soos_mite_ah

Self Development Won't Make You a Better Person I often find myself falling into the trap of assuming that self development will make me a better person. Sometimes I catch myself falling into a pit of self deprecation when doing self-development work as I keep searching for more and more things I need to improve and heal. During those times, I normally take a break from the work I'm doing and shift from self growth and towards self acceptance. I find that this is a balance that most who are willing to take self development seriously eventually encounters But after watching this video, I tried to reconsider this balancing act of self growth and self acceptance. Why do these two have to be in the opposite ends of a spectrum? I think one of the many reasons why this spectrum appears in the first place is the notion that self development makes you a better person and therefore gives you more worth. This notion of being a better person making you more worthy of love and acceptance is the root of the toxic reason why I got into self improvement. While I did get into self improvement for a variety of healthy reasons such as wanting to have a better quality of life, being happier, having more fulfilling relationships etc. one of the less healthy reasons include feeling like there is something wrong with me which meant that I had to change. Since I have found this aspect to my desire for self improvement, I have been trying to do shadow work to become more accepting of myself. This video was a game changer for the way I viewed this issue.

I don't know about transcending but they can definitely be met fully. The extent in which that need is there often depends on individual factors such as personality, upbringing, attachment styles etc. I feel that if you are extremely extroverted, were brought up in an environment where you never learned to be by yourself (i.e. many siblings etc), or have an insecure attachment style, you're more likely to have high social needs and feel like they will never be met. This can especially be the case if high social needs are due to neurotic reasons such as an insecure attachment style or any other trauma that makes you yearn for attention all the time. Personally, I grew up the opposite. I am rather introverted and can go a long time without human interaction. I was raised as an only child so I had to be emotionally independent from a young age. I also really like meditating and being alone with my thoughts. I don't have huge social needs but those are usually met by having a couple of friends, talking to people at work/school, and forums that have to do with my interests such as this one. I don't yearn for anything more usually when a lot of these are met so it's not like a bottomless pit. There was a point in time where my social needs were like a bottomless pit due to things like trauma and not having my needs validated in childhood but I have since worked through a lot of those things through both therapy as well as my own independent self development.

Stillness Lately, as soon as I wake up, I feel ridiculously peaceful. I have no impulses, little to no thoughts, and my only focus is on my breathing and being present. This has happened for the last few days. Yesterday I spent most of my day in a lot of solitude. Today, as soon as I felt this sense of peace, I decided to meditate on it for a few hours to really be with it. I'm not entirely sure why I have been feeling this way lately, but I really like it. I have been meditating here and there for the last number of years (most of it was me unintentionally laying around doing nothing and just being alone with my thoughts), but now I'm thinking of taking on meditation more seriously. I have one idea however. Recently I have made the decision to go fully online with college. My university gave us a choice on whether or not we want to go online over the fall semester because of COVID 19. I was pretty conflicted about this decision. On one hand I wanted to go back to school even though I could risk catching the virus. I had to come back home with my parents for the last 5 months or so now in the middle of the semester. My mental health deteriorated because my parents can be kind of toxic and I feel like I didn't grow as much as I could have this year because I was stuck at home. I didn't get to study abroad. I didn't get an internship. And now I have to live at home for the next few more months. In a way, this lack of expansion made me feel like I was emotionally stunted, like I was 14 again. That also took a toll on me. I feel like I'm not stepping into my independence like how I planned it out to be. Because of this, I was averse to the idea of staying at home for the fall semester because of the implications of my mental health. On the other hand, going back to school can be risky for my physical health. There is a virus out there and although it isn't super deadly for me, you just never know how the long term impact could be because research is still being conducted. I could also spread it to other people. This could also be harmful to my parents, not because of exposure because if I were to go back I wouldn't bring it to them, but because they will be worrying constantly for my physical well being. As much as I don't always like them, I don't think it's right to put them in a constant state of anxiety. Also, by remaining at home, I won't have to pay an additional $4000 for room and board. Even though my family can afford that, I don't think it's right to unnecessarily spend that money especially since both of my parents got a sizable pay cut because of this pandemic. Also in regards to my mental health, I don't think that staying home is something that will totally break me. It's important but I think it comes down to more of a preference that is rooted in the idea of "just because you can take it, doesn't mean you have to." But here, the situation is different and even though I don't want to, I can ultimately take it. I ultimately made the decision that the later reasons to stay home is more sustainable both for my family and for the people around me even though it isn't the best for my personal mental well being. I also thought about how wanting to go back is at odds with what I believe is right which is the notion that we need to social distance as much as possible. In doing this sacrifice, I reflected what I was giving up. I was giving up my need to constantly be growing, my need to feel like an independent adult, my desire to always be in the best mental health. While all these things are good, for me personally, I feel that some of them came from my egoic desires to prove myself as something even if it is at the expense of my environment. Perhaps this stillness and peace that I feel now is the result of me letting go of this egoic motive.

