Tristan12

The black border exists as nothingness, there is no such thing as non-existence. There can be no bubble of consciousness because everything outside the bubble is consciousness too. You're using the bubble and the border to distinguish between form and formlessness, but it is all consciousness and existence.

Please do this I really want to see that episode

That's great if that works for you. I have struggled with social anxiety too and practicing talking to people always gave me limited results. It got easier but I would always still have some degree of discomfort around people and not being able to fully let go and be myself and i've never been able to get past that point just by talking to people. That's because with social anxiety and pretty much any other emotional issue there is always a deeper cause to it that needs to be addressed and resolved which is why I keep talking about doing the deep emotional work. Without that, even if the issue seems to be resolved on the surface it will still exist deep down. It will have the possibility of coming up again later, plus you will still be dealing with all the other issues of being emotionally wounded and separated from yourself. You haven't really solved the problem at the root. Also, remember what I said about how the type of healing I am referring to is probably not something you've ever explored and few people know or talk about it. Most things that self help gurus or mental health professionals teach really isn't very good which is why you got limited results. That stuff never worked for me either. Doing this deep inner work to resolve the issue at the core is the wiser decision because its the only way you'll solve the issue at the core. Doing this inner work is the real work that you do to resolve your issues, and its not easy, so its certainly not a case of being lazy, not taking action or expecting everything to be handed to you. It's quite the opposite. You are facing your pain and trauma head on rather than running from it. But you do what works for you. That is just my opinion and perspective.

PTSD and trauma are just blocked emotions that need to come out and be processed and released. Triggers occur because the hurt emotion still exists within you and you haven't released it yet. You certainly won't release and heal it by declaring war with it. It needs love and compassion. Going out and socializing makes you feel better because you're avoiding your emotions. It's the same as watching tv, playing video games, eating junk food, getting obsessed with work, working out. Anything other than directly facing your emotions is just an avoidance mechanism, even things that people usually see as being good for mental health like working out. You feel relieved when you go out because you're avoiding and distracting yourself from your emotions, but in reality they still exist within you and they always will until you deal with them properly. I totally get what you're saying about healing being so difficult, and wondering why doing trips and going to therapy hasn't done much for you. It's because healing can be very difficult, you're right about that, but it doesn't mean there is no solution in it at all. The mental health issues I have are very severe and pretty much no healing or trauma release technique i've tried has done much for me. I've been studying this stuff for years and I have discovered this area of healing that most people don't know about or cover. I am creating a healing technique based on these understandings, and it is intended to heal emotional issues at the very root. The understandings I have gained have felt more accurate than anything else I have found (in terms of explaining why I feel the way I do and why I have these issues) and I understand what needs to happen for me to actually heal, and I can see that barely any healing techniques out there provide that, so of course I haven't healed. My point being is that from everything i've learned over my years of study and research, I know 100% that there is a solution to these problems that involves facing them head on and not trying to escape them, and it will heal you completely, the problem is that most solutions to mental health issues today are so ineffective and will not provide this type of healing for you, so of course it seems like none of it works. if you are dealing with difficult negative emotions, then there is something within you that you need to face and heal. emotions are intelligent and will always be there for a good reason. If you decide to just cut yourself off from them and escape from them, nothing will get resolved, you will still have a huge part of yourself in your shadow, you will not be whole or authentic, and a part of you will always still be hurt so you will never truly be happy. Do not run from these emotions. It seems to me you are fed up with trying to face them and you just want to destroy them now because nothing has worked for you in the past. I promise you there is a root solution to this problem that is done by facing them that is much, much healthier than trying to avoid or destroy them. I don't think avoiding or destroying them would ever really work anyways, at least not long term. Either it would all come back up to the surface or you would be so extremely cut off from a part of yourself and so fragmented and inauthentic that you would never really be able to be happy no matter what you do.

Why don't you get a job like being an uber driver or doing food delivery for a while until you've gotten it out of your system?

