soos_mite_ah

Of course there is nothing wrong with gaming, trying to be attractive, and putting your best foot forward as long as there is honest intentions. If anything I think it's absolutely necessary if not intrinsic. Nothing wrong with being romantic, masculine, feminine, having space to not seem clingy etc. But my thing is the love bombing. Often times love bombing and doing too much too soon can lead a person into a toxic relationship where the love bomber becomes possessive and abusive towards them. The other thing is targeting malleable girls who don't know any better and wouldn't mind getting into a situation like this without knowing the consequences. Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with people with less experience, but it's important to know and be on the look out for red flags. And to me, going after naive people who don't know better and them getting love bomb looks like a recipe for disaster especially in regards to power dynamics in a relationship. Healthy people look for their equal so that there can be reciprocity in the relationship. Manipulators look for people who don't know any better and try to lure them in.

Life Update: General Health After the psych ward incident, I had to go to the gynecologist because I haven't had my period in months and I knew I wasn't pregnant. I went there and I had a sonogram done and turns out I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's an issue that effects people with ovaries and it is characterized by cysts that form there. Because of this, a person's horomones are likely to be out of wack. This can cause a plethora of symptoms. For me those were acne, growing hair under my jawline, missed periods, horrible sleep patterns, depression, and anxiety. In addition to all of this, I once experienced adrenal fatigue, or burnout, last year as well. After receiving this diagnosis, things just made sense in my life. I previously attributed these issues with other things in my life. I attributed the acne to stress, growing up, and bad skincare habits. I attributed the hair to me being a stereotypically hairy brown woman. I attributed the missed periods to just how things were in my body. I attributed the sleep pattern to a lack of discipline. And finally, I attributed the depression and anxiety to trauma. While those things may be contributing factors, I found a sense of relief to know they are connected to this one issue. It gives me a sense of control in a way. To deal with this, I was given two options. The first was to change up my diet and eat more healthy and the second was to get on birth control. My doctor didn't get to specific on what eating healthier even meant so I went to the internet and found a plethora of different diets for PCOS. It made my head spin. They all ranged in differing amounts of severity and restriction. I was hesitant to try anything extreme because I know that I have a history of eating disorders from growing up around my mom and restrictive dieting could trigger that. I eventually settled into going gluten and dairy free and so far that has going well for me. Some of my acne has cleared up and I physically feel better so that's something. It seems more sustainable than any of the other diets that were out there so I'm willing to try it for a longer period of time. As far as the birth control goes, getting the prescription for it has been a nightmare. I have to do to so many different doctors because apparently my platelet count in my blood is off meaning I might be anemic and because my liver is also a little off. So that has been a whole thing lately. Also I have read things online that birth control can make PCOS worse so I'm hesitant to use it unless its a last resort. I'm going to try diet and life style changes first to see what happens. And then after the psych ward, I went to a therapist and I started going on Zoloft. I believe that is helping me emotionally but I'm a little concerned about the side effects of the antidepressant. I have had to deal with blurry vision, nausea, and currently a loss of appetite and constipation. I've been told from my pharmacist that it is likely just my body adjusting to the meds and that I will be fine. If not I can always call them and get the dosage adjusted or get on something different. But the side effects aren't so bad that they are affecting my functioning so that's good. My main concern is the emotional blunting that comes with the Zoloft. In a way it's nice. The medication stopped a lot of my negative thinking patterns and calmed me down. It's like I get a break from my own mind and processing negative emotions. But on the other hand, it has cut me off from feeling the depth of those negative emotions. I noticed that I'm unable to cry. I noticed that I can't experiences sadness in the same depth as I used to. I'm afraid that this will come between me and my mindfulness/ awareness of my emotions. It's always to feel what's going on emotionally. Repression isn't the answer after all. But I'm afraid that this is what might happen with this medication. I guess only time will tell. It's only been a week and a half since I started so lets see how this goes. On top of all of this I signed a medical withdrawal with my university. I won't be returning to school until Fall 2021 so I have time to get my life in order. That has been difficult to come to terms with because I will essentially be set back from my studies for an entire year. It feels super embarrassing and there is a lot of shame that is wrapped up in it that includes things such as feeling left behind, late, immature, weak, dumb etc. I put waaay too much of my self esteem in actualizing at a young age. I'm still working through all of this that but the Zoloft has been incredibly helpful in this regards. I'm still keeping in mind that my health comes first before anything and that I'm not simply wasting time for my future. Everything will be okay in time.