@Opo It's pretty kid friendly. I stumbled onto this show when I was 8 years old and I enjoyed it a lot then because of the engaging plot and the humor of the show. However, I would say to fully take in the show and understand all of the concepts, 14 or so sounds like a better age. It's really a show for all ages, you just get different things out of it depending on where you're at in your life.

I know this is an animated children's TV show but don't underestimate it. It has a lot of higher consciousness teachings and lessons that everyone can learn from. I'll divide this post into different parts of the spiral so that it is more organized. Stage Green: The main premise of the show is that the protagonist needs to defeat the Fire Lord. The Fire Nation is a nation that developed quite quickly because of the nature of the element they bend fire, and as a result got pushed into their version of the Industrial Revolution (stage orange). However, the Fire Nation also has a lot of blue and red in it and wanted to "spread their prosperity to the other nations" by conquering and manipulating them with violent means. This resulted in the Hundred Year War, colonization of other lands, and ultimately the genocide of the air nomads. Taking all of this into consideration, the show takes a stage green approach to really articulate everything that is wrong with these things throughout the entire series. And the best part is, despite having many heavy themes, they are all portrayed in a kid friendly way while not sugar coating or diminishing the issues. I remember when I first watched this show as a child, I related to the characters and thought it was a really cool action series but when I revisited as an adult, I really understood the concepts much better On top of the main themes, other side stage green things the show touches on are animal rights (Season 2 Episode 16: "Appas Lost Days"), sexism (S1E1 "Boy in the Iceberg" S1E4"The Warriors of Kyoshi" S1E18 "The Waterbending Master"), disabilities (this wasn't one episode but was encompassed by entire characters such as Toph and Teo), cultural appropriation (S1 E17 "The Northern Air Temple") and mental health (dealing with loss, dealing with abusive family members, Azula's mental break down etc) just to name a few. As far as character development goes, all of the characters are well rounded and complex. The show especially excels at representation. The female characters all have their unique form of femininity whether it is Suki, Katara, Ty Lee, or Azula, regardless of whether they are protagonists or antagonists. On top of that each culture in Avatar the Last Airbender are modeled after a different culture in real life. The Fire Nation is based on Japan and it's colonial past. The Earth Kingdom is based on China. The Air Nomads are based on Tibetan Monks. The Water Tribe is based on the Native Americans. The Sun Warriors are based of Mayan Civilization. Those are just to name a few but the show has amazing representation for Asian and Native American cultures. But I believe that all of this was done in a excellent way for people in other spirals. The show does introduce stage green concepts without being overly preachy or controversial to the point where it triggers people who aren't green that are likely also watching the show. I believe they can be used to articulate larger conversations and help people understand the point of view of green. I wouldn't say that it would directly push people to green, but it will plant seeds if that makes any sense. Stage Yellow: The show does a good job at not demonizing the Fire Nation, despite them being the antagonists of the show. On an individual level, you see a lot of humanization whether it is from the beginning from Prince Zuko and Uncle Iroh and how their redemption arc flourished, or in the end of Princess Azula's mental break down in the final battle. On the collective level the show also brings into question the differentiation between soldier and civilian (S1E10 "Jet") as well as showing the propaganda that is in Fire Nation culture (all of season 3 but especially S3E2 "The Headband" and S3E17 "The Ember Island Player" because they directly deal with ideology and propaganda). Also S2 E10 "The Library" calls the audience to question who they're even rooting for. This episode is when the characters walk into Wan Shi Tongs Library, a library infinite knowledge (I think it was supposed to be based on the Library of Alexandria). When Sokka says something along the lines of "with this infinite knowledge, we can defeat the Fire Nation and end the Hundred Year War" the librarian, Wan Shi Tong, depicted by a really creepy owl that gave me nightmares as a kid, gets angry and asks the kids and the audience "do you think you're the first ones in this library who believed that their side of a war is justified?" Firstly this is important because even though the Fire Nation has created chaos for the other nations, it establishes the protagonists position as yet, just another perspective. Additionally, I think it also addresses the desire to use knowledge for our own egotistical desires such as war instead of a healthy system. The show also depicts the cycle of war and how victims can become perpetrators of further violence because of the bitterness that comes with loss. This is first introduced in S1 E10 "Jet" where a group of orphaned kids basically beat up innocent Fire Nation civillians as well as wipe out entire settlements because of the pain they felt because their villages were burned to the ground and their parents were killed by the Fire Nation. It is also delved into on S3 E16 "The Southern Raiders" where Katara tried to hunt down and kill the man who led the raid on her village and killed her mother. While Katara is kind and loving for much of series, this episode delves into other more painful parts of her character. The pain of the loss even caused her to use waterbending techniques that basically went against her regular moral compass. Another episode where this is discussed is in S3 E8 "The Puppet Master" where Hama manipulates (and in some cases tortures) Fire Nation civilians using her powers because of they way she was hunted and imprisoned earlier in the war as a young woman. I also think elements of stage yellow can also be seen by how the show articulates green concepts as I mentioned earlier in this post. It doesn't push anything on it's viewers and lets the audience draw their own conclusions. Because of that the show is seen as progress and if I recall correctly, has faced little to no controversy from anyone really. I also think its smart to depict stage green concepts in a fictional universe to people who aren't at green so there is some personal distance between their egos and the issues and as a result they can see the limitations of their stages in a more objective manner. Stage Turquoise: Finally, the show scratches the surface of stage turquoise. Because the world is based on Asian culture, there are concepts of Eastern philosophy that is scattered throughout the show. Some examples include death being an illusion, separation being an illusion, letting go of egoic and worldly desires, and aligning chakras. The best episode for this is S2 E19 "The Guru." I have seen previous posts on this website talking about it more in depth and I'd recommend people check those out. Its a great way to introduce people, especially children, to concepts regarding nonduality without over complicating anything while still getting the message across. But yeah, those are some of my thoughts on this show. I got a lot from it as a kid, especially from the timeless humor that people still make memes about 15 years later, but I got so much more from it as an adult when I got more serious about self-development which is why I wanted to share all of this on this forum. I believe this show is a gem in general, but especially for kids because of the amount of complexities that are depicted in a simplistic manner.