No, you are the shadow and emotion. It appears to be against you, but it is really not. This idea of you on your own being free and alright but then having this shadowy monster coming over you is a textbook description of an unintegrated shadow. In that state you are not whole and your happiness and contentment is an illusion, because part of yourself is still deeply hurt, which you can see by negative thoughts and feelings. Based on how certain you seem that you need to destroy this thing and that healing is not an option, i'm not sure if we have the same idea of what this monster is that you're referring to, but if what you mean by it is trauma, memories, anxiety, negative beliefs (which you said in the beginning) then I stand by what I said and there is absolutely healing and integration that needs to occur. Where is it? You need to learn it. I could explain it to you or give you resources to learn it. I'm saying you need to learn how to work with your emotions more effectively and that will solve your problem, unless like I said we have a different idea of what this 'monster' is. I'm just surprised at how convinced you are that you need to destroy it. Everything I described lol. This attitude and perspective towards emotions.

You keep putting yourself into these situations that lead to these warning points Why do you keep playing with fire lol

Misc. RnB

The Weeknd (RnB)

Always Never (RnB)

One of the things I value most in a woman is deep and genuine kindness and compassion. When a woman is a bitch, not just to me but to anyone, its such a huge turn off. She can be so beautiful but her bitchiness just ruins it. I think compassion and love is one of the most beautiful qualities of femininity, and its definitely something I value highly in a woman. I also value wisdom, intelligence and maturity. I guess its just so that she can see eye to eye with me, have good discussions with me and have the same kinds of high consciousness goals towards personal development and spirituality that I do. I don't want to feel like I am dating some child or like the girl only cares about shallow things when I couldn't care less about that stuff. Those would be the most important two for me. There are other things I would appreciate like having a good sense of humour, playfulness, good taste in music, enjoying the same kinds of activities as me, but those are just bonuses. Personality is more important to me overall but physical beauty is also still pretty important. There is just something about the radiant beauty of a beautiful woman and how well it compliments her femininity. I could just stare at her beauty and marvel at it for hours lol. I find that super attractive. The key components of that to me are just having long hair and taking good care of her body.

@Etherial Cat Thank you

I'm 21 and I haven't moved out yet (still working on building a career) but I personally think that most young people should try to move out as soon as they can, especially guys. I think its so crucial to develop strong independence, self-reliance and responsibility at a young age. Those are such crucial traits to develop and I think the earlier you develop them the better. Even if you are supporting yourself financially living with your parents and doing all of your own chores and everything, I still think its important to leave the nest and get out of your parents house asap once you become an adult. Its important for just developing yourself as a person and gaining maturity, and not having any attachment or dependancy on your parents, which makes you lazy and complacent. There are a lot of interesting videos from Jordan Peterson and others talking about the importance of moving out as soon as possible, and I definitely agree with them.

Yes, femininity comes much more naturally as it is more of an open, receptive, being state. Masculinity is based on strength, leadership and doing, and as a result requires much more effort to learn and develop it. Long ago men would learn and develop their masculinity through the influence of other tribe members and other strong grounded men. That being said, when men don't get the masculine influence they need, which is especially common in today's society, they are left weak and out of alignment with their true essence, and of course that leads to toxicity. Men developing healthy masculinity will come from embracing and supporting masculinity, not demonizing it. Neither masculinity nor femininity are inherently bad or destructive. There are just healthy and unhealthy expressions of them.

