soos_mite_ah

And that is perfectly ok. You don't have to get everything from the get go. It takes some time to grow into growing. It's where you are right now in your journey. Honor that. It's ok. Validating your pain and reaching out for a healthy support system is an important part of going through the healing process, especially when it comes to abusive situations. I've been there. Anyone who invalidates that pain and tells you to just get over it isn't helping. It's very unempathetic and no one deserves to be kicked when they already feel down. There are empathetic people out there, it's just a matter of finding them. You are not weak or egoic for feeling pain. That type of treatment can really cut to the core of someone and really expose them to a plethora of other issues. Your reaction to all of this is perfectly natural and anyone in your shoes would feel that way even if they aren't aware of it. You are also not weak for taking your time with what you're going through. Given the context, it's normal for it to take time. It's not something that you can flip a switch on and nor should that be the expectation. No something like that isn't strange. It can take a while to come to that type of conclusion especially when gas lighting is involved. And yeah, it's an asshole move to get into a relationship when you don't even like the other person. Sounds like she had her own issues in regards to her own self worth to where she needed someone who likes her to validate her feelings at the cost of her not liking her partner in the first place. It's completely selfish and highly destructive for both of yall. That on you and your openness to healing at this part of your journey. You can do this. Don't give up on that hope

When it comes to your first relationships, or first anything for that matter, it's easy to be impressionable in those situations since you don't have that many experiences to compare it to. Because you don't have many prior experiences, you're rolling with the punches and don't always know how to handle things. Especially if that first experience is bad, it is difficult to let go. Don't underestimate that. It's ok to be resistant. It's ok to take time to figure this stuff out. You can acknowledge that pain and the tumultuous road to recovery without turning it into a limiting belief/ victim mentality where you just give up because it's too hard. It's hard but it's important to accept that it's hard so you can keep going. If you have prior experiences with feeling lonely and unlovable, you're more likely to fall into situations that reaffirm that and magnify it. From what i understand, you had this issue, your ex put a magnifying glass on it and made it worse, and you didn't get out in the first red flag and stuck around for multiple instances where she treated you badly because you had this belief about yourself in the back of your mind. If you never had that belief that could be affirmed in the first place, you probably would have gotten out earlier because the whole situation would seem absurd to you. Sometimes we stick around in situations that makes us feel bad because it reaffirms how badly we feel about ourselves. Which also goes back to how getting with a ton of girls and becoming likable won't solve anything. Even if you attract everyone, if you have that core belief, you will still gravitate towards unhealthy situations and choose them over everyone else. All of this is subconscious of course. Fix that core belief first and then focus on things like appearance and what not. If you focus on appearances beforehand, it will already reaffirm what you feel about yourself and that is the notion that you aren't worthy just the way you are. Also looks do matter, I'm not going to sugar coat that. I will be honest and say that looks wise that I have a specific type. But my "type" often looks ugly to some of my friends who have a completely different "type." But the key is understanding looks matter but not making it into a limiting belief which given what you, given have gone through, need to focus on. Looks matter but it isn't something that is standardized. Looks matter when it comes to personal preferences but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because there are so many different types of preferences that you're bound to be attractive in a lot of peoples eyes regardless of what you look like or what you think you look like. It's perfectly understandable that you have this belief that looks matter but I would critique that belief more without beating yourself up about it. I can see how constantly being told that looks don't matter feels like an invalidation of your perceived reality the trauma that you went through. And pushing down that experiences and not letting yourself feel will create more resistance and can cause you to dig your heels in more. What you went through is horrible and it's ok to recognize it, limiting beliefs and all. Only then can you heal. I'm glad that you are taking responsibility and seeing how you could have contributed to this situation. However, it's important to be able to distinguish responsibility from fault since we tend to see them as one and the same. Responsibility is your ability to respond. Beating yourself up for something that isn't your fault is the opposite of responsibility, it's victim mentality. Beating yourself up won't help you respond to the situation. Creating narratives of self loathing won't heal you from being hurt. Responsibility and knowing how to respond accordingly is about taking the power back so you can create agency for yourself to create change. It's the gateway to empowerment, not something that will beat you down. Fault on the other hand points fingers and is rooted in ego, even if you point the finger and blame yourself. I would recommend keeping this in mind because seeing responsibility as a way of putting the blame on yourself is the number one thing that deters people from wanting actually take responsibility and feel better. I don't think that this is what you're doing. I'm just saying this to keep in mind about it in the future since it's an easy trap a lot of people, myself included, fall into.

