soos_mite_ah

Looking Back a Few Days Ago.... I still think of this experience I had of a few days ago. I still can't put it into words but it was unforgettable. It was so peaceful. I hope that I can experience something like this again. I got a glimpse of what I can be working towards. I have worked hard in regards to getting into a better state of mind and being. I look back at my journal in my computer even a couple years ago and I can put myself in the shoes of the person I was back then, how much anxiety, depression, and existential distress she was living in. I feel like I'm have achieved a much better quality of life through therapy and through self-actualization work. I still have a lot of things I still need to sort through especially when it comes to shadow work. But, to me, this sense of bliss that I had the privilege of experiencing, even for a little bit, shows me what is possible and what is my next step.

Bright Eyed Bushy Tailed Energy Something that I noticed that really makes me happy is just talking about the things that I am currently studying. I'm so thankful that this is the case because when I came into college, I was so worried about not liking my major and getting boxed into a career that doesn't make me happy. I'm definitely a nerd in class but I'm also like that outside of school in general. I have so many interests and I'm so glad that I can explore them in college. I'm also so thankful that I have spaces like this forum as well as space in real life like in my professors' office hours to delve into things that I'm passionate about. The only thing that kind of brings me down is that I don't have friends that I can nerd out with. Even when I talk to people in my classes, I see that people aren't always into stuff the way that I am. Granted I'm just this huge nerd and I know there is a time and place for that so that I don't annoy people but I wish I could just be in this bright eyed bushy tailed place externally all the time. Nevertheless, I am thankful that I have this bright eyed bushy tailed energy in my inner world. I know that not everyone has that and I have definitely been in a place where I wasn't like that all the time either. And just knowing that makes me thankful for the joy in my life.

@ColeMC01 I would also add azula as red especially when she said "trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way" ALos I think she is a good example of how red is created as opposed to the notion that she was born a psychopath (especially when it comes to her mental breakdown)

A gentleman/ lady has boundaries and as a result self-esteem and therefore can stand up for themselves and the people around them (they build people up instead of tearing them down). In doing so they are self-respecting and a leader A people-pleaser will go beyond his/her boundaries even when he/she isn't comfortable to ensure that everyone approves of them since they doesn't have enough self-esteem to ensure themselves. These people are also insecure enough to tear others down or puff themselves up to show off their ego so that they can feel like they are worth something. A gentleman/lady knows their worth so as a result they don't have to go around and proving it to people. A people-pleaser does not have a backbone while a gentleman/ lady does.

As soon as I feel asleep, everything faded to black and I felt this sense of interconnectedness, love, peacefulness and consciousness enveloped over me. There was nothing separating me from everything, but at the same time there was nothing there. It's hard to describe really. I've had dreamless sleep before, most of the time I sleep, I don't dream. But this felt different because even though there was this sense of nothingness, there were these feeling that I can't put into words. Even now as I write this, I'm not even confused. I feel really calm, but also curious. I'm just wondering.... wtf did I just experience???

Yeah that's why life purpose is so tricky. Also life purpose might not always come with a set career you can follow. Sometimes, you need to create a career from scratch that aligns with your life purpose. That is much harder than falling into the pattern of *okay let me go to college, get a degree, get hired etc* Society does contribute to this being hard, but just being creative in general by itself can be difficult. Pretty much. It threatens their power and the status quo, why would they want to question/change a system that already benefits their ego and works for them?

@Osaid I wonder if it's possible to access that consciously. The experience I had was totally out of the blue, unplanned, and random. I wouldn't mind experiencing this every time I fell asleep lmaooo I also had that split second "how is this even possible" moment and then I was like *nah this nice*. I don't know how long it lasted, maybe a couple hours, but i can't tell because I can't experience time in the same way when I'm asleep.

There was a huge youth voter turnout in 2018. It increased a lot across most states. In states like Texas and Georgia, I remember reading that it tripled. Because of that the races were pretty close. I think that a lot of young people are getting more involved with politics mainly because politics has infiltrated popular media so much ranging from music to movies, and even memes.

I know that i didn't feel my body, smell, sight, or sensation. Not sure about my mind. There was just this weird feeling of absolute interconnectedness in the void.

