soos_mite_ah

I agree with @Michael569 but I feel like I can expand on this not from a nutritional, what the food is doing to your body point of view but rather from the point of view of what a person's relationship with food is like in general. It isn't uncommon for people to go on strict diets to feel the need to binge after a week or so. It doesn't make them lacking in discipline or anything of that nature. When you restrict the types of foods you eat, you start creating this novelty factor towards foods that you are restricted from. Basically, you start wanting what you can't have. And when you suppress your cravings, often times you crave more because of the novelty factor. For instance, let's say you're craving a donut. If you give into that crave then and there, you'll have one donut, But if you deprive yourself for weeks, then when you get the chance to eat a donut like on a cheat day or something, you'll be coming from a scarcity mindset and next thing you know, you'll want to eat 5 donuts because part of you knows that if you can't have donuts later due to restriction, you better take everything in now. It's pretty counterintuitive and it might lead to binging more in the short term because you are trying to get yourself out of the scarcity/ restrictive mindset, but in the long term, you'll stop craving and binging foods because it isn't special anymore. Also, there are multiple ways to eat healthy. Find something that works for you and that you fully enjoy. If you don't like celery juice, don't make yourself drink that. If you are eating foods that have a sense of variety and that you genuinely love, you will be more focused on what you can eat rather than all of the foods that you can't eat. Therefore, your motivation will come from a more positive place and you'll be coming from a more abundance oriented mindset rather than a scarcity one. If you keep mentally focusing on all of the foods you can't eat, that's all you're going to be thinking of and that will inevitably lead to more cravings. Finally, I don't know what your relationship to food is, how restrictive your diet is, or how lean you're trying to get. But if I were you, I would try to check in with myself and try to see if your goals are coming from a healthy place mentally. It's easy to slip into the slope that is feeling insecure with our bodies and then altering our diet and relationship with food in the name of being "healthy" when really it's neurotic and unrealistically restrictive. IMO, it's ok to have some restrictions and have some general guidelines on how to eat but I would personally aim for following a diet only 75% of the time rather than a 100% so that you don't fall under the pitfalls of a restrictive mindset and so that you can still enjoy the rest of life without being uptight about food.

As far as the blog goes, I think I'm finally getting somewhere. It still looks like trash and I kinda hate it but it is what it is. The fact that my tech stupid self was able to get this far is to be applauded. And every time I think about how tech stupid I am, I keep thinking about how my parents and relatives assume that I can deal with technology just because I'm young. Like sure, compared to some boomers I'm more technologically capable but if someone shows me the blue screen of death, I'm not going to know what to do. They overestimate my capabilities when in reality I'm probably on the lower end of what people my age can do lol. Things like creating websites, shooting and editing videos, having an aesthetic Instagram feed that doesn't look like trash are all things that I suck at. The only thing I can think of while trying to put this website together is how much I hate it here.

Also my personal take when it comes to relationships is that unconditional love needs to stop being romanticized. I'm not going to stick around and be a ride or die because I'm not ready to die. If someone stops treating me well, idc how much I liked him, I'm walking away and I'm not going to love him. While sacrifices and compromises are normal to a certain extent, I'm also not going to give up things that are important to me for a guy. That usually ends in resentment in a relationship down the line anyway and it's simply not worth it. If a guy tells me to give up everything for him, I'm going to take everything I have and give him up because the person who cares about me and who has my best interests in heart isn't going to put me in the position of choosing him and choosing other aspects of my life I care about. My love (in the romantic, relative sense) is very conditional.

I think it's good that you want to be open with your feelings and express how you feel but based on the fact that you don't know him that well, I'd be concerned about chances of you projecting an idealized version of what you think he's like on to him (rather than seeing him for who he really is) or being codependently attached to him. And when you don't see someone as who they really are, not only can that be disrespectful to the other person, but that can also be dangerous for yourself. There is a certain pace to things and while that can vary from person to person, going in head first like that that quickly usually doesn't end well.

Girl I'd think you'd be stupid or crazy if I heard someone tell me that on a date. That kind of wording can often look like you're willing to bend over backwards for someone at the cost of your own needs and personal boundaries and stick around even if the other person isn't good for you. That's not a good look.

Lotion and better shampoo/conditioner Also exfoliation

This explains my views and my current circumstance perfectly.

@Emerald Yeah of course. I'm aware on your approach towards using shadow work, tarot, and dreams in your life coaching practice and how there is a focus on that. Is there anything you do specific to life purpose?