I'm glad that you are also trying to allow yourself to be happy lately. Also what consists of more love will depend on a person and their circumstance but yes in general, everyone needs more love. I think you are always allowed to have good things for yourself and let yourself be happy regardless of moral grounding. However, when you don't have a moral grounding, it's easier to grasp on to things that you think you'll make you happy (like exploitation etc) rather than things that will actually make you happy. Developing a solid moral grounding is an act of love to increase your levels of happiness. That's how I see it. I'm majoring in finance and international relations with a minor in human rights. I already did a lot of my social science courses. I enjoyed all them immensely. If you ever want to talk about social sciences and policy let me know. I'm more than enthusiastic to discuss

Yeah this seems like a big limiting belief. I'm glad that you recognize that you don't want to able to attract girls and you know that your fixation on sex is because it is rooted in insecurity. There is this notion that you will be liked more if you were "attractive" (which is really subjective) and you will be able to connect with other's if you aren't ugly. Even if you suddenly turn into the most attractive guy in your area, you will still feel this way. Even after having a girl friend, which means you are capable of connection, from what I understand is that it still didn't satiate your needs for feeling beautiful and therefore worthy of love and connection (because or else you wouldn't be here on this forum). Doing things to attract more girls and more sex is going to do nothing except cover up the issue so you can avoid it and not face it head on. It's a distraction from the actual work. The real issue is that you need to understand that you are worthy of connection regardless of looks, therefore transcending you envy in the first place. I can't say where to go from here because solutions are often very individualized but something I would try are affirmations. Yes, it's going to be silly and even unnatural at first but have a list of statements you repeat to yourself every single day (like "you're handsome etc."). You have been programmed with the belief that you are ugly because your ex affirmed that belief in you, not because it is actually true. It doesn't have to be true for you to align with that notion. Similarly, even if you think you aren't handsome, that doesn't have to be true for you to affirm that to yourself and get rid of that insecurity. Luckily what has been programmed can be deprogrammed. Another thing I would say to try is therapy if you can afford it. I think there is a lot of things going on apart from your looks. That last relationship made you feel unworthy of connecting with people and made love feel like this conditional thing. Those conditions can be anything depending on what the toxic person has decided and in your case that condition was your looks. I had something similar happen to me and for me my condition was being smart enough. Work this out with a professional. You had a difficult relationship in the past and it's going to be really hard to get over it if you don't do that introspection (either alone or with a professional). It's a festering wound that won't be filled even if everyone likes you and wants to connect with you because you haven't integrated that belief with yourself.

Yes I do think that's how it works. It worked for me every single time in the past. But then again, I have a broad definition of a solution to a puzzle. Sometimes the solution is more tangible where I need to do x y and z to deal with something. Other times the solution is more conceptual like understanding something about a person or situation to change my attitude with something. And some times the solution is me being more accepting and loving of the circumstances at play so that I can release the resistance that is holding me back so that the thing in question can pass through me. Honestly I have no clue.

