Healing the emotional constitution...
This part is over.
The next.
Im also going to add some tidbits on emotional independence and how to be completely free of validation and believe in acceptance and love
Creating a fountain of Love
Creating a fountain of peace , hope, acceptance and unconditional love.
This depends on how much love you want to create in yourself.
It's something you cultivate. You cultivate that river of love within you.
Working towards The Regeneration Phase
This phase is about strengthening and building. This is the last phase.
In this phase you need to focus on building your inner emotional constitution to a much healthy level so that it doesn't degrade or doesn't get weakened easily by outside forces, this is basically building the inner Fortress.
This can be done in many ways
Encouraging
Believing in self
Rights and power
Empowering yourself
Learning different skills
Learning survival skills
Maintaining positive emotional state
Working on your nutrition plan
Getting good sleep
Setting higher goals
Emotional Detachment
Working on your grooming
Getting bolder and stronger
Exercise
Mental exercises
Therapy
Positive affirmations
Creating a strict schedule
Proper diet
Not neglecting yourself at all
Working hard
Focusing on self actualization
Building self esteem
Building self control
Developing Counterintuitive strategies
Monitoring emotional state
Cultivating Emotional Maturity
Cultivating Emotional Intelligence
Cultivating Emotional Mastery
Taking responsibility for your emotions.
Continuously investing in self growth.
Work from scratch
Cultivate different spiritual practices
Be yourself
Carry yourself with pride
Live in Grace
Live in Love and Peace
Have passion for life
Become your best self
The journey of the heart
Post in draft mode.
The wounded heart
The heart that feels pain and hurt and or anger. The heart that feels betrayal or loss
In this state the heart is trapped
When your emotions are in a knot, you are experiencing emotional entanglement which I described before in the previous draft posts. In this state you feel stressed. The stress keeps accumulating, you feel confused, unusual, you feel uncertain, your emotions are messed up. You don't feel good at all. This can happen during
An argument
Childhood trauma
Work stress
Bad toxic relationships
Inability to achieve goals
Bullying
Getting trolled
Ostracization
Dehumanization
Getting discriminated
Having a bad day
Financial issues
General anxiety
Feeling upset
Feeling triggered
Feeling provoked
Feeling harassed
Feeling tormented
These are just a few examples where the heart is experiencing emotional entanglement which can feel like a knot as though you're tied up or your emotions are in a knot.
image here.
Once you realize that you are in a knot, its important to unravel this knot as fast as you can so you feel free. Being free is your original state.
It takes some amount of time to unravel and untangle and undo the knot and come to the original state of freedom. This is what I call emotional liberation.
There is a distinct difference between the words freedom and liberation. Liberation is the feeling of being set free of something. Freedom is an opportunity you have that you can use to do something. Without freedom you cannot get anything done. Without liberation you are trapped. Liberation is an essential component of freedom. Only when you are liberated you can actually have the freedom to do something.
Let me explain this with an example..
Let's say you're kidnapped and trapped in a house. You do not have the freedom to leave the house for the first 4 days. Maybe after that you are allowed to go out for a period of 2 hours. But you have to be back home within the time. Or there will be problems.
It's your 5th day and now you are free to go out for limited periods of time. This can be considered freedom. You have the freedom to do a certain thing under certain conditions. However you are not completely or unconditionally free.
You have certain freedoms only. This is not liberation because you are still trapped in the same house where you don't want to be. You are still in captivity.
The only way to feel liberated is to be taken out of captivity.
So having freedom does not always mean being liberated.
In order to have total freedom it's necessary to be liberated from the chains..
A simple definition of an emotional hostage is someone who is stuck feeling like they don't know what to do next in a particular situation or relationship.
Both liberation and freedom are important.
So now let's see a situation where you feel liberated but not free
An example could be...
Imagine you're a rich kid living in your dad's house. You have all the autonomy and everything at your disposal. But there are certain rules around the house. One of those rules is that you are not allowed to bring friends home. Or you are not allowed to drive at a certain hour. You are allowed a stipulated amount of money only when you specify your requirements in such a way they meet the criteria.
This is an example where you feel liberated or you're liberated but not free. You aren't technically being confined or severely restricted but you are to follow rules and conditions to get what you want. Now these rules can be very trivial and easily dealt with or they can become a headache. When there are too many rules you essentially lose your freedoms. It's a covert way of taking away your freedom. You can free to do things but you are handicapped when something needs to be done.
This is like you're free to walk but your legs are injured. You are free to fly but your wings are cut. This is not freedom nor it is imprisonment. It is basically "Control" not necessarily hostage or imprisonment but control. Your motions are controlled. Conditions are being put where none are needed.
One way of putting this is... The previous situation can be described as "you're not allowed"
And this situation can be described as
"you're allowed but you will get this only if you fulfill the conditions"
Both look same but they are not.
The situation where you're not allowed you cannot do anything at all.
Let me explain this further.
Let's say you're in a third world country under a totalitarianism or dictatorial regime and you are not allowed to leave the country. You are not even allowed to leave your city. You are only supposed to do what the regime tells you. Basically you are denied your humanity. You are not allowed freedom of speech. So if you speak up, you will be imprisoned or face harsh punishment.
