soos_mite_ah

There's nothing wrong with taking a break from dating in order to get some clarity regarding what you need and where you stand. It can be a great time to reconnect with yourself and figure shit out. If anything, I think it's essential. Just don't go full hermit mode and make sure to nurture the other relationships in your life. That can help with the whole "don't supress yourself" thing. If anything, pouring your energy in building those relationships by opening up and being vulnerable will help you with any neediness issues you may have because you won't be relying on the people you're dating on to meet all of your emotional needs. Especially when it comes to guys, the whole needing to be a stoic, lone wolf thing actually does a lot more harm than good. If you don't have friends you can go to with things and really open up with them, often times what happens is that they end up getting really clingy and start trauma dumping on whomever they are dating. It can be with any gender but this can especially be true with guys who are taught to supress their emotions from a young age. And this isn't healthy for the woman in this dynamic either because she would have to do the bulk of the emotional labor and that can cause strain over time.

Some say it can help get it off the ground and generate more traffic. Parasocial relationships in a nutshell is when creators engage in a one sided relationship with their audience which creates a false sense of intimacy. It's often the result of lacking personal boundaries and oversharing and can lead to issues with personal mental health as well as impact the audience negatively.

@Spence94 It's basically going to be like my journal posts on here but in place of my own. My target reader consists of people in their late teens and twenties who are into sustainable forms of self development by learning through reflection life experiences. They care about collect social/systemic issues and how they affect themselves and the people around them in a persona and individual level I know it's kind of vague but honestly, rather than targetting an audience and putting all of my focus and efforts towards them, I'm trying to write about my experiences as authentically as possible and have my audience find me.

I have a really good bank of things written down so this isn't really much of a problem. I just didn't know about the whole frequency aspect of things since I'm so familiar with how YouTube typically works given the algorithm. I think at most I could do 4 posts a week but that's pushing it. I guess in that case 3 would be a better number? Yeah I thought about that. I originally started out with youtube only to realize that being on camera and editing videos wasn't my thing and I genuinely enjoyed the writing aspect so much more to where I can be pretty consistent with it. This is a medium I find myself really working well with and finding fulfillment in. That's actually part of the reason why I want to do this. Even though I like how my personality come out in my writing, I don't want the way I deliver my message cloud the message. Sure, the voice needs to be engaging and relatable, but things like parasocial relationships are becoming more and more of a problem as people start getting access to every bit of a creator's life and personality. Engaged not attached, that's kind of what I'm going for. This is part hobby, part long term thinking. I'm not expecting this to give me much money or hell support me, at least anytime soon. A little extra income would be nice but I'm not expecting too much. I'm mainly trying to envision what it would be if I were to be consistent for the next +5 years.

