soos_mite_ah

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. I have bi friends who describe their attraction to women and men as 90% to 10%, meaning they feel like they mainly lean towards women as far as intensity of attraction goes but they have extremely specific tastes for men or they rarely find themselves attracted to men if that makes sense. A lot of bi people are 50-50, 70-30 and everything else in between. Or there is this other thing called aesthetic attraction where you can acknowledge a good looking person and appreciate their beauty without wanting to have sex with them

@ertopolice Here it is: Thought I linked it but maybe it didn't show up lol

I pretty much second everything that @Michael569 said. I have a whole journal on me getting my diet in check and managing my PCOS : Firstly I would say that going gluten and dairy free can be really beneficial for people with PCOS. The difficult part about it is that you need to find what kind of diet that works for you in the long term but there is all types of mess circulating around. I would start by going gluten and dairy free to see how that works out and then later on you can add some back in to see how your tolerance is to those foods. I would add on to it by saying that managing stress is a huge component in PCOS and that includes subtle forms of stress. It's important to get enough sleep and eat enough calories because sometimes when we don't get enough sleep, our bodies release cortisol. The same goes for skipping meals because then your body starts thinking you are starving and then gets stressed out. On top of that, I would also say avoid HIT workouts and minimize on the cardio since that can also stress the body out even if you aren't mentally stressed because our bodies can't tell the difference between HIT workouts and running away from a saber tooth tiger lol. You don't necessarily need to go plant based or vegan if you choose not to but definitely eat more vegetables. For some people, going plant based helps them move towards that direction but it isn't necessary. Oils are fine as long as they are better quality oils like olive oil, avocado oil etc. as opposed to processed vegetable oil, canola oil, soybean oil, and grapeseed oil. Avoid frying foods though. You can still have them but not on a super regular basis. Still make sure you get healthy sources of fats such as from olive oil, avocados, as well as nuts and seeds. Also, I know PCOS cravings can be a problem for some and for that I would say eat plenty of healthy fats and proteins as well as breakfast. Those can help you get rid of cravings because you will be satiated for a longer period of time. It's better to fix your diet in such a way to get rid of your cravings instead of constantly exercising energy and will power to resist. Speaking of resisting, if you are really changing up your diet, I would recommend focusing on the foods you like instead of the foods you don't. So instead of being upset over not eating pizza, think of all of the vegetable you like to eat. That will get you out of the scarcity mindset and when you don't think of the foods you aren't supposed to eat, you are less likely to crave them. In addition to that, find healthy foods you enjoy eating so you don't miss the junk and so that healthy eating isn't a chore. For example, don't drink celery juice if you know damn well you don't like it.

No, 50-100 approaches total before you see any girl give you her number or you get laid. And also what you discussed seems fair enough. Just approaching a women isn't a problem. But the lengths at which some pick up artists go can be extreme. I think @Gesundheit put it well where you can't confuse pick up with pick up artists. I mean there is that whole notion of being a slut and not being seen as feminine if you sleep around. But then there is the other thing where if you don't sleep around much or you are a virgin, suddenly you get seen as this super innocent religious / judgmental prude who doesn't know how to have fun (or that you are too ugly/crazy to get a man). I've got plenty of weird stories of women being treated weirdly just because they are choosing to wait. I have my stories as well and for me, my reasons for waiting is purely secular. If you are a woman, you lose either way. You're a slut if you do and a repressed prude if you don't. It can get complicated and it's a huge topic of judgement.

Yeah and their justification is piss poor to where most people who have common sense, a braincell, and any amount of consciousness / self awareness can see that something is sketchy in that way of thinking. Some people get so blinded by their pain that they fall into their selfishness out of self preservation and in turn ignore the well being of other people. Also people will come up with any type of justification to convince themselves that they aren't devils. To recognize that what you demonize is also what is within you is like lemon juice on an egoic wound. That pain can come with all types of defense mechanisms ranging from cognitive dissonance all the way to denial.