I think it's also to connect to yourself on a deeper level. Many people give up their belongings because they don't want to be defined by what they own. I think that can apply to people as well. When you have a lot of people and friends around, it's easy to fall into different social dynamics with them and then learn to define yourself relative to how you guys interact with one another (regardless of the consciousness level of you and the people you're interacting with). When you're alone, you don't get to bounce your identity, experiences, and personality back and forth with others. When you're alone, there is just the self and there is nothing else to connect to except the self. I leaned so much more about myself in times when I was alone than times when I had a busy social circle because I was forced to look within myself rather than compare and interact externally and use those as a definition of who I am. Identity, experiences, personality, things, these are all identifiers of the false self or the ego. These are all subject to change and are fluent. The only thing that is constant is consciousness itself.

Dream Journal 8/31 I bought some new clothes at zara and after one wash they are completely torn. That was disappointing and kind of annoying. Also I dropped my phone and it got cracked pretty badly despite it having a case. I went to some beach party. It was fun but I was getting bored. I decided to head back into my hotel room. There was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. There is also this large boat up in the distance. Suddenly, one of the sails of the boat catches fire. The sky, the setting, everything was washed with a hue of orange. There is a restaurant that is rather far from the boat but really close to where I was walking. That also caught fire. I assumed my parents were worried so I began running to my hotel room. I entered and ran through a strip club so that I can get to where I want to go faster. Everyone there is calm for some reason and they look like they are carrying on like usual. I get to the front door just exciting the club. The cops show up. There is like an entire swat team running around everywhere. Then I head a round of bullets. Some people got shot. This felt like a war zone. I took cover and played dead and for some reason i'm not panicked at all by this. Next thing I know I get to my house. For some reason the house is at the beach even though I don't live near a beach. The sun isn't setting anymore, instead it's noon. I'm chilling in my car near my house watching youtube videos and then I hear moans from a few cars over and realize there are complete strangers just having sex there. I turn my earphones on louder. And for some reason the phone didn't have cracks. Also I know this sounds like an absolute nightmare but it didn't scare me in the slightest. I had this "oh god not another thing" feeling of inconvenience but there wasn't a moment where I was panicked. It just felt like a strange chaotic mess. (I also remember seeing a tweet a while back saying something along the lines of "have you noticed that even though you're always on your phone it never shows up in your dreams?" and I was like yeah wtf. After typing this out, I think that this is the first time I ever saw my phone in my dreams)

@Artsu i agree. It's good to have a lot of love and empathy but there needs to be a balance with healthy sense self preservation. A healthy sense of self preservation is also a great act of love. The advice on which way one needs to lean towards relies on where one is in the spectrum and what one needs to do to return to an equilibrium.

@Jacob Morres I went through and skimmed over his videos on youtube and they seem like a pretty good resource to go off of in this issue in particular. I have yet to watch anything because I'm currently bogged down with work but I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your recommendation

I immediately thought of this video. It's really good in articulating toxic femininity in a way that it doesn't seem like it's trolling. Karine Alourde's entire channel is a pretty good femininity channel because she recognizes the different forms femininity can take according to culture and personality and she doesn't turn femininity into a dogma, a hypergamous mess, or this notion of being a pretty, perfect wife and mother. I would recommend her channel for both men and women when it comes to embracing femininity.

