youngonce

Hey guys, I was hoping to get some advice + your thoughts and experience on how to accept myself. Ever since I was a child I have been insecure about my body and many other things that I will talk about in another post. My ears protruded outwards, I have beauty marks and freckles that I don’t like, I have a white patch of hair on the back of my head that never had pigment, my penis curves upwards and is an average length, I sweat way too much and it stains my shirts, etc. All of these things have caused me massive anxiety in my life. My “big ears” really caused me a lot of embarrassment when I was younger due to some kids teasing me about them. I avoided cutting my hair too short, I would wear hats and headbands to cover them and bring them closer to my head, and I would also grow my hair out really long so that they would be covered. I am a good looking guy and have received a lot of validation from others regarding my good looks, but the few people who made fun of me really crippled my inner-image of myself. In 2005 at the age of 17, I had an otoplasty surgery that pinned my ears closer to my head. This surgery helped me tremendously with my confidence for a while until after a few years I started to notice my ears protruding outwards slightly again. 10 years later in 2015 I decided to do a revisionary surgery to once again pin my ears closer to my head. 5 years later, my ears look different then they did in 2015, however, I can live with them now and am more comfortable with them then I was after the first surgery. Another thing I think about once in a while is my penis size. I know that I am an average size but I still feel insecure over my size sometimes. My girlfriend loves me the way I am and is completely fine with me. Most of my other exes have been totally cool with me too and I know for a fact that I am able to make others orgasm, turn them on, and have even made one woman squirt which was very sexy. I have been sexually promiscuous with both women and men in my life and have lost count of the number of people I’ve slept with - I’m guessing probably 40 or 50. There have been a few people who have talked shit behind my back to other people saying that my size was small, and even some people have mentioned it to my face. Once again, the comments of a few have really damaged my inner-image and emotional well-being. I label myself as straight now even though I have had sexual experiences with both men and women. Why? Because I don’t feel comfortable with the bi label and I don’t have any interest in romantic relationships with men at this point in my life. Also, I am insecure about it and have been judged in the past by others for saying I have hooked up with both genders. Basically, a lot of this stuff still haunts me to this day and I am here because I don’t want to live like this anymore. I am self-aware enough at the age of 31 to want to change myself for the better and accept myself. I am tired of people-pleasing, lying, feeling scared, being overly emotional, feeling insecure, not accepting myself fully, hiding, caring too much about what others think, playing the victim, passive-aggressiveness, etc. Watching Leo’s videos is helping me a lot but I thought I would throw this out to the forum and see what you guys think. Looking forward to your responses.

@Nahm @Roy @Elton Thank you for your comments Namaste. I will come back and read these if I need a gentle reminder.

@Elton No, I haven't but I will - thank you. I have been doing the affirmation Leo recommended in another video though - "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" every day. Shooting for 90 days as recommended. Do you do a lot of affirmations? Did you see a difference in your life?

@Pira Thanks for taking the time to respond. It's comforting to know that I am not the only person going through these things and feeling what I'm feeling. I like what you said about contemplating what it would be like continuing to internalize my thoughts and feelings as I have for the rest of my life, or simply giving them up and accepting who I am. The latter is a much wiser idea even though it is not easy. Everything is hard until it's easy. Wishing you all the best.

@cypres Thanks !

Hello, My girlfriend and I are addicted to eating fast food, processed food, sugary food, heavy carbohydrate-laden food, and simply overeating in general. It doesn't matter what kind of food it is, I love it all. I eat compulsively and when I binge, I get really high and then crash very low afterwards. I am stuck in a vicious cycle. Ever since I was a child I have eaten this way, I just so happened to have had a fast metabolism back then and stay very active due to playing sports + other physical activities. I am 31 now. We are both overweight and I personally feel absolutely terrible about myself - I keep gaining weight, yoyo dieting and losing weight, etc. I am fearful that I may be pre-diabetic and heading towards the road of diabetes or setting myself up for different cancers, ailments, and diseases. I have a history of addictive behaviours including hard drugs, marijuana, alcohol, pornography, masturbation, vaping, coffee, cigarettes, the internet, youtube, love, relationships, etc. I feel as if I am always addicted to something in my life. Currently, I am only addicted to food and masturbation. I watched Leo's video on addiction but feel that I need to re-watch it and take notes this time. There certainly is an emptiness inside me right now. When the cravings hit I feel helpless and irritated. I know that I can quit but am struggling really bad. I'm all over the place. I need help. Can you please share your experiences of how you overcame food addiction and where you're at now? Does life get better on the other side? Quitting unhealthy food has been the most difficult addiction for me to kick and I always go back to eating like shit even after having had spells of quitting before, staying healthy, and working out. BTW, Despite my addictions, I have been meditating, journaling, reading, and going for walks daily amongst other habits and pastimes. Looking forward to reading your stories and advice here. I am currently 200ish pounds and 5'11. The most I ever weighed was in 2015 when I tipped the scales at 220ish pounds. I was suicidal then and sought out therapy that I attended on and off for 5 years with a social worker. 12-step recovery doesn't suit me. Thanks,

@Jai Hey man, thanks for taking the time to write that out. Congratulations on quitting pornography and best of luck on finding a new job!

@Bittu Great advice, will do. Many thanks !

@Nahm What you wrote was very profound for me to read. I agree with everything you said and will try using the dream board. It's early days for me still but I know I can do this. Thank you! I look forward to trying your shake as well .