I'm Getting My Hunger Cues Back !!!! So I'm really excited because today I actually had reasonable hunger cues at appropriate times. I woke up a little hungry at around 8 ish so I got a bowl of cheerios and some almond milk with whatever fruit was left over in the fridge. I also ate one of the lychee jelly snacks I got at the Asian market a few weeks back. I got hungry again at 12:30 and I got myself a sandwich with jalapeno cheese bread, some salami, turkey, spinach, tomato, pesto, and a little bit of onion along with some ranch. I also got myself a kale salad that had kale, onion, carrots, and cranberries and I added some black beans and cherry tomatoes along with some red wine vinegar. I went to a coffee shop at around 3:30 to get some of my school work done and there I got a warm cup of green tea and a chocolate crossaint. It was little on the flakier side for my taste but it was really good nontheless and it was nice to have something warm to munch on. I started catching myself losing focus at around 6:30 and I thought it was a good time to head on home. On the way back I got myself dinner. My school has a place where you can get personalized pizzas so I went with that. I got a pizza with sausage, pepperoni, spinach, tomatos. and onion. I also got some fries on the side because I haven't had fries in a while but I only managed to eat a couple for the taste since I ended up feeling full. As I was eating the pizza, I just felt really satified with it. I was getting some of my vegetables in, a good amount of protein from the sausage and pepperoni, and fiber from the bread. The fat from the cheese and the protien I was getting was enough to fill me up and I felt more energized after eating the bread because believe it or not, carbs are not the enemy and are needed to fuel you. Shocking I know *insert eye roll.* Speaking of the bread, normally at this place on campus, I normally get the salad because they have really good salads. But today, I just didn't feel like it. I felt like as far as carbs go I needed something more substantial than a whole bowl of vegetables. And this isn't something about what fills me up more. The salad would have probably filled me up just as well given the volume that they serve at this place, but I just felt my body wanting and needing something different so I opted for the pizza instead which was significantly smaller in size but nevertheless really filling because of the fats, the protein, and the fiber. I know a lot of people who especially talk about clean eating and going raw vegan talk about how you can eat large volume of food for less calories and how this is almost presented as the ideal but sometimes you need something more calorie dense and is also super filling because it has the fats, protien, and fiber in one small place. Another big thing I have been noticing lately as I have been trying to eat intuitively and start seeing food in a more neutral/positive light. I can appreciate the things that might not be considered "clean" or "healthy" by diet standards and still appreciate it for what it is whether it is for the taste, the occasion, or ways that they are actually good for you. Like, who tf told me that a sandwich or a burger isn't a healthy meal? You have some carbs, some vegetables, and fat from the spreads and the cheese if you want some (personally I don't like cheese on my sandwiches and burgers but that's just me. I think it can become a problem if it's overly processed, you eat more than you should because you weren't paying attention to your hunger cues, or because it doesn't have enough nutrients (usually not enough vegetables in the burger or on the side). Because sometimes, you are craving a burger because that's what your body needs and it' nutritionally appropriate for you on that day just like for today, my body thought pizza was necessary and healthy. And that's something that I find almost magical about intuitive eating. Once you stop judging yourself for craving things, let go of the novelty of certain foods because you no longer demonize them and see them as this forbidden fruit of sorts, and start listening to your body, you start to trust your body more and the cues it sends you makes more sense. And those hunger cues and cravings can be really specific too and it can say a lot about what your body actually needs. The other day I woke up just really craving a lot of meat and eggs. So I got myself three eggs and added some bacon, turkey, spinach, tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms. Normally I only go with two eggs and just vegetables but today just felt different. And then it hit me. For the last couple days I was mainly eating a lot of carbs and fats but not enough protein and this craving was just my body's way of telling me that. Because in the end of the day, your body knows what it needs to function and know when to start and stop much better than any particular diet or lifestyle. We just lose sight of that by either not listening or by forcing it to do something otherwise. Finally, I was able to do all of this without feeling guilty or feeling the need to binge. Normally, after a day like this, I would find myself feeling bloated and feeling the need to restrict. I'm finally getting my appetite back. I would also see a day like this as a "cheat day" of sorts and try to eat "clean" just out of habit without much conscious thought. But today, I feel genuinely satified with my food choices and I don't feel too full nor do I find myself reacting badly to any of these foods. That's another thing, if you restrict certain foods for too long, it can impact your gut bacteria causing you to react weirdly when those foods get reintroduced into your diet. But if you eat a good variety of meals, you're likely to have a good diversity of gut bacteria which can help against or alleviate food sensitivities. All in all, today was a really good day for me when it comes to my relationship with food and I feel like I reached a milestone. I'm so glad I'm eating like a normal person again.

Or this is even more of a reason to life a purposeful life and not spend it on petty things. Of course, treating yourself and pleasure isn't inherently petty and you shouldn't restrict for the sake of restricting or because you're holier than thou. But full on hedonism get old and empty really quickly. Spend time with people you care about and cut out anyone who is toxic or drains you. Eat in a way that lets you connect with other people, enjoy a social life, and fuel your body in a way that makes you feel energized and alive. Start that big project because that's what you always wanted to do. Take a few risk, face your fears and limitting beliefs etc. Basically, before my comment turns into a collection of cliche sayings, there is nothing wrong with hedonsim so long you are being responsible and you're not harming yourself or the people around you. It's perfectly fine in moderation but that involves you being conscious about your limits.