That sounds manipulative af yikes .....

Gentleness and Discipline @Preety_India Hey I decided to tag you into this post. I remember you said something on how the need for gentleness in one of my entries really spoke to you and I remember you also started writing about discipline and gentleness for yourself as well. I thought since I'm journaling about the same topic again, I'd give you a heads up I know for this year I made a resolution to be more disciplined. That didn't work but I found out what does and doesn't work for me. I found out that the main reason that I don't have discipline is because I didn't have much gentleness growing up. I talk about this in many instances in this journal. Especially with recent events in my life, my need for gentleness has been magnified. Upon realizing this I didn't know where to start, because again, I wasn't exposed to it before. I started questioning what gentleness is. One of the main ways my need for gentleness comes through is through my romantic fantasies. I want a guy who is going to be soft and gentle towards me. (Towards the end of this clip from The Godfather, the way that Michael kisses his wife Apollonia just speaks to me. In the rest of the trilogy, this man is a monster inside of a dumpster fire of chaos and honestly triggers/ irritates me so ignore the context for now. It's just this one scene where he is so gentle that melts me. Not to mention, young Al Pacino in the 70s is so attractive to me at least omfg) I included the quote from my previous post and this clip because fantasies, myths, and parables often articulate what we want and need both on an individual level such as in my case but also in the cases of religions on the collective level. I decided to analyze my need for gentleness in a similar lens that I would say analyze a myth in my English class or a story in my Religious studies classes. I started analyzing this fantasy I have more so focusing on on what makes them so gentle in order to understand the gentleness I need for myself. This is what I came up with: Gentleness is patience Gentleness is slow Gentleness is attentive Gentleness is forgiving Gentleness is mercy Gentleness is calm Gentleness is soft Gentleness is loving Gentleness is empathetic Gentleness is acceptance Gentleness is not rushed Gentleness is not chaotic Gentleness is not having unreasonable expectations and doing 20 things at once Gentleness is not harsh Upon making this list, I also could see the overlap between gentleness and discipline Here is what I noticed: Gentleness is slow. Gentleness is not rushed, Gentleness is not chaotic. Discipline is also slow and not rushed. To be disciplined is to be in it for the long haul. It isn't doing all of your assignments in the last minute and having spikes where you work really hard and moments when you don't work at all. It is consistent, not chaotic. Gentleness is patience. Discipline also involves patience. Because you aren't doing everything all at once, you aren't going to get instant results. It's going to be gradual and slow but it will pay off more in the long run. Gentleness is not having unreasonable expectation. Gentleness is empathetic. Gentleness is forgiving. Discipline involves all of these things as well in order to be effective. You need to have reasonable expectations to maintain motivation and not give up due to a sense of futility. You need empathy to gage where you're at with any disciplined practice. And finally you need forgiveness because if you are starting out disciplining yourself in any aspect of life, you aren't going to be good at it initially. It will take time and that is ok.

This is actually my first time being on an antidepressant. In fact, I've never been on any type of psychiatric drugs before. I'm wary about drugs that change your consciousness/ perception including when it comes to alcohol or weed. Gonna be honest I'm still nervous about the Zoloft. I hope that I won't have to take them for too long but from what I know about the reason why I'm on them, this is likely a temporary thing. But yeah I've heard that getting off of Zoloft may be tricky and that you need to slowly reduce your dose and how it isn't a thing where you can just stop taking them. If you don't mind me asking, what is it like trying to take antidepressants and doing i guess self-actualization type of personal growth. Did it help/ hinder you? I'm curious to know about your experience.