I have been doing a lot of introspecting on what kind of career/life purpose I want and I'd say that I have a good idea. I know my values, my strengths, the things I'm passionate about, my ideal medium, my over all mission statement, things I've accomplished and overcome, and some of the important experiences I want my life to consist of. I have also journaled about this a lot so there is a lot of content that I have come up with myself through this process. But even with all of this content, I'm having trouble formulating the elements I've come up with into a vision/path if that makes sense. I think I'm at a point where I need someone outside of myself to look at the content I have made in search of my life purpose and help me come up with what I want to do and what would be a good fit. I like to think I've done a lot of work on this regard but I think I need that extra push in the right direction to have that light bulb moment. I'm thinking about getting a life purpose coach to do this so that I'm talking to someone who has expertise on this subject. Should I do that now or do I need to wait and have a clearer vision for myself before going to someone for help? If I should do it now, what's the best way of going about finding the right coach? If you want to see some of my work and reflections, just let me know and I'll link them down below. My journal entries tend to be long and I have a lot of entries regarding life purpose so I didn't want to include like 10 links on this post.

Because men view themselves and other men through the constructs of the male gaze and how they judge other women. They judge women on looks so they expect women to do the same and they go along with the patriarchal notions of what is considered attractive even if that doesn't resonate with most women. What you judge in others are often things you judge in yourself. The guys who are the most insecure about their looks are usually also the ones who bring women down and make the 1-10 scale into a form of absolute science.

What is Authenticity I thought about writing this for a couple months now but I kept putting this off because I wanted my thoughts on the subject to marinate a little more. I also think this would be really beneficial to reflect on because authenticity is my top value. This is something that I have thought about back when I was 17 or so but I feel like the way that I define authenticity has evolved since then. It hasn't changed, but it has more parts now. The way that I thought was the best way to tap into my own sense of authenticity back then had a lot to do with being in touch with my inner child and my inner sense of joy. To me, being in touch with that part of myself was crucial because it basically asked the questions "Who are you when you take all of the social conditioning away? Who are you when you are honest with yourself and cut to the core? Who are you when you let go of what other people want you to be or think you should be?" I was always intrigued by the amount of honesty kids display and how they don't give a flying fuck on whose there. It can fuel a lot of funny stories. I don't have many funny kid stories but I do remember a couple things that I did when I was little. One time my parents got some fish from the fish market and they didn't fully clean the fish because once we brought the fish home, we found a ton of caviar. My mom made caviar that night. I was around 9 at the time and I tasted some of the caviar and I asked my parents what this was because it tasted weird. My dad explained it to me and told me that caviar costs a ton of money and that it is a delicacy that rich people indulge in. And I remember saying something along the lines of "why would you spend so much money on something that tastes so bad?" That annoyed my parents a little because they were here feeling all fancy but the whole status aspect didn't register in my head because that was not the conditioning that I got before. Another time when I was either 3, I remember it being my birthday. I was a happy kid. I had cake, the sun was shining, and as a happy kid who was hyperactive because of the cake, I wanted to go play outside. My uncle was like "no you can't play outside until the sun goes down a little bit." I asked why and he replied with "because then you'll get dark." (Little back story, I was a VERY pale, light skin Indian kid when I was born to where I basically looked biracial and my relatives used to be really protective over that skin tone because of colorism and Eurocentric beauty standards). I asked why again and my uncle was like "because when you get dark, you won't look as good." I remember thinking how dumb that sounded because none of that made sense to me. It didn't make sense why being beautiful was so important and why dark skin wasn't seen as beautiful. Colorism and Eurocentric beauty standards didn't register because I was a literal toddler without that social programing. All I wanted was to have fun and run around outside. So then I just ran out the front door and made my uncle chase me around the neighborhood until he gave up and let me play outside. Now on to the way I decided to extend my definition of authenticity. I do still stand by the inner child version of authenticity but lately I've been thinking on expanding it because I have gotten more life experiences that contradict this. Exploring my sexuality more caused this shift in perspective. For the last 7 years I have identified as asexual because I simply didn't feel attraction towards anyone. I had nothing against sex, it just wasn't my thing. But there was a tiny part of me that felt a little superior, like it was easier for me to be in touch with authentic love and relationships because I didn't have to navigate the shit storm that can be hormones and lust. Going back to the inner child version of authenticity, I felt like I was more in touch with an inner child version of love and that made any romantic feelings I had for someone more authentic than simply being attracted to them on a physical level. I felt like I could make more authentic decisions because I didn't have sex clouding my judgement. But lately as I've been exploring my sexuality more because some things have happened and I'm doubting my asexuality (it's a long story). And what I'm feeling feels very authentic. Then I started thinking that maybe authenticity isn't just some absolute thing that you return to like you return to your inner child but something that is continuously evolves with you. There is relativity in authenticity. What felt authentic to me a few years ago, doesn't resonate with me in the same way now because my needs have changed, my outlook on life has changed, I have been exposed to different life experiences, and I'm in a different stage of life. And the fact that I have changed and strayed from who I used to be doesn't make me fake now nor does it mean that I have lost my way. Because what is authentic to you changes depending on where you are at in your life, being authentic is a continuous effort. It isn't a one and done deal where you make a couple decisions and live happily ever after. Being authentic can require a lot of work, specifically emotional labor. It means you're in touch with your emotions, you unlearn and relearn parts of yourself, you work on your sense of awareness, you are in touch with your intuition. You have to work through various traumas you may have or face fears that were instilled into you. Those are a few things I believe that is necessary to lead a more authentic life but I'm sure there is more. Your level of authenticity is dependent on the quality and stage of consciousness you're in at the present moment. This is how I think that this relative definition of authenticity fits in with the more absolute definition of authenticity in the inner child version of authenticity. I think that relative authenticity can be really helpful for the here and now but I think the absolute version of authenticity is a good sanity check. For instance, with my dating life I can honor my sexual needs and wants but I can also use the sanity check to make sure that I'm not doing anything like making myself be someone I'm not in order to get those needs met and so that my sexual needs/wants don't overshadow any of the other things I'm looking for in a relationship. It's kind of difficult to explain at the moment. I think I need to have more things happen in my life and apply this form of thought so that I can articulate what I'm trying to say.

