IAmReallyImportant

For me, the main reason to get a life coach is that I can copy how he or she thinks, behaves and feels. Somehow I copy a part of the personality that I think is valuable. Therefore this person must be on a different level than me. This sounds arrogant, but I think most people are not. Because the average person or the average trainer is someone who suffers as much as I do. I am in a life situation where I feel like stuck. Mainly, I think that I have to make money to not get fucked by everyone who comes around. But this also doesn't feel the right way. I feel somehow I know what I want but at the same time I don't. Become a psychologist, life coach or someone else who helps others would feel good to me. But I also want to experience life to the fulliest because I haven't lived that much yet and with this jobs you don't earn that much to travel the world for a year, do the craziest parties, buy a lamborghini or my dream house and become financially free in under 10 years. My life was was all about solving problems and escaping situations so far. And in addition I feel like helping others is for me to distract myself for emptiness I sometimes feel and I doesn't feel loved at all. Like "if I cannot be happy, I can make others feel happy and thus feel it for myself". However, I never was like in a real physical life threatening situation. Despites maybe just a hand full of situations who did not last longer than hours. Even for other people my life would look like really heavy, it wasn't even if it felt like and there are many other examples even worse than mine. Despite one example all people I openend towards so far gave me this mundane feeling on being average like everybody else by saying stuff like "you are not special, not a genius and I don't think you make more out of your life than working on a job like everybody else. As I saw you the first time you didn't look like an interesting person and your communications lacks. You are not funny at all. Other people are way better than you. But I somehow like you." Its like sucking you in this life with no dreams, automated living like a machine, no adventures. I don't want this. I never wanted this, I want to become excellent in something. I am really good in programming. But most software developers working too much from their left hemisphere and everybody thinks he is something special, becomes arrogant and stuff. I somehow became like them because they act that bold and often smart alleck. Like they are the smartest persons in the world. Then I think "doesn't matter what IQ you have, there is always something with a better one. IQ doesn't say something.". I also feel like unintelligent. According to IQ I am highly gifted. But this is bullshit, because I know many "highly gifted" people who are dumb. And according to statistics there are million people in the world more intelligent than me. I have this IQ problem, I know its stupid but somehow it comes back often. Because as I was young people mediated towards me that if you don't have a high IQ you are mundane, like nobody and you don't achieve anything in your life. But for me this feels like then I am garbage and can shoot myself. Because I always had this drive to become worldclass at something, I was always hungry and I always want to create something. But IQ doesn't fit, this doesn't matter. The problem is with software development I could make much money, but the whole scene is too dumb for me. Like Elon Musk is a genius. I don't think so, he is a human like anybody else and doesn't know much about reality, created this awkward character of a ever-being-nerd because in our time people think if you act like he does he must be a genius and therefore he is superior. Artificial intelligence only makes you artificially intelligent. Don't know how to say this but this whole self-sufficient scene and culture made me feel ugly about software development. And company environment is even worse. Lots of sneaky and selfish persons there. But if I start a new profession it would take me 10 years to finally reach my goals and be happy. This would be ok if I was 20. But I am 30, which means then I would be 40 and thus ugly. What would mean that I only would get ugly sexual partners, but then I rather have no sex. Because of my looks I currently have lots of options and I want to use it before its too late. But even if the look is good the persons are too stupid and boring for me so I throw them away. Like fucking feels for me like jerking of. There is nothing special. It only feels good if there is an emotional intemacy. But I don't want to let someone get close to me I from whom I don't think I would be together for a lifetime. If I hadn't much options I maybe would take anyone if my life would be miserable and I would feel like to need someone. But currently I am asking myself why sex and partners is so important to people. For me its like they want to compensate something. Because if they don't get it most of them weren't happy. For me its getting more and more in the direction like all humans are like stupid animals. I am searching for something more deeply, something which goes behind materialism, superficial stuff. But at the same time I am fascinated about beauty and excellence. So I want to have a really nice home and car. I really don't know what this means. I do ask myself very often why I am even here. I often don't see any reason why I should live this life. Its like I am dissatified even if I have much to be grateful for. But currently I make a lot of progress by just letting go, putting feeling first, train positive emotions and be grateful. If I stop thinking than its all good. I need some role model someone inspiring I really respect. Because then its easier for me to trust and believe whats said. If someone hasn't achieved something by himself or herself, it would be too risky for me to follow the advice. Because it hasn't worked out in the past. I need someone who understands my behavioural patterns and sees whats wrong in my life, what I do wrong and helps me to find out what would give me the best life. How I can become happy and fullfilled as well as self-realized. What also would be good if I had some guidance in business. Because many people make stupid faults at the beginning and most of the initial businesses do fail. I want to save time, thus it would be good that I can show how I act in business and get feedback. I saw too much negative examples of people what make me not being humble because I want to be the opposite of them. Like with money and a great life. There are so many people who act like they got it but for me thats the proof that they haven't got anything. I want to see cool and interesting people, most people do look like uninteresting loosers to me. Its like I am resisting mediocrity out of fear to fail in life and to suffer which makes me suffer and drifting towards mediocrity. Its backwards.

