soos_mite_ah

Having Your Cake and Eating It Too I really want to have a relationship and connect with someone but I dread putting myself out there and actually dating. Maybe this is because of how forced the last situation was when I tried to talk to a guy on Tinder that I really didn't click with. Dating feels like a chore if I'm going to be honest. I don't get how people just enjoy this process. Don't get me wrong, I have been on good dates and I have had good interactions but there is just so much shit that's out there and even in the instances where things went right, they weren't right enough to result in an actual relationship. I haven't gone on a date since like 2019. It's safe to say I was forced to go on a break. But, I don't feel rested. My head doesn't feel any clearer. I still kind of hate everyone lol. Like it literally takes me years to find someone I actually like and that I actually get feelings for. Clinginess is far from the issue for me. And after working on my attachment issues more and learning to open up to people, I realized that in a lot of ways, I'm not dismissive avoidant rather I'm just not into some people. I talked a lot about this both on a platonic and romantic level in my main journal And online dating.... oooofff...... that isn't an option for me. Never again. I have seen enough men have profiles where they hold up dead animals as if it's some kind of Trump supporter mating call offering (you know kind of like how those penguins present a shiny pebble to their love interest as a part of their mating rituals. Kind of like that but much less vegan friendly lol). I've talked about how dating apps just don't work for me in another post: Then there is the whole screening process both for yourself and for the guy. I try to screen myself to make sure that I'm getting attached to someone in a healthy way so it's not just me going by the impulse of my pain body. And I definitely try to screen the guy to make sure at the very least I'm not going to end up on Dateline in a couple years. I have also talked about the whole racism aspect of this. I have more to say but I think one of the big reasons why dating feels exhausting is because of how a lot of the racism I have encountered on a one-on-one, personal level, had to do with dating or sexuality in some way, shape, or form. I just want to skip all of the formalities of dating and screening and jump straight into actually clicking with a person and feeling comfortable around them in every way, developing feelings naturally in a normal pace, and then going to their place often just to cuddle and watch whatever tf we want. I'm not really a hopeless romantic and I'm definitely not the person who wants a grand gesture. I just want a sense of intimacy both physically and emotionally. But also, maybe I don't want to deal with the formalities and planning when it comes to dating because I haven't found someone I actually like and I'm enthusiastic about dating. And I guess in order to do this I need to make some kind of social circle. I already need to do that anyway but also it's just like ugggghhhh I just want to skip to the fun part and go straight to finding a boyfriend. So basically, I will lose my mind if I try to force connections, I don't feel comfortable with casual sex, I hate the dating apps, I don't want to date around, and I don't even like anyone. Buuuuuuuttt... I am horny and emotionally thirsty.I know this is dumb, but I want this to come naturally without me putting in all this effort because I'm exhausted with the process and I'm frustrated in more ways than just sexually. In other words: I. Hate. It. Here.