Abbey Sharp is a licensed dietitian on YouTube who breaks and critiques down people's "what I eat in a day" videos. She also advocates for intuitive eating (has an entire series on it) and listening to your body instead of constantly going on crash diets. Her entire channel is amazing and she definitely helped me have a more healthier attitude towards food without restricting what I eat. And eventually, I didn't have to try to eat healthy, it felt pretty much automatic. I highly recommend

@Husseinisdoingfine THIS TOOK ME TF OUT LMAO . It honestly made my day

I brought up sex in regards to the spiral in another thread. I'm just copying and pasting what I had wrote down. I'm really curious about this subject and I want to know what yall think. As far as Beige is concerned, from what I understand is that stage has to do with being a baby and learning to walk, talk, properly see, and move through the world. I don't think there is much you can say on sex there. Purple/Red: Disregard future consequences. Have all the sex you want with as many people you want in your tribe or empire, be guided by your primal desires. Don't consider what other people think even if it violates consent. I wouldn't be surprised if prostitution was common in purple or red. Blue: Repression because of potential consequences (whether it is STDs, infidelity, or God's wrath). Expectation to not have sex because or else you are a whore going against God's will. I wouldn't be surprised if notions of purity have come up in stage blue because of the prevalence of STDs since historically not everyone had the means to contraceptives and the only way to control people was through dogma. (Here I think it's good to integrate potential consequences and thinking ahead) Orange: Backlash against blue. Expectation to participate in hook up culture or else you're some repressed prude. Sex isn't some sacred thing, you just blow your load and that's it. Blue sees this desire to make sex secular as a way of potentially going back to purple/red because casual sex is seen as barbaric and unorderly. (Here I think it's good to integrate the idea that sex isn't dirty, there is nothing wrong with casual sex as long as it's safe and consensual, and that there shouldn't be religious justifications for repressing sex) Green: Emphasis on consent. Do what feels right granted that it feels authentic and isn't rooted in society's or other people's pressure. Don't shame people for saying yes or no. Feminism also comes in because it emphasizes how the patriarchy shames women, and sometimes men, for saying yes or no. I mention men because not all men want sex but there are notions of masculinity in the patriarchy that paints men as these sex hungry creatures and if you don't want sex, there is something wrong with you and you aren't manly. Sex is more emotionally intimate and can be held as sacred for some people (especially in the case of some new age spiritual people). Orange has a backlash against this because why would sex be something that can be seen as sacred on an emotional level. That looks like it's regressing back to blue. (Here it's good to integrate other people's views so that they can coexist whether their views may be for casual sex ,for waiting, for embracing sexuality with someone you care about for spiritual reasons, or for things such as gay sex if that is your orientation) Yellow: Emphasis on understanding other perspectives. Like green, yellow wants to have a more holistic approach to understanding different people's perspectives. However, it isn't triggered like green when it comes to repression or hookup culture because it sees the rest of the spiral. Also sex is cool at yellow, there is nothing wrong with having it or not having it, but there are other things in life that catches its attention such as research and analysis of models. (Here, it's good to integrate that sex is nice but isn't a necessity for living a good life. You can let go of desires or not let go, but neither choice comes from a place of repression. This fluidity is because you aren't clinging to your sexuality) *I'm not sure about yellow tbh but this is my observation Turquoise: I genuinely have no idea