I haven't watched this video but now I'm back after watching it. I also watched part 1 while I was at it. To me, part 1 is very stage orange while part 2 is like green +. I'm actually impressed by the growth in what it means to be a man between these two videos. To me, this also articulated really well why I personally always found myself attracted to feminine men. I personally found guys who tend to appear more feminine or at the very least integrated the feminine aspects of themselves tend to not only have a more mature sense of masculinity but also more emotional intelligence overall, two things that are often a driving force in attracting high quality people. Maybe this is just the stage green, wanting to crush hierarchy, part of me coming out but I think that assigning gender to any type of personality trait is stupid and lacks holism. Masculinity and femininity is a good way of describing dualities and energies but they really aren't that different. I saw this thought come out especially when I was watching part 1 (part 2 is all about integrating the feminine to enhance the masculine so there is that). In part 1, Leo talks about how to be a man you need to be authentic and penetrate the world with you authenticity. You can also do a spin of this in a way that is framed as more feminine, how vulnerability is a huge component in what it means to be authentic. He also talks about being on a mission and having a strong sense of life purpose and how creativity is a very masculine thing because it's like you are planting your seed on to the world. I've also heard having a sense of purpose be spun in a feminine way as well how that mirrors the creativity of giving life in other ways other than the biological. Finally, he talks about how not being needy is important in masculinity but it can also be a very feminine thing because a feminine woman is one that doesn't need to settle and can wait to find a partner that provides the most in her life beyond the material. For my personal experience, I always tended towards being more masculine but I noticed that ever since I incorporated more femininity, that sense of confidence that came from accepting my vulnerability spilled over to other areas in my life to where I caught myself being more assertive and more forward moving. In a way, my natural sense of masculinity was heightened if that makes sense because I was honoring the whole of myself instead of a part. Also another thing that I want to address that I noticed with pick up and also the part 1 video is this notion that you have to be hypersexual and have sex with lots of girls in order to be masculine. There is this cultural notion that a man has to always be getting laid and always in the mood for sex in order to be considered a man. That is messed up and can have a variety of negative consequences on men from what I have observed. Firstly it can have men be super self conscious about being a virgin and therefore have them drift to red pill like sources. But in a more dangerous context, this notion that a man is always supposed to want it can make things like male sexual assault as something that is over looked or not taken seriously. I also started reading The Game (i'm currently half way through), and there is this part where one of the guys is known as being a "natural" because attracting girls came naturally to them . I was like ok no big deal but then the book goes on to mention that this guy started being known as a natural because he lost is virginity at 11 by his baby sitter who was 15 years old. I then immediately thought *that is literally and elementary school kid getting taken advantage of by a high schooler*. It's fucked up. I remember when I read this part, I felt sick to my stomach because essentially this guy got raped as a child but instead of seeing the event as the horrible thing that it is, it is seen as a sign that he is good with girls because, hey guys are supposed to enjoy sex in all circumstances right? SMDH

@Preety_India its not

That's what I would say I was reacting to (either internally or externally through replies) when I saw pick up related posts on this site. Making a woman or really any person feel insecure is one of the hallmarks of manipulation and there is plenty of ways to be attractive to the opposite sex that doesn't involve being an asshole scheming behind the scenes. And this is also why I say that most girls can easily smell the inauthenticity or can intuitively tell that something is fishy because the whole thing seems at best a used car sales man approach to dating. I'll have to check those sources out. There is a HUGE difference between seeming high value and actually being high value. That's what I was essentially trying to articulate in the example of being standoffish and how there is a partial truth to it but has a weird red pill like vibe to it as well. While I was trying to figure out my dating life, I accidentally ran into some hypergamy like sources. I delved into it more not because I agreed with it but because the whole thing seemed really fascinating. A lot of the women who are attracted to hypergamy are not necessarily hotter than average but they are women who keep getting screwed over by fuck boys, guys who don't commit, and guys who treat them like shit. Some of them also have this impression of how everything was better in the 1950s or so when traditional gender roles were the norm because these women want to step into their femininity so they can have a man take care of them. Some of their advice makes sense like don't be desperate, have standards, don't date guys who don't have their shit together, but like red pill they take it to an extreme to the point where they have very materialistic notions of standards and having your shit together as well as a narrow definition of what it means to be a woman. Also a lot of women fall down the whole hypergamy pipeline on YouTube by starting out with trying to embrace their feminine side more (that's another reason why those videos started popping up in my recommended). Personally, I grew up with a lot of internalized misogyny and I didn't embrace my feminine side so I wanted to find sources online to find ways that I could honor that part of myself more and undo any internalized stigma I had towards what was considered feminine. The sources ranged from basic how to do your hair and makeup videos, to new age divine feminine type sources, and to the mess that is hypergamy. That's what a lot of women on this forum is taking about when we talk about the limits of pick up. Red pill makes a caricature of women which makes it hard to actually connect with women. It's the same used car sales man vibe all over again that usually makes a woman want to auto reject (many but not all). That's why you have to approach so often. When I first came to this forum and I saw men talk about 50-100 approaches, I thought that was insane. I knew that it is in a way more difficult for guys because they are expected to be the ones approaching and that many guys are bound to be rejected numerous times before they get a yes, but 50-100 seemed way too big of a number. To me, that figure is so big to where you need to reevaluate the tactics you are using. If you only succeed 1-2% of the time, there is something up. Also, with these parallels I'm observing, I'm really getting the impression that the best dating advice is usually gender neutral and doesn't make a caricature out of the opposite sex. I feel that the best pieces of relationship advice show you how to relate to people and deal with them effectively instead of painting the opposite sex as some type of alien species that has the complexity of a rubix cube times 10000.