First Day of Classes Part 2 Ok, so I finally got around to all of my classes this week. There are some classes that I'm excited for and one that I'm not too psyched about. Regardless I managed to wake up early all this week so I'm pretty proud of myself for that. Wasn't able to work out because of how sore I was after the first one (I was sore for 3 days straight to where it really hurt to walk) but I think I'll get used to it hahaha. Accounting: I'm not surprised that I don't enjoy this class. I don't enjoy accounting in general. This class in particular seems like it's going to be a handful because I apparently need to get certified in excel. I'm a little concerned about that since I haven't had to do anything in regards to excel since I was in middle school so that's another thing that I have on my plate. And I need to do this in a set time period or else it will count off from my final grade On the bright side, I think this class is going to be good for my growth instead. I tend to skate by when it comes to my classes with passion and joy alone. I learned to do this ever since I realized I had ADHD and have difficulty in focusing on things that don't spark my interest. Instead I focused on things that I genuinely enjoy or find something I do enjoy in something I don't like. A lot of people who have ADHD can tap into this thing called hyper focus where when they are into something, they can put hours of undivided attention to it. I always tried to use my ADHD to my advantage. But the shadow aspect of this is that I'm still not good at dealing with things that don't spark some type of interest in my, in this case accounting. I think this class this can help me develop and grow into stage blue a little more so that I can integrate a sense of duty, discipline, and hard work. International Relations: This is my senior level course for International Relations. I need to take this course in order to graduate and they only offer it in the fall semester. The nature of this course is that we are given 5 articles per week and we discuss them as a class for 3 hours once a week when we meet. There is no lecture, it's just purely discussion. Because of this the class was not online and I had to drive myself to campus. Luckily I live near by and driving back to college once a week doesn't seem too problematic. However, I am concerned about the virus and exposing my family to it. I went to my first class to check things out and everything looks fine. My college is taking good precautions for handling the pandemic. Plus this is the only on campus class I have and it only meets once a week. Because of that I'm not too concerned. If anything, I'm happy that I can get out of the house once a week and interact with other people in person and actually have a conversation. Also because this class forces me to talk, I think I can deal with some of the minor social anxiety issues I have been experiencing due to a lack of human interaction. Investment Analysis Lab: I finally took the lab portion. I was a little intimidated by it since my professor assigned an assignment before our official first day of class and expected us to understand the concept. Luckily, it wasn't too hard. But just to make sure I went to his office hours and checked with him to make sure I actually understand the concept. The rest of lab went by smoothly. The class was 1.5 hours long but I expected it was going to be 3 hours. I'm pleasantly surprised but I wouldn't be alarmed if this was something that only for the first class. Also we only meet once every other week so that's nice. I had another lecture for investment analysis and I feel that as long as I keep up with the reading I'm going to be ok. If anything this class reminded my why I liked to manipulate numbers so much. All in all, this week felt really long but I think a lot of it had to do with me not being used to my schedule yet. I've been trying to work out a system for time management as well so I haven't been super on top of things. Additionally, I wasn't doing much with lock downs happening so I feel like I was just thrown into something randomly even though I did take summer classes. Hopefully I'll be more adjusted to the flow next week.

"Who Am I" Contemplation Part 1 I'm going to be writing my brainstorming sessions to the previous questions relating to the "Who Am I" essay. Idk how many parts there will be but stay tuned Do I have different components? Levels? What are they? Am I the same person now that I was ten years ago? One minute ago? Why or why not? What is the essence of who I am or do I even have an essence/core? Am I free from my past experiences and background or defined by them? How so? I would say yes I do have different levels. Most of these levels consist of my ego. The first level is my external appearance which includes my body, the way I carry myself, and where I choose to be and hang out (whether it is my room, my favorite coffee shop, the religion class and the university I chose ) etc. These are things and places people can draw conclusions from their first impressions whether it is how I look or where they find me. Many of these have some type of component of agency. I choose the way I do my hair, the way I do my makeup, the clothes I wear, how I speak and interact with others, and where I choose to be. They are prone to change and therefore fluid. The second level is my experiences. This includes my thoughts, my feelings, and the things that I do. Unlike the first level, the second level is less tangible. It informs much of my personality since it is easy to create a persona through past experiences and conditioning. Normally when getting to know someone on a more personal level I would discuss my thoughts, feelings, and things I do in order to open up and connect to others. I naturally cling to my past experiences since the second level of who I am clings to it. But I'm not defined by my previous experiences because experiences are fleeting and therefore fluid. The third level is my personality. Even though my thoughts, feelings, and things I do are things that people can connect to me with, there is still a lingering question, who is thinking, feeling, and experiencing these things? People get an essence off of the way people present their experience and connect to that in addition to connecting to the subject matter. This essence is even less tangible than experiences, or the second level. I do not have the same persona I was 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago. Sure some aspects of my persona may be more constant than others but it has more to do with to what extent I identify with or assign additional meaning and significance to an event or personality change. I wouldn't cite my personality as my deepest level is because it too is fluid. These three levels are merely the outer shell of who I truly am or my ego. They are not the core because of how they are prone to change. I can change my clothes and I'm still me. I can change the way I think through my education and I'm still me. I can explore different sides to my personality and I'm still me. No matter how I change, no matter what circumstance I'm in there I am. I also characterize all of these as a part of my ego because of the ownership that is involved in it. My clothes, my feelings, my personality, my deeds. I can't be defined by what I own, because then, who's owning these things? Who is doing all of this? This brings me to the last and final level, the level I would describe as my core. This level is what I call the self. The self consists of this consciousness itself. Being conscious in my life, whether I am in the state of doing and I'm living through my ego or whether I'm in a state of being in meditation, is the only thing that is constant. This level is the least tangible out of the previous levels. Nevertheless, ironically, it is the most solidified level since consciousness is constant while the other three levels are fluid and prone to change. I'm not the action or doing, I'm the being who is doing the action or doing. I'm the consciousness.

