling into the ocean, and become infinite love forever. Nothing else could possibly matter when you have this love.

You still set goals and objectives you want to hit and of course you still have a vision of what you're trying to achieve, but the main idea is you don't make you continuing to do the work dependant on you making progress. It's like if you were trying to lose weight, the first thing is to get into the habit of eating better and exercising, those are the most important things. You can set goals for yourself that you want to achieve, but whether you hit them or not doesn't affect whether you keep doing the work or not because you do those things for their own sake. You will inevitably reach results as long as you keep putting the work in (and being smart about how you go about it, constantly improving) so not putting yourself in a position where you have the potential to quit from getting discouraged is ideal. That's what works for me at least, it really helps you to get through the times of minimal results this way. I explained in my latest video before I stopped posting that I'm taking a break because i'm not satisfied with the quality of my videos and i'm taking my time to learn new material and get to the point where I can produce content i'm happy with. Me not posting has nothing to do with losing motivation

It's like how it is with any pursuit - you can't make taking action and being consistent dependant on you getting results. You build the habit of uploading videos regularly just for its own sake, and that way whether your channel grows or not makes no difference as to whether you keep uploading videos. Of course you should still be monitoring your progress and working to improve your videos, but the actual act of uploading videos regularly should never be dependant on the results you get, because pursuits like this often end up being a lot harder and taking longer than expected, and if you uploading videos is dependant on you consistently making progress, you'll end up quitting as soon as it starts to get slow.

You can check out my youtube channel if you want to. I'm not currently posting because i'm doing work to be able to post better content in the future, but i'll definitely be posting more eventually. Trauma healing/emotional healing is my life purpose and I study this stuff a lot so the videos I have might be helpful to you

https://manoa.hawaii.edu/exploringourfluidearth/biological/fish/behavior-and-sensory-systems/weird-science-cleaners-mimics

But credit can open up a lot opportunities for investing in real estate, as not all debt is bad. That's the main reason why I care about building/maintaining a good credit score, is because I want to get into real estate investing in the future, and a good credit score will help me get good mortgage rates. There are also other benefits to using credit cards such as extra security on your purchases, not paying fees per purchase that you would have on your debit, and also all the benefits that come with different credit cards if you're able to make use of them (cash back, rewards points, and things like hotel discounts, free airport lounge access and insurances like cellphone or lost luggage insurance on the higher annual fee cards). I think as long as you treat your credit card like a debit card and you never spend more than you can afford, then you will never have to pay any interest/spend any more than you would by paying cash, but then you get all the benefits of credit. Also Leo don't you have a mortgage? For which it would benefit you to have credit history and a good credit score?

Yes definitely get a credit card, but only if you're going to use it properly and not build up debt. Make sure to pay it off every month so you don't accumulate interest. There are a lot of benefits to using credit cards if you use them properly. You should only stay away from credit cards if you feel like you'd abuse it and use it irresponsibly.

Ya nothing better than getting cozy and playing some minecraft on a rainy day

Really? wow you're missing out

@Leo Gura Have you played much Minecraft? If so do you enjoy it? I absolutely love how open-ended Minecraft is and all the creative potential it has. A few years ago I made this survival world that I put a ton of time into. I started by getting all the best things in the game until there was pretty much nothing left to do but build. I decided to just stick with that world and keep building more and more and see how far I could take it. I made this huge castle and this massive hidden underground base beneath it. I did so much in that world and enjoyed it so much that it no longer felt like I was playing a video game, but like I was doing art. I've never felt such passion and love while playing a video game. I loved the creative aspect of it so much and being able to build everything and set everything up exactly how I wanted to, and and it was so much fun doing it in survival where you have to gather the resources from scratch. I ended up using that world as an example for that exercise in the life purpose course where you review times in your life where you have been really passionate. I gained a lot of insight into the specific way I enjoy being creative and it helped me pinpoint my zone of genius. I'm wondering if you like Minecraft a lot too because I know how creatively inclined you are

Take it as a compliment to the quality of your work??? Why don't the podcast episodes get released at the same time as the YouTube videos? Do you choose to upload them later or is there some kind of delay when you upload the podcasts?

