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First Class: Notes So in this entry, I'm going to be jotting down my notes I took in class. I'm going to meditate on this and then post my reactions later on because there is just so much to soak up. It's isn't so much in the sense there is a lot of content but so much in the sense that the few things I heard takes some time to really sink in to the psyche. "Your consciousness is located in your reality and it creates your reality." consciousness is not limited to your brain-> your reality is within your consciousness thought is a form of consciousness itself What are the distinctions of subjective and objective reality? we like to see the external as something out there and separate from us but what if your external world and internal world are one and the same? our external experiences have impacted out internal sense of self My additional thoughts: our internal sense of self shapes out perspective of external experiences and how we interact with those experiences therefore our internal selves become our external reality. (law of attraction, psychology etc.) Who you are flows into your external reality "Of course it is happening inside your head but why on earth should that mean it's not real?"- Dumbledore "There is a deep part of us we aren't aware of even though it is part of awareness itself." What is God?: God is consciousness Idealism: everything is made of consciousness idea is also preset in many Eastern traditions west: we all live in out own worlds, out own reality cognitive psych: out brain chemistry makes our reality-> what is that made of-> materialism says atom and molecules don't have consciousness-> then what makes the mind? We can't quantify it but we know its real -> We can't make sense of reality through materialism-> examine thoughts and feelings-> "I think, therefore, I am" (Descartes) Problem with Materialism/ "Hard Problem" east: there is one consciousness that flows through all of us, making a consistent reality avoids the "hard problem" I also thought of nonduality William James: father of psych, professor at Harvard, brother of Henry James, gave first psych class, American philosopher stream of consciousness Our experiences and lives have continuity. It's like a stream There was no time where we broke off and stopped being ourselves (gradual changes, flowing changes, again think of a stream) introspection as a tool to observe consciousness-> Meditation "we are always present but the present is always changing" We are always changing the present is all there is (reminds me of the notion of how both the past and future are imaginary) Distinction between knower and the known If you're your experiences, then who is the one experiencing? How do you know the knower? without the knower we don't know anything without consciousness, we don't know anything if the knower is consciousness itself "Consciousness is the purest form of the knower. The knower is the purest form of consciousness" it is not an it: once you put a label to it, it becomes something outside of you > very self evident, but also very elusive Ok so I'm done for today. I'm going to be right back and have an existential crisis lol

Reading one book per week can be an act to build discipline and perseverance by giving you a structure and object to abide by because of a set quantity and time frame. That's great but I would also be mindful of the amount of value you get from those book and the quality learning/ experience you implement over time. Some people can read a book per day and get immense value, other people who read a book per day barely remember what they read a few days ago. Some people take a month to read a book and derive a lot of key insights and implications and others read a book per month because they were distracted and procrastinating. It's going to differ person to person because of personality and approaches but whatever helps you grow and gives you the best balance for quality and quantity is your best bet.

@Opo Either they shift and realize or you have to find new people who are conscious enough to take in the information. Regardless of the case, you will end up with a more conscious police force. Process of elimination. Giving a stage red, blue, orange person a gun an a position where they can be excused is a recipe of disaster as one can see with the recent Black Lives Matter protests. High consciousness needs to be a requirement so they know how to deal with people without stooping down to their level and creating more problems. "We can't solve problems with the same level of thinking we used to create them" - Einstein And that also applies to consciousness

Question to Contemplate for the "Who Am I Essay" I'm basically going to let this simmer in my mind. I want to be careful and intentional with what I come up with because I have only four pages I can write (double spaced). I'm guessing he wants this essay to be succinct and focused so we don't beat around the bush when it comes to our identities. These questions were basically a starting point suggested from my professor. Since there are a lot of them, I went ahead and bolded the ones I find myself drawn to. What key experiences have defined who I am? Do I have different components? Levels? What are they? What is my vision of who I would like to become in the future? What is the goal of human existence? What is an “ideal” human being? What is the deepest longing that I have in my life? Am I the same person now that I was ten years ago? One minute ago? Why or why not? What is the essence of who I am or do I even have an essence/core? What gives my life joy? Meaning? Why? What do I hide from others? From myself? Why? Am I free from my past experiences and background or defined by them? How so? What will happen to “me” after my death? (Best guesses) What is my connection (if any) to God or whatever I consider to be of ultimate importance?

