Jai

Thanks bud! Oct 13 Solid day again. I've really cleaned things up. I'm back to the discipline I've had in the past which serves me well. My diet has been good and my exercise as well. Those two areas are critical for me. Had a solid meditation in the morning to start the day. Was really productive with my studies and I was helpful at work and had a good attitude trying to contribute and help out. So I want to keep this up overall. I also wasn't feeling the pressure of an upcoming exam. This is good. I don't want to be in fear or doubt. I want to be in a place of faith and having an ability to meet circumstances. So I'm happy about this. Having good discipline is great with this also. If I get sloppy and eat poorly and stop exercising and waking up early and things like that I slide into a more doubtful and fearful state. I'm much better off being active.

Oct 12 Solid day today. I have switched cities in mexico and the change has been good. I'm settling in and off to a good start with habits. I'm really looking forward to the next couple of weeks to make a bunch of progress with my studies. It's really an important time to do my best. So I'm going to give maximum effort. next couple of weeks is just study, work, eat, exercise, mediate, pray, sleep. I'm just going ot keep it really basic until I pass my next test. I'm also going to have really solid habits and get my discipline back to where it was. So today was great, I want more of the same tomorrow. I'm going to try to get up a bit early and just do my best all day. Morning meditation session todya was great. Going to do a shorter session right now as well.

Journal Session For whatever reason I'm feeling more inspired to write in the morning rather than the evening. Overall I like a review in the evening and will likely get back to it. But for now I'll just keep going with this. In the evenings I'm usually feeling a bit dull and burnt out from being on the computer. So that is definitely a factor. Plus writing a bit is a decent way to start the day. Optimally doing both would be great. I do need to get back to better consistency with habits. I'm still in vacation mode and it feels a bit gross. I had a really nice streak of over a year of going solid with a lot of habits. I had a really high level of discipline which felt great. I think I'll definitely get back to that. Maybe a bit of vacation mode is needed to get motivated again. Regardless I feel I'm a bit lazy with habits and it feels gross. Plus I'm just not as connected and my spiritual life doesn't feel as big of a priority. So that's also why I want to get back to what really works. Problem is that I don't have my meditation pillow or a dedicated space here and that is something I'm missing. Before I had a nice room for mediation and it was something that really helped me. But I should still try to make the best of it. Yesterday there was an earthquake in mexico as well and I could really feel the building sway some. Everyone went out to the street and there wasn't any damage fortunately. It definitely was an odd feeling so I hope everything continues to be okay. I'm planning on being here another couple weeks before I move to another part of Mexico to stay for a couple months. So that interrupted my flow yesterday and I didn't get as much done as I would've liked. Today I definitely would like to get a bunch done. I have a work meeting plus my computer course. I'm nearing the end of the first part of my computer course and I'd really like to finish it. That will be a great feeling. I've worked really hard on this for nearly 2 years. I definitely want to finish this first part and get to the next part. I'm hoping to do a lot through September and finish by the first of 2 assessments by the end of September. So I'd like to have some solid days to keep making progress. So today I want to stay focused and positive and put in good effort at work and in my course. Then get outside some as well and go for a nice walk.

Morning Journal Session Haven't been keeping much of an active review practice lately. I was consistent for over a year and lately I'm in vacation mode still. Pretty soon I'll be going to stay in a new city and I'm hoping that will give me some nice energy and motivation. Today I want to make a lot of progress with my computer course. The last few days I was doing a bunch of tourist stuff which was nice. I visited some different places that I had been wanting to visit. So I ended up not getting all that much done. I think this upcoming week I'll go on a nice streak and get a lot done. My lady friend is going out of town for a bit to visit family so I'll be able to really focus. I'm hoping to finish the assessment I got coming up. It's difficult so I'll want to have a really strong week to get ready. Once that is out of the way I'll feel much better about things. I'm feeling a bit of pressure to finish this course since it's so important to me. So I really want to give my best effort. It will feel really good once I'm done. My spiritual life overall is pretty dull lately also. When I'm hanging with my lady friend it's kind of non exisitent. I don't really ever do formal meditations when she is staying over. Overall my meditations are okay but not great. I miss having my meditation pillow and a meditation room and all of the formalitites. I can't wait until I start really working again and can have a nice set up again. I did a little meditation today but not a great one. I'll try to do one later as well.