I'm shocked but I'm not surprised by how infrequently I check this website now that I don't have my notifications on anymore *insert surprised pikachu face*.

Title says it all. I'm just curious. I know there is a lot of common advice talking about how you should date more than one person at once so that you can save time and so you don't get attached too soon. Same goes for having multiple fwbs. Personally, that doesn't work for me because I have an attention span of a goldfish and I can't focus on more than one person at a time lol. Do any of yall take that advice or.......?

Do you just meet these people on apps? And say you're thinking of getting off apps, how would one go about talking to that many people while constantly changing things up?

@At awe As in yall are a couple and yall are bringing in a third?

I mean once a week for like 5 people is a lot. That's like 5 dates in a week. Like how low investment are we talking? Then what's the poitn of dating multiple people at once? What does her being bi have to do with anything?

@Federico del pueblo Oh but it can lmaooooooo I'm just going to link their website because this shit was entertaining to read https://www.cobratate.com/war-room

Who TF Are Y'all Hanging Out With???? Ok, so now that I've written this out, I guess after being on this forum for a hot minute, I can't help but wonder who tf some of y'all hang out with? I feel like there are a lot of people in this forum that sees socializing as chimp behavior and playing games rather than having healthy relationships that can grow you and keep you accountable. I don't disagree with that notion since there are a lot of messy and dysfunctional people out there and I have been exposed to that in my surroundings even if I never was a part of the drama. But what strikes me as weird is how there is this like this notion that conscious relationships are rare and that you have to be some kind of a saint or lucky person to encounter them. Then there is the whole thing with clubbing and pick up. I'm not saying this shit isn't real but I am saying that how common it is can be skewed by how often you are in certain social circles. Just even the notion of going clubbing once a week just seems like a lot of energy. Again, I know these people exist, but I guess because of my biases and experiences, it's just like *dude wtaf???* And then there is this talk of an "elite social circle" that has come up a few times in this forum that just seems bizarre from my personal perspective. I remember reading this and thinking that it sounded like a foreign language. No. An actual different parallel reality lol. Do some people actually think this way lmao??? Like it's giving this weird calculated vibe around status, money, fame, and popularity and just doing the absolute most instead of finding people you genuinely click with. It's giving.... ***I'm stuck in high school and I still compartmentalize people into the hot and popular crowd and the awkward dorks with no life.*** That's also how I feel about the whole Chad and incel discourse as well tbh. Also, for this to be considered "elite social circle" honestly is laughable. This whole thing feels pretty bizare I guess because of how orange it is. It orange to the point where it's basically a meme or a caricature. Like my idea of an "elite social circle" (bruhhh... this phrase in itself is giving weirdo energy) is having a handful of friends who have similar values as you and who you can share your inner most thoughts and experiences with. It's having people who are actively working on themselves and are making an effort to build a sustainable life. It's about having people who are realtively healthy or at the very least self aware enough to help themselves, other people, or get help. And at least from my life, I haven't found a rarity of that in my social circle at least. I'm not naive to think that everyone's life is like mine. I know for sure that my family is sure as hell nothing like what I described and many of my cousins have messy and dramatic friend groups. Again, like I mentioned in the previous post, messy attracts messy. Status hungry people who's idea of a good life is fucking and doing cocaine will attract other people who are like that and who are seeking things like this out. And if you believe the world is a certain way, your mind and the universe will give you more confirmation on this. I'm not doubting any of this is happening. I'm just saying that there is a very large chunk of people who are simply not in this kind of world or life style. This then goes into the whole incel talking point of how women sleep around with 100s of guys in their 20s. Again, I'm sure this happens in certain social circles. But in mine, I highly doubt that any of us is in the double digits. And no, this isn't a "women down play this type of stuff" kind of thing. It's more of "I know your priorities, energy levels, and how you spend your time and I highly doubt you have the time or the energy to be wilding out like this." Also, in my circle, there isn't really that kind of sexual shame we have with each other. Since most of us didn't start dating or having sex until our 20s, honestly, whenever someone does something, it is a little bit exciting/ something to congratulate. It isn't like we put people on pedestals on sexual activity, most of the time the subject rarely comes up because we more interesting things to talk about. But when it does come up it's just like "omfg congrats" or we share a funny story and then we move on without expanding on too many details because quite frankly, this is a private subject for many people and it really isn't any of our business. Honestly, I wouldn't be friends with people who shame others about sex whether it is slut shaming or virgin shaming. It's really immature and cringe tbh.