More training in de-escalation techniques, human psychology, sociology, how power works, etc. The police needs a good theoretical background in addition to hands on training so they can used what they learned in hands on training effectively and reasonably. Also using force as a last resort. Limiting arms/ ammunition. Some is necessary but it can't be to the point where it freaks out everyone in any interaction with an officer. It also depends on department. Emphasis on protection and feeling safe over being panicky and on guard for shit to go down when it comes to how people view the police.

Dream Journal 8/27 Got drinks with some guy I liked in NYC . We then got an expensive dinner on some boat. We were apparently old friends but I didn't know who he was. We were catching up. Came back to my home town. There were some girls I recognized who were blasting the City Girls. Me and my friend group just laughed and started reminiscing. Went to the state fair but it was set up more like a carnival with a few of my old friends. We ate a bunch of food and played some carnival games. We won this game that was a team effort. The guy I liked told me he thought I am beautiful and gave me some macaroons. I was flattered but I didn't feel the same way. I liked him once but not anymore since we lacked anything in common anymore. The city has expanded and is much larger and much more populated because the highways were super packed.

New Journal I forgot to link my new journal that relates to my religion class here yesterday. So here it is :

From what I understood, sensors are people who focus more on the details while intuitives are more focused with the big picture. Like if you show them an abstract painting, a sensor will look at it and admire the colors and the brush strokes while intuitives will look for symbolism and deeper meaning. This dichotomy has to do with how information/ and experiences are processed When it comes to judging and perceiving, judgers are more plan oriented while perceivers are more spontaneous. This dichomy has to do with how you react to events and experiences. You can be well planned out and be detail oriented. You could be well planned out and focused on big picture understanding. Or you can be spontaneous and detail oriented. You can also be spontaneous with big picture understanding Regardless of whether you are well planned out, spontaneous, detail oriented, or focused on the big picture, you can always be open to experience.

Some animals have different cones in their eyes that enables them to see more colors than humans. This is present with a lot of insects.

The reason why people say "looks don't matter" even though they clearly have preferences when it comes to attractiveness and prioritize it when dating (whether consciously or unconsciously) is because what people find attractive is highly subjective. Looks matter when people are deciding who to date but what counts as good looks varies a lot from person to person. To be extremely blunt, there is 8 billion people in the world and many of them are into some strange things (strange from my perspective not strange in general). There is bound to be a portion of people to find you physically attractive. I feel like it's more difficult to deal with this when you're young because a lot of people when they are teens and young adults don't know themselves or what they do or don't like in a person and then just go off of looks. It's messed up and it show a lack of maturity and experience imo. Plus its not the only factor. Your ex sounds incredibly insecure and like an asshole (and kinda emotionally abusive). Pretty sure she gets it from her dad. Its not you, it's her. It's much easier said then done, especially since it happened over and over again, but try not to internalize it and generalize every future experience based on it. Also btw, you really aren't ugly. In fact, I thought you were kind of cute. You have amazing eyebrows.

I'm also tempted to introduce this model with my professors as well. Should I do that while discounting/ down playing turquoise to avoid scaring them off? I can see SD being accepted but I can't see people receive turquoise well just yet.

Its a coping mechanism and a form of meaning making. By making the painful memories seem perfect, we assign a higher meaning to those memories, whether it is growth or whether it is pointing us to a better future. In doing so it makes us feel as though we didn't suffer for no reason.

I definitely agree with this. SD can potentially hurt a lot of egos and cause a lot of backlash from lower stages that believe that THEY are the highest stage. I'm sure if you introduce someone to SD at orange they'll try to discredit SD because of the notion of green being higher than them since they have a lot of backlash against green. Like I can just imagine showing SD to someone who is solidly orange being like wHaT DO yoU MeAN tHe hIPPies aRe HIGher than mE tHIs iS uNsCienTIFIC

Substance is definitely more important but I wouldn't necessarily say that judging based on style is shallow. It is not the most accurate in the long run but when you're first getting to know someone (mainly in the first couple months or so) it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between the two because you're dealing with a lack of information. Substance takes some time to get a feel for because it has to do with patterns over time while style is something taken at face value. The conflict happens because attraction is something that often is instantaneous so it's going to naturally favor style over substance.