Sexuality at Stage Blue Part 2: Colonization Another conversation I had was with a friend recently. We got on the topic of birth control and how our families would react to something like this. She was like, "I don't think it clicks in a lot of brown parent's minds that people sex for the fun and pleasure. I'm pretty sure that the only times my parents had sex were when they tried to have me and when they tried to have my brother." She was dead serious when she said this. I was like "honestly... same." I never grew up with my parents showing any amount of affection. They were arranged and they low key hate each other lol. Based on the conversation that my dad and I had that I mentioned in the last post, even though he never straight up said it, I can kind of infer that this man hasn't gotten laid since literally the previous century. And I would say that it's almost worse for him because he isn't no where near as repressive when it comes to sex compared to my mom. I can at the very least have some kind of conversation when it comes to sex (that is if I bring it up) and I won't be the most awkward thing in the world. When it comes to mom, based on how repressed she is, I highly doubt that she ever came in her life and I highly doubt she sees any of this as a problem. I feel so bad for both of them tbh. Then me and this friend started talking about the attitudes that our mother's held when it came to their bodies and sexuality and what they tried to pass onto us. I told my friend on how in the summers I have this habit of sleeping naked and how my mom freaked out about it initially and how once she calmed down about the whole thing after I explained how I like to sleep naked because it's more comfortable, she said something along the lines of how she doesn't really get where I'm coming from because she doesn't even feel comfortable with seeing her naked body in the mirror before taking a shower because it's gross. Both me and my friend started talking about how sad that sounds and how fucked up it is that there are women out there who feel gross about their bodies both from a body image perspective but also a sexuality perspective. Because a woman's naked body isn't gross, disgusting, impure, or sinful. We also talked about how a lot of this rhetoric comes from colonization. Because prior to colonization, South Asian women didn't wear blouses under their saris because it's waaay to hot for that climate wise in that part of the world (in many parts of the world especially in hot climates, breasts aren't sexualized and even if they are, they weren't before colonization). A lot of the modesty that is put on South Asian women comes from the Victorian era. The British kept sexualizing brown women and kept asserting that they are like animals because they aren't as covered up and repressed as they are. As a result, those women were pressured into these norms in order to be seen as decent and worthy of respect. Then there is the whole thing on how gay sex and fluid gender identities were considered perfectly fine before colonization but again, when the British came in and saw that we didn't have the same view as them, they labeled us as barbaric and set new norms. I remember when gay sex was finally decriminalized in India in 2018, a lot of people were saying that this isn't because of western feminism's influence on making the country more progressive. Instead, decriminalizing gay sex is an act of decolonization because that law and that taboo wasn't there until the British made it illegal. Growing up I always found things like the Kama Sutra, explicit statues on temples, and tantra really strange because of how open sexuality was. Because I mainly know about the repression of sexuality that is in South Asian communities from my experience. It wasn't until much later when I took a few classes on how colonialism affected the Indian subcontinent that I found out that a lot of the repression has to do with stage blue white people shoving their beliefs on to us. And something that I find particularly interesting as someone who grew up Hindu is that even though my mom slut shames me and the way I look, she never brought religion into this. She never used the word "sinful" in her vocabulary even when she was uncomfortable with something that looked blasphemous in her stage blue world view. She always used "respectful." Because of that, I never got a religious connotation from her remarks. Rather, I always took it as a cultural thing. The thing is, I didn't know that it technically wasn't coming from my South Asian culture. Because, even outside of this particular subject, the more I learn about the impact of the British Empire, the more I realize that my parents or any other conservative brown person aren't traditional. If they were truly traditional, they'd be much more sex positive, they'd be more accepting towards gay people, and they wouldn't push modesty so heavily. They aren't traditional. They are colonized.

Sexuality at Stage Blue Part 1: Stage Red Origins Upon finding out about spiral dynamics, studying it, and contemplating how it relates to various areas of my life, I found that a lot of conversations I had about sex with my parents made much more sense due to added context. I knew because of my background that it was unlikely that my parents were going to have super open conversations about sex. Honestly, I have yet to meet a South Asian person who actually had the sex talk with their parents. It's just an understood norm that this is not something you talk about, especially with your parents of all people. But I didn't know exactly how deep the repression went until I came out as asexual to my mom. Both of my parents were really confused when I came out. I never got any hate from them, just confusion and a thousand questions. Eventually they decided to brush it under the rug and never bring it up so I don't have much trauma regarding that. I was prepared for the confusion mainly because that is the most common reaction when people come out asexual since a large chunk of people don't even know it's a thing much less how it worked. But the level of confusion that I encountered with my mom when I came out to her was on a different level. She asked me what being asexual means and I told her that I didn't find men or women attractive. She asked a few more questions but the one that stuck out to me was "wait, so then wouldn't all women be asexual. They don't like sex." I was sitting there just like..... huh? Like I know damn well that this woman is straight. I saw this woman simp over Tom Cruise waaay too many times growing up lmao (honestly I don't really get it lol). After talking to a her a little more, basically I got the impression that her view on sex is that it's not something women enjoy rather it is something for men. Sex happens to you, not with you. I found an article that talks about sexuality for South Asian women which I'll link, but this particular pretty much sums things up. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a37279402/sex-south-asian-women/ I had another conversation with my dad a year before this whole encounter. I forgot what we were talking about but I remember he said something along the lines of this. Sex isn't something that is seen as empowering for women in that part of the world. Because you're sexualized so much, to willfully go after sex or to see yourself as a sexual being is like being enthusiastic of your own demise. Repression is almost seen as empowering because having sex means giving up your power to a man for his pleasure. Referring to my other post about being sexual vs being sexualized, I would also add that for women, being sexualized is the opposite of being allowed to be sexual because the autonomy is taken from you and your sexuality is essentially defined for you rather than you defining it for yourself. And when you're always being sexualized, repressing your self expression is a coping mechanism because if you do try to express yourself, there will be people who will think that you proved them. They will be like "look, you like it, you are a whore after all, why are you complaining about our advances?" I think this form of stage blue "sexual empowerment" makes even more sense when you bring stage red sexuality into the picture. A lot of stage red sexuality does have to do with violence, rape, and degradation. I'd imagine that in those circumstances, saying no and being extremely protective of your "purity" is seen as the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. I think when society transitions from red to blue, that purity more so has to do with the protection from STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and psychological trauma. I think that's where the whole "innocence" element also comes from this lack of trauma. And then, when stage blue is taken to it's peak, the whole purity and innocence thing becomes more rooted in shame and repression. When we are specifically talking about South Asian (I guess this can also apply to the Middle East, can't say for certain though), there is this notion of women being the one that carries their family honor, their family's traditions, and their honor of their country. As a result, whenever there is a huge conflict, such as Partition in 1947 and the Bangladeshi Independence War in 1971 (there is a lot of history on this especially when colonization is taken into account but I wanted to highlight these two instances since they are still very present in the collective memory), there are mass rapes that happen in addition to the bloodshed. Because raping the enemy's woman is seen as the biggest form of fuck you to the enemy and it's seen as also making the woman absolutely worthless in the eyes of men who would've considered marrying her in the process (not saying that women who get raped are worthless, that's the train of thought of these people). As a result, I'd say that the natural progression from this stage red form of sexuality is to move into stage blue.