I wish lol.... I'm getting an ego backlash and I have been feeling like this for a while. But I see myself getting back up some way some how.

I have been experiencing emotional blunting as well on Zoloft (50mg). I've been on this medication for a week now so I'm sure it will be a couple more weeks til I start seeing benefits. Since my body is still adjusting to it, I have been getting some side effects which include blurry vision, nausea, and loss of appetite. As far as my mood goes, I do feel my emotions and I know what's going on but I don't feel the full intensity of those emotions. Most of the time I find myself switching between feeling apathetic, neutral, or peaceful which for me and where I was at before emotionally isn't a bad thing. I've also noticed that I have trouble crying with the medication for some reason as well so there is that.

Oh No..... I just realized what my stage green traumas are. I won't be addressing it at this time but its good that I know what my blind spots are. Let's not get too ahead of ourselves. But I will be jotting it down for future reference to keep it in the back of my mind. I can see this potentially come up when I decide to commit to my first long term relationship. Sexuality / my sexual orientation Motivations for self help and my desire for a romantic relationship The possibility of wanting kids in the future And as a letter to my future self, when she will be dealing with this sooner or later, I want her to know that even though is useful, doesn't mean it's true and vice versa. Sometimes it's important to have some type of illusion to get through your current circumstance and that is ok. It sets the foundation of safety so you can access the truth at a later, more stable time if you do it correctly.

ooff, this sounds like I posted this. I'm in the exact situation right down to the details. What helps me is keeping in touch with friends and using them as a source of emotional availability instead of expecting anything from my parents since they aren't able to provide for me in this area of my life.

I like vulnerable guys. But there are other factors that need to be considered. One of them is timing. If a guy tries to be way too open an vulnerable in the first couple months, it strikes me as a red flag because it looks like he is doing too much to quickly instead of taking time with our connection to deepen naturally. It can look like love bombing and possessiveness. I'd say maybe wait a couple of months before getting too deep into anything. Another factor is how you go about vulnerability. Some people do it as a way to garner pity and sympathy and that can come off as manipulation which isn't good. But if the vulnerability comes from a place of authenticity and emotional openness, I see that as a good sign. That to me shows emotional intelligence, maturity, a willingness to connect, and wanting open communication. All of these are necessary for a solid healthy relationship. So in that way I like vulnerable guys.

I'm currently craving a fairy tale, a blissful romance that will sweep me off my feet and away from my misery But I know better and I know this is an illusion If I want to get out I need to go through It feels like hell which it is but being grounded in this truth is what will bring me to heaven Hell doesn't exist for you to escape it The more you resist, the more it will persist Hell exists to redefine what heaven truly is A change of perspective, an acceptance of what is To love an "evil" to death to where it isn't defined as "evil" anymore That is a greater romance, greater than what any illusion can give me Because it will lead to my triumph rather than my demise But even in demise will I find peace Even in demise will I find peace

Depends on the specific issue but if we're going to be general I'd say grow a sense of emotional intelligence and go to therapy

^^^I second this 100%. You don't have to be an asshole, you need to have your own life and boundaries. That means saying no and being unavailable, not because you're a cold heartless asshole, but because you have other things in life going on that you need to tend to whether it be a job, hobbies, etc. Those will also give you something to talk about in terms of knowledge and experience which will help you connect to women. I feel that "nice guys" (and hell even "nice girls") are often guys who don't know how to set boundaries because they have been told that the word "no" is bad and that you need to bend over backward for people in order to get them to like you. These people are told that doing the opposite is selfish or being an asshole or a bitch. In turn that shadow can come out in ugly ways which makes you look needy and insecure. Being spineless is not cute for either sex.

I think some of these videos can give an interesting perspective when it comes to viewing altruism in a spiritual light.