Raging, punching things, and getting that triggered about something to where you hurt someone you care about is the opposite of being higher consciousness. This person sounds abusive. Whether a person watches Leo's videos or talks about consciousness has nothing to do with the way this person is treating you. I definitely agree with this quote. It is more constructive than anything your s.o. is saying. This person is likely acting out of a lot of insecurity in regards to losing you and your ability to express yourself. Acting out of insecurity=/= consciousness

Career can still be pretty important in the other stages. It just becomes more purposeful because the values have shifted from pursuing money and status just for it's sake to pursuing a higher sense of life purpose.

I had a similar problem regarding repressed anger. Often times I would repress my anger instead of expressing it and then spiral into depression because of this feeling of helplessness and not advocating for my needs and boundaries. I would say that it's important to see anger as a constructive and helpful emotion. Anger can identify what is going wrong in your life, where your boundaries lie, and what you need to change. It is a more active form of sadness where instead of sitting around, moping and playing victim, you have the split second urge to do something about your situation. In that way, anger is more productive and can help protecting your general sense of well being. However, I would still say it's good to integrate anger management techniques and not lash out at people and be destructive. Instead, calm down, and listen to what your anger is telling you instead of acting on impulse. Repressing anger is not the same thing as calming down and listening to what anger as to say. I highly recommed this video by Teal Swan

I would say yes, generally, more consciousness yields to more effectiveness. The higher stages typically have already integrated things from the lower stages in a healthy way. In regards to green being lazy hippies, I would be very careful with that stereotype. Stage green can be immensely beneficial to corporations because there is more of a concern for people's rights, a sense of equality, people's general well being, and limits to how many hours one can work. All of these things ensure that workers are happy, motivated, and energized enough to work in their most effective and productive state. I had to study a lot of this in a few of my management courses in college. If there is a lack of justice and equality in an organization and if it is too hierarchical, people are not going to want to work in that company. They will leave or get fired really soon and then it will cost more time, money, and resources to train new employees which can rack up a lot of costs in a corporation. Another example is that if you focus on the end goal, say get as much profit as possible in one quarter, rather than how ethical the practices are done, there will be an incentive for illegal behaviors on behalf of the employees which can cause a company to face lawsuits, controversies, etc. which i would argue is the antithesis of efficiency. Finally, not taking people's needs into account whether that be their physical needs regarding their salaries and their advancement opportunities, or their emotional needs such as creating a healthy work environment, can lead to counterproductive work behaviors such as wasting resources (ie use too many materials, stealing supplies, not doing work), incivility and gossip, harassment, and sabotage, none of which are conducive to a efficient workplace. In many ways, green can be more efficient than orange. It is a huge generalization that stage green is all about being a lazy hippie. That is the equivalent of saying orange is mainly characterized by the Kardashians and nothing else. There is an immense amount of diversity and manifestations of every stage. However, while higher stages can usually yield to more efficiency, there are exceptions and one needs to also take context into mind. Sometimes, complex systems from higher systems can slow groups down. For instance if someone is running a small business with less than 10 people (sort of like in a stage purple sense) it would be counterproductive to introduce a lot of bureaucratic stage orange measures of communication (ie if you have some complaint, submit this form to this person etc. ) than to just directly talk to the person you're having a problem with. However, in a larger corporation of say 10000 people, that form of communication will aid in efficiency because it will organize the sentiments of a large group of people in a way that it is actually coherent and isn't a large mess of people trying to talk over each other. If you go up to a warlord type setting, I highly doubt that they will be receptive of a bunch of stage green ideals in management. If you approach it from that high of a stage, you'll probably get your throat slit for trying to flatten the hierarchy. Instead in a more red environment such as in the middle ages, it is more conducive to lead with red principals because they aid in your survival. Healthy is also something that is dependent on context and circumstance.

Lately I Haven't Felt Very Joyful I'm trying to sort through the feelings and shadows I have with unworthiness. I'm trying to be mindful and observe my feelings and deal with them as they come up but I cant help but feel like I'm being consumed by it. There is just so much coming to the surface, so much that I need to work through. I want to distract myself and not feel but I think that will be counter productive in the long run. I have been having crying spells and I have been feeling like I don't deserve to take up space. Nevertheless, I trust in the process. I believe in the long run I will be free than when I first started.