Dream Journal 8/28 I had a number of dreams last night since I didn't sleep well. I woke up a couple times and then fell back asleep. My dreams have been extra weird lately and I've been thinking about making a dream journal for the last few weeks because honestly, wtf is going on in my subconscious mind. I'm glad this class gave me the impetus to start Had a dream that my mom woke me up mid day because apparently I fell asleep meditating. I freaked out because I have things that I need to do the next day. Then I actually woke up and saw the clock said 2:36 am. Relieved, I went back to sleep This dream is basically a humpty dumpty story. There is some guy who had a part of his missing because he had a great fall but for some reason his head (and for all I know his body) was made of cake. One other person and I baked a chocolate cake to cover for the missing pieces and then used Oreos for the skull. This guy woke up and was perfectly fine afterwards. This made absolutely no sense and I was confused throughout the entire dream and now that I'm writing this out, it feels even stranger. I was studying for some exam in my uncle's house. He has Fox news on in the living room as he always does. Ron Paul won't shut up about something dumb and completely irrelevant. My uncle starts talking about how schools should be defunded. I know at this point that arguing with him or saying anything to him literally does nothing and is essentially like talking to a brick wall so I put my headphones in. I start blasting American Idiot by Green Day. I am shopping for a eye shadow palette. I don't know why because I don't even wear makeup like that. For some reason this makeup store only sells palettes and nothing else and the palettes are arranged like records in a record shop. You can't sample anything either. I'm going through this one section of palettes and then I feel some guy whom I don't know directly behind me almost touching me. I'm just like "hey wtf why are you so close idk you." He says nothing and goes back to his group of friends who are beside me not too far off. This friend group consisted of 3 girls and 2 other guys. Anyway, I don't find what I want and I leave the store.

@Etherial Cat AHHHHHHHH ?????

God is Consciousness, You are God I had my first religion class today. The previous class was just an overview along with the syllabus so I don't really count it like that. My professor really started this course with the following claims: "Your consciousness is located in your reality and it creates your reality." "There is a deep part of us we aren't aware of even though it is part of awareness itself." (THIS ONE HIT ME THE HARDEST! I had to stop taking notes and take a minute. I don't know why but I find this statement so beautiful) "What is God? God is consciousness." Materialism is not sufficient for understanding consciousness. Here is what is wrong with materialism If you're your experiences, then who is the one experiencing? (Distinguishing between what you know and who you are, known vs the knower) How do you know the knower? Without the knower we don't know anything Without consciousness, we don't know anything if the knower is consciousness itself "Consciousness is the purest form of the knower. The knower is the purest form of consciousness" (alludes to the idea that you are the knower, therefore you are consciousness and therefore you are god) I have been introduced to these topics through Leo's videos (so I have some type of mental preparation and these aren't exactly new seeds being planted) but it still felt hard hitting in class. I can't imagine what my classmates were going through internally. But I do know that everyone looked like they were having an existential crisis. My professor knew this too and in the middle of the lecture when we seemed absolutely mind fucked, he would laugh like an evil genius. That's honestly my favorite part . I know this is just the surface. I can't wait to see how deep he goes with his content this semester. Most importantly, I can't wait to embody all of this down the line. I know I haven't fully grasped these concepts. I have a long way to go. But the first level is having the intellectual framework and that's what I'm doing right now. If this is my first class, I can't wait to see what's the rest of the semester will be like.