@Arcangelo yeah 99.99% of creeps who fetishize youth and naivety for their manipulation. Not all men are like that. I have met plenty of men who wouldn't do something like that because they aren't looking to take advantage of young women with limited life experience and they are healthy enough to look for a equal partner instead of a fan who will most likely idolize them.

DiCaprio is creepy af. He has this thing where he only dates women under 25 and then breaks up with them as soon as they hit that age while he himself is 46. There is a huge age gap which often leads to a power dynamic especially when the younger party is still greatly developing as a person. There can be a lot of manipulation involved and it's an over all a creepy situation. Sure his looks and his money can initially distract someone and create a situation where it's harder to say no giving him a larger margin or error for creepy/predatory behavior, but that doesn't mean his behavior wasn't messed up from the beginning.

I feel that. I was pretty self conscious about sharing my experience in the hospital. I know people are in varying levels of consciousness here but I feel this sort of positive peer pressure to be high consciousness all the time. It's positive, but it's pressure nonetheless. Sometimes I wonder if I should share something because it makes me look unconscious and dysfunctional. I will admit that I have a spiritual ego. But I never looked at sharing my less conscious entries that way. I love how you see this as further integration and resolving issues with the superego. I think that this is really smart. It's good to be mindful about triggering people's painbody or hell picking at your own when you still are far from integrating lessons. I think that it's responsible and I'm going to take that into consideration in the future. I tend to journal about things as the insights come to me so that I don't lose them. In a way, writing my insights down is a part of my integration process. That said, I did find myself taking extra time with writing out my psych ward experience. Normally I wouldn't take that long to share the entire thing but I wanted to chill out a bit so I can properly find the words to express what I really want to say. For me, I did that out of self care. But yeah that boundary is also important to consider when thinking of who else might be reading this. Oooof I feel that. Sometimes I think that I'm really rambly on my entries but I want to be thorough and dissect every part of myself as much as I can. I feel that it's my Scorpio mercury that causes me to do this along with my Pisces moon which tends to be sensitive and in tuned with even subtle feelings . Yeah I feel that. There are things that I have learned by reading spiritual books that I'm either not ready to articulate or I have yet to grow into the message in order to communicate it. I'm sure in time as I work on myself that will solve itself. I'm also rather quiet irl even though I tend to express myself a lot in my journal. I reveal so much more here than in my regular life because I feel that this space is more appropriate given the content that I do tend to talk about. I don't have many people in my life who are spiritual and into self development so that's why I tend to dump things here. On top of that, I always communicated better through writing. My mouth doesn't have a back space or an eraser so it is less put together and less eloquent Thank you so much I appreciate you sharing. Yeah, with the spiral, I know assessing yourself can get a little messy so I really appreciate your input. That is actually one of my favorite videos. I also really like his three part series on self deception. I revisit that series every now and then to reflect on myself. And don't worry about feeling like you wrote a little more than intended. I'm really thankful every bit of input and feedback.

****Feedback wanted**** I have been writing in this journal for about 4 months now and I was wondering what people are thinking as I have been going through my journey. I want to improve this journal not only to enhance my future development and way of seeing things but also to ensure that people can get insights from my journal and experiences. I have been super open on my journal because I want to help myself and others. I would also appreciate some indication of where I might be on the spiral. I feel like I'm a combination of green and yellow and I have been moving more towards yellow throughout my posts but hey self bias is a big thing and I want the point of view of the people who have been reading. Also side note, sometimes I'm self conscious over the length and the details that are on my posts. Idk maybe it's because everyone else's journal entries are very short and to the point and I feel self conscious of deviating from that. Sometimes I'm worried that people don't read or get anything out of my entries because they see how long it is and then exit out. So for feedback feel free to include any of the following: Shared experiences/ things you relate to Ways I could improve this journal or ways this journal helped you Where I might be on the spiral Any self deceptions I might have How yall feel about the length of my posts

I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome, and apparently my horomones are out of wack. I've been told to just eat healthy and get on birth control. I tried to go online to search up what ways I can eat healthy and I keep coming across going gluten and dairy free. I'm trying that out for now but I know that PCOS can be highly individualized and it's a trial and error process. I'm curious as to what yall have tried and what has/ hasn't worked.