If you feel like you could get past these instant gratification activities completely then of course that's ideal, but I feel like for someone in your situation just overcoming smoking would be easier for you. Does it feel realistic for you to give up that lifestyle completely and remove that crutch with all the emotional issues you have? I would try and separate smoking from everything else in your mind. Cigarettes are much worse for your health than porn or video games. I let myself do those things but I would never touch a cigarette, so I wouldn't put them in the same category. What if you tried to quit smoking, and then you start to feel really shitty and you crave a cig, and so you say to yourself that you can play video games and watch porn or whatever, but you're not going to smoke, because you have an issue with that and you know that you can't let yourself do that? It's up to you what you feel like would work best for you but personally I feel like you have to separate smoking from all those other kinds of activities, because then you'd be able to use them as a crutch as you try to quit smoking without being tempted to smoke just because you're watching porn or whatever. Otherwise you're just going to have to take on some kind of more disciplined approach where you cut off all of these pleasures, and that's definitely a harder approach, especially considering that it sounds like you've already been struggling with quitting.

The root cause of addiction lies within your emotional issues, in the sense that the pain you have stored within you makes you more desperate for an escape and for a hit of pleasure, so the real solution to this problem would be solving those issues, but of course that can be difficult and take time. For now, the fact that you said you've been able to quit for up to a week or two is good. I would recommend for you to come up with a habit that you can replace the smoking with to help minimize your temptation to go back to it, something that replaces the pleasure you get from smoking to some extent, such as maybe watching TV or playing a video game, but is healthier than smoking. Replacing the habit is much easier than just dropping it completely. Of course you still might not want to be doing those things long term, but at least those things are healthier than smoking, and it would be easier to quit those things than it would be for smoking. You can let yourself have those escapes until you get your mental health issues resolved because you're always going to need some sort of escape when you have a lot of emotional pain. It's unrealistic to expect yourself not to.

@Leo Gura I had the same question as I know very little about politics. I'll make sure to watch that series at some point. Do you have any recommendations as to what things I should research and learn about within politics alongside that series? I've started to learn about the political ideologies a bit but I really don't know much more than that. I also want to study government and law as well because I don't know much about how that works either, what's important for me to learn about within that?

I haven't listened to a whole lot of Kanye but I liked his older stuff when I was younger. Songs like homecoming, all falls down, touch the sky, those are classics. Now his music is just kind of weird and I'm not into it. New Kanye:

Ok boomer

Just as a side note, I’m curious, do you enjoy horror movies/games?

This hits so deep. Amazing.

@ThePoint no problem

Yes, but you still need to find a solution to whatever your health problems are rather than just trying to love yourself. It's just that whatever solution that may be is a form of love. Sometimes the solution is more obvious and intuitive, such as if you eat a lot of junk food and you are fat and your body is in poor shape, if you focused on loving yourself and body, it would be natural to move in the direction of eating healthier and taking better care of your body. If you had an emotional issue or maybe some physical issue that is rooted in some unresolved trauma or imbalance in your psyche, you will need to learn how to resolve that and find techniques to deal with that, but the point of what Leo is saying in that video is that the techniques that you would use to heal yourself (assuming they are high quality techniques that work) are just a way of giving yourself the love you need, because all healing is love, and all dysfunction is a lack of love. Just learn about health as you would normally, but go into it with the understanding that love is what heals you, and understand that you trying to resolve your health issues is just you trying to figure out how to give yourself the love you need. By understanding that love is what you're going for, that will help you determine which techniques are high quality and which aren't. Taking an attitude of self-love and living your life that way is of course great and will promote great health overall, but there are issues, dysfunctions and imbalances within you that need to be targeted with love directly, in a specific way, with a technique. You're not going to solve all of your deep rooted problems just through loving yourself on the surface. To be self-loving is to care enough about your own health and well-being, in every aspect (mental, physical, emotional), to seek out the wisdom you need to be able to give yourself the love you need in the way you need it. That is what will heal you.

@Leo Gura This is the real mod dream