innerchild

@Mike Book Thanks for letting me know the keyword 'tone-of-voice'. I was looking for it for months. Why do you wanna go for college degree?. To acquire knowledge and make connections or just for discarding social insecurity you have?. I was thinking of doing my college for self-esteem issues. I feel very regretful about missing out on my studies.

@Leo Gura Okay, how should I deal with mind games of my parents?. I've tried hustling all day long. But, I end up compromising other stuff of my life. Any ideas on building self-control?. I'm certainly ready to do my best but I can't work relentlessly.

@Keyhole Yes it's wrong, I wasn't mean to intervene in other user's posts. I just had an adrenalin rush!

Don't worry, I suggest you to proceed further and delve deep into persuasion of spirituality and seeking wisdom. Due to my geographic condition and not able to afford for moving out. I couldn't consume any sort of psychedelic for now (atleast so far). So, I use other significant and potent devices at my disposal. I use lots and lots of contemplation and journaling on asking questions on my behavioral problems, ASD and narcissism I had developed through the course of childhood days. So, I suggest you to go with shamanic breathing. Start with a menial time frame. later, you should gradually ramp it up. Also, involving in any shadow work experience is certainly useful to unleash and dissolve all your traumas. It was very useful for me to examine my troubles on chasing success and accomplishment. Especially, it was really helpful to dissect and study every inch of your childhood days or regrets I have.

Actually, if you chase after the answer only through concepts and symbols you get no where. I can't even tell you not to think or to do something cos that itself my own articulation of a concept that supposed to coherent with prior concepts you had been acquainted with. So, life is nothing but a pattern!.

Let me summarize my decade long story into a few sentences. Since my teen years, I've been struggling with chronic overthinking and obsessive behaviors. I tend to have a strong impulse or an urge for doing more things (just ), even though I can conceptualize the awful effects of such activities like burnout will take me nowhere. Of course, I've read many amazing books on impulsivity and repetitive behaviors. I couldn't help myself. Rather, just working on specific tasks that could yield me more results. I eventually end up spending hours of my efforts on delving into random nonsense in the name of productivity or bullshit. So let me get straight into the business. fortunately, I'm not a fulltime employee for someone else. I run my own online business regarding marketing and bootstrapped the next venture as a social influencer. My obsessions and compulsions were become too potent and debilitating after indulging into certain shamanic practice and darkroom retreat (40 mins shamanic breathing, 60 mins darkroom retreat). I know it may sound insane or ludicrous to some people, maybe you may say 'I'm not supposed to incorporate such things as a daily routine (especially in the case of suffering from OCD monster). But, they are really powerful! it made me take research onto plant-based psychedelics and any hallucinogens as well. So, these are the things I consider as benefits of doing these programs for over 3 months now (started on nov, 19, only doing longer sessions since March). i. I can rewind my childhood memories and events and it feels really vivid as hell!. ii. I can take notes and get the bird's-eye view of my childhood trauma iii. I can feel really focused and attentive (10x stronger than I was in the last year). ------------------------------------------------ So, I don't have any plans on quitting such programs so far, I wanna go deep and dig over my own shit. But, for the past 1 month, I feel really lonely, desperate and I get exhausted all the time. I tend to have the most notorious and vicious traumatic episodes, addiction and overthinking. I'm having too much of dilemma or confusion even on making day to day tasks. Especially I struggle with choosing the right words when typing documents, prioritizing my schedules, and so on. Predictably, my crazy obsessive patterns became more intrusive and vivid after shamanic practices. My compulsive behaviors are always done within my mind. I tend to repeat certain words, sentences for the sake of reassurance. Especially, I pickup a time slot (30 to 60 mins) and tend to finish the most complicated stuff onto this insignificant timeframe. One more thing, I can easily get annoyed from subtle or sneaky disturbances like when someone scratches a nose while talking or when someone stops me in the middle of the sentence. Or when someone cut me off while speaking (These shitty compulsions always revolve around verbal and communication activities). Yes, I know I couldn't take any of the stranger's advice on the forum as medication and I shouldn't procrastinate on seeking professional help. In spite of that, I just want to ask you certain questions and I'd be glad if you share any of the similar experiences (both of your own or acquainted through books). Here are the things I want to know from you guys. Have you ever indulged in any kind of chronic obsessions?. What makes you do so?, pls share your takes on overworking and how to deal with it? I want to know the technical or psychological term for when a person gets seriously offended or distressed while getting disturbed in the middle of the conversation. Did you ever caught into such a vicious cycle of dilemma or confusion or had a hard time making mundane tasks? (like prioritizing schedules, organizing your belongings in a specific order, organizing computer files in a specific order). Please please recommend any few more relevant books for my problems, especially on coping mechanisms and obsessions with verbal or conversational activities. I know this shit is taking so long, one more thing I just want to ask. What is an ideal term to describe certain psychotic episodes where a victim gets intrusive thoughts or some creepy voice inside one's head says most cynical and mean things to oneself. These are the thoughts I get pretty much every day. I'll Destroy Myself, I Won't Let You Talk!, Don't Repeat The Past!, Being Odd With Proposal, You Can't Win just by looking at Computer Screen!, I'll Pull Your Legs Down To Rut Is there any coherence between such intrusive thoughts vs. schizophrenia? I feel really panicking, I get very uncomfortable feeling in my belly, whenever I have such thoughts sneaking in, I literally feel like losing my cognition over some evil force or getting possessed by demons (metaphorical). Did you ever heard of such chronic and mean thoughts iterated over and over again?. Also please refer me some book on such feelings of a blackout or losing consciousness by anxiety or severe depression.