I was contemplating this a while back and I did a whole journal entry that I recommend checking out: A couple of key points from that post: I think our preferences, tastes, hobbies, personality traits, etc. gets egoic when we believe that it is something stagnant in ourselves. Preferences, tastes, hobbies, personality traits, etc. gets egoic when we believe that something we're doing has some absolute truth that other people have to agree with or aspire to. I go into detail and provide examples for both. Hope this helps!

The Worst Version of Myself I talked about what the best version of myself is like in another post in my main journal which I thought I'd include here. So basically, the worst version of myself is unproductive/ unfocused, emotionally and socially closed off, and judgmental as fuck. I've also been reevaluating how I approach relationships in general. I found this thread to be really helpful and basically the stuff that was said since then has basically been marinating in my head ever since. Then I watched this video that just always makes me smile. I just think it's funny and I feel like I resonate with it a lot but not so much so to where I feel called out (idk, maybe I should feel called out lol). And I thought about it a little more as to why this resonates and then I realized that this is basically a caricature of what the worst version of myself is in it's pettiest, most exaggerated form. I decided post it here because I think this what the worst version of myself would look like in a relationship. The only thing that doesn't resonate at all is the making fun of someone for crying bit. But the rest of it was a call out lol. And I'm not even a Sagittarius lmao. I especially resonated with "look, I love you, I just don't want to see you for a month okay?" and "oh yeah honey fantasy football seems like a great way to spend you time *internally judging: I'm dating a fucking loser*."

I mostly agree. Sex isn't something you're as fixated on because you're probably getting your needs met in other ways. I have also noticed people mimicking the "above sex mentality" as well. IMO, if you were actually "above sex" you wouldn't go around saying that and creating a spiritual ego around that. I know when I identified as asexual, I didn't have that whole complex around it lol and I was more neutral about it because the urge wasn't really there. It was kind of an *eh.. it is what it is* attitude. With yellow, I'm not saying you turn asexual and you aren't attracted to anyone but what I am saying is that there is that neutrality that's there But I also think there is another side of it. Yeah there are people who get to yellow and they're kind of neutral towards sex because it doesn't lead to eudaimonia but the other side is having better sex that does lead to eudaimonia. If I'm not mistaken, strong healthy relationships whether they be platonic or romantic are also eudaimonic. I think in romantic relationships, you can use sex in a very deep, meaningful, and emotionally fulfilling way. There is an emphasis on that aspect of sex as opposed to *let me see what's the craziest thing I can do.* I don't think that sex is inherently hedonistic. It's kind of like food. You can approach food in a way where you gorge yourself and find enjoyment in that or you can approach food where you genuinely enjoy the process of making the food, building you cooking skills, and really savoring the food. I think the later is more eudaimonic and approaches the things like a hobby that puts you into a flow state. And I think sex can be the same way. I know this might sound a lot like green but I think this is one of those instances where it's important to acknowledge that the later stages still consist of the earlier stages. And just in general outside of the topic of sex, I think yellow can sometimes come off as blue because they are extremely principled. The difference is that they aren't nearly as dogmatic about it as blue. I'm going to be perfectly honest. I'm probably going to have to take a psychedelic to even grasp what you're talking about lmao. I get it intellectually to a certain extent because of the things Leo talks about and what this forum discusses but... I mean you said it yourself... it sounds weird without reference experience lol. But I will say that I really like the cloud metaphor.