Actualizing in a Psych Ward Part 6: Moving on Up Ahhh... Finally, the last part to this series. This post will also be all over the place and it is mainly for my uses and means for tracking my progress. During my time meditating in the psych ward, I started noticing parallels in how I'm evolving in the last few years. I have decided to separate them into phases and cycles. I have grouped my journey by the phases and I differentiated the cycles so that one can clearly see the parallels between the first time I went through this phase and the second time. I won't go too much into spiral details because that will make the post too long and might create confusion. I'm trying to focus on structure rather than content for this post. Phase 1: Cycle 1) Sophomore Year of Highschool (2015-2016): During this time I felt very suicidal. I hated my life. I hated the way my parents treated me. I hated how low energy I was. But most of all I hated how I suffered for so long. After one miraculously failed attempt, I decided to dedicate all of my effort towards getting better. This led me to basic self-help and youtube videos by therapists. It was stuff like what was depression, how do you deal with it etc. Here I would say I was 80% orange and 20% green. Cycle 2) Sophomore Year of College Part 1 (2019): While I didn't hate my life during this time around, I recommitted my dedication towards self help. I decided to dedicate all of my effort towards actualizing my potential. I was focusing more on deeper self help and inner work by meditating regularly, contemplating, watching Leo's videos for insights, doing shadow work etc. I felt as if I already cleared the gunk on top and now its time for a deep clean. In this second cycle, I feel like I started getting the blank slate feeling I mentioned in Phase 2 (2017) earlier, so I guess there is some overlap. Here I would say that I was 70% green and 30% yellow. Phase 2: Cycle 1) Junior Year of Highschool (2017): I was in a more stable place in my life thankfully because of the work I put into in Phase 1 (2015-2016). I have externally solved a lot of issues I have been having with my family and consequently I have mentally been much clearer than what I was going through in Part 1 in 2016 during my sophomore year of high school. As a result of these changes, I started growing a part from my friends as they weren't resonating anymore. I really wanted to hold on to this new found peace. I was getting used to this peace. It felt like I was a blank slate in a good way because I cleared out so much gunk. Little did I know I was into for a journey up the spiral and I was heading for a breakdown. Here I would say I was 70% orange and 30% green and I was dealing with stage blue trauma regarding the authority of my parents, issues with family/ the sacredness of blood relatives, and the more stage blue social issues they brought from India. Cycle 2) Sophomore Year of College Part 2 (2020): I was in a much more stable place in my life. I started implementing better habits and I was solving a lot of inner issues by setting boundaries and acknowledging the deeper dynamics of how I interacted with people instead of just looking at whether a person was blatantly toxic or not. Consequently, I became much clearer about what I as wanting out of my life and the relationships I had with people. As a result, I started growing apart from my friends again. I was enjoying this new found peace. It felt like a rebirth. Little did I know what awaited me as I was going to go up the spiral during the pandemic. Here I would say I was 50% green and 50% yellow and I was dealing with stage orange trauma regarding late stage capitalism, finding my way into a career, and productivity. Phase 3: Cycle 1) Senior Year of Highschool (2017-2018): I was suffering from constant panic attacks and became depressed by going in deeper in the trauma I was sorting through in Phase 2. I was unloading a lot of trauma internally from my parents even though externally I managed much of it. This phase felt as if it was giving me a final exam of all of the self development work I did previously. A lot of issues I dealt with in the past came up and I did deal with them using the tools I gained along the way. A lot of things were breaking down in my life, but my friendships were the more notable of all of them was my friendships. I began isolating in Phase 2 (2017) and now I have cut them off. I needed to be around new people that embody my new world view. Here I would say that I was 33% orange and 67% green. Cycle 2) Junior Year of College Part 1 (2020): I was suffering from pretty bad anxiety and depression with