Thoughts on Blogging I'm trying to make a website on Wix after having their ads be pushed down my throat by all of the YouTubers who are sponsored by them lol. And I can say that so far, it hasn't been fun. I know Wix is marketed as a easy way of making your own website but I'm tech stupid so even this is a struggle for me. I'm pretty sure I can figure it out but still. Part of me wants to give this off to a person who knows what they are doing as far as web design goes but like.... I don't really have the funds at the moment. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have never built a website before. None of my links work. And I have no idea how to make posts on there. I hate it here. Basically I'm left feeling like this. I don't feel like making posts for this blog is going to be super difficult. It's basically going to be this journal in website form tbh since most of my entries on here are pseudo-blogposts because of how long they are. I know that I mentioned that writing is the medium in which I express my life purpose. I feel that this blog is part of that purpose. Even if it doesn't become my main source of income or if it doesn't blossom into a full on career, I really don't care. I'm doing this for fun. I personally think of life purpose as something that is multifaceted. Yes, career is a huge part of it but so is your hobbies, how you spend your free time, your life style, the people you have around you etc. I see blogging and keeping up with my journals here as part of my purpose but not necessarily the whole thing. It would be nice if I got paid for this. Honestly, getting paid to write about things that I'm interested in and write about the things I'm working on in my life is like getting paid to breathe because a lot of it comes so naturally to me. By naturally I don't mean that I have some inherent skill for writing rather instead I mean that writing is very intrinsically motivated for me and requires very little energy because of how aligned it is with my authenticity. I think I only remember a couple days here and there out of this entire year where I felt tired after writing but that was mainly my fault. I wrote 5 full length posts and it was 2 am in the morning and I felt as if I had to get somethings off my chest because it wouldn't come out the same way if I stopped, went to sleep, and woke up the next day. Other than that, I normally feel rested after writing a post, as if I can finally stop thinking about a subject once I create a product that is related to what I'm thinking, that product being a post. Writing these long drawn out posts doesn't feel like work, it feels like a release, my authentic expression. I don't feel like I have to force anything or plow through any resistance because I don't feel like I'm doing anything. I just feel like I'm being. Writing in this journal is something that I would want to do and that I can do consistently even if I didn't get much from it. I was able to do this consistently without anyone getting onto me about it. I didn't get anything from it other than growing as a person, a few people commenting, and a few people telling me how much they like my journal (which honestly means the world to me thank you). I didn't get anything financially from it and the people in my life definitely have no idea that I'm doing this so I didn't get clout from this either. I am a pretty intrinsically motivated person but this journal has been next level for me. Again, posting just feels like being to me and because of that, any extrinsic reward I would get from this would be like getting paid to breathe and exist. You don't expect anything from breathing and existing but if you do get anything, it feels exponentially better than if you got an external reward for doing something you didn't really want to do. That's what I'm trying to get at. There is a part of me that is also nervous about all of this. The thing with this journal is that I have a level of anonymity. I'm nervous about putting something with my name out there, especially something that is half baked. This isn't so much about perfectionistic tendencies rather this is about real life repercussions. A nightmare scenario isn't that my blog gets no views. A nightmare scenario is my blog getting discovered somehow by my future employer, them not liking what I wrote, them proceeding to fire me, and then me not knowing how tf I'm going to support myself. Also, getting cancelled is a fear for similar reasons. It isn't so much that I'm worrying about triggering people but it's more of I'm afraid that if people see controversy in me that it would jeopardize my future plans. I faced this same sense of nervousness when I started writing about more personal topics on this journal as well. While it may seem as if I'm fully embracing my exhibitionistic tendencies, there is a fear of being found out by authorities (meaning teachers, future employers, recruiters doing background checks) and people irl. Not only is there the fear of awkwardness but there is this the fear is them looking at me and going like *well she's a complete unprofessional mess who airs her dirty laundry and personal life to hundreds of people on the internet.* I was able to push through that fear because of the anonymity on here but still, there is a thought in the back of my head that is along the lines of this: *One day I need to delete everything I posted on this website and act like this phase of my life never happened because I'm pretty sure these people can track everything if they do a background check on me. I swear to god that if they do a background check on me and somehow they find this journal, I'm fucked.* Because of this fear and nervousness, I am tempted to put this project off until I'm a more conscious, emotionally healthy, actualized person so that I can have a clean image to my work when I put my name on it. And while waiting until you're in a more stable place in your life in order to do certain things can be healthy and necessary, I don't think that is the case here. Because actualization and being more conscious is an endless and often emotionally laborious and messy journey. If anything, that messiness and finding a way to navigate through it is what makes my writing... well... my writing. So waiting til I maxed out on my development is basically waiting forever and never starting. And I don't think that this would be the most fulfilling choice.