Taking Stock of My Social Circle I was thinking of this last night as well as how much your social circle can affect your general perception on what is considered normal. I was also thinking about how coming back down to earth to hang out with people in my life and away from this form has helped me feel more grounded. I feel like this forum tends to lean one way very heavily when it comes to dealing with people and as a result has a very distorted view on what people are like (especially when it comes to women). So I'm mainly going to talk about my friends, both the ones I talk to regularly as well as the ones I talk to semi regularly. I am not including acquiantences because while I do run into them, I'm not really spending all that much time with them and it would be too many to keep track of. Also, a lot of my friends of friends roughly fall under the same patterns. As for numbers go, I will be using 13 friends. 4 are in the same college as me and the rest are friends I have maintained from elsewhere. Drinking Habits Most of my friends rarely drink and if they do it's usually for a special occasion. A lot of us have gotten fucked up once in a safe area just to see what it was like but then never got that drunk again since it's scary and not super pleasant lol. I have this one friend who parties kind of regularly (a couple times a month) but she has since stopped because of the pandemic. I have two friends who don't drink at all for spiritual and religious reasons. And I have that one friend that does drink somewhat regularly (like once a week) but it isn't really in a party context rather it's usually a dinner with friends/significant other thing. Drug Use A good chunk of us have tried weed but don't use it. A small chunk of us are too scared to try it. We all support legalization because of the impact on the economy and crime but we're not stoners lol. None of us smoke cigarrettes. 2 of my friends vape, one in party settings and the other regularly. The one doing it regularly is trying to quit. I have told both of them that I don't care so long as they don't do it around me because I don't like the smell. None of us have done or have access to anything harder like cocaine molly etc. And I find that funny since I go to a school that is known to have a drug problem. But even then, I don't know where to get it or who to talk to since I hang out with the dorks whose idea of a fun Saturday night is playing D&D and who say "golly gosh" when they find someone attractive. The chaotic people are background characters to my story lol. I do however have this one friend who has tried LSD once though but that's about it. Party Habits The party habits of my friend group ranges from rarely going out (i.e. maybe 3-4 times a year) to never going out at night. And even then, the main attraction is before and after the party. Before you have the fun of getting ready and then after you come back with your friends and spend the night at one of y'alls houses. I remember one time my friend and I came back early from a bar, I spent the night at her place, and we made cookies. That was fun. Recreation Most of the time we all either get food/coffee and hang out with one another, go back to someone's place and cook something, or we watch movies together. Dating/ Relationships I have 2 friends who date somewhat regularly (and by that I don't mean they are always on Tinder rather I mean they have been in and out of a few relationships over the last 8 years). Those two have been in committed relationships for over a year now. I have 4 other friends who never really dated but have gotten into relationships but that is the only relationship they have ever been in. Everyone has found friends through common friends in school. There aren't really people in my friend group who date or have sex casually. A couple of my friends have had a really short lived hoe phase that lasted for like 2 months before they got bored of it. Other than those two, most of my friends have either only hooked up with their current partner, or are virgins. A really big chunk of my friends are perpetually single lol. Age/Race/Gender/Sexuality More than half of us are LGBTQ (7/13). There is only one guy out of my friends. I used to have more guy friends growing up but I have lost contact with a lot of them and I have been in hermit mode throughout college so there is that. What I'm trying to say is that this isn't normal for me. Also, this guy is straight and never dated any of my friends nor have any of my friends started liking him. Two are nonbinary/ trans. We have met most of his girlfriends and we are all cool with one another. Age ranges from 20-23 but I have one friend who is 26. Out of these 13, I only have 2 white friends. The rest are east asian, south asian, hispanic, black, and middle eastern. I'm pretty sure that if we were all in a room we'd look like the diversity section of a college brochure lmaaoooo. Class I would say that we all fall somewhere on the spectrum of lower middle class to upper middle class. In my opinion, that is a RANGE. However, we are all in school due to scholarships and financial aid and we all have had a job during college. There are some of us who are less stressed about money than others and that's where the range comes in but since we are exposed to one another, none of us are insensitive about it and we do get structural issues. I have a couple of friends who, thought they are middle class, grew up around a lot of wealthy people and were exposed to that whole world. One of them has a significant other who is so well off that he won't ever have to work a day in his life if he didn't want to (he's in law school and getting his MBA though so it's not like he's a bum with no ambitions lol). I haven't met this guy yet so I don't know him really. Education A good chunk of us have either studied business or a STEM major in college. A handful of us have done something in the social sciences. A good chunk of us have double majored or have gotten a minor. There are two of us who decided to pursue a creative major but a lot of us do have creative outlets and wish to make that a job some day. Though we all like what we are studying, we all had to figure out what would be practical for us monetarily speaking. Most of us are planning on going to grad school of some sort. Political Views Most of us are general leftists/socialists. I say general because we aren't over here being consumed by poltics to where we participate (and in some cases are aware of) the in fighting in the left. I have one friend who identifies as a liberal thourhg I'm sure given her background and education that this isn't going to last too long. I have two friends who straight up claim to be anarchists. I have one friend who grew up fairly conservative but upon being exposed to more diversity and after educating herself she has since moved much further left. Therapy and Mental Health We have all have had to deal with some kind of anxiety or depression. Most of us are in therapy or at the very least considered it. The one's who are considering it haven't done so because they don't feel ready to unpack certain things yet and because of money. We're all generally open about issues regarding mental health and trauma and try to check in with one another and aid each other's growth by providing different perspectives, general advice, and emotional support/empathy. A lot of this is due to things like generational trauma, institutionalized racism, and family issues. Drama Geneally speaking none of us have had drama or messiness with each other. There have been times where we have kept our distance because we needed space from one another to grow or focus on other areas of our lives such as school. We don't have shit really going on other than the occasional miscommunication. We're pretty upfront with each other and able to open up about our needs and boundaries. At this point, I'm a firm believer of messy people mainly attract other messy people and that it. Occasionally, my friends have gotten involved in messy friend groups in their teen years but they have since course corrected really quickly when they realized those friends weren't good for them.