Journal Session Just got up at 5:30am which feels good. I'm going to do a meditation session in a bit and then get some study hours in. I need to work some today as well and I have a couple work meetings which will interrupt my studying. The lesson I'm in has a ton of content but I'm feeling a bit better about being ready for the assessments. I'm hoping by the end of September I'll be ready. So each day I want to put in really good effort. Yesterday I talked with a friend who is also on a spiritual path and it was a good conversation. We're both doing good. I was glad to talk about habits with him and I'm glad I'm almost 6 months no porn. I'm dating now and having regular sex so that is good also. The real thing is what I really want so I'm glad I'm not watching porn. It feels really good to be on this trajectory and I have to keep it up. Most of the time it feels like a non issue so I have to keep it that way. So my other habits aren't as strong as they have been in the past but I'm glad I'm no porn. Once I end my little vacation my other habits will get back to where they need to be. Now that I near the end of the first part of my computer course and I'm within a year of totally finishing I'm getting more excited about the future. It's feeling more real. I have 2 years of progress and moving forward every day. I can start to feel a bit more what my life will be like when I finish. I really think it will be worth the work. I'll be able to make a nice salary where I can save and live a good life. So I can have funds for a nice lifestyle and save and really build a nice future. So the idea is to really just keep putting in solid work each day to get to my goals. I really want to make this happen and settle in a bit. Everything is in temporary mode until I make this work. May and June of next year is when it will really come together. Time goes fast so I just need to focus on each day to make sure I keep my progress up. So that's about it for now.

Sep 6 Really solid day today. It definitely felt good to be productive and get a lot done. Been hanging out with my lady friend some and I haven't been as focused. So today I got a bunch done. I want to repeat this tomorrow as well. Got to get up early to get ahead of things and get my study hours in and work hours also. Not too much else to say about today. All of the effort is adding up, I've been working hard for over 2 years, a year from now I'll be in a really nice place overall. I trust I'll get there. I'm definitely closer to the end than to the beginning so that feels good. Also looking forward to having things settled where I can really design my life and plan for things. Everything is kind of on hold until I start working in the role I'm going for. Definitely looking forward to having my life set up nice.

Journal Session Pretty fun weekend and took yesterday off from studying and work. Hung out with my lady friend and will go see her tonight also. That's been throwing off the normal routine I'd like to have but it's worth it. Really want to have a strong day today between now and when I go visit her. For now I'm just going to get some studying done and try to make some progress. As long as I keep my progress up there then I can be a little lazy in other areas and be in vacation mode some. Soon enough I'll be back home and doing my normal high discipline things. Going to have a meditation now as well. Likely a shorter one that normal but still important to start the day like that. Then I'll just make the best of the day. That's about it. Not really regular with this journal at night like I was in the past with another journal but that's okay for now.

Morning Journal Session Not in the habit of updating this nightly like I was with my other journal. I think eventually I settle in to more discipline and have a nightly review. Some of these morning sessions are okay too. Regardless I'm not in the daily habit of just keeping things in order. I keep writing over and over that I'm in vacation mode sort of. I did make progress yesterday with my studies so that was good. I want to have a similar experience today and get a bunch done. I'm nearing the end of the first part of my computer course and that is a big milestone. So I want to keep studying a top priority which it is. I'd like to get even more hours in and stay consistent. Tomorrow I'm taking a day off so I want to have a solid day today. Going to do a nice meditation now. Likely not as long as my meditations during the week but it will still be solid. My spiritual practice is kind of limited to this morning meditation. In the past I was doing other sessions during lunch or at night plus chanting when I could. I'm looking forward to eventually getting back to that. Tonight going to hang out with my lady friend which is good. Looking forward to going out and having some fun. Tomorrow will mostly be a relax day as well and do some things with her.