I just had a crazy (or maybe completely sane) idea about using spiral dynamics as a way to explain different aspects of society, culture, interpersonal relationships, and human behavior in general. I want to market this to young people who are interested in spirituality in a way that spiral dynamics doesn't seem like a dull, complicated model but something that is easy to understand and implement. Is my niche too specific? What else do I need to take into consideration? I get that I'm probably preaching to the choir on this forum but I would still love your thoughts. Tbh, there is also a part of me that is nervous about speaking about these types of things with normies because I do see the limitations of spiral dynamics and how it can be used to justify awful things by people who are less conscious.

@RendHeaven Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going with this as far as specifics go. I was thinking about making a website that is basically my journal in blog form. However, I was thinking of my content being more cohesive to a particular theme/niche. Spiral Dynamics seemed broad enough to where I can use it as a tool to analyze different social and cultural phenomenon but it also seemed niche enough for people to be like *wtf is spiral dynamics.* I guess if I were to have a website, I would have a tab for my personal, on going journey, another tab explaining the basics of spiral dynamics in an short but entertaining way, another tab talking about self development/ spirituality, and another tab for social commentary/activism. I believe that I have a good grasp on spiral dynamics as a model. I have been studying/observing cultures, societies, and how it effects people for as long as I can remember (like my brain naturally looks at the world in those terms). A lot of it has to do with my personal life experience as someone who was raised by immigrant parents in a diverse community where I was surrounded by people who didn't come from the same background as me. This further extends into what I'm studying in college as well. I'm majoring in international relations with a minor in human rights. Both of these are really interdisciplinary majors and they are very social science heavy. One niche that I can come up with on the spot is how to deal with immigrant parents. I noticed that most children of immigrants at least in the U.S. tend to be very orange/ green while their parents are very blue. SD helped me figure out this aspect of my life really well and helped me mend and manage the family relationships I had while being able to let go of my frustrations I had with them because I understood where they came from a consciousness perspective. Basically what I'm trying to do is make things make more sense using spiral dynamics. I remember when I first found the model, I simply couldn't un see it from any type of public discourse or topic in general. Everything made more sense in a simpler way and I think that SD can quickly cut through the bs when it comes to a person's individual development or collective development. @SamC I'm planning on using writing as a medium since it is really easy for me to get into a flow state with it and I have found that really fulfilling growing up. I have thought of the YouTube/public speaking route but then in the process of doing that I realized I hated everything to do with creating videos and social media.