The food in this video looks so good. I had plans of going to japan in 2020 but for obvious reasons I couldn't go. I remember my friends who have done the study abroad program I planned to go on told me on how the food there is amazing and how the foodscape is so different compared to the U.S. Now I miss all the food I could have eaten ???.

1/22/2021 Food Diary Lunch: Half a bowl of oatmeal with some raspberries, black berries, cinnamon and peanut butter: I decided to try to some oatmeal today. This is going to sound really weird but I never had oatmeal before. I just never had it in the house and when I see it served in hotels with all you can eat breakfast buffets, I always thought it looked weird. I'm not a fan of mushy textures. I remember I did try grits before which is basically oatmeal but made with corn meal instead. It's a big thing in the south and grits is usually served with something savory like shrimp. Yeah, I wasn't a fan. When I tried grits, I ate the toppings and didn't finish it. I got made fun of and told I wasn't a real southerner lmao . I'm not surprised that it ended the same way with oatmeal today. I made myself finish half of it but then I said fuck it and ate the berries and the peanut butter. It's a no for me. Tbh it isn't even the taste, I'm ok with that. It's the texture that ruins it for me. Snack: A handful of cashews: wanted something nutty A carrot: wanted something sweet Water with half a lemon: wanted something refreshing Dinner: 2 pieces of salmon the way I normally make it along with some rice Sautéed vegetables: Has brussel sprouts, kale, carrots, onions, and bell peppers all cooked with olive oil. a bowl of cheerios with almond milk: just to get the iron and other nutrients in Snack: A glass of decaf green tea: I watched a video on japan and started craving green tea lol Additional Notes: I woke up feeling bloated, sick, and done with life. I think it is because of the amount sodium I had yesterday. I notice that whenever I have more sodium than usual, I simply feel off. That and when there is too much oil in one dish, that also makes me feel really off internally. I couldn't get myself to eat breakfast because I felt so stuffed.

@Preety_India Agreed you can't have a sweet talk with a manipulator, man or woman. You need to call that shit out and enforce some boundaries. You need a tough love approach to these types of situations which means no nonsense. If they don't understand that this type of behavior isn't acceptable based on how people treat them, they will either find a person who will put up with bs or they will cry about how they are alone and no one likes them, which will then lead them to wallow in self pity and blame everyone else instead of taking responsibility. It just turns into an endless cycle of delusion and pain. As they say, you can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink. Pain can be an indication that you need to improve something or you have a lesson to learn. Lessons repeat until you learn and for some people, those lessons repeat until they are in the grave.

I wasn't necessarily trying to defend their argument for manipulation, just explaining their thought process and how insecurity plays into it. It might be an explanation or reason but it sure as hell ain't an excuse. IMO, if a person's authentic self is an asshole, that person should evaluate that and fix whatever is causing them to be an asshole which will then lead their authentic self = not an asshole. They needs to fix their asshole tendencies with some introspection and self awareness instead of masking that shit with manipulation and hoping that a woman/ man won't see through that facade. It will create less headache in the long run and will help them fix other areas in life where they might be lacking

@Preety_India They resort to inauthenticity because they believe that their authentic selves are what stopping them from being well with women. It's like the whole "just be yourself" type of advice. Some men look at that and think either consciously or unconsciously "well just being myself isn't enough because I'm not enough." But yeah, doing things out of pain will manifest more pain either for yourself or others.

currently binging on the videos on this channel. I feel personally attacked by this video

This explains a lot of things regarding my subtle anxieties in life

Not sure if this would fall under yellow but I found the take to be pretty nuanced, especially considering people tend to separate all foods into little "good" and "bad" categories without a lot of scrutiny. This video looks into the models and the ways people experiment in the food sciences to reach the claims they have and the limitations pertaining to those methods.

I thought this video is interesting because not only does it touch on how one nutrient or component in a food doesn't tell the whole story rather you need to look at different compounds and how they work together instead, but it also talks about issues with modeling, using mice for experiments, the short comings of meta analysis, and why in nutritional sciences do some studies contradict one another. Going through this whole trial and error process with my PCOS and also looking at my own eating habits to find what is best for me is really giving me new appreciation for the complexity of a person's diet. The foods we eat can seem pretty mundane since we eat everyday and it isn't something that has that novelty factor that really drives our interest, but there is a lot that goes into it even if we don't recognize it in the rush of our every day lives.