Morning Journal Session Going to journal a bit and then do a morning meditation. My meditation is still pretty decent so I should give myself credit for that. Although it's not as formal as it was previously. I'm also not chanting like I used to or doing meditation sessions during lunch, etc. Eventually I want to get back to that place. One of the problems is that I've basically been nomadic and fining affordable living situations while I'm doing my study course. So I haven't had my own space. Previously I had a meditation room which was a great thing to formalize my practice. Eventually I'll have that again. Lately I've also just dipped a bit in motivation and drive so that is also a contributing factor. I'm in sort of vacation mode so I'm not as structured as normal. Part of this is dating and seeing this girl which has mellowed me out some. So two days a week I'm with her and that throws my normal structure off. Also in general I just don't have the same drive which is curious. Maybe I just need a bit of a break before getting back to ultra focused mode. A good indicator is what time I get up. Before I was consistently getting up at 4:30, often times 4:00 for awhile. Getting up at 5:30 was easy. Now I'm getting up at 6:30 or sometimes later often not getting up right when my alarm goes off. So I'm just feeling a bit weak. For well over a year I was in a highly motivated and work hard state. Part of it is also just working part time and studying. my efforts are split between the two. I can't wait to really land the job I want and to focus on that. It will feel good to have a direction like that with a good trajectory where I can focus on work and have weekends off. So today I want to get my study hours in. Get a little work in also. I'd like to meet up with a friend this afternoon as well. I want to start the day with a solid meditation session. I also have to get a solid work out in. That has been lacking. I miss running like I used to. I also miss having some sort of organized sport to do. But I have to make the best of the situation with the little gym here at this apartment. In the afternoon I want to meet up with a friend as well. So looking forward to maybe hanging out. Definitely want to keep my diet a little cleaner today. Eating out a lot has made me fell kind of sloppy and lethargic. It's just another one of those habits that isn't as disciplined as I used to have it. So maybe it's time to start to really just pick and choose when I should enjoy different things and the other times just stick to better habits.

Sep 1 A mixed day overall. Decent meditation and study sessions. So decent productivity but not great. Also not nearly as motivated or driven as I have been in the past. This comes a bit from being in vacation mode and a little over indulgent. Also just being out of my element and not settled in. I've been in Mexico over 2 months and I don't really see me having an optimal set up and I just have to live with making a compromise here. I would like to get a bit more disciplined but I'm also just being a bit indulgent with eating out and things like that. These little areas of laziness or indulgence makes me feel a bit weak. I'm definitely not operating at my best level. And I'm not as motivated or driven as before. Maybe it's because I needed a break like this. So maybe I can just still get work done and enjoy life a bit and then grind a bit when I get back. It's just that I don't really enjoy the indulgence. I kind of enjoy living clean more and having greater discipline. There is definitely a type of pleasure and accomplishments that comes with good habits. The downside is being too tightly wound. So I need breaks once and awhile. It's just that this break has me feeling a bit low energy sometimes. Anyway. Tomorrow hoping to get a lot done.

Morning Journal Session Just had a pretty nice meditation. I stayed at my lady friends apartment last night so not in the normal routine of things. Normally that throws me off a bit but I think I'll have a solid day today. I feel like i got a good start with this meditation. I got a lot of studying to do today so I'm going to give it my best effort even if I may be a little tired or otherwise off. I think I'm getting used to being out of my element a bit or I should just accept it some and enjoy it. So instead of ultra high discipline I can keep up decent work and decent habits and decent spiritual practice and relax a bit in other areas. Soon enough my trip here will be over and I can go back to the grind. As long as I make progress in my study course and keep my job going good I'm fine. Eventually I do my course full time and then is when I'll really have to be at my best. Other than that it does feel good to be having regular sex with my lady friend. We definitely are a match in that area and it feels good to enjoy that. It does throw me off a little bit from my normal habits when I stay up late with her or visit her and stuff but it's worth it. Having sex regularly has mellowed me out some. It's made me relax and not be as tense so that is definitely good. So today I get a later start then normal and a lot of my routine is thrown off but that's okay. Just in general here my normal life is a bit thrown off. So really I think I can have some fun and just make good progress. That's about it. Going to have a good study session now and get outside a bit after and just keep repeating study sessions for today. Later I might try to do another meditation also.