@Raphael Thanks for the suggestion, I'll keep that in mind

I am trying to google coaches and I made an appointment with one. I'm doing a free session to see how it goes. Also, if anyone else has any suggestions (I know @Etherial Cat has recommended @Emerald) for a life coach, or is a life coach, feel free to let me know. I'm exploring my options at the moment.

Yes I have taken his course and I found it immensely helpful. I find myself having most of the pieces of the puzzle but having issues with putting them all together

So right after I posted the previous post, it showed that my journal got 18888 views. And I was like *oh cool a synchronicity! I wonder what 8888 means.*I went ahead and googled it and this is what google told me: Is this a sign from the universe trying to tell me something? You know what I don't know but this did give me some happy feelings so I'm going to take it and run with it. I don't take manifestation and these things too seriously but I try to have fun with it. I guess that's why manifestation works for me because I'm not attached to certain things but I'm still positive Hmm.... things to think about

My Choices Under Capitalism I know that this can be a very limiting way of looking at my future but sometimes it feels like these are my options. 1. A boring monotonous career that barely pays enough and is mostly bullshit: You don't create much value or contribute much and then you come home exhausted from the day and are too tired/depressed to do anything else in your life. You have to also act like your job is important because or else if your employers find out you have a bs position, you can be fired and cut entirely. Basically, you end up like this clip from Spongebob: This clip gave me an existential crisis as a kid. I don't feel like I need to explain much more as to why this type of life bothers me. I only have one life and if 50% of my waking hours is spent like this and the other 50% is affected by how much work emotionally worn me out, I don't know how much I will last. 2. Careers at Large Competitive Corporations: These jobs pay good money but have a terrible work life balance where you end up working 60-80 hours a week and you're always on call and if you try to put up boundaries you'll be fired. You will get burnt out quickly and you will always be on edge because you don't take care of your physical or emotional needs. Also, the people there are super competitive and cut throat. Think working in investment banking, consulting, or tech start ups. And the thing that sucks about this types of jobs is that I feel like I'm being pushed in this direction without many alternatives by family, school, etc. I constantly have to sit through horror stories or basically propaganda glamorizing certain jobs. I get why this happens because a lot of the people in my field of study is aiming for one of these types of jobs therefore those are the jobs getting talked about but for me personally, since I'm kind of an odd ball in this regard, I feel like I'm being pushed into a direction without alternatives while every ounce of my body and intuition is saying NO. 3. The Ethical/Meaningful but Underappreciated Careers: A job that is ethical, helps people, and creates actual value in the world but is completely undervalued and you get paid peanuts. You may or may not have a work life balance but that doesn't matter because either way, you'll still be stressed because you aren't even sure if you can keep yourself alive and pay off any debt you got from school. Think being a teacher, social worker, or anything that utilizes a social science degree. And there is only so much that you can do to create an impact because you are confined by a bureaucracy that doesn't value you enough to give you the resources to do your job properly (think how the government doesn't fund schools enough and how teachers are super underpaid and have to do basically everything on their own) 4. Becoming an Entrepreneur/ Self Employed: You will probably have to work as much as option #2 but it isn't going to be forever. You may or may not create actual value and your work may or may not be useful for humanity, that's dependent on you. Everything from your weekends, health insurance costs, or any other benefits you might get on a traditional job is on you. That can give you flexibility but it also can be taxing because you can't rely on anyone. Also, the chances of becoming successfully self employed and having that be a full time gig instead of some type of side hustle is pretty slim so the odds aren't really in your favor. This option is also really risky.