college which led me into the psych ward. I'm unloading a lot of stage orange trauma more deeply. I have journaled about much of it. This phase in the second cycle also felt like the final exam of my self development work because a lot of issues I dealt with in the past came up since I had to move back home during the pandemic. I have been dealing with them using the tools I gained in therapy from my freshman year of college and onwards along with my self actualization work. A lot of things were breaking down in my life due to the changes from the pandemic but the most notable was my sense of stability and hope for the future. I also cut of a couple friends in this phase that I was growing apart from in Phase 2 (2020). Here I would say that I am 33% green and 67% yellow. Phase 4: Cycle 1: Freshman Year of College (2018-2019): The first half of my freshman year was me unloading what was left of my trauma with a therapist. This took effort but I'd say it was more seamless because of the prior work I did before hand in Phase 1-3 (2015-2018). However, during the second half of my freshman year, I was extremely burnt out. Before all I was doing was all of this self development work and it was also on top of all of my school work as well. I needed a break and mentally my brain checked out. It was a time for me to rest and recuperate for the next cycle in my life. Here I would say that I was 20% orange, 80% green, and some yellow mixed in there as during this time was when I found Spiral Dynamics. Cycle 2) Junior Year of College Part 2 (2020-2021): I feel like right now I'm some where in between phase 3 and 4. I have found a new therapist to unload what's left of my stage orange trauma. I have my talking points planned out and I know what I want/ need out of my sessions so this should be seamless. The prior work I did during phase 2-3 (2020) and the journaling I have done even in this journal is truly the groundwork. I wouldn't be surprised if I was burnt out but the way things have played out, I am taking a break from school to recuperate. for hopefully the next cycle of my life. I don't know what that is or what stage of the spiral I'll be in by the end but stay tuned. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ PREDICTIONS: This is a way to try to speculate what my future is going to be like based on the patterns from the previous phases. Phase 4 Cycle 2: I'm going to get the help I need and I'm going to be better than before. I will have extra time to focus on my health and well being physically as well as mentally because I am taking extra down time. My guess is that I would be 20% green, 80% yellow with some turquoise mixed in as I am practicing being present and embodiment more and more. Phase 1 Cycle 3: I will be focusing on embodying and recommit to self help. I will start to read more stage turquoise books and continue my growth from there. My guess is that I'm going to be dipping more into turquoise at this time and be mainly a combination of yellow and turquoise. If I had to put a number on it, I would say 80% yellow, 20% turquoise. Phase 2 Cycle 3: I'm going to mentally be in a much clearer place in my life as I embody love more. I'll be in a much more stable place emotionally. As a result I might grow apart from friends at this time and rethink my relationships. I might find myself feeling like a blank slate as I have cleared up many of my shadows. I'm also going to start being aware of stage green traumas. I have some ideas as to what they might be about. It's likely going to be about friendships and conscious relationships but it isn't super clear yet since there is some time before I get to this phase. I would say that in terms of the spiral based on prior patterns I might be around 60% yellow and 40% turquoise. Phase 3 Cycle 3: I will be dealing with panic attacks and depression again as I delve into stage green traumas more. It will feel like a final exam of my previous work where I will have to use the tools I have gained along the way. A lot of things will be deconstructing. My guess is maybe models that explain the world, especially models that explain my life and development like Spiral Dynamics. There will be a time when I would need to transcend models. I will really begin going into turquoise during this time. Phase 4 Cycle 3: I'll probably have to take a break and get a therapist of some sort. Don't know if there will be stage turquoise therapists. Maybe I'll find someone to talk to through this site idk, its too far to tell. I will have to recuperate to the next part of my life. I wouldn't be surprised if I started doing psychedelics during this time.