I have been stuck in the house with my parents for almost 5 months now. Normally I would be in college and I had plans to study abroad but because of the pandemic I had to move back home. I have since worked through a lot of family trauma in therapy so the good thing is that I'm not super triggered around my parents anymore. That said, I know deep down that I am not happy nor fulfilled here. It is rather draining to deal with them. I simply want to detach and move on. I tried to talk to my dad about this since he tends to be more understanding. I told him that I want to leave as soon as I become financially independent because even though I am not in pain, I simply don't like it here. He went on this whole thing on how I "don't have family values" how "blood is thicker than water" and how "there is no one like family because people outside of your family don't care about your best interests and will stop at nothing to screw you over." I know a lot of this has to do with trauma and his upbringing, but the whole concept that you should do anything for your family and take whatever is dealt to you rubs me the wrong way. I started thinking this way in regards to cutting my family out even before the pandemic started. In January, I went with my family to the Taj Mahal. It was a beautiful place and I enjoyed taking in the experience but I felt miserable during most of the trip my mom was yelling at the service workers and the rest of my family was going on rants about nationalism. It taught me that I could be in one of the most beautiful places. I could literally be standing in front of one of the seven wonders of the world, but with the wrong people around me, I simply won't be able to take any of that beauty in. It was heart breaking. I feel so trapped in this circumstance with no place to go, not because of the pandemic but because of narratives of how "family is the only one who is going to love you" that are being fed to me. As concerned as I am about the pandemic, I kinda can't wait to go back to college. I realized that I'd rather be alone during a pandemic than be with my family at paradise. My life is beautiful and I want to appreciate it to the fullest extent. I also grew up South Asian and I feel that this narrative of putting family first is so pushed on us and for a long time I thought that cutting off your family was simply a white people thing. I'm not mad, I'm not upset, I'm just done. I love my family, I just don't want to have anything to do with them.

Embracing my "negative" emotions and using them like my five senses to know what's going on was a huge eye opener to me. I stumbled upon this about a year ago. It wasnt from this video but I feel that Teal Swan sums it up pretty well. I definately recommend this to anyone working towards more joy. Working towards joy doesn't mean you shut everything else out rather it means you see these "negative" emotions in a positive light by embracing them. Also I feel that always putting pressure on feeling happy all the time is very counter productive and invalidating.

@Akemrelax my grandparents from both sides of my family have passed away unfortunately. But my grandmothet on my dad's side did live with us. Nevertheless, my dad doesn't expect me to stay by their side all the time I'm not super close with my dads side of the family and a lot of people in my moms side are like their own petri dish of issues. A lot of it has to do with generational trauma and after I found ways to heal, everyone just ceased to resonate with me. And yeah I'm thankful that there isnt the expectation that I'll stay with my parents until marriage thank godddd

@Gesundheit that's not necessarily the feminine perspective. That's just being desperate/lonely lol

@Akemrelax my parents are south asian and I grew up in the U.S. Growing up I had trouble opening up and talking to my non-south asian friends at school because I thought they wouldnt understand. With my south asian friends it's like they get how difficult it is on cutting your family off when you're south Asian because they know how much family and collectivism is emphasized but at the same time we are all stuck on the same boat so there is only so much any of us really knew. When I was still in school, I had pleanty of time outside of the house. During the pandemic I've just been stuck inside and my mom is paranoid af. I still try to go on drives to cope but it isnt the same. I definately love my parents and I know they love me too. They are doing the best they can given the tools they received in their emotional tool kit. But at the same time I often think it's best to just love them from afar.

As much as you might want to help, there isnt much that you can do here. Your friend needs to come to her own conclusions. Hell sometimes getting frustrated and trying to interfere to much can make people dig their heels in even more. There is nothing wrong with being a listening ear but I would say if it is draining you, it's best to put up boundaries and say something along the lines "hey I dont feel comfortable talking about this." If she reacts well, great but if she doesn't, that's on her. People only get mad at your boundaries if they benefited you from having none.

@dflores321 You're right, it does feel like it will take forever right now. But one day it is going to be a part of the past and its going to be like a dream because neither the past nor the future exist. They are both imaginary because they are the stories we tell ourselves. The only thing that is real is the present.