Thought this was informative. I liked the whole thing of how you can't just analyze one nutrient or one component but you need to see how they all work together. The only thing I didn't really like was how at the end this guy started saying something along the lines of how people have health issues because of too many proteins and fats in their diets (it's a vegan channel) without talking about any of the nuances between different sources of proteins and fats which seemed a little ironic considering on what he said about fruit and carbs. He had me until the very end lol.

Understanding Weight Loss My initial understanding of weight loss was that if you cut out or reduce all carbs, all sugar, all fat, and all oils from your diet and go on a calorie deficit that you are bound to lose weight. However, as I'm learning more and more about food as a whole and many of the misconceptions that circulate around, I'm getting this impression that getting to a healthy weight is more complicated than this. From what I understand, if someone wants to lose weight in a healthy and sustainable way, that person needs to evaluate what kind of habits they have and find the reason to their weight gain or lack of weight loss instead of going on some type of one size fits all diet. For a lot of people who struggle with weight loss, an excess of carbs, sugar, fat, and oils from greasy foods and sugary snacks is the culprit. But for some people, that isn't the case, it's something different. For example, lets say someone (person x) is going around telling how they lost weight by only cutting out soda from their diet. This person was drinking a soda with lunch and dinner pretty much everyday. Lets say another person (person y) hears that advice and wants to implement it but they don't normally drink soda on a regular basis. Person y might only be drinking one soda every couple of weeks. For person y, the remedy of losing weight from simply cutting soda probably won't work for them because that isn't the thing that is causing their weight gain nor is it the unhealthy habit that is messing with their health. Person y might have a different habit they need to tackle or they might have a different issue causing their weight gain that requires a different forms of action. Telling person y that soda is the devil and needs to be avoided at all cost won't be sufficient in getting results because for person y, soda was never the problem. Not only can one size fits all diets or dieting tips be a waste of time because everyone has different bodies, habits, and situations, but it can also be dangerous for some. For instance, lets say you tell someone that they need to go into a large caloric deficit to lose weight. That can work for a lot of people but for those who have issues with a slowed metabolism because of a past of restrictive dieting, eating at even more of a deficit can wreck their metabolism even more. A lot of people who diet a lot or for a long time can suffer from metabolic adaptation where after a period of restrictive eating, the body goes into starvation mode and tries to function in a way where it can sustain itself with fewer calories, therefore slowing down the person's metabolism. That's why a lot of people gain back weight and then some more after they lose weight from restrictive dieting. Their metabolism slows down therefore when they go to eat like a normal person again, the body stores a ton of weight because it thought it was starving before. Gaining weight like this isn't a lack of will power or discipline, it is a part of a person's biological survival mechanism that helps them from not starving. Also a lot of people who finish a restrictive diet find that to maintain their body, they need to eat less than what they were eating before. Their metabolism gets slower and slower until eventually those people find themselves obsessing over calories and barely eating anything. In some cases, this can be a recipe for an eating disorder. If I were to tell anyone anything, I would recommend them to see weight loss or gain as a symptom rather than the actual issue. Instead the actual issue should be geared around lifestyle change, changing, habits, and treating whatever health issue is causing the weight gain. For me personally, I was eating pretty healthy before but it was still wrecking havoc on my body because I had undiagnosed PCOS. To treat my PCOS I had to cut out gluten and dairy which did help my symptoms and did help me lose some weight because the gluten and dairy were screwing with my hormones that was already being screwed by my PCOS. While I was eating healthy, I did have some whole grain bread and some yogurt in my diet. That isn't bad for most people, but for someone who is apparently not dealing with gluten and dairy well, it can be a problem. But to people who don't have hormonal issues or PCOS, cutting out gluten and dairy probably won't have the same effect or do anything. I've also read other people's story with PCOS and how they tried to go on restrictive diets to deal with the weight gain they had and it got worse because when someone has PCOS and they go on restrictive diets, the body interprets that as a stressor which then makes the hormones go out of wack even more therefore causing more weight gain. Yes, for someone consuming too many carbs, too many oils, too many x, y, or z, reducing intake of those things can be beneficial. But for someone who isn't consuming too many of those things, cutting them can be redundant and time wasting or detrimental. I tried to cut carbs before only to realize I wasn't having enough in the first place and cutting them more led to me getting a lot of headaches and nausea. I would also add that when you get recommended to do something and it isn't working for you, it can be discouraging. If you followed my journal you know that I have had issues with not getting enough calories and in general I don't eat unhealthy fats, I don't have that many carbs, I normally eat things low in sugar etc. But every time I go to my primary care physician, whenever she sees that I'm 150 lbs, her immediate answer is to stop eating so much and count calories. I remember once I told her that I do that and that whenever I go to a restaurant that I look for foods that are around 500 calories and even then I make sure to not finish my food. She replied with "oh, you're painting such a rosy picture, if that were the case you wouldn't be classified as overweight." (this was also before my PCOS diagnosis so I had no idea that my hormones were behind this) And I remember in that moment that I felt like I was being gaslighted. I felt like I was going crazy and I was trying to think of different ways of restricting food whether that meant skipping breakfast, eating one meal a day, doing a juice cleanse, etc. That isn't a healthy mindset towards food or weight loss. If anything, any of those things would probably aggravate my case more, feed into my neurosis, and leave me feeling hungry and deprived of nutrients that I need. Hell, for some people, cutting out foods isn't even the answer. One example I can think of is that when someone craves a lot of processed sugars, it's because they aren't getting enough protein, fats, or fiber from their diet. Because the energy they get from processed sugars in being used up quickly judging by how fast their blood sugar spikes up, they are left feeling hungry and tired sooner causing them to crave more sugar to get out of the sugar crash. By incorporating more protein, healthy fats, and fiber, that sugar spike can be slowed down for longer and more sustained energy. Often times I hear about people who feel that they are addicted to sugar and that they constantly crave it, but simply cutting sugar might not be the answer for some. Going cold turkey on something like sugar without addressing what is causing the cravings in the first place isn't sustainable in the long run and people are more likely to revert back to their old habits soon. Instead, it's important to address why you are craving a certain food and solve that issue so that instead of constantly having to control cravings, you won't even have to deal with the cravings in the first place. Why spend time and energy controlling cravings and beat yourself up for a supposed lack of discipline when you inevitably give in when you can eliminate the cravings and not have to deal with them again. Basically what I'm trying to say is that weight loss and creating a diet that works for you needs to be treated as a very individualized thing. What might for someone might not work for you. It's great to get ideas and some type of starting point, but ultimately, people need to listen to their bodies, blood work, doctors, mental health needs, and physical sensations and use that as a guide instead of using someone else's diet as an end all be all.