Sounds like relationships aren't for you. And that's ok. For some people it can be a source of development, love, and fulfillment. There might not be a point for relationships for this portion of your life but that doesn't mean relationships in general are pointless.

1. Yeah you can take care of all of your sexual needs yourself with bare minimum masturbation, but that won't necessarily lead to a more fulfilling experience. Technically, I can fulfill all of my caloric needs with crappy food and get my vitamins through supplements but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy the experience of taking care of my needs through cooking and having a good meal. 2. That's why you need to be careful with who you bring into your life. The right person can also help you become a better person. It's ok that you don't want a relationship right now or if you don't have the time. To each their own. 3. You can be in a relationship and not be attached to the hip with the other person. It isn't healthy to rely on one person for your happiness any way. That isn't a problem with relationships, that attitude is a problem with the individual. It is basically codependency. That isn't normal for relationships. 4. I'm not pro having kids either. And I do believe that people often have kids for messed up reasons. But there are healthy reasons for wanting a kid such as wanting a new challenge and wanting to pour your love into raising someone. 5-9: I think you have a lot of limiting beliefs around relationships and other people as a whole. A conscious, healthy relationship is possible and is more common than you might think. If you are concerned with abuse, learn to find red flags and heal from the normalized toxic behaviors/ attitudes in your life that likely came from your childhood. If you're concerned about cheating, I mean it does happen but it's not something that will happen super frequently unless there is a deeper unaddressed issue at play. If you're concerned with people moving on, there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes relationships have run their course and it isn't anyone's fault. It's simply a part of dating and connecting to people. It honestly sounds like there is a lot of pain wrapped up in that point. If you're concerned with people not being capable of real love, I will object to that. Sure there may be a gradient to the amount of "real love" that they can give to someone but that doesn't mean they can't love. Other people are still part of absolute love. And in regards to #9, relationships can provide a lot of joy in your life. It doesn't have to be ape living. It only becomes that way when you're an ape because odds are you're attracting other apes. If you raise your consciousness, you will eventually attract people on your level. People tend to date their equals in terms of consciousness imo. 10. @F A B mentioned that relationships can be a facet of absolute love. I know you mentioned that relationships are greatly a survival strategy and that can be true but even then it is a facet of absolute love. Absolute love also includes the ego and the desire to survive. I do agree to a certain extent that you can find deeper love in other areas in life and I encourage people to do that since it isn't healthy to go all in on one aspect of life, but I will also say that you can also find a lot of love in relationships as well so it shouldn't be completely written off even if you can get love from other areas as well.

Yeah, stress can play a huge role in it from what I have found out about it. It can either be one of the main factors causing it or it can be one of the major things making it worse. I found that there are like 4 major types of PCOS. People can have more than one contributing to their condition. Inflammation related: usually due to inflammatory foods like dairy Insulin resistance: has to do with blood sugar management Pill related: complications with the birth control pill Adrenal fatigue: due to stress

Thank you for the heads up regarding birth control. It was the first option that was given to me by my doctor. I have already gone through the motions of getting a prescription for it and I guess I could wait a couple months before actually getting on it to see how my changes in diet and lifestyle are impacting me. And I will be sure to check the book out. It looks interesting

I mean in regards to the excess weight, it's common for doctors to tell people with PCOS "oh just lose some weight" but that can be harmful and cause disordered eating because the issue with PCOS is the horomones not the weight. What that means is that the horomones being out of wack causes the weight gain, the weight gain doesn't cause PCOS. And by focusing of weight loss, because your body isn't cooperative with regular weight loss diets, people tend to go to the extreme and start heavily restricting food with in turn messes up your horomones more and therefore makes your PCOS worse. Once you get our horomones in control, the weight loss will become a by product of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm just trying to clear up a potential misconception for anyone that may stumble on this thread. But I will say I also did hear about going caffeine free, paying attention to blood sugar and foods that could spike it whether it is carbs or sweets, avoiding dairy because it's inflammatory, as well as cutting out fried foods and going more plant based. I'm trying to do most of those things at the moment and see what helps. The only thing that I'm not doing right now is cutting out meat. I don't eat meat that frequently but when I do it's normally seafood. For now I'm getting ideas because I'm still in the beginning stages of this life style change. It's going to be a while until I see what I'm doing works or not.