wait... what?!?!?! you can eat candle wax in large quantities??? and even if you could, wouldn't it taste weird?? I'm sorry, I'm just really confused lmao

Super unrelated but I was curious and I wanted to add up the number of posts I have from all of my journals and compare it to the number of posts I have in total. I have 638 (this post will be #639) posts in my journals. That number is a little higher than the actual number because I haven't subtracted other people's comments from those posts because I'm only mildly curious and don't care about doing this extensively lol. 639/1426= roughly 44.8% Interesting.... I know that percent is likely higher if we look at the last 4 months or so because I spend more of my time now in the journaling section whereas when I first joined I spent more time elsewhere on the forum actually commenting on things lol .

Sexuality Through the Spiral Dynamics Stages I remember talking about something similar in different threads a while back. Thankfully, I don't have too many posts on here and a large chunk of my posts are in my journals so it only took me a little digging to find those specific comments. Not trying to toot my own horn, just feeling lazy and don't want to write about things I've already written about in the past. I think out of all of the stages, blue tends to stick out as the odd one out because of the repression. I have more to say about sexuality at stage blue in particular but I want to put that in a different post so this doesn't get too long.

OMFG this unlocked a memory I didn't know I had. I remember people doing this lol. Yeah I remember there was a kid like that in my school as well. But I only saw the glue thing, not milk. There was also a thing there you would put a ton of glue on one of those school supply boxes, have it dry and then peel it off. Also, peeling off the little bit of glue that was on the glue tip was also really satisfying. The wax thing is also similarly satisfying. But I noticed that with soy wax candles, even when it dries, it has more of a buttery texture rather than a hard one that peels off super easily. It isn't the same but it is satisfying in it's own way. Soy wax candles also burn out really quickly because of the melting point. I bought a couple a couple weeks back and I noticed that those candles ran out much faster than my other candles. OH NO LMAO Ooooo That does sound nice though. Speaking of the whole hot-cold feeling, apparently a lot of people are also into experimenting with ice cubes. I tried to do that but I found it to be too cold and overwhelming. I guess a less intense way of doing it would be using mint/peppermint. Something I enjoy doing is having a few drops of peppermint oil onto soap before taking a shower and there is this really nice cold feeling that just makes you feel even fresher. I got this inspiration once when I used this mint face wash. It felt amazing.

Wax Play This is probably one of the weirdest things that I want to try out tbh. Ok, first I have a little back story. When I was in the 5th grade, I had a teacher who loved to burn scented candles in her classroom. She told one of the kids to blow out the candle because it's been burning for a while. So this kid blows out the candle and dips his fingers into the candle wax after it cooled down for a few seconds. I was looking at this in horror because in my mind I was like *wouldn't that hurt?!?!?!?* But clearly this kid wasn't hurt at all and instead thought the wax that hardened on his fingers looked interesting in a really gross way. He eventually convinced me to do the same. It's an interesting sensation. It feels really warm, then it gets all gooey/waxy, and then it hardens right away. Fast forward to college, Basically, dipping my fingers into hot wax after blowing out candles became a weird habit of mine. My roommate caught me in the act once and naturally was like *what the actual fuck.* I explained the whole scenario to her and was like *I know this looks weird/gross but it's an interesting sensation, you should try it.* I didn't think much of it. Then my roommate was told me how this reminds her of a BDSM thing. Naturally, I was like "Wtf!?!?! Explain." Because up until now, I didn't see this as sexual nor could I think of anything sexual you could do with candle wax. So then, she explained to me what wax play was. It's a type of temperature play where a person gets a candle and then drips the wax onto their partner's body. Some people also use candles with different colors to paint cool designs as well (but you have to be really careful about colored candles as it can interfere with the temperature). You also have to be careful of what kind of wax the candle is made out of because of the temperature. Some waxes burn at higher temperatures and those should be avoided unless you want to burn yourself. Soy wax candles are the safest. Paraffin candles are also safe but they tend to be hotter (so if you're into something more intense you should go with that one instead of soy). But definitely avoid beeswax candles. Also, you need to prep for things like clean up since this can get messy. I want to try this. I still mainly see this as a sensual thing rather than a sexual one. I can imagine it feeling nice but I don't see myself getting off to it at all. Hot wax feels nice but it just isn't sexy to me especially when you take clean up into consideration. I mean, I went almost a decade not connecting sex and candle wax together until someone explained that it was in fact a thing. Basically, I look at this and I'm like *hmmm... interesting.*

The tiktok algorithm chose violence today. I feel personally attacked and just called out in the most detailed way possible. I hate it here. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRdjAH2p/

Also I just remembered this thing that my roommate showed me. I love the way the boobs were animated to dodge the bullet (1:20). Like this shit doesnt make any sense at all lmaooo. Boobs just straight up defy physics in anime. To me, as someone who has larger boobs, to me it's even funnier because I'm really aware on how it just doesn't work like that ???? As problematic as the male gaze can be, there is some shit you cant even be offended by because it's so bizarre it's actually hilarious that a person had to sit down and dedicate their time to create this.