@7thLetter Yeah I'm starting to get the impression that pick up isn't so much of the problem rather it is red pill and the shades of red pill that can be found in even some good advice. There are many examples of this but here is one. I was looking at the pick up site that I linked and in one of the articles it said that in order to attract girls you need to be standoffish because then the girl will start doubting herself and start questioning "does he like me?" "did he enjoy himself on the date?" etc. And one way to do that is to text her randomly so one time you might reply to her after 3 hours and another time it might be after 5 min and that supposedly keeps her on her toes. There is some truth to that. As a guy (or girl) you need to have your own life meaning you have a job, some hobbies, a social circle, etc. so you don't get clingy over one person. Often times we get clingy because we have all of our eggs in one basket. That spells out desperation which isn't attractive at all, or at least attractive to healthy, quality people. A manipulator or low quality person would have a field day with someone who is clingy and feels the need to bend over backwards. If you have a life, you won't have to play hard to get, you will be hard to get. And you won't have to strategically plan out when you are going to be messaging someone, it's just going to be randomly by default (meaning you won't have to play mind games with yourself or others) if you actually genuinely have other things going on and you aren't hanging on your phone just waiting for her text. Also the whole woman doubting herself and that being a good thing isn't healthy. Sounds like an insecure woman tbh. A quality girl is going to like that you have your own life but she wouldn't be sitting here doubting herself because she also has her own life. If you are a quality guy, you won't need to have a clingy girl validating you because you will already be confident on your own. You won't feel the need to socially dominate a woman if you are already feel that you are dominant in general because you don't have anything you need to prove. Feeling the need to dominate and control is weak man energy at it's finest. Also this is a tangent but upon looking at all of this, I see another parallel. I feel like the female equivalent to red pill style pickup is hypergamy. The vast majority of women don't engage in that but the ones that do are typically very regressive when it comes to their notions of gender roles to the point where they can be very manipulative towards men and expect them to act in hypermasculine and toxic ways. In a way, red pill and hypergamy are responding to each other with the impression that the other comprises the vast majority of people. Meaning a woman who is into hypergamy will assume that all men are red pilled and are horny all the damn time and completely emotionally unavailable meaning you need to manipulate them to stay with you while a man who is into red pill pickup will assume that all women are superficial hypergamous manipulators that you have to manipulate to get them to like you. IMO if you feel the need to manipulate someone or "get them to like you" odds are that person never liked you in the first place. It also has to do with respect. If I respect someone I wouldn't want to manipulate them or have them like me when it isn't their authentic expression. More importantly, if I respect myself, I wouldn't want to manipulate someone to like me because I know my worth doesn't depend on other people's opinions. Plus I would want to be with someone who genuinely likes me, not someone who has to compromise their own desires to be with me and treats me like I'm some type of second option.