I don't like how people think it's repressive. I can see why that view exists and I think it's because of why people would refrain from sex historically. As a result, a lot of people tend to tie in waiting with shame around sex. If it's 100% your choice, I don't think you're repressing anything. In order to repress something, the feelings have to be there and denied. If your desire to have sex isn't there because you genuinely want to wait, the feelings aren't there in the first place so there is nothing to deny. That's like telling me that I'm repressing my anger by not expressing it when I'm not angry in the first place. As long as you aren't chaining anyone and expecting anyone to abide by your personal standards (which you aren't), there is no repression involved. And since some people want to bring the spiral into this, here are my thoughts: Purple/Red: Disregard future consequences. Have all the sex you want with as many people you want in your tribe or empire, be guided by your primal desires. Don't consider what other people think even if it violates consent. Blue: Repression because of potential consequences (whether it is STDs, infidelity, or God's wrath). Expectation to not have sex because or else you are a whore going against God's will. I wouldn't be surprised if notions of purity have come up in stage blue because of the prevalence of STDs since historically not everyone had the means to contraceptives and the only way to control people was through dogma. (Here I think it's good to integrate potential consequences and thinking ahead) Orange: Backlash against blue. Expectation to participate in hook up culture or else you're some repressed prude. Sex isn't some sacred thing, you just blow your load and that's it. Blue sees this desire to make sex secular as a way of potentially going back to purple/red because casual sex is seen as barbaric and orderly. (Here I think it's good to integrate the idea that sex isn't dirty, there is nothing wrong with casual sex as long as it's safe and consensual, and that there shouldn't be religious justifications for repressing sex) Green: Emphasis on consent. Do what feels right granted that it feels authentic and isn't rooted in society's or other people's pressure. Don't shame people for saying yes or no. Feminism also comes in because it emphasizes how the patriarchy shames women, and sometimes men, for saying yes or no. I mention men because not all men want sex but there are notions of masculinity in the patriarchy that paints men as these sex hungry creatures and if you don't want sex, there is something wrong with you and you aren't manly. Sex is more emotionally intimate and can be held as sacred for some people (especially in the case of some new age spiritual people). Orange has a backlash against this because why would sex be something that can be seen as sacred on an emotional level. That looks like it's regressing back to blue. (Here it's good to integrate other people's views so that they can coexist whether their views may be for casual sex ,for waiting, for embracing sexuality with someone you care about for spiritual reasons, or for things such as gay sex if that is your orientation) Yellow: Emphasis on understanding other perspectives. Like green, yellow wants to have a more holistic approach to understanding different people's perspectives. However, it isn't triggered like green when it comes to repression or hookup culture because it sees the rest of the spiral. Also sex is cool at yellow, there is nothing wrong with having it or not having it, but there are other things in life that catches its attention such as research and analysis of models. (Here, it's good to integrate that sex is nice but isn't a necessity for living a good life. You can let go of desires or not let go, but neither choice comes from a place of repression. This fluidity is because you aren't clinging to your sexuality) *I'm not sure about yellow tbh but this is my observation Turquoise: I genuinely have no idea