Being Written by a Man There are a bunch of people making fun of the way men write women and how distorted and sexualized the writing is. This is like my favorite thing at the moment because some of this shit is so absurd and unrealistic. These videos made my titties smile. It almost made me forget about my haunted vagina lmaooo ???

@Raphael I'm glad you're getting something valuable out of this

Oral Fixation And today I'm going to talk about the variety of things I have in mind lol. This is in no particular order. 1. The whole cigarette thing: I already did a whole post a couple weeks ago. Like it in theory but definitely not in practice. When I was asexual, my focus was more on the aesthetic of the smoke itself but I feel like now my focus is more about people putting things in their mouths and wrapping their lips around it. 2. Having your partner feed you fruits or chocolate: This is one of those things that's really cliche, border line obnoxious, romantic things I always thought was cute. But I feel like ever since I stopped identifying as asexual, even though I still think this is cute, I also think it's kind of hot. Just the idea of someone putting things in my mouth while I'm in his arms and he is making eye contact with me is a turn on. Also, experimenting with food is something that I'm open to trying. 3. Having him put his finger in your mouth: I feel like it would give him a nice preview of what I can do and what's to come. I also feel like it's a dominance thing as well. Again, eye contact is important. Thought it was kind of weird when I was asexual but here I am lol. 4. Him tracing his fingers on my lips or him playing with my lips: Don't feel like I need much elaboration on that one. 5. Gently biting while making out or leaving marks: I guess the first thing that comes to mind is hickies. I also like anything that involves stimulation from the shoulders up so basically this combines two things for me. Another thing that comes to mind is leaving lipstick marks. I think there is an element of playful possessiveness. I like the element of possessiveness in physical affection but not so much in the overall relationship dynamic. 6. Giving head: This is one of those things that not only did I think was weird when I was asexual, but it actually felt gross. And even now, if I think too hard about it, I turn myself off lol. I also have some anxiety around this because like... what if he smells or taste weird? Would I even like the taste of standard dick? Is this one of those things like the cigarette thing which I like in theory but not in practice? Idk man. I think my other thing is that I don't fantasize about this period. The thing that actually turns me on more is making eye contact and being on my knees. 7. The pocky game: Honestly, I think its is more of my inner weeb talking rather than the oral fixation.

I also have a friend whose younger brother's idea of fun is out smarting people who make a bunch of scam calls. He likes to mess with their head because to him the scamming tactics are so blatant and obvious it's comical to him. He especially likes pointing out the holes in the scammer's logic and watch them stutter and get all freaked out because someone saw right through them and it's super awkward for the scammer.

My cousin got a text from a relative and the text said something along the lines of how he was stranded somewhere and there was some emergency and how he needed a couple of thousand dollars. My cousin sent the money, no questions asked. Turns out his relative's account got hacked and the hacker was sending everyone that message. My thing is... if there was a situation like that, my first thought would be to pause, call this relative to check in on what was happening, and then take additional action (especially when we're talking about that kind of money). A simple phone call would have been enough to verify what was going on. The whole thing was a major face palm moment and my other younger cousins and I wanted to make fun of him but the poor guy got depressed for a week and was really ashamed of himself for being an idiot.

I agree, it is different for everyone because everyone has different nutritional and psychological needs. I feel that to really eat healthy you need to find healthy food you actually like, find the right amount of certain nutrients/ food groups that are good for you, identify any food sensitivities you might have by feeling into your body, and have a good relationship with food where you aren't neurotic about it.

If you eat healthy for a while and then try to eat something super greasy and/or high in sugar, you're going to be grossed out (kind of like if you're a nonsmoker and you are around people who smoke). But if you eat that kind of food constantly, you're just going to be used to the over stimulation and it will be normal for you. That over stimulation of your tastebuds can feel nice but it can get addictive.