@Nahm @ivory @inFlow Thank you all

Hello, This is my first post and I'm new to the community. I have been meditating daily for 10 minutes over the past two weeks and feel great. Is this amount of time sufficient to start? Do you recommend that I meditate for a longer duration? I'm curious to hear about your meditation practices. Thanks,

@Keyhole Brilliant information, thank you very much I like what you said about posting the pictures on the cupboards, fridge, etc. Thank you!

@Aaron p @DivineSoda @Eph75 Thank you all for all of the information.

@crab12 Hey man, Thanks for taking the time to reach out. I like what you’re saying regarding getting into a mental state of not wanting it. I have reached that point with all other addictions that I had before and know that I can do it with my food addiction as well. I am also going to do some goal setting today and get back on track in that regard. I can also relate to what you’re saying about pleasure and escapism. Food has comforted me my whole life, especially sugary, flour and wheat-based food, comfort food, fast food, etc. I have strong associations of these foods since childhood and whilst eating them they initially give me a sense of comfort and wellbeing, however when I crash, well, you know how that goes. I as well have general anxiety and all of the other anxieties you mentioned. Food helps mask those things, especially at social gatherings or parties when there are a lot of people. It’s time to own up to my feelings, really feel them, and stop these destructive eating behaviours once and for all. I like Leo’s addiction video and how he talks about just sitting in a room for one hour and feeling the cravings course through my body. It’s time for me to be mindful and tackle my inner demons and face them head-on. This food addiction is a massive impediment to my well being. Congratulations to you by the way for overcoming your shortcomings and dealing with your addictions, it’s very inspiring to me. @kossondulola Wise words, man! Congratulations on facing your fears and living life the way you want to. What you've said has struck a chord in me and it's inspiring to know you've accomplished and that I can too. I'd love to visit China one day after COVID-19 has been resolved. Who knows, maybe we could meet up one day and eat some delicious Chinese food. Wishing you the very best on your journey. @intotheblack Thanks! I just watched this now I love Dr. Mate's work.

@Flowerfaeiry @wordsforliving @Eph75 I'm not sure whether or not you saw my response questions because I didn't "@" you guys. I'm new to this forum stuff and only "quoted" you guys. Feel free to respond if you are able to. Thank you!

@kossondulola Thanks for that - I know that you're right about this and I am going to stop as soon as I finish the last of my ice cream and coke later tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Did you by chance read "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle? Lol. The present is all we have, the past only exists in our minds, and the future hasn't happened yet. Besides eating cleaner, what other habits, activities, and pastimes have you implemented in your life that have benefited you? @Elton Dude, thank you so much for your response. You are an inspiration to me to have cut out the junk food, wheat, and sugar. Do you still eat meat? What do you eat now? Believe it or not, I have been doing yoga on and off since 2007. I absolutely love yoga and the benefits it provides me. The mind, body, and spirit connection is incredible. Focusing on the breath is key and the flexibility it provides makes me feel limber, strong, and overall very happy. Hot yoga (any type) and kundalini yoga are my favourites! Much like fitness and going to the gym, yoga has been a struggle for me to practice consistently. Failing to be consistent has been the hallmark of my life and something I know I need to change to be successful/attain mastery in anything. Is Kriya yoga the same as Kundalini yoga? If so, then you're right, it is a must in my life. Beneath you will find a link to my favourite Kundalini yoga kriya/class. You're right - 2020 is a new decade, a new leaf, a new time - time to change and live the life I have been dreaming of.

Thanks! 10 minutes per day has been wonderful for me thus far and I have more or less wanted to keep it simple, create consistency and routine, and generate momentum. I started meditating many years ago but have always given up on it after a month or so. I have a few other questions for you. What type of meditation(s) do you practice? How long have you been meditating? Do you meditate for one hour in one sitting? Or do you break it up into a few sessions throughout the day? Do you meditate daily without exception, or do you ever miss a day? Do you find you lose something by missing a day? Do you meditate by yourself, or do you go on retreats and/or attend a meditation group? Do you use a chair to meditate or do you sit on the floor using a meditation cushion? Do you use the gyan mudra technique or hand in palm zen style? Do you focus on your breath and your third eye? Or just one or the other? For me, I close my eyes completely whilst sitting on my meditation cushion with an erect spine. I press my thumb to my forefinger gyan mudra style. Gyan mudra feels more natural and comfortable to me than hand in palm. When my eyes are shut I slowly breathe in and out through my nose allowing my thoughts to pass over me like clouds in the sky. If my monkey mind wanders, which it often does, I return to my breath without judgment and also focus on my third eye. I feel moments of euphoric bliss and connection when I am really tuned into my breath. Does this sound right to you? Am I doing anything wrong? Is there a name for my meditation style? I think it's Vipassana but I don't really know. Thank you I've never heard of your practices before. Feel free to answer the questions I've asked above if you're so inclined to. I'm interested in your responses. Thank you for your insights and personal experience. I attended a meditation group many moons ago and meditated for an hour or two before, but it's been ages since I've done so. The zen master really just threw me into it at the time - maybe it's because he understands the benefits 1-hour meditations bring forth? We also did walking meditations together which was interesting. I'm thinking that for now, I want to work up to an hour as that seems really long for me and I struggle with consistency. I'm thinking that keeping it simple for now is my best bet. Feel free to answer my aforementioned questions above if you feel inclined.