I was exposed to other religions and started questioning which one is the right one since all of them claimed to be so. I went to a stage blue christian school and the kids bullied me because I was Hindu. Then I realized that all religions have that one group that thinks they're the best and that everyone else will burn in hell and thought that was messed up since I didn't want anyone to go through the bs I was going through. Later on, I studied other religions outside of my own in middle school. Sometimes that helps you see how relative it all is. Also as far as obeying authority goes, I realized early on that my parents weren't the most reliable source because they were pretty toxic especially compared to my friends' parents. Therefore, I started questioning them and just anyone in authority in general because I saw how blindly following someone or something can lead to your demise. It was a survival strategy. The only reason why I went to orange instead of red is because just in general, I was a pretty calm and agreeable kid. I couldn't pick a fight and start something if I tried (unless it was an argument/debate). This and the bullying thing happened around when I was 9. I didn't go through the phase of being an angry theist or angry atheist. My family wasn't super religious and never pushed it on me. I didn't go through the angry atheist phase either because I adopted the label of being agnostic at around 13 because that made the most sense to me. Back then my logic was, hey i can't know for sure and it best to claim that I don't know and be humble instead of going around and yelling at people who also don't have the answers. I also saw healthy manifestations of religion as well where people weren't harming each other. My take is this, if a bearded man in the sky can give you guidance and hope, who am i to smash that to pieces. This helped me not demonize blue too much. But i did see the excesses and that freaked me out a little for a while (12-15) but then its like, there is a lot of social conditioning and factors that causes people to act like this. That realization happened around 16.

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you so much it sounds really intriguing. Will definitely check it out

The Reading Material For This Course The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment- Eckhart Tolle The Road Less Traveled, Timeless Edition: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth- M. Scott Peck Extraordinary Knowing: Science, Skepticism, and the Inexplicable Powers of the Human Mind- Elizabeth Lloyd Mayer INTRODUCTION TO TANTRA (edited by Johnathan Landaw) Bhagavad Gita

First Day of Classes I was rather nervous of starting classes a couple days ago. After a couple of meditation sessions, I felt as though I calmed down by a solid 90%. So I finished my first day of classes and here is how things went. Woke up at 5: Surprisingly I got my sleep schedule on track rather quickly. I woke up, meditated, worked out, took a shower, and then started my day. Really proud of myself for getting up early and working out again though it felt like a pain at the moment. That satisfaction lasted me for the whole day. I felt super energized despite my lack of sleep. Then, I started classes at 8. International Finance: Pretty excited for this class. Seems like a lot of work considering its only my second finance class and prerequisite knowledge is helpful thought not required to enroll. Because of this, I'm a little nervous but I'm still pretty sure I can figure things out if I'm on top of it. It does seem pretty interesting and up until now, my morning has gone well. Business Law: This class was super stressful. I have yet to get my textbook in the mail so I'm actually behind. The professor spoke really fast and expected students to have it together. I think I was trying to keep up with her and even though I wasn't talking I felt pretty out of breath. I think it's the whole thing about when someone speaks to you, you tend to breath in the same pattern as they do. I was on edge for the entire hour and a half because I didn't know wtf I was doing. The whole class felt very fast paced and afterwards I felt as though I came back from running a mile. I'm still pretty excited for this class because I think it will keep me accountable for not procrastinating. I definitely don't want to have that type of experience again where class rushed passed me without me really retaining anything (though this was because of logistic issues rather than procrastination but still. I felt like a bundle of nerves afterwards...... Religion: I'm taking this class called Understanding the Self: Eastern and Western Perspectives. It combines perspectives from religion and psychology in regards to what consciousness is. The class felt like the opposite of my law class. The professor was super calm and incredibly joyous. Apparently he as been studying into human consciousness for the last 25 years now. So far , I have a paper that I need to write about my concept of who I am (shouldn't be a problem since I have been doing actualization work for a couple of years lol), start meditating (like he is giving us time IN CLASS to meditate towards the middle of the semester), and keep a dream journal. It felt like a breath of fresh air. I'm thinking of making a second journal on this forum dedicated to this class since I find the contents of this class to align well with this forum. Stay Tuned. Investment Analysis: Not sure how to feel about this class. I haven't taken the lab portion yet so I'm not going to get a full feel til Friday. It doesn't seem too bad but I need to brush up on some prior concepts. All in all, today felt like a long day. I mean, I had 4 of my 6 classes today with little breaks. I still need to prepare from my accounting class tomorrow and get ahead on some work assigned today. I still have yet to get through my accounting class and my international relations seminar. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

@Cykaaaa Thank you sooo much!!! This honestly made my day ?☺️ I'm so glad you're getting value from this for your own journey as well ?? Also tbh, I was a little hesitant to do long posts like this at first and as a result starting off I saw this journal as me yelling into the void lmao. And because of that, this comment is all the more sweeter ❤ Here's to continuing to grow and integrating more lessons in the future ?