I'm just going off of how I shifted from green to more yellow I would try to convey how if you want to make lasting change that helps women, minorities, and people disadvantaged by society, you need to tackle things on a systemic level to prevent false hierarchies from happening in the first place (this appeals for their value for flattening the hierarchies). Green in general advocates for the marginalized and opens their heart to them and I guess you could frame systems thinking as opening your heart to more than each group of people and rather to everyone as a whole. As far as shifting from more collective to individualistic again, I think that will happen more as a side effect of the above. From what i understand about yellow, its not that they don't value groups and interactions but it just comes in second to analyzing systems.

Just in general I don't see how wanting to wait til marriage is regressing to traditional norms as long as waiting is genuinely what you want and isn't rooted with what other people or society thinks of you which includes notions of purity etc. It's also problematic to expect a person to not wait simply because of societal norms when they have made it clear that they do want to wait. What I'm trying to say is that waiting isn't regressive. Doing things because of other people 's expectations or society (regardless of if that means having sex or not) is what is actually regressive. In other words. Do you.

@Roy Also to add on to that. Sex is not an act of charity, it's a personal choice. If anyone is put off by you wanting to wait, that's okay, they are allowed to have their own needs but they need to find someone else and you need to honor your needs as well. That would weed those people out and eventually you'll find someone else who is also willing to wait and as a result, no one will feel deprived (that is if both parties are being honest with themselves) which leads to a more healthy relationship. Sex is not a given in every relationship and it isn't anything that anyone is entitled towards regardless of gender since it is a personal choice.

After I started taking self development work more seriously, I found myself getting more and more invested in my own studies, not in a *I need to produce as much as I can* way but more of a *I want to analyze the world and marvel at how interconnected it is* kind of way. I have heard that moving from orange to green, people often see a drop in initial productivity because they move from focusing on achievement to focusing on relationships. I was wondering if when you move from green to yellow, if it is possible to be less interested in building relationships and instead shift your focus towards analyzing models, not for the sake of achievement but for the sake of understanding. I definitely still care about connecting to people but I have noticed that in the last year or so that I'm much more driven by models and understanding the world as opposed to socializing. I have become a bit more like a hermit, yet I don't feel disconnected or lonely. Is this just me or is this part of moving from green to yellow?

Desired Career Paths I realized that my interests have remained the same. For years these are the things that I have been into: analyzing and evaluating different cultures how businesses work art and creativity (which goes back to different cultures and also has to do with strategy imo) thinking strategically self development But the means in which I wanted to express those interests have changed greatly throughout the years (and so has the way I tune into these interests but that's another topic). Also I realized that they correspond with where I was at in the spiral at the time. I don't have anything for purple, red, or blue because I was a child when I was predominantly at those stages and I wasn't seriously thinking about a career path nor were my interests clearly defined at that age. I wish I had stories about what I wanted to be when I grew up when I was little but from what I remember, I would hear that question and be like "i don't know I'm 5." That sense of not knowing and confusion would creep into existential dread as I became a teenager lol. From the ages of 14-18 when I still had quite a bit of orange in me, I was drawn to the idea of becoming a strategic manager or working on Wall Street From 17-19 I became more critical of that vision particularly on how that would emotionally fulfill me as i moved into green. I saw working on wall street as something I wouldn't mind doing temporarily given that it would fund my desire to travel and create art. Then it turned into me demonizing wall street as I moved deeper into green. Now currently as I shift more towards yellow, I see this want to become a professor and do more research on social sciences as opposed to travelling around (though I am still open to that experience). Wall Street doesn't interest me much anymore, though I am still open to it as I see it as a challenge to do something more consciously and change things up. I wonder if when I get to turquoise if I would want to just abandon everything and just become a monk hahaha. But I'm not there yet so I don't know. I wonder how my interest would manifest at this stage. I'm currently dead set on completing my degree. I'm majoring in Finance and International Relations with a minor in Human Rights. I did a great job in deciding what I wanted to study and it suits me sooooooo well but I have no idea what I want to do with my degree yet. I want to make sure that the next step I take with my career has to do with what is true to me in the long run rather than what is true to me in the moment depending on my stage of development. I did a good job at that when it came to my field of study. I'm not sure where to go from here when it comes to my line of work. I'm open to a number of possibilities for my future career. One of the best pieces of advice I got from a professor is that it's good to have an idea of what you want in a career in terms of what you value it's not the best idea to be dead set in one specific path. Because when you're set on one path and one path only, you might miss out on alternatives that could have fit you much better.