This is a case where you need liberation (as well as freedom which will be needed subsequently)
Now let's take the case of a person in a first world country.
You're allowed to go wherever you want. You can leave the country if you want. You have been given your basic liberties. (statue of liberty comes to mind) but let's say you needed an important medicine and you don't have your prescription then you won't get it. There can be a lot of bureaucratic tape that must break through in order to just get daily necessities.
But you do have the liberty to leave the country anytime and you can do whatever you want with your life because you are liberated, not exactly free but liberated.
Your freedoms are still bound to conditions.
Ill also include some portion on emotional freedom.
To have emotional liberation, you need to cut through the knot that your heart is entangled in.
Breaking the knot.
Breaking the knot and setting the heart free is not an easy job. The first step in this direction is realization and awareness. You need to be aware that you are being held hostage to your emotions. You need to be aware that it's okay if you are being held hostage to your emotions as long as your emotions are happy and wonderful and supportive. But when you have negative emotions, things don't look great. Being aware that you are gradually falling into the trap of the emotional knot is the key. This knot is slowly getting stronger and firmer and even more convoluted and intricate. It can reach levels of complexity that are impossible to unravel. Before this happens, you need to break and undo the knot as fast as you can. Once you see yourself trapping into the knot, you have to back off from the situation and the emotions arising out of that situation. So let's say your classmate is bullying you and you feel angered and provoked. You need to be able to be calm and watch how your emotions are slowly enveloping to form that destructive knot. Before this happens, take action, back off from the situation, take time to gather yourself together and keep your emotional constitution intact and healthy. Don't let it form knots or get disrupted.
One way is to break the knot early on during its formative stages. You can do this quickly and instantly.
However, not all knots are this easy. They don't just go away with simply a thought or action.
Some knots are formed over years and years of emotional abuse and psychological abuse as in an adult who has experienced child abuse during their formative years.
This will need a lot of unpacking to be done.
Also if you have not exactly suffered emotional abuse, you could have suffered years and years of tremendous emotional stress.
Examples of emotional stress can be
Bad relationships
Too many fights in a relationship
Too many fights in a family
Financial problems
Overbearing boss
Bullying at college, school or workplace
Stalking
Narcissistic abuse from parents or authority
Abuse at a church or cult
An incident of racism, discrimination or humiliation which is public
Living with a bipolar or mentally ill person
Working as a nurse, doctor, psychiatrist, counselor or social worker
Working in law enforcement dealing with crimes, criminals and crime victims families.
Working as an actor in heavy duty emotional roles
Suffering from a mental illness for years
Listening to emotional music as a bad habit
Constant crying or having severe loss of emotional control
Having suffered parental neglect
Drug addiction
Raised in a violent neighborhood
Exposed to some form of violence in formative years
Abuse by a schoolteacher like physical beating or sexual or pressure or bullying
Cyberbullying
Having encountered suicide in the family or friends circle
Having encountered single or multiple deaths of persons or pets in the family or friends circle
Unable to cope with the loss of a person or pet
Failed marriages and divorce
Unable to cope with the divorce of parents
Suffered loss of home or resources in an earthquake or disaster
Suffered homelessness at some point in life
Suffered PTSD due to one or a specific set of incidents
Being wrongfully arrested, evicted, sent to prison or jail.
Suffered sexual assault in the street or by family, neighbor, boyfriend or friend.
Being sent to military at young age
Military associated PTSD because of bad memories
The list goes on and on.
Over years these triggers and stressor build up and cause extensive damage to the heart and body.
They accumulate.
Remember, there'll always be some factor behind your emotional stress. It may or may not be on the list but it'll be something that is causing you stress.
It's important to isolate these triggers and factors one by one and deal with them individually.
One important word to consider here is the word avoid
Some of the stressors are avoidable, not easily but still avoidable. Like for example you could give up a drug habit, you could counteract bullying either by a formal complaint or by switching to a different school.
Whenever it's avoidable, Avoid..
When it's not, then you need to find strategies to minimize damage, strategies to cope with the situation, strategies to escape the situation, strategies to find a resolution to the situation if escape is not possible or unwanted or unhelpful.
One example could be contacting child protection services or social services when you are stuck in a dysfunctional abusive relationship with your parents /family /neighborhood /church/cult etc.
There is always a road ahead, a twist, a turn, a rope to hold on to during a desperate period, there is always a way to cope or get out and escape further damage or a way to find ultimate freedom.
So there is two way approach to the problem of emotional stress
Avoidance
Resolution
Dealing with Emotional Damage
Once you have successfully avoided or resolved the problem of emotional entanglement or removed the stressor and untangled the knot, you have found the way to emotional liberation.
Also explain emotional freedom blockage.
emotional liberation different from emotional freedom and emotional and emotional entanglement, emotional distress, emotional damage, emotional abuse, emotional hostage, emotional independence, emotional healing, emotional disruption or emotional blockage.
The focus of this particular post is more on emotional entanglement and emotional liberation and healing from emotional damage
Dealing with emotional damage.
Once you have successfully achieved emotional liberation, the next focus needs to be on dealing with emotional damage.