He is trying to trick us! Maybe its meant that the price to stay awake is stop asking questions, don't search for answers and don't search for reasons not to love.

This is true. I would be very happy if someone would realize that What saved my life was just the dream of studying computer science and becoming a programmer. And that my parents are academics who value my education. I wanted to study computer science since I was six years old. I made it happen, but after a year in my first job as a software engineer, it wasn't as great as I had imagined. So now the next goal is to somehow start my own company, which has nothing to do with software development. Thank you! There is still much to do. I can't really relate to anyone, it's hard to trust people, I often get angry, etc. Sometimes I get jealous or sad when someone tells me about his youth.

Thank you, I have spent over 10 years there. Everyday life felt like pure survival and could not be managed. That's what hell feels like, I appreciate the worst mental states a person can go through and something you don't want your biggest enemy to have. Because there I got PTSD or something like that and the deepest depression with worst panic attacks. Because next to the pedagogues you live there with heavy people and before that I went through traumatizing things as well. It's like a psychedelic horror trip for about 10 years and honestly I don't exaggerate. I remember when I got lorazepam for my high school graduation. I think that is the strongest sedative ever. The doctor said that it is usually only given to people who are going to die soon anyway because it is highly addictive. Even today I can't really imagine what that was like. But I know, because the memories are clear, but no longer connected with emotions. However, this is only a story, because past and future cannot really exist except as thought story in the present. I am happy about the reality I am experiencing now.

A cool idea. Since I was in a children's home, I didn't get to know many conciouss pedagogues. Actually the opposite was true. They were emotionally abusive, which was traumatizing. So I think one of the biggest obstacles would be recruitment. Here the target group can be a little bit larger as this idea is already based on a small niche and the background doesn't matter that much. The older and the more hurt this target group would be, the harder to get the children back to a healthy path. But this should not be an exclusion criterion. All the institutes would have been dependent on donations, since at least in Germany no government would pay for them. The reason for this is that there are already many children's homes that fit into the government's financial plan and are sufficient for the values of the politicians. Because the service is very special and therefore much more expensive, most parents would not pay for it. With regard to the target group such as younger children etc., one could look up already existing systems and extract meaningful aspects from them. Maybe there has to be a fine-tuning based on spiral dynamics, ego-development or something else. Hire the right people. These must be successful or at least educated people who do not do this work for selfish reasons like making up for their deficits. Or because this is one of the jobs that does not require much education, but gives a feeling of power and importance as it used to be. Here everything revolves around sales. I think a good start would be to try to reach rich people who themselves suffer from inadequate children's homes. And maybe there are grants that support such projects as you said. In any case, there should be a good website with a donation function. Creating marketing strategies, somehow going viral and so on.

Consciousness training software usung physical brain interfaces like NeuraLink. Therefore ml datasets based on psychedelic experiences.

My Myers Briggs personality type has changed from INFJ to INTP by watching videos every day for at least 30min 1 year from now. At least I feel that's the reason. I kinda learned to think slightly different.