@DefinitelyNotARobot In addition to women who want to wait but then give in because they don't want to uphold their boundaries, I would also add another group of women who feel the need to put up this front to wait longer because society as a whole does not respect women who want to sleep around. Either way, its about people not being true to themselves and has less to do with where those boundaries are at and more to do with executing those boundaries. Some women want to wait and some want to sleep around. Either way its fine and self respect has to do with honoring what is authentic to you. I can see how waiting can garner more respect especially considering that its difficult to keep up and stay dedicated to. But at the same time staying dedicated to something is the quality that is more respected rather than the decision itself if that makes any sense. I think this is a pretty healthy attitude to have but I would just be wary of judging women especially in this regard because of the context in which women's sexualities tend to be scrutinized by society as a whole. I'm not saying that's what is happening, I'm saying to take that part into consideration as well.

@DefinitelyNotARobot I feel like what you're describing has more to do with someone sticking to their boundaries, knowing what they want, and being rock solid/ self assured rather than waiting for sex (even though that is one of the places where you can observe someone sticking to boundaries or lack thereof) To me those girls don't sound fake, but rather unsure of what they want and willing to waver. And when you don't stick to something and take it seriously, other people around you won't take things as seriously. "Cheapness" in a way has more to do with your lack of ability to stick to your boundaries and enforce them rather than where those boundaries lie in the first place. But don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with changing your mind about something. However, changing your mind on something should be done if you genuinely want to change for yourself rather than changing for the sake of other people.

This is Random But.... I have noticed that skincare as a whole makes me happy. I really feel like I'm taking care of myself and like I'm winding down whenever I do my skincare routine in the morning or in the night. It feels weirdly zen and incredibly relaxing. I have caught myself looking up skin care products randomly. I'm not even concerned with any "problem areas" per se. When I look up products, I'm not even looking at what the product can do for me. I'm just looking at how satisfying it looks lol. Trying out different skincare products seems like a lot of fun not because of what the product can do why how it feels physically and emotionally. I know a lot of it is probably me getting heavily influenced by marketing and how it ties things like skincare in with self care and femininity. My monkey mind can't resist lol. I feel like if I made a decent amount of money to where I am completely financially free/ stable to where money isn't a concern, skin care is one of the things I would splurge on. It wouldn't be houses, it wouldn't be cars, it wouldn't be fancy food, shoes, clothes etc. It would be a face mist I could spray and feel like a fairy while doing it. I also made kind of like this vision board because I know that I'm not currently in the place to own all of these things and because I'm trying to save my money. I think this is a better way of embracing this itch rather than going out and spending a shit ton of money. Also, now that I write this out, the link between skincare and femininity does make sense to me and where I'm at with my journey of self-improvement. Lately I have been trying to embrace my femininity more and let myself be vulnerable so that I can invite more gentleness into my life. In a way, skincare feels like a way that I could treat myself more gently and honor my sense of vulnerability. .........well that took a weird turn..

I'm also thinking about waiting for sex. Not til marriage, but until I find someone I really like and get into a long term relationship with them for a number of months. My reasons are the following. My period is super irregular. I know that things like condoms and birth control, though highly effective, are not 100% guaranteed to protect against pregnancy. If anything goes wrong, I won't be able to tell until its like 2 months later. Or my period might come late and I'll have a false alarm. Either way, an orgasm isn't worth the anxiety especially if it's with someone who I don't care for like that. I know that I'm the type of person that sees sex as an emotional experience that can be used to deeply connect to people. I wouldn't go as far to say that it is sacred and I fully understand and support people who don't see sex as a big deal. But I do recognize that I am not one of those people and I'm willing to do what is right for me and what is true to my needs. Also I feel like, at least for me personally, that it would be difficult to have really good sex unless you know someone really well. I feel that in order to be vulnerable, there needs to be a large degree of trust and emotional intimacy that needs to be established, even outside of the bedroom. Especially outside of the bedroom. As far as sexual compatibility before marriage, I personally don't see it as a deal breaker but I can understand how for some people, physical intimacy plays a role in feeling connected to your partner. Honestly, I might be a little weird when it comes to this but if I had a partner who wasn't getting his needs sexually met, I wouldn't mind if he got those needs met outside of the relationship (after letting me know) granted those relations are mainly physical and not emotional and both parties are being safe. I don't think it's cheating as long as there is consent involved. I consider myself pretty open when it comes to sex. I don't mind talking about it and I want to try a variety of things but I want to make sure it's with the right person. I don't think sex is a big deal, not in a sense where its like *sex isn't a big deal just go sleeping around stop making it something that is sacred* but in a sense where regardless of your preference do you, and do what feels right for you granted you aren't hurting anyone.