I'm pretty sure there will be new people to replace them. Having a scarcity mindset can easily turn into a limiting belief. Honestly fire the older cops. Embrace green's intolerance for intolerance. Sometimes it's necessary to create a better environment. Immunity is a problem but it isn't the only factor at play. There are LOTS of things wrong with the current system. And even though green is not tolerant of the intolerant, they are much more peaceful and open to understanding compared to red, blue, and orange. It's going to take a lot for green to lose their shit and start shooting innocent people like protesters for instance. Before we do anything, we need to get police to green first and to do that we need to clean the left over gunk from the previous stages.

I got around to watching the video and I will say that he has a point on the importance of practical experience over theory. But his point of view is HIGHLY off balance for most people. I get that some people, like him, are good at learning from hands on experience and are kinesthetic learners but not everyone is like that lol. People need to find their own balance between experience and theory. Plus he sounds really triggered and butt hurt. Not sure if that's just him or if something is bothering him. During the entire video, i just wanted to be like... are you ok?, you good? do you need anything???

First Class: Notes So in this entry, I'm going to be jotting down my notes I took in class. I'm going to meditate on this and then post my reactions later on because there is just so much to soak up. It's isn't so much in the sense there is a lot of content but so much in the sense that the few things I heard takes some time to really sink in to the psyche. "Your consciousness is located in your reality and it creates your reality." consciousness is not limited to your brain-> your reality is within your consciousness thought is a form of consciousness itself What are the distinctions of subjective and objective reality? we like to see the external as something out there and separate from us but what if your external world and internal world are one and the same? our external experiences have impacted out internal sense of self My additional thoughts: our internal sense of self shapes out perspective of external experiences and how we interact with those experiences therefore our internal selves become our external reality. (law of attraction, psychology etc.) Who you are flows into your external reality "Of course it is happening inside your head but why on earth should that mean it's not real?"- Dumbledore "There is a deep part of us we aren't aware of even though it is part of awareness itself." What is God?: God is consciousness Idealism: everything is made of consciousness idea is also preset in many Eastern traditions west: we all live in out own worlds, out own reality cognitive psych: out brain chemistry makes our reality-> what is that made of-> materialism says atom and molecules don't have consciousness-> then what makes the mind? We can't quantify it but we know its real -> We can't make sense of reality through materialism-> examine thoughts and feelings-> "I think, therefore, I am" (Descartes) Problem with Materialism/ "Hard Problem" east: there is one consciousness that flows through all of us, making a consistent reality avoids the "hard problem" I also thought of nonduality William James: father of psych, professor at Harvard, brother of Henry James, gave first psych class, American philosopher stream of consciousness Our experiences and lives have continuity. It's like a stream There was no time where we broke off and stopped being ourselves (gradual changes, flowing changes, again think of a stream) introspection as a tool to observe consciousness-> Meditation "we are always present but the present is always changing" We are always changing the present is all there is (reminds me of the notion of how both the past and future are imaginary) Distinction between knower and the known If you're your experiences, then who is the one experiencing? How do you know the knower? without the knower we don't know anything without consciousness, we don't know anything if the knower is consciousness itself "Consciousness is the purest form of the knower. The knower is the purest form of consciousness" it is not an it: once you put a label to it, it becomes something outside of you > very self evident, but also very elusive Ok so I'm done for today. I'm going to be right back and have an existential crisis lol