This means healing the emotional constitution and bringing it back to its original state and then working towards the Regeneration phase.
This phase is basically the Healing Phase. The earlier phase was the struggling phase or Coping phase.
In this phase you need to start your journey towards a recovery and a full rebound.
Now obviously you have PTSD symptoms and emotional distress symptoms EDS, you have unresolved aggression, and a bunch of symptoms arising from the situations you escaped/survived.
Now it's time to get rid of these symptoms and remove the emotional agitation and replace it with happiness and a sense of peace. Also it's time to get your energy reserves back. I'll call them Emotional Energy Reserves. These have been depleted during your time of stress. It's time to fill them back. To replenish. Energy reserves are vital for motivation and stimulation to live life. These are what make you want to explore, have relationships, want a family, go to work, live your best life, create joy and pleasure and they create a natural enthusiasm to live life.
When you are in a state of depression and emotional recession and emotional stress, these emotional energy reserves get greatly depleted. This causes agitation, nervousness, losing the will to live, suicidal ideation, and a general state of apathy. You just don't feel like doing anything. You don't think anything is useful...
Healing the emotional constitution
This is the phase where you get the emotional energy reserves back. You focus on replenishment.
There are ways to heal the emotional constitution back to its original un-maladapted or unimpacted form, unadulterated form
Some of the ways.
Laughter therapy
Focusing on a sense of achievement
Achieving baby goals
Taking baby steps
Lot of sleep and adequate rest.
Music
Meditation
Walking in the woods
Talk therapy and venting
Psychological therapy (professional)
Change of place. Relocating
Positive visualization
Going on a vacation to an island
Watching relaxing and comedy movies
Positive distraction
Exercise
Massage
Spa therapy
Taking care of nutritional needs.
Supplements for depression and other issues
Making new friends
Journaling
Avoiding toxic people
Taking care of the body and physical needs
Building a robust health
Listening to ASMR
Nature therapy
Listening to nature sounds
Surrounding yourself with positive uplifting caring supportive people
Laughter therapy
Yoga
Picking a hobby
Dancing
Walking meditation
Spending time with pets
Helping other people
Staying happy
Loving the self
Staying peaceful
Being happy with little things
Keeping small goals
Living in simplicity
Retail therapy (don't let this be an addiction)
Comfort food (just like retail therapy this is only okay for a short period)
Sex (sex is the most powerful drug)
Driving
Self love
Self care
Confronting and Labeling emotions
Labeling situations
Metta meditation
Playing games
Being a part of an organization or community
Psychedelics
Spending time with family and friends
Gratitude journal
Humour
Positive affirmations
Building self esteem
Setting Boundaries
Rewarding self
Seeking spirituality
Prayers
Finding love through God
Growing in love
Destroying and discarding negative emotions
Looking and appreciating the beauty of life
Creating the fountain of love and positive emotions in life
Energy healing methods or Energy based healing methods like Chi Gong, Reiki, Chakra, acupuncture, etc
The idea of “better” is relative to a particular intention and goal. If I want to get in shape, it’s better to go running than plant flowers. If I want to create a beautiful garden, it’s better to plant flowers than to go running.
To create a “better”, one must create some type of value or goal to provide contrast for better and worse. Then, one can experiment on their own and seek advise from others. For example, if I value physical fitness and have a goal of running a marathon, I can then experiment with different training programs. I can also ask experienced marathon runners about the *best* methods for injury prevention, the *best* stretches and the *best* lactate threshold workouts. All of these *bests* are relative to the goal of increasing my physical fitness and completing a marathon.
Within the process of training, there will be times I’m “in the zone” while running. There are times I will genuinely want to run and it’s blissful. As well, there will be times I don’t feel like running, yet know I “should” run. There will be times I don’t want to stretch, yet I know it’s *better* to do some stretching. There are times I will want to eat a half gallon of ice cream, yet know this isn’t *best*. All of these *betters* are relative to the goal of physical fitness and the marathon. That is a value relative to a goal. We could also say it’s best to do whatever I feel like right now. If I feel like running, I will. If I feel like eating a half gallon of ice cream, I will. We could say that this is best in this moment, yet not best for the longer term goal.
It is a balance between the journey and the destination. For me, the process of journeying is of more value than the outcome of destination. Yet other people are oriented differently.
All of the above assumes clarity of one’s personal values. A problem enters when society imposes what is “best” for us. I grew up in a fundamental Catholic home and it was *best* to attend church everyday. It was *best* to not have sex before marriage. I was conditioned with other people’s *bests* and I was filled with thoughts and feelings that I “should” be doing things relative to other peoples *bests* that were imposed upon me. Then I went to a University and learned that religion was irrational and a whole new set of *bests* were imposed upon me. And then I spent years doing things I “should” do to achieve other people’s *bests*. To gain clarity, I had to do a lot of introspection and come to know my values, dreams and passions. Then I could construct activities relative to those values, dreams and passions. And then I can have a balance between living in the moment and living in accordance with the process of journeying toward dreams. This has involved both being “in the zone” with what I love doing in the moment as well as doing some work that feels uncomfortable - as part of the process of a longer-term dream.