For a lot of men, their masculinity was destroyed and suppressed by mothers who were hurt by men and then taught their sons to not be dominant and to basically bow down to women. This destroys their masculine essence and makes them weak, and as a result a lot of men will lash out in toxic ways such as what you have described. A real man who has healthy masculinity, grounded in genuine self-love will not be toxic and destructive towards femininity. I don't think its fair to say that men have destroyed women, that men are to blame and women are the victims. I think both sides are at fault, and I can have compassion for the reasoning of both sides. Its important to note that a healthy masculinity and femininity will be supportive of each other and will compliment and synergize with each other well. This is the natural healthy state, how its meant to be. I can totally empathize with you and what you've been through, and i'm sure its harder than I can understand as a man to have been treated the way you have been by men, and i'm sorry you had to go through that, but I still don't think its fair to basically say that all men are inherently destructive towards women and to say that women are at no fault and play no piece in it themselves (such as what I described in the first paragraph).

@Federico del pueblo I agree with you

A woman is generally at her peak attractiveness/value in her 20s (since physical appearance is so important to men), so I think its natural that guys will always be the most interested in younger girls regardless of their age. That's probably why so many older guys will still go for younger girls. Also, a man's value generally raises with age. He becomes more mature, more developed in his finances and career, has more experience attracting women and is better at it. Any high-value man will want a high-value woman which will often end up being a younger one.

What I explained is not the same as just saying "love and accept yourself". It's not some hippy bs were you are just hoping that through positivity your shadows will melt away. What I explained comes from a deep understanding of emotions and the parts within the psyche, where the sort of pain, shame and dysfunctional behaviours you described come from, and what they need to reach resolve. I mean it doesn't take a genius to realize that what you need to be able to overcome pain, conflict, etc. is love and compassion and not more demonizing and fighting. There's nothing woo-woo about that. What I described is basically the approach I recommend you take to be able to cope with your emotions and these issues better. There is separate work you need to do to fully heal and resolve them. The reason it feels like the pain and hurt never ends is because it is so deep rooted and its not easy to heal. It's not just that the ego loves feeling special and hurt. There is a good reason for all the pain you feel, you just don't see it because it is hidden from you deep in your shadow. Emotions will always be there for a good reason. Never think that they are just being dramatic or unnecessary. All i'm saying is what I described earlier goes way deeper than what you seem to be interpreting and it's certainly not some hopeful positivity. It is based on a deep understanding of emotions and then working with them effectively to give them what they need and create a harmonious relationship with them. Personally I think a lot of spiritual teachings should be left out of emotional work as a lot of the time you end up just avoiding and bypassing your emotions and not getting to the root issue. Trust me, what I am talking about works. I have been studying this stuff for years, I use this approach of love and understanding towards myself and my emotions, and I 100% would not be alive today without it. I have no interest in basic hopeful positivity approaches, because that stuff doesn't work. I am only interested in deep, root solutions and what I am talking about is headed in that direction (like I said I talked about how to cope, not really how to heal. That is a whole other thing). I don't know if you fully understood everything I said to interpret it that way, but I would say just try it out, and see how it makes you feel.

@Danioover9000 In the opening post he asked about if Leo has gone clubbing on 5Meo and what that was like. I'm guessing that's why its in the spirituality section

Stop referring to and treating this part of you as a monster. I know how hard it can be to deal with but the more you hate it, resist it, push it away, the worse it will become. You need to understand that all of this pain that you hold within you is not trying to hurt you, it just appears that way. In reality this is your own trapped pain that is in your shadow. It appears separate from you and against you, but its not. It just needs your love and compassion because it is so hurt. The more you hate it and the more you run away from it, the more you are hurting it, and because it is a part of you, you feel it's pain. The solution to your problem is love, compassion and understanding towards the pain you hold within you. Understand that its not actually trying to hurt you, and use that to release your resistance to it. Let yourself be with and feel your negative emotions, and your pain will become much easier to deal with.

I would love to visit this place

Also, "Life, if well lived, is long enough" - Seneca

Check out this thread

Interesting

what you said happened after 23 sounds a lot like how Leo describes his psychedelic experiences. I wonder if its common for people to reach a point in their spiritual development where psychedelics have this affect on them where they become a lot more sensitive to them, visuals pretty much go away and it is just infinity and God consciousness most of the time.