The YouTube channel Meet Kevin is a great channel for learning about real estate. While I'm not a huge real estate person, there is a lot you can get from his channel including his over all personality. I would characterize him as a very healthy orange with a some green Here is his channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/MeetKevin And here is someone who is describing what he's like behind the scenes: Idk how much of it is true since you can't ever be sure with the internet but if it is all true, this guy is the epitome of healthy orange.

I think this is a good video to watch if you're thinking of what are the positives of the ego. The ego can give a lot of insights of what's bothering you at the moment or red flags you encounter to keep you safe. The ego ultimately came into existence for your survival. Sometimes that is justified to keep you alive but other times it is like an over protective parent that holds you back from experiencing life. Its important to know how to differentiate the two. I'd go as far to say that the ego is a part of the self, mainly a dense protective form of it. Splitting and regecting the ego entirely is regecting that part of you which leads to duality and fragmentation. I think it's important to have a healthh ego and integrate it accordingly by loving it and finding beauty in it.

Yandere: anime trope where a woman is so in love with her love interest to where she is willing to kill him or kill for him so she could have him for herself Hunger games: I'm mainly referring to the games themselves where the kids fight to the death for the entertainment for the wealthy Fire lord ozai from avatar the last airbender: he challenged his son to a duel for being disrespectful after his son spoke out in a military meeting. That ended with him burning half of his sons face and him banishing his son. He also has statues around his kingdom where is depicted as this all powerful strong leader Princess Azula: she was the fire lord's daughter who was very cunning and brutal. The quote that came to mind when I was thinking of her in terms of the spiral is when she says "trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way." She was raised to be a cold blooded killer by her father. I think her character arc, especially her mental breakdown is a good depiction of how red is created from circumstance rather than inborn psychopathy. State building during the middle ages: basically during the middle ages, there were a bunch of warlords in europe that went around conquering places. It became in peoples best interest to start paying taxes and band together with one warlord so that they can get some type of military protection from other warlords. These turned into kingdoms and its important because the strongest kingdoms eventually evolved into the states that we see as the european countries today

I've been in a particular mood lately Lower self: I'm tired of always having to be the bigger person (mainly with family). I'm only 5' 2" that isn't a realistic expectation lmao. Since I'm already closer to hell, can I just start biting people???? Higher self: If you always find yourself having to be the bigger person, maybe you need to find people who can measure up. It's not you, it's them. But you also have to ask yourself, what's stopping you from finding a new group of people? It's okay to feel weary from dealing with people who drain you, but it's an act of self betrayal to just stay there. Speaking of family, I have been noticing myself fantasizing getting disowned by my family by doing something that they think is unspeakable like marrying someone they don't approve of. I think it's because I don't want to be in a part of this family any more and it's easier for me to play victim and rely on them to disown me than to exit on my own. Because that way, I wouldn't be the bad person. But that's an excuse. Sometimes you need to own up to your truth, even if it makes you undesirable. Sometimes, you have to "be the bad guy." And honestly, in trying to avoid being the bad guy, often times you do something worse. I think it would be worse for me to stick around because firstly, its like this sense of self betrayal because I'm not letting myself be my authentic and joyful self, and second it is bad for them if I stick around and be distant, rude, and emotionally unavailable. One way to look at it is to re-contextualize it in a dating setting (because I take a much more no bs approach to guys than any other relationships in my life). Which option would be better: A) A guy who isn't really feeling it but tells you "hey this isn't working, im going to go on my own way don't take it personally" B) A guy who isn't really feeling it and doesn't communicate with you and instead is passive aggressive, leads you on, and emotionally unavailable The first option would probably sting for a minute but the second one will lead to long term damage on both ends by wasting everyone's time. It's best to walk in the light of the truth and keep everyone on the same page than to risk people getting hurt with a bunch of unspoken expectations. I need to go my own way. I'm simply not happy here. That evaluation isn't coming from pain. I have worked through much of these issues growing up and through therapy. I want to be surrounded by people who are more uplifting and who support my growth. I can stay in this situation and be fine but just because I can take it doesn't mean that I have to. There is something better out there and I want to reach towards it instead of constantly looking back at the past. I'm probably going to refrain from having these tough conversations until after this pandemic is over since it is probably not the best idea to bring something like this up while I'm stuck in the house 24/7 with my family. On top of that, I'm probably going to bring this up when I'm finally financially independent and out of college so that I'm not going to be in hot water in terms of keeping myself alive and well.