He switched majors and then he graduated a semester early with a philosophy degree and then spent that extra time getting his personal projects together for his video game design career...

New weights!!!! I tried to go heavier today and I suceeded. This isn't the heaviest I can lift but this is the heaviest I can do and complete a set (the sets are lifted above). I also think that at this point I have found a handful of exercises I do enjoy doing. Anyways, I'm really excited to see myself able to take on more. I think this is just how I'm going to be tracking my progress from now on. I wanted to also see how I would do on the leg curl and the leg extention but both of those machines were taken the entire time I was in the gym (it was just really crowded today. Tricep Pulldowns: 50lbs (up from 30-42.5lbs) Leg Press: 250lbs (up from 220lbs) Donkey Kick Machine: 90lbs (up from 80lbs) Standing Calf Raises: 140lbs (up from 110lbs) Edit: added a couple more things since I got to try out more things at the gym Leg curls: 115lbs (up from 110) Leg extension: 120lbs (up from 110)

Let me get this straight, so a lot of the self deprecating might just be issues that are there but aren't at the surface to where I can recognize them on a regular basis but they come to the surface because my inner child is having a tantrum because she is tired. Does that sound correct? But at the same time, there have been a few instances where I have noted down my inner dialog to look back at later after I got something to eat and took a nap. And when I would look back, I found myself thinking *wtf was that* because there is no way that I could be in the right head space and say those things to myself.