@StarStruck So, I also have a same problem like you, for me I have a love and cravings for journaling and Youtube. No matter what I do I'll either turn into Youtube or get addicted over some other form of consumption (like music, food and lot of other shit). But, you can try many amazing plugins like Adblock, uBlock Origin, Blocksite in order to get rid of some specific sites or segments of the site. uBlocks helps me alot in removing particular section of Youtube. I've successfully purged of many unwanted and most rewarding sections like 'Recommended', 'Comments', 'Trending' and so on... You can also try app called Freedom. It'll let you block sites and apps for a particular time. I've tried cold turkey a couple of times. The tricky side of addiction is, if you ignore a set of things, your mind jumps onto other thing. In my case if I abstain over Youtube, music, and such things. It becomes so condusive to become addicted for ignoring things!.. So, it feels very hard to watch or listen to music after a long period of cold turkey or renouncement. So be cautious of it.

@Oliver Saavedra I just like your point of using colored journals for various purposes. Of course, I write whatever comes to my mind on my random journals. I also keep a log of journal on momentary thoughts, emotions and feelings. Did you consider contemplation as a part of journaling or have any distinction between these two?. Have you ever tried or having a dream journal?. Yes, it's really fascinating to record your dreams and lookup in a distant future!.. Just asking, have you experienced any sort of tremor or shakiness while writing long journal?. I really love to maintain any sort of physical journal. But, I have lots of shakiness due to my enormous stress levels!. I think digital journaling is quite faster and gets my job done far better than with a pen and paper...

I have been pondering upon this idea for a very long time. So I've been consuming lots of material onto personal development, psychology and human behavior and I had a very significant growth through such consumption as well. I'm quite interested in watching or reading content of any selfhelp gurus like Leo Gura. But I didn't find anyone's teachings or presentation, as powerful and deep as contents produced by Leo Gura. Yes, I know we should pay attention to teachings and not on idealizing teachers. So, now tell me how practical and truthful the information is given on above video?: IS these things stated on that video is practically possible?. It literally took me over 5 weeks to get done with my selfhelp website (I spent 8 to 10 hours every single day). Who the hell could create an entire site in a single day?. Very outrages and over-simplifying reality. But this kinds of shit used to get a ton of views!. Cos they sound amazing and encouraging! those likes aren't for information, those for inducing dopamine hit or feedback loop! I've watched many of his videos. Especially from his very beginning to certain important timeframes. I can feel how much effort he had invested onto making such a humungous leap from where he was started.. I wonder how Leo dealt with his self-doubts, desperation, and especially urge for achieving more in short time. Shockingly, he has relatively very less amount of subscribers and views than other successful self-help gurus and teachers (especially YouTubers). Before debunking any commonalities and patterns between such selfhelp teachers, pls finish watching this video below in order to grasp what I mean to say.... But I hope I certainly grasped the dynamics and nature of it.... Here how it goes, many YouTubers and selfhelp gurus are actually trying to achieve more results and do more projects in a short time!. They're literally Growth Hungry Monsters. All they care about is RESULT, RESULT, AND RESULT... Also, they know it's hardly not possible to achieve certain levels of growth with merely Hardwork and Linear (Autistic) progress. So, they use minimum resources to generate maximum RESULTS. They are not masters in a self-help field but the cunning fox in marketing, presentation, and pleasing people. These are the things most of the Selfhelp Youtubers tend to do. (At least many of them) i. Repurposing same shit - Repurposing same content and topic using different titles and description.. ii. Taking Advantage Of Others' Neuroticism - Well, they know about when and how to trigger one's neurotic and impulsive behaviors. That's why many of them use such words like 'Stop working 9 to five, stop pay check to pay check culture, hard work, persistent, stop procrastinating, discipline, hustle, bustle and every other shits of its kind' Because neuroticism is equally DESTRUCTIVE and ADDICTIVE like laziness, procrastination, feedback loop and other kind of it's nature. iv. They're prioritizing QUANTITY, MORE NUMBERS, MORE COURSES than essence and reliability of it. I know you might come up with certain idol teachers/Youtubers who're being so generous and honest to their audience. But, that's how a money-hungry person behaves. Especially growing Youtubers ruthlessly manipulates audience's psychology. Selfhelp gurus are too much concerned about increasing popularity or brand awareness of their service/product than delivering truthful, practical and effective teachings. Of course, you can create helpful content without compromising money. But, it needs enormous patience and research to make it in reality. This is how most of the lifestyle bloggers promote themselves in Youtube!... Persona and Physical Appearance of typical Lifestyle Blogger!.... i. nicely shaved head (a monk look) ii. shorts and sunglass even if it's not summer iii. Placing productivity quotes and phrases as a backdrop iv. Promotes reading shit ton of books for just sake of READING!. Cos that induces impulsive behavior, impulsive behavior = recurring viewers. Yes! it's that simple. v. Uploading shit ton of courses on Udemy and Skillshare. ------------------------------- I can literally come up with 10x bigger list. But, I can't afford time for that.... So, I do not intend to hate or negate consuming their content. Of course you should watch them for sake of motivation and you can get some values from them. But, beware of techniques and qualities they offer to you. Do your own research before blindly in taking them. Also, feel free to quit any of their teachings if they're not bringing enough value or not suits your current mindset. I would like to become a Selfhelp 'Guru' and Youtuber, I will in near future. I will try my best to be original and practical. Of course, I will certainly crave for growth and easy success. Even, try to take advantage of viewer's psychology. I can't help it!