I would say these things are pretty on point. If you want to attract and keep a quality girl, you have to be a quality guy. But what is a quality guy. A quality guy is someone in my opinion has a lot of respect. He has respect for others by not being a manipulative asshole. He has respect for the woman he loves and abides by her boundaries. Most importantly, he has respect for himself. That means that he has boundaries and isn't a push over or a people pleaser. He has a life with a purposeful job, hobbies, and a social life meaning he won't be clinging onto a girl or getting codependent with her. He has respect for his surroundings and the way he dresses meaning he isn't a total slob and therefore can carry out basic household responsibilities and means of taking care of himself. (these things also apply to high quality women) You don't have to have loads of money and look like a model to have any of these things. There are plenty of guys who have money and good looks but they aren't quality guys because they aren't doing something they are passionate about and are just in for the money, or maybe they are cheating on their wife (those are to name a couple but I can probably think of a lot more). Being a quality guy has more to do with character than status. If you have all that I mentioned in the previous paragraph and a girl doesn't like you, it could be a personal preference/ type thing or it could be that she isn't a high value woman. I'm sure the type thing isn't what you are concerned about since you are already in a relationship with this woman. I wouldn't be worried about her making more than you. I would be worried about your insecurity and the pressure you feel to do better than her financially because you feel obligated to be the breadwinner. It would be one thing if you were incapable of financially supporting yourself and were leeching off of her, then I would tell you to get it together. But if you want to be confident, or I guess alpha, you need to respect yourself and have confidence in the fact that you have more to give than money and status. Instead, I would encourage you to celebrate her wins and be happy for her. If you try to compete with her, there is a chance that you will seem like you are insecure and that you need to one up her to feel good about yourself. It will look like you are threatened by her success and if she is a high quality woman, she wouldn't want a man who would be threatened by her, she would want a man who is her equal and he sees himself as her equal. But if you still want to work hard and do better, I would suggest coming at it from a place of inspiration in that she makes you want to be a better person instead of a place of competition. By coming from a place of inspiration, you are appreciating her success, you are also motivating yourself to be better and improve, but you aren't letting your ego be bruised in the process. In other words, forget about society's standards and if anything, deconstruct the traditional gender roles of how a man needs to be the sole provider.

1/21/2021 Food Diary Breakfast: Spinach and banana smoothie: Has spinach, banana, peanut butter, and unsweetened vanilla almond milk. This filled me up quite a bit to where I almost forgot about lunch Lunch: Vegetable soup: It's the same one from last night. I just had some left over. A bowl of cheerios with some almond milk: To get the iron and the carbs in. Snack: A small bag of sea salt and vinegar chips: I haven't had these in a while. I was out grocery shopping and I saw a small bag of chips and thought why not. Dinner: Miso Soup: Used this miso broth I found in the supermarket. I made sure to look at the ingredients and the ingredients were things that I could recognize so that's good (gonna be honest I'm too lazy to get the broth and type everything out in this journal). I also used some miso paste, added bok choy, seaweed, green onions, tofu, and mushrooms. This was my first time making and having miso soup and I can honestly say that I can see myself eating this more often. I would have done this sooner but my mom was freaking out about soy before and it was hard to get it past her lol. Kale Salad: Has kale, and avocado, an egg, bell peppers, tomatoes, green onion, olives, tahini, basil, and balsamic vinegar. Snack: A handful of blueberries: I wanted something sweet and I instantly thought of eating blueberries.