Jobs That I Have Considered at Some Point or Another So as I've been thinking about this whole life purpose thing, I have also been reflecting on different career paths I would like to take and how they align with the things discussed in the life purpose course. This is that reflection. The pros are why I considered said career and the cons are why I have doubts and worries. Also, if anyone has any suggestions based on my posts or any input about my thinking process (you know, if there is any self deception, limiting beliefs, not knowing the reality of certain careers, etc.) let me know lol. Human Resources Pros: I want to make the work place a better environment to help people improve the quality of their lives. I want to push democracy in the work place, proper pay and benefits, and ensure that people's rights are protected. I care about human rights and I want to implement solutions on a systemic level by also combining it with my business degree. Cons: Heard a lot of horror stories on how HR doesn't actually help anyone and basically does things to cover up issues in the work place so that the company doesn't get sued. Apparently HR can be really sketchy and goes against my values. Also, eww corporate America. Consulting Pros: I wanted to help companies work more efficiently and more consciously so that they treat their workers right since that also boosts their productivity as well. As with HR, I care about human rights and I want to implement solutions on a systemic level by also combining it with my business degree. I also really like giving people advice on how to do things. Cons: The work life balance is trash. I tried to look into it more and the whole culture around consulting especially in the big four consulting firms goes against a lot of my values. Plus even after being pushed in this direction, I struggled to even get myself to research anything about this so I think that's a sign that this doesn't resonate with me AT ALL. Also, eww corporate America. Blogging / Writing Pros: It's so easy for me to get into a flow state when I write these journal entries to where I can see myself doing something this for a living. I have a good amount of discipline in this craft and am able to be pretty consistent with it. I love how I can delve into whatever topics I find interesting and go from there. I also like the idea of being self employed. Cons: Not sure how much money I can make this way so there is a part of me that sees this only as a hobby rather than a career. Also, I'm wary of the notion of monetizing my passions. I don't want to lose my motivation around writing since it is something that I like to do. Also, I have this fear of someone finding things out about me and then having that jeopardize my future. Finally, I'm not sure if this is coming from a healthy place. Part of the reason why I like writing in my journal is because there is this exhibitionistic part of me that enjoys oversharing. YouTube Pros: I like talking about things I'm passionate about as well as the idea of being self employed. I also wanted to talk about relevant issues socially and culturally so that people can learn and expand their awareness. Cons: I tried this out and realized that I hate shooting videos, I hate talking on camera, I don't even care about social media, and I hate editing videos. Basically, the only thing that I enjoyed about this process was writing the videos. I also realized that I was doing it from an unhealthy place. Part of me really wanted to get famous because of unresolved issues lol. Therapist/Life Coach Pros: I love dealing with people and understanding them. I've had an interest in psychology and human behavior in general since I was really little and it's something that I've been building up for a while. I also give really good advice and I'm good at reading people. I also think my interest in spirituality can thrive here more than in other careers other than maybe blogging. Also, if I do life coaching, I could be self employed. Cons: There is a part of me that is afraid that I'm interested in becoming a therapist or life coach for an unhealthy reason. Me figuring people out and giving people advice has a lot of do with a trauma response that I have and I don't think it's wise for my career to double down on that. Also, as far as being a therapist goes, I'm not into getting a PhD because money. Becoming a Professor/ Researcher Pros: This really embraces my value for learning and lets me fuck around and find out. I also really enjoy writing academic papers and reading about nerdy shit. If I get to concentrate in a subject that I really like in the social sciences, I can see myself really enjoying the whole process of researching. Cons: I don't think I can have an impact on the world solely on theorizing. My impact statement is understanding AND improving the human condition. Working in a university would take care of the understanding part, but as far as improving goes, I can only see myself doing so much. I also think this might come from an unhealthy place because I've been in school my whole life so there is a sense of familiarity/ safety with academia instead of going into "the real world."

Yeah, don't let people shame you for your emotional and sexual needs. Honor your needs. They are valid and if yall aren't compatible, y'all aren't compatible. That's ok. But there is no need for anyone to be rude about it and judge others on it. To each their own. You aren't wrong for having the needs and desires you have.

I agree with this. Also, some people misunderstand what they actually want and aren't honest with themselves which can also lead to messiness and people getting attached when they thought it wouldn't happen. I feel like people who deep down want a relationship but don't want to be honest with themselves get into situations like this. I second this. Sex isn't a big deal. A lot of people interpret that statement as *yeah sex isn't a big deal, everyone should sleep around and if you think sex is deep and emotional you're delusional/ religious/ prude/ *insert rude and judgmental name here** But the way I personally interpret the statement "sex isn't a big deal" is that if you want to have casual sex or wait for a committed relationship, each way is fine as long as they fulfill your needs in a healthy way. Do whatever feels right for you, it isn't a big deal and there is no need to judge yourself or the choices of others.

@Preety_India A hard close when you keep going even if the woman hesitates or says she isnt sure unless you hear a hard no and she tries to fight you off. Basically unless shes screaming NO FUCK OFF assume she's into you and everything you're doing.

Sounds like what an awkward creep who cant talk dirty would say

You can take the lead and be assertive and still ask for consent and check in. A guy asking me "do you want me to pin you down and have my hands around your throat?" is basically dirty talk. Nothing unassertive about that. If you can't ask for consent in the middle of sex, you're probably an awkward creep who can't talk dirty. There is nothing sexy being an awkward creep who can't talk dirty .