I've been recently getting motivated to watch documentaries, TV coverage about India. Especially in the field of science, technology, culture, travel and the same of it's kind. The thing is I couldn’t get convinced by watching some rando TV broadcasts that had been covered this year or around 2010s. I'm really a great fan of watching and indulging in nostalgic experiences. So, why not give it a try?! So, if you know any documentaries and videos about India (especially about tech or IT industry) please let me know. Those supposed to be recorded during the late 80s or 90s!....

I did a great mistake on discovering these outstanding content of Actualized.org. God gave me a chance of starting my journey on 2018 itself (june-july) I came across one of his videos titled 'Mindfulness' but I simply ignored or missed a chance of going through other content on his channel... After looking at thumbnails of his videos (they wasn't only a graphics or stock photos) his strange expressions I assumed it as some kinda troll or satire. Only after a year (2019 May, 17th) I had discovered real values of his content. Imagine how many people could have just pass by such a gold mines thinking it as a joke?!. Leo should never post such a weird thumbnails here after.

Yes, I wonder the same thing often, why the hell other teachers aren't investing such an effort and time to bring high-quality self-improvement and spiritual teachings?!.. Of course, some people holds much responsibilities in delivering powerful content. But, many of the modern self-help teachers and authors are quite reluctant to reveal the techniques and strategies they own. That's why most of them talks the same thing like a broken record.... just listening to 80/20 rule, time boxing won't get you anywhere! tbh, I was very scared of watching Leo Gura videos in the beginning, not because I doubt at his teachings. But, he's some sort of cult and trying to brainwash me by just prov9iding useful stuff... I was very wrong. Actually I prone to deception and brainwashing in my past. But, now I'm conscious enough to question whether it's good or not.

@Mike Book Yes, I feel the same way!.... I feel guilty for not taking actions on things I really do now. Of course, I could had been did certain things earlier on my life with little research and motivation. But, I was such a coward and bullshitting bitch....

I was a former computer programmer. Back in the day I was very passionate about coding and playing with syntax. Especially I'm into front-end web development. Every syntax of Javascript, PHP has been imprinted on my mind. So, during my early days of watching Leo Gura, such concepts helped me resonate with his notions. IT jargons such as (Recursion, Inheritance, Nested-loop, instance, overriding) were certainly helpful to understand many of his episodes on paradox, infinity, jacques derrida and so forth... Did you have any similar experience while watching Leo's episodes? For me, I can resonate with his speech with the help of IT jargons. how about you... Do you find any resemblance to other spiritual teachers, novels, or what kind? Just let me know if you have such kind of stuff...

Oh man, I came to know about many market niches within the generalized brand 'self-help'. Without this video, I couldn't even come to know about existence of such fields.