@Raphael LMAO I mean, no judgement, you were just really upfront. It's valid I get where you're coming from

What Does it Mean to be a MILF Ok this is going to be a very weird post because I've had a couple of very weird interactions. In the past 2 weeks, I've had 3 different teenage girls (ages ranging from 17 to 19, I work with two of them at a store and the third one is my friend) call me a MILF. In all of the times I started laughing and was like wtf because I'm pretty sure I'm too young to be a MILF. And whenever I told them that they were like "no, but you're spiritually a MILF" and then they said they were half joking. Like... wtf does that even mean lol. I know it's not that serious but the fact that this happened 3 times, whenever my mind wanders, sometimes it goes to this place where it's just like "what does it mean to be a MILF?" This also reminds me on how my friends and I basically made daddy into a meme years ago. Like we would jokingly call each other daddy and it was basically short hand for someone who was assertive, out there, and didn't take shit. Again, we were half joking. At this point, if a guy asks me to call him daddy, there is a good chance that I'm going to burst out laughing and the poor guy will have his ego hurt and might feel kink shamed and then I'm going to be laying there like *wait... were you serious?* and then I might just continue laughing. I think now instead of daddy, mommy and MILF caught on. I think my interpretation of MILF energy is similar to being the cool aunt. It's someone who has a maternal vibe but it doesn't come out in a traditionally maternal way. I know when it comes to me, I do care and people see me as someone they can go to for advice and emotional support but I'm not super nurturing in these instances. And I'm hot so there is that. Over all, it's a compliment lol. But yeah, this is something that has been on my mind. I thought I'd talk about something a little more lighthearted because my last few posts were rather intense and had a lot to unpack personally. I guess I'm going to close this with, fellas, what do you think is MILF energy? ???

I talked to a professional astrologer today. I felt personally attacked by the reading. Everyone is gangster until the astrologer lady who has never met you spells out all of your childhood trauma and how it affects you today as well as psychoanalyze your parents.

Also complete unrelated side note: I love how I refer to my friends in my journal entries as if I have a lot of them when in reality I'm talking about the same 3 people 90 percent of the time and in the other 10 percent of the time I'm talking about a random acquaintance I had years ago.

Environment and Life Style Sometimes I catch myself going into these spirals of how I feel like I'm too ugly on the inside and outside to date and find a relationship. But then I'm like.... nah girl you ain't ugly, you have been stuck in the house since March 2020 and literally haven't had an interaction with a male your age since then. Stop throwing a pity party. Then I started thinking about how a lot of my friends are also in a similar boat where they are absolutely gorgeous inside and out but are also forever alone. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are homebodies that dont go out that often mainly because we're overworked and at the end of the day or week, we dont have the energy to go out and party and instead we spend the time doing a hobby or binging on a show we found. Most of my close friends are generally low key and try to mind their business and take care of their shit. Also, most of us dont drink so it's very unlikely that one of us is going to be like "let's go to a bar and get drinks." I'm not trying to say that there is anything wrong with that life style but what I'm saying is that we arent exposed to as many people and we tend to hang out with our own close knit groups and cultivate those friendships when we get the chance. I had two roommates. One was a girl who was going out super regularly (to the point where I basically had a single dorm) and she had a relatively low pressure major so she didnt have as much school stress or financial stress hanging over at all times. The second girl had a really high pressure major and had to balance two jobs to afford going to college and didnt go out anywhere more than once a month. Guess who was getting more dates, numbers etc. Both of these girls are equally beautiful and were amazing to be around and what I'm trying to say is that looks/personality weren't the factors at play in their differences in dating lives. I also think about my environment growing up. I live in a small town and went to an even smaller private school because that was the best option for me educationally. There werent that many guys there period. Then in high school, I went to another nerd school lol, but I would say roughly 65 out of the 100 people in my grade were other girls and whenever people did date, they'd have to really go out of their way to meet people outside of school because you just didnt have many options. College has been a disaster because of this pandemic so theres that. Also demographics play a role too. I had a friend who went to school in a predominantly white, conservative, wealthy area. And as a woman of color, she was always bullied for her features and called ugly. But the moment she left that area and went somewhere more diverse and progressive, suddenly a bunch of people were showing interest in her and she also had better options. And finally you have living in a conservative brown family. I'd rather honestly die before having my parents find out that I talk to men or worse, have them meet the person I'm dating. And growing up I was basically like, ehh... I have too much on my plate already, I don't want to add sneaking around for a mediocre man to the list. Like it's not worth the hassle. So basically at the end of the day... I cant really complain tbh.