1/20/2021 Food Diary Breakfast: 2 slices of gluten free toast with peanut butter along with a hand full of black berries: I wasn't hungry but I forced myself to eat something anyway because I felt myself feeling emotionally down. I felt better after eating Lunch: Sauteed vegetables and grilled shrimp along with a gluten free tortilla: Had brussell sprouts, carrots, onions, shrimp, broccoli, red bell peppers, and ginger all cooked with olive oil Snack: 1 Banana Dinner: Vegetable soup: Made with vegetable broth, olive oil, a variety of spices, bok choy, broccoli, green onions, red bell peppers, celery, and carrots. Snack: 1 bowl of cereal (Cheerios) with unsweetened vanilla almond milk and a handful of blueberries: I felt a little hungry but my main reason for eating this was my feet were cold. I know that sounds really weird but let me explain. I googled why the rest of my body felt warm and comfortable yet my feet were super cold and thankfully google didn't tell me that I was dying or have cancer as it normally does whenever you type in a symptom of something probably harmless into it's search engine. Apparently, when the rest of your body feels warm but your feet feel cold, it can be a symptom of low iron. So I decided to try something out. I once read the label of the cereal lying around my house and it said that it has 70% of a person's recommended amount of iron plus a variety of other nutrients. And it worked. I was surprised but also not surprised. Not surprised because that meant that google was right, but surprised because I didn't think cereal could fix my cold feet. That's just a weird remedy in my mind I guess. Additional notes: Before breakfast, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist in regards to some medication I am on and I left that appointment really disappointed. I didn't have this medicine for about a month because I had issues with getting an appointment in order to renew my prescription but I felt fine. As a result, I was hoping to get a lower dose and I was told that I have to take this amount for a year and it's going to take time to wean off of it. It hurt because I have been putting in so much effort with getting better emotionally so I won't have to need this medication. I am someone who places her self esteem on her ability to function and her ability to be mentally stable. I know that isn't the healthiest thing, but considering this, it makes sense why that would hurt. I have nothing against medication for mental health but in a way I feel ashamed for taking them. I came back and I just didn't want to eat breakfast because I was upset but I made myself eat anyway because I know that eating can help me stabilize my mood and even though my emotions might still be down, I wouldn't have to feel it in the full intensity because I don't have this biological hunger making my mood worse. Also with the Cheerios, I found out that this cereal has a lot of the things I mentioned being deficient in. It has a good amount of carbs, calcium, and iron so that about covers everything except the protein. It is also gluten free so that's good. Eating this can also increase my amount of calories as well (by a reasonable amount- 1 bowl has 150 calories). This might sound weird but I'm thinking of eating it like I would a vitamin/supplement on a daily basis so that I can plug in the stuff that is usually lacking in my diet. I want to stay away from supplements and try to get as much nutrition I can get with my food and because often times supplements have more of a nutrient that is needed in a daily value. I remember when I was taking iron supplements, each pill had 350% of my recommended daily amount of iron. This is tmi but it also really messed with my bowl movements and that side effect simply did not go away. I decided to get off the iron supplements because I felt that it was doing more harm than good. Plus, my iron deficiency is slight to where I don't get any symptoms of it. It probably was low because I got my blood drawn while I was on my period and that can mess with test results. But the Cheerios on the other hand has 70% instead of 350% of my daily need for iron and it also has fiber along with other nutrients that I need. Because of that, I think this would be a better option for me.