It taught me cunning notions of marketers behind the screen. Since then I started making research on psychology behind marketing and consumer preferences.. Whether it's an apple on a supermarket or newly launched movie in Hollywood. Everything should have a strong foundation of marketing, seeking attention. ESPECIALLY deceiving people!. If not your business will get demised within a few days of it's inauguration.

Speaking of paradoxes, did you ever possessed by the thoughts/questions like 'What should I do to stop thinking?', 'What you suggest to minimize one's thinking'.. I often get to these traps of 'recursion and self-referential' problems quite often.. Interestingly, if I somehow managed to keep my mind relaxed my mind loves to play this daunting trick on me!.. This is how that conversation with me and my mind goes!.. Me: Oh god I'm so happy that I finally stopped my monkey mind and feeling peaceful!.. My Mind: Are you really feeling peaceful, honey? Me: Yes of course.. My Mind: Did you know, most expertise says that we can't stop thinking, so how come are you not having thoughts. You should have thoughts.. And Finally ME!: Oh, yes! you are right... you got me, now my peacefulness was completely shattered!.. THANK YOU MY MIND!!.. This sort of pattern or thought process will have occurred while thinking of much other stuff as well. Like, when thinking about nonduality, practicing meditation, during stressful or traumatic episodes...

Yes, I would like to utilize my cynical thoughts and emotions as a means of growth. I'll think it in a pessimistic way in order to seek reliable answers and conclusions to make.. I used to feel many negative thoughts from time to time. Like, my mind will iterate most cynical and self-blaming thoughts like I'm worthless, incompetent, not have adequate skills and understanding to make it right.. no matter how hard I work or how many results I produce, my mind will always think of lack, makes me guilt, and petrified for things I missed. Especially, the fear of going back to the rut or going backward is the most terrifying thing that my mind will ever do to me!.. Also, I always used to evaluate my standards with someone else who's way more ahead of me.. I hate that.. Did you feel like you're less qualified for work you do?. How would you manage such self hate thoughts?. What is the way not to compare ourselves with one who's early to the game?

I had a very strong enlightenment experience regarding 'reality is just a persistent hallucination', everything has it's own limits and expiration until it's in a physical form.. Also, I could see myself in the past, I can admire, communicate with my past self. I can learn painful lessons through shadow work. To be honest with you, recently I found it's possible to conceive certain desirable results through psyche experiences. Although, still I used to find myself in a paradox or dilemma. I'm vulnerable to losing hope onto nonduality and psyche abilities. I can delude myself or confuse the neuro-scientific paradigm about hallucination with the spiritual domain. My mind used to play a lot of trickery to make me believe all these spiritual practices are pointless and mere placebo. Yes, I know still it's my mind that spinning the wheel of multiple perceptions and viewpoints. But it's not me. Me is too far from the mind that processes sensations and thoughts all over one's lifetime.. So, by that way, I could easily surpass such dialogues and drama played by my mind aka projection of the conventional society!..

tbh honest with you, every business models have to get involved with some kind of trickery to hit more profit. Why it isn't a devil?.. Did you know Google has all the right to invade into your emails, google drive and sell all the data to third-party alliances. Not just for personalized ads, even individual at Google has all rights to invade and check out someone else's content on Google!.. Don't you consider it as immoral?

What you think of distractive ads and suggestions across Youtube and other similar products of Google?. Do you use adblock or you can easily ignore them af?

Okay, how about response and intuitiveness of that app (Brave)?. For me it totally sucks, most of the plugins that could be worked are throwing glitches in Brave..

Is that an idiom or you made it up?.

I had been severely induced and affected by watching adult content. I can't help myself from refraining porn. That's why I've been using several addons for Firefox and third-party applications on Windows in order to limit the access of the internet using certain URLs and keywords.. I know it wasn't an ideal group to be discussed such topics. But, it would be a lot helpful if you can provide some sort of helpful ideas.. It was going so good until my impulsive mind started figuring out ways to disable such plugins.. Yes, it's very easy. We can go to Addons page and start disabling certain plugins to get that shit (porn) done. Hence my mind was well conditioned to disable such things in a click. I started seeking ways to hide every means to open the ADDONS page. Now I've successfully removed 'Addons' button from main menu/settings and contextmenu. Yet, I'm struggling to disable hotkey of it. I'm not able to erase off a keyboard shortcut that opens up the ADDONS page in a second.. So, It would be REALLY helpful if anyone can provide a solution to either completely eradicate or change that shortcut into something else (some random jibberish!) 'CTRL+SHFT+A' ------------------->>>>> Please, please help me to get rid of this keyboard shortcut, at least to change to something else.

Is that sex feels radically different on LSD?, how possibly a visuals during sex could be influencing?.. I wanna try it, probably in next 3 months!..