I also wonder where I can find more stage yellow people irl. I love having this forum as an outlet, but deep down inside I'm more of an offline person when it comes to cultivating relationships. So far my go to for finding people to talk to is popping up in my professors office hours to nerd out about whatever is being discussed in class and getting additional materials for my own research just because I'm interested. I find that a lot of my professors, specifically the ones who are more focused towards social sciences like anthropology, sociology, political science, etc. tend to be more yellow leaning and are aware of how events and solutions play out on a systemic level.

I'm in a similar place as well. I can still enjoy regular people things such as hanging out with people, being funny, looking cute etc. but it just doesn't resonate like it used to. I still have interest and am involved in my reality but I feel like I look through it in a different lens. People already look at me like weird af when I discuss the need for more socialism in the government in my solidly orange environment. I'm pretty sure I'd look absolutely insane if I share my spiritual views or start talking about spiral dynamics Yeah at this point I think it's healthier for people to be on their own path instead of just giving them all the answers. For me personally, it has been better for my personal mental health as well as my relationships with others since giving advice and telling people what to do doesn't always equal to empathizing and connecting with others. Plus it's like half of the time the advice goes over people's heads and sometimes they end up overwhelmed with and existential crisis because I said too much too soon for their place in their journey. But yeah, I'm glad that this forum exists so we can find like minded people who is going to be more receptive of our train of thoughts and way of looking at the world.

That reminds me of this one experience I had in the business school that I'm attending in college (which is pretty heavily orange). Basically I kept trying to make friends and tap into people's interests so that I could have deeper conversations and analyze the world. That didn't work but I didn't take things too personally. I just figured that I would eventually find people. Then our professor had us take this personality quiz (it was the OCEAN test that scored you on openness, contentiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and neuroticism). She read out the class averages and I remember the class average for openness was a 15 (not very open) while my score was a 95. Openness mainly had to do with how open you are to analyzing the world, to new experiences, art, philosophy, science etc. And at that moment it made sense why i didn't connect to people in my class as well. I was trying to appeal to openness when most people didn't operate from it. I'm sure there are some really open orange people out there but I think in general openness expands as you go up the spiral. A lot of my green friends that took the class previously scored higher. I think there is also a thing where progressives/liberals tend to score higher than conservatives do as well.

@tuckerwphotography I also had that moment where I didn't feel like myself. I was so confused. It was like a lot of my green interests, mainly when it came to things like politics and social justice, faded away. I still have some type of interest to where I am informed and I read up on things, but I'm not passionately advocating for my views like I user to. I felt confused with this shift (I would say it started happening from like March 2019). Like I was losing interest of the things that I used to be passionate about, but it didnt come with depression. I just kind of brushed it off and went with it but the whole thing feels even more real, especially during COVID. Part of me is kind of glad that I can retreat and delve into my interests more without being judged for being an awkward hermit lmao

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." Charles H. Duell (Commisioner of U.S. Office of Patents) 1899

Yeah I'm not too sure what to put on a dream board to deal with this. Maybe it's to lift your overall mood and get out of the habit of thinking/feeling a certain way?

@Leo Gura Ok thank you. Because lately I've been feeling like I'm going full nerd mode in the best way possible where I want to analyze everything. I currently derive a lot of my happiness and fulfillment through researching along with self-development work and just being alone with my thoughts in meditation. I'm pretty sure I look like a hermit and really weird to outsiders, mainly orange and some green people, but idc mainly because of how happy I currently am. I'm just doing what's right for me at this time according to what resonates.