Forgot about writing food journal entries in the last couple days. 1/18/2021 Food Diary Breakfast: Gluten free bread, avocado, an egg, along with a handful of blueberries Lunch: Starbucks Chicken Caprese sandwich: I felt myself craving this the night before so I went and got it. It has two slices of ciabatta bread, chicken, roasted tomatoes, mozzerella, and pesto. Dinner: I honestly don't remember what I had for dinner but I know it was a good amount to where I can get all my calories in. 1/19/2021 Food Diary Lunch: 3 pieces of Raising Canes Chicken strips and half of the fries it came with it: I skipped breakfast and I felt myself getting really hungry to where I was getting a headache. I was out of the house at the time and it was 2pm so I went to the nearest thing to me. Plus I remember I was craving something fried. The order I got comes with 3 chicken strips, fries, toast, and a drink. I just got water and I couldn't finish the fries so I gave those to my dad. I didn't really eat the bread because of the whole gluten thing. The thing with this place is that most of their food is ok and nothing too exciting but I just really like their chicken and only their chicken. Compared to other places, they don't add that much oil so it isn't a greasy mess that makes you feel done with life later on and the breading isn't too thick (I personally like thinner breading because I think it make s chicken crunchier and less weighed down). Plus there is the sauce. I have no idea what it's made with but it tastes amazing to me. Snack: Banana and some peanut butter: felt hungry but dinner felt too far away so I opted for this instead. Dinner: Rui maach cooked with bell peppers, onions, and garlic and rice: Rui maach is this Bengali fish (maach= fish) that is really special to that area. Like you are not Bengali if you don't eat rui maach lol. I have no idea what the English translation for this specific type of fish is tbh. My mom made it and she makes fish in general really well. Additional Notes: I woke up this morning feeling really self conscious in my body. I found out that I gained 2 in on my waist. I'm pretty confident about my body but I have one exception which is my stomach. I always had a little bit of fat there and even what I do work out, cut calories, etc. it's always there. This might sound a little narcissistic but I feel that the rest of me looks amazing and then there is my stomach that throws everything off. In terms of the way I'm built, I feel like I would be a 10 if I had a flat stomach. And even though it is one main insecurity, it's so deep for me to where it can impact my eating habits. I hate to admit it but, I didn't want to eat today because I was disgusted by how I looked. Then I made a less than healthy decision to get chicken and that made me feel worse emotionally because it's like I'm making my situation worse. I forgot to make a food diary entry for 1/18 but for 1/19, I didn't do it because I felt ashamed of my decisions and not being on point with what I set out to do. It's great that I have this journal to make myself held to more accountability and so that I can check up on patterns based on what I recorded, but when I do have a less than perfect day, I do get self conscious of sharing that on here. While this whole thing made me want to restrict, I also have something that made me want to restrict less. I had a sandwich with cheese on 1/18 which goes against my whole gluten and dairy free restriction I have for my PCOS. But on the following day, I didn't break out. Normally I use breaking out as a measure of what foods I feel that I'm sensitive to because of the PCOS since if my PCOS is triggered more, it usually reflects on my skin. Gluten and dairy aren't the best foods because they can mess with insulin levels which are important to control if a person has PCOS. But I notice that on days that I do eat enough calories, I'm less sensitive to the gluten and dairy. I guess that means that I can have gluten and dairy in small amounts provided that I maintain other healthy habits including most importantly (for me and my condition) which is eating enough calories and carbs regularly

I mean yeah. I don't know what else to say except no shit that's what we find generally attractive (and I mean everyone has their specific type or flavor they are attracted to but yeah that is like the bare minimum). I guess I would add consistency and an understanding of basic women's issues in order to not be a dick and make a woman safe, having boundaries/ self respect to the reward category and overt aggression and manipulation (as in pushing boundaries) in the punishment category. Yeah I have been doing this since I was 15 in order to understand what I like and why other women act the way they do. Because I didn't have many opportunities to date for a variety of reasons, what I did to understand what I like in a guy (and I know this might be weird) is analyze guys that are around me, even if it is platonic, to see what qualities do I find attractive or not attractive. Also as I grew up and I started getting approached more, I noticed what things did or didn't make me uncomfortable in regards to a guy's demeanor. There are guys who have approached me who might not have been my type, or I just ended up not liking them for whatever reason but nevertheless I was comfortable with giving them a chance to go on a date because there weren't overt red flags or they didn't give me a weird gut feeling. I might not like a guy, but I know decent flirting and decent approaches when I see it. Also, girls talk about this shit to each other and we do it to analyze why we do what we did or what feeling came up to compare and contrast experiences but also process different situations. But the problem I find is that as soon as we identify those things and try to say something, we get shot down with "don't ask a fish how to catch one." As far as bad gut reactions go, it's the stuff like negging, pretending who we need a guy to be, flirting with other people to make us jealous, etc. that gives a lot of women a bad vibe. And sometimes we can't put our finger on it, but we know something is off. The women who do fall for those things either tend to be naive or not as aware of the dynamics that are involved in a situation with a guy. It can also be a lack of intuition or a misstep in judgement tbh. Sometimes those can be a one off mistake but other times we ignore the signs in our gut and intuition because there is some type of trauma regarding self worth and we desperately want to hang on to a man. In other words, it isn't healthy. Maybe when it comes to first approach yeah. But in a lot of cases, especially in dating to get into a relationship, we don't have biologically masterful understanding of what a quality man is. A lot of it is socialization and what we were exposed to as children. For both men and women, we aren't attracted to what is necessarily healthy for us, we are attracted to what feels familiar because familiarity means safety. A woman who is constantly attracted to guys who are blatantly not good for her, treat her like shit, verbally (or hell sometimes) physically abuse her, typically grew up or were exposed to a lot of dynamics that played out in similarly unhealthy ways. She is not going to be attracted to quality men. Some cases are more extreme than others but a large chunk of women do have things they need to sort through to develop a taste for quality men. We all have some work to do because we live in an unconscious society and were likely raised by unconscious parents. That can also be told for men as well. There is a reason why some guys are attracted to crazy and choose crazy and that is most often because they on some level are also crazy themselves. May not be the same type of crazy but it complements the girl's crazy and is on the same level.