I had a similar experience as well. To really get a general understanding of spiral dynamics takes a while and most people don't have the patience to listen to that or do the research on their own if you mention it in passing. It's difficult to articulate in a short concise way because of how nuanced it is. I want to just send them a playlist of Leo's videos since those are pretty in depth but honestly I know that my friends will look at it and be like "this is WAAAAYYY too long" and then not want to listen. I feel that often times you need to really get hooked on a topic like that in order to pay attention to that extent. That's difficult to do if you are just starting out on something and aren't even sure whether or not you like it much less willing to sit through hours of content. My question is, why hasn't universities and professors noticed SD? It can be applied to a variety of different fields (I swear I see hints of it in pretty much every class I have taken thus far) and can explain a lot of phenomenon that they are already researching. I get the aversion to stage turquoise but many types of academic research does lean towards yellow (especially the social sciences).

I have recently been trying to take meditation seriously and in my last session, I started off with being really conscious of the sensations in my body and then moved into this state where my body didn't feel real. It wasn't unpleasant. In fact it was very peaceful and relaxing. It was as if I was floating and had very little bodily sensation. Even after meditating as I continued my daily tasks, I still had this floating sensation and my arms didn't feel real. This lasted roughly an hour after my session. What's this about?

I think with OCEAN, openness to experience and neuroticism can have an impact of how easily you're willing to let go and go with it and the frequency of good/ bad trips. I'd assume that people who are highly neurotic or hell simply in a bad mood are more likely to experience not so pleasant experiences

@Matt23 With internal and external change, I feel like it's one of the chicken or egg type of situations. You can have internal change that can lead to external change. Let's say you get clear about your mental health and self esteem issues without externally changing much and then now you decide to leave your abusive partner and get a more fulfilling job. You can have external change that can lead to internal change. One example is moving to another country and having to adjust what you think of the world because you're exposed to a new society. Also I think depth of experience can carry a weight as well. Like you could grow more if you stick to one place and settle down and really delve into one career instead of running around the world hedonisticly (drawing this distinction since some people like to use travel as a distraction from growth) like a crazy chicken with no head. The hedonist that's running around may make a lot of external changes but not always internal ones. I guess the difference there is how conscious you are about your experiences. Maybe being conscious about your experiences are what propels your growth. Change, whether internal or external, can provide a contrast to different unconscious parts of ourselves. For example with travelling, sometimes we think something is inherent or normal until we go to a different country where they don't do something the same way. Prior to that, we weren't even thinking of that thing in question. It was unconscious. Similarly, and internal example would be how awareness alone can be curative. I guess sometimes with older people, there is more tendency with stagnation because habits and routines can change how conscious you are in your day to day since habits in routines means we don't have to think as much and can just go on autopilot. You're more likely to be on your toes with changing circumstance

Starting Classes Again Tomorrow I'm going back to my classes. Thankfully they are all online. Normally I'm excited to start school every semester but this semester, I find myself rather nervous. I had some difficulty pin pointing exactly what. I think it has to do with everything online. I have taken online classes before. This summer I took two. I also did the rest of spring semester online after spring break as well. But I guess it's because I'm taking a full course load, not just two classes. I guess it's also because this time I had the process of coming to terms with online classes whereas with spring semester, I was thrusted into it while I was still in the shock phase of dealing with the pandemic. I also really miss being able to walk to class, go from building to building, seeing everyone in person. Being at home all the time almost feels like a never ending summer. Part of me doesn't even feel like the summer is ending. Its a strange feeling really. Whatever it is, I'm going to have to deal with it and this semester is still going to be coming at me tomorrow. We'll see what happens...

@Artsu I mean not leaving the home town is one example of not taking in experiences. I'm sure if you really tried, you could expand your experiences and delve into perspectives without making a large change like that. But I still think its quicker and more effective to change surroundings and just get out there