Reading one book per week can be an act to build discipline and perseverance by giving you a structure and object to abide by because of a set quantity and time frame. That's great but I would also be mindful of the amount of value you get from those book and the quality learning/ experience you implement over time. Some people can read a book per day and get immense value, other people who read a book per day barely remember what they read a few days ago. Some people take a month to read a book and derive a lot of key insights and implications and others read a book per month because they were distracted and procrastinating. It's going to differ person to person because of personality and approaches but whatever helps you grow and gives you the best balance for quality and quantity is your best bet.

@Opo Either they shift and realize or you have to find new people who are conscious enough to take in the information. Regardless of the case, you will end up with a more conscious police force. Process of elimination. Giving a stage red, blue, orange person a gun an a position where they can be excused is a recipe of disaster as one can see with the recent Black Lives Matter protests. High consciousness needs to be a requirement so they know how to deal with people without stooping down to their level and creating more problems. "We can't solve problems with the same level of thinking we used to create them" - Einstein And that also applies to consciousness

Question to Contemplate for the "Who Am I Essay" I'm basically going to let this simmer in my mind. I want to be careful and intentional with what I come up with because I have only four pages I can write (double spaced). I'm guessing he wants this essay to be succinct and focused so we don't beat around the bush when it comes to our identities. These questions were basically a starting point suggested from my professor. Since there are a lot of them, I went ahead and bolded the ones I find myself drawn to. What key experiences have defined who I am? Do I have different components? Levels? What are they? What is my vision of who I would like to become in the future? What is the goal of human existence? What is an “ideal” human being? What is the deepest longing that I have in my life? Am I the same person now that I was ten years ago? One minute ago? Why or why not? What is the essence of who I am or do I even have an essence/core? What gives my life joy? Meaning? Why? What do I hide from others? From myself? Why? Am I free from my past experiences and background or defined by them? How so? What will happen to “me” after my death? (Best guesses) What is my connection (if any) to God or whatever I consider to be of ultimate importance?

More training in de-escalation techniques, human psychology, sociology, how power works, etc. The police needs a good theoretical background in addition to hands on training so they can used what they learned in hands on training effectively and reasonably. Also using force as a last resort. Limiting arms/ ammunition. Some is necessary but it can't be to the point where it freaks out everyone in any interaction with an officer. It also depends on department. Emphasis on protection and feeling safe over being panicky and on guard for shit to go down when it comes to how people view the police.

Dream Journal 8/27 Got drinks with some guy I liked in NYC . We then got an expensive dinner on some boat. We were apparently old friends but I didn't know who he was. We were catching up. Came back to my home town. There were some girls I recognized who were blasting the City Girls. Me and my friend group just laughed and started reminiscing. Went to the state fair but it was set up more like a carnival with a few of my old friends. We ate a bunch of food and played some carnival games. We won this game that was a team effort. The guy I liked told me he thought I am beautiful and gave me some macaroons. I was flattered but I didn't feel the same way. I liked him once but not anymore since we lacked anything in common anymore. The city has expanded and is much larger and much more populated because the highways were super packed.

New Journal I forgot to link my new journal that relates to my religion class here yesterday. So here it is :

From what I understood, sensors are people who focus more on the details while intuitives are more focused with the big picture. Like if you show them an abstract painting, a sensor will look at it and admire the colors and the brush strokes while intuitives will look for symbolism and deeper meaning. This dichotomy has to do with how information/ and experiences are processed When it comes to judging and perceiving, judgers are more plan oriented while perceivers are more spontaneous. This dichomy has to do with how you react to events and experiences. You can be well planned out and be detail oriented. You could be well planned out and focused on big picture understanding. Or you can be spontaneous and detail oriented. You can also be spontaneous with big picture understanding Regardless of whether you are well planned out, spontaneous, detail oriented, or focused on the big picture, you can always be open to experience.