Morning Journal Session Today I want to have a solid day of studying and I think I can definitely do that. Yesterday was pretty good so I want to repeat. I had trouble with wifi yesterday and that seems to be solved so that is one less barrier. I'm close to the end of the first part of my course which is a huge milestone. I can feel I'm kind of close to the end of it and I want to keep progress. Each day this should be a huge priority. Today I'm going to not work as much since last week I was working a lot. With my studies I'm less than a year away from really finding a job that will pay well and put me on a nice trajectory. So it feels far off but it really isn't. That time will pass anyway. I want to make progress during that time to reach my goals. My main thing is to solve my biggest problem. My biggest problem is really having a solid income source that lets me live a great life and build a nice future. It's a huge problem to solve, and I'm really not all that far away from solving it. I'm definitely closer to reaching the goal than I am from the start. My job now gives me decent experience. My computer course will give me some pretty good skills to find a better position. So I really think it will be worth all of the work. I'm really excited about seeing this through and finding my next role. So I really just want to keep on track. The only difficulty I come across is I'm not as motivated as I was last year or two years ago. Some of my discipline has weakened. Maybe I just need a bit of a break before going back to hardcore mode. So maybe I should savor some of this relaxing time in Mexico. The problem is there is a certain pleasure in being really disciplined and on track and making sacrifices and living really clean. It feels really good. Being indulgent makes me feel a little lazy and drowsy almost. One of the difficult things in Mexico is I'm not really settled and I'm out of my element so I haven't brought my best habits with me. It's not horrible habits here, but I'm not at my best. I kind of miss living a little cleaner. But again, maybe I need a break for a bit before getting back to being ultra motivated. One nice thing is I've been hanging out iwth a girl here and our sex life is great. She really enjoys intimacy and we've been having a great time. That is something that has felt nice. It's mellowed me out some. I've enjoyed the company and the connection. So I'm hoping this makes me feel more energized overall and more connected. It definitely has done that. What I'd really like is to pick and choose the indulgences. Like sleep in with the lady friend but get up early other days. I haven't had the same motivation to get out of bed ultra early like I've had in the past. Enjoy eating out some days but cook a lot of my meals too. Regardless I'm not sure what to think about my current habits situation. I mean I definitely needed a bit of a break and relax time but I think that has already happened. I'm kind of searching for the motivation I had awhile back. Being closer to the end of my computer course I want to feel really fired up.

Aug 30 Better days yesterday and today. I've had decent productivity. I've had decent habits. Looking forward to a strong day tomorrow. I'm nearing the end of the first part of my computer course which feels good. I've put in a lot of effort and I feel good about this. I'm a little worn and not as motivated as before but I think finishing this first part will feel good and I can really set myself up well for the next part. I want to get to a highly motivated place so I can really focus on giving great effort. Right now I'm in an in between phase... my discipline isn't nearly as strong as before. Some of my habits are kind of weak. I'm in vacation mode since I'm in Mexico. My diet and exercise aren't all that great. My spirtual practice is there, but not as strong as before. I'm just not fully settled in. So I mean I don't feel as strongly driven or commited. Things aren't bad, I'm just not operating at the highest level I can. So I'd really like to keep my study hours up and clean up my habits a bit. And prep for the second part of this course. So tomorrow a big thing is getting up when the alarm goes off to get a good start to the day. I can get some exercise in right away and really start the day strong. Then a solid mediation and prayer session. I want to take my best habits on the road. I've been in Mexico two months and I"m not really all that settled. I feel like I kind of live here and I kind of don't. So I'd like to get more established with my habits. Eventually I just got to choose a place to live after this course and settle in some. So Mexico is a sort of trial run to see if this is what I want to do.

Aug 28 Really solid day today. Just what I needed. All my habits and actions fell in line. I got up at 5:30, exercised, cold shower, meditation, got right into studying and just had a bunch of solid study sessions of an hour. So I got a lot done. I felt connected the entire day and on a good trajectory. Stayed positive. Going to hang out with my lady friend tonight which is good and bad. I mean I like the sex and company but it also throws me off and I usually make compromises on habits and diet with her, sleep in with her, etc. And my next day is usually thrown off. So I'm going to really try to have a solid day tomorrow. Really happy all around today. I want to get back into a solid life with great habits. I'm getting really close to finishing the first part of my computer course. I'm not that far off. This time next year I'll be in a really good spot and be working in a role that I'm excited about. So every day I want to give my best effort. Lately it's hit or miss and I'm in vacation mode some. So I want to get the discipline back. So going to try to double it up tomorrow. Hopefully I can do this. Moved forward today.

Aug 27 I'm in a bit of a slump. I've been in a somewhat vacation mode. I've been eating out a lot and not exercising as much. Been hanging out with my lady friend and been staying out a little later with her or sleeping in. Overall just in a bit of a slump. I don't have the same drive with my spiritual life or same comittment that I had not too long back. I want to get back to that and have a really strong spiritual life. So tomorrow I'm planning on getting up early and hopefully having a strong day. That's really it. I want to get back on track.