Ok so I haven't been taking care of myself super well because of my work load. My sleep schedule is really messed up, I don't have much time for myself (I have to plan out my days by the hour or else I wont get anything dont), and sometimes I'm not eating enough. On those days, I find my mind going to a really dark, self destructive, self deprecating, and overall chaotic place. When I'm living a day where I get some time for myself and opportunity to rest, I have no such problems. I know things like physiological brain chemistry is affected when you aren't taking care of yourself and that in turn affects your ability to think straight. But there is a part of me that wonders if this thought process is more reflective of wher I'm at with my consciousness because it's like my base line of sorts. So am I incredibly neurotic, or do I just need time to chill tf out? Which one is more reflective of my progress and my level of consciousness?

I appreciate it. Thay's why I included it I think this is something I can try. I try to get the small stuff done and out of the way so that my to-do list doesn't look too intimidating and so that I feel like I've got a good start on my day. I do this mainly because I'm kind of sweaty after my work out and I need to change out of my workout clothes anyway as well as pick up the stuff I need for work and school. I can probably look into this. I like to take about an hour to eat and 20 minutes to an hour to meditate. I find myself feelling pretty tired by the time I finish work and my class and I find myself really needing a break at that time. I find that starting work right after or 30 minutes after I get back that I can't really focus. I do this mainly because at the end of the day I find myself really wanting to goof off a little. Meditation for me is largely a self care thing at this time that stops me from going insane lol. I know this is getting kind of problematic since I am dealing with the whole "revenge bed time procrastination" thing. That further fucks up my sleep schedule because the night is the only time I really get time for myself meaning I end up staying up later than I should. Sure I have time to eat, work out, and meditate, but because of how otherwise packed my schedule is, the time I do have to take care of myself feels like I am recharging to go and do more things rather than me actually have time for myself to enjoy and just be.

This is what I'm working with rn

My Current Routines ***Note: Sometimes I skip an item here and there so I can get in more sleep or have more time for myself as needed Monday / Wednesday 7:30-8: Get up, brush my teeth, wash my face etc. 8-10: Answer email, do small assignments, eat something 10-11: Work out with a friend 11-12: Eat lunch with a friend and walk back to my dorm 12-1: Take a shower, get dressed, walk to class 1-2: Class 2-5:30: Work + commute time (Commute is about an hour, 20 minutes there and 40 minutes back. I normally listen to music or youtube videos on my watch later section. But on some days, work is remote so I get that extra time to myself) 5:30-6:30: Take a break/ meditate 6:30-7:30: Eat dinner 7:30-12: Do homework with breaks as needed 12-1: scroll through my phone Tuesday/ Thursday 8-8:30: Get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed etc. 8:30-9:20 ish: Eat breakfast 9:30-3:30: Classes with no breaks 3:30-5:00: Take a break/ meditate/ eat a snack 5-6: Therapy/ career development meeting 6-7: dinner 7-8: break 8-12: homework with breaks as needed. 12-1: scroll through phone Friday 8-8:30: Get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed etc. 8:30-10: Workout + take a shower 10-12: Meet up with a friend 12-1: Get something to eat 1-2: Class 2-5:30: Work + Commute (Commute is about an hour, 20 minutes there and 40 minutes back. I normally listen to music or youtube videos on my watch later section. But on some days, work is remote so I get that extra time to myself) 5:30-6:30: Take a break/ meditate 6:30-7:30: Eat dinner 7:30-12: Do homework with breaks as needed 12-1: scroll through my phone Weekend: Wakeup whenever I want Study/ get ahead in classes: 2-6 hours depending on work load Get some chores done (buy snacks for the room, cook with my roommate, clean up, run errands etc.): 2 hours or so Hang out with a couple of friends in the evening Maybe get work out for 1 hour if I feel like it