soos_mite_ah

Does anyone know anything about this??? Seems pretty exciting https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/earthskys-meteor-shower-guide/#:~:text=ALERT%3A Scientists are predicting a,best in a dark sky.

1. Tell me about this guy that I'm currently dating? (Just curious to see what comes up for fun lol) 2. How is my life going to unfold after December 2022? What are my career prospects and how am I going to deal with family, moving, friendships etc?

I think when it comes to family, it isn't super uncommon for people to feel like they can act out more. This could be for a variety of reasons and since idk, there isn't much I can say for sure but at least from my observations, a lot of how we react in the context of relationships have to do with the dynamics that have already been set up. For example, something a stranger does might not piss you off but it a family member did the same thing, you might lose your shit if the family member set up a combative and argumentative dynamic where that type of communication is acceptable. Another thing that also comes to mind is how some people feel like they can get away with anything because there is this assumption of lack of boundaries and this notion that you can do anything to family and they are still required to be loyal to you. I'm not saying that's you but it can indicate the over all social environment in a family and how yall collectively function. I'm just putting some thoughts out there, not necessarily trying to put it in your situation exactly. I think whether your ego is fragile in this case has more to do with how you regulate your emotions rather than those emotions coming up in the first place. To a certain extent (and by that I mean as long as you aren't in stage red going around acting like Maddy from Euphoria) I think getting angry at disrespect is a symptom of a healthy ego. I feel like spirituality sometimes tends to demonize the ego and try to make it as small as possible and to reduce it so it in turn reduces suffering. While that can be valid, sometimes it can turn into avoiding all pain and negative emotions in general (which is why spirituality can attract broken people who are tyring to emmerse themselves into something to fix themselves and their lives). But imo, that isn't the healthiest way to live and can lead to a lot of spiritual bypassing. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think that you have a fragile ego by feeling disrespected and wanting to act on it rather I think that it's perfectly normal to feel this way and it isn't something to be avoided or dealt with necessarily. As for limitting beliefs, I think it can be beneficial to address those and work through it so that you can minimise the sensitivity to these comments and occurances. But i will say that there is a good chance that you will still feel a degree of anger towards these occurances even if you deal with the sensitivity. Addressing the sensitivity can only help you regulate your emotions, it won't stop it from coming up. I mean, looking at all of this, I don't think that your emotional response is out of the ordinary. I would have been much more concerned if one of the items on the list were along the lines of you getting angry when someone is setting a boundary for example. The only thing that I would try to contemplate on is the notion of being uneducated. What does it mean to be uneducated and how does that contridict with being respected? Because even if you are uneducated or uninformed about something, you still deserve to be treated with basic human respect and not be looked down upon.

I mean, I think it depends on the context. It's perfectly normal, and even necessary to feel some kind of anger when you are being disrespected. Anger as an emotion tells us where our boundaries are and what we need from a situation by reacting negatively towards what is not for our good. Now, what determines how healthy this anger is #1 how you go about regulating and expressing the anger and #2 to what extent is it pointing towards our highest good. If anger is a more consistent thing, it can be a good idea to check in with yourself regarding what consistent element is causing the anger. Maybe there is a pattern or a type of person, or a certain environment that is really not meshing with you well and that is eroding you slowly to where there is more negtivity emotionally. Because things like bitterness and resentment (not saying that's exactly what you're expecting, idk what's happening in your head) aren't things that come up in an instant rather it is things that build up over time. Since I don't know the context of this situation, I am going to be giving pretty general advice so this may or may not be helpful. First, it's important to understand why you feel angry, what's triggering it, and to what extent does it make sense. Then, after identifying that, you could decide to further go into yourself if it's a personal issue that is being triggered by past traumas or experiences, or you can go more externally where you set boundaries with the people disrespecting you. It's important to do the later during a time when you have gotten a chance to calm down or do it preemptively (i.e. instead of getting annoyed and angry over time, let someone know something is bothering you the first time it happens instead of waiting for the second or third time when you really get pissed off). When you're having this conversation with someone, it's best to not assume ill will right off the bat. Instead of focussing on accusing someone, focus on how you feel about the situation and relize this is one way of looking at it. Sometimes people do things that can look disrespectful without meaning to do hurt anyone so it's important to go into these conversations with a calm and open mind. Then set the boundary. Depending on how the conversation goes, this can go one of two ways. One way is that yall collaborate and find ways to understand each other and come up with a solution, or another way is that this person gets offended and starts getting combative. If it's the later, you know this person is doing this intentionally and that's even more of a reason to have some strong boundaries and maybe even distance youself from this person if it is an option. If it's the former, well you still get your boundaries because the other person is respecting them. Since a lot of how people deal with conflict and anger has to do with the situation, I think it would be really helpful if you included some examples of situations that are causing anger issues or just your history with dealing with anger. I know earlier in the thread you did mention that you had some people pleaser tendencies and I think that can be a factor in some of this but then again, it's difficult to tell since, again, don't have much context.

The Second Date So I went on the second date with U and I would say it went really well. It took us some time to go on this second date because I accidentally ghosted him due to me breaking my phone and my new phone taking forever to ship to me. He was pretty understanding of this situation since during the first date I did give the indication that my phone is malfunctioning therefore, if at any time I stop responding and go cold for a few days, that isn't me being a disrespectful asshole rather it is most likely my phone. We made light of the situation and then planned out our second date. We went to this barbecue place. I didn't think it through how messy the meal was going to be (I was just craving ribs lol) but honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal. I was a little nervous before this date because I didn't want it to be awkward and be in the position where we run out of things to talk about. But thankfully, that didn't happen. I think we were both more comfortable with each other on this date because we know each other a little better and as a result it wasn't as awkward. I really enjoyed my time and even lost track of time for a moment so that's a good sign in my eyes. I also went into this date with the intention of bringing up what he was looking for and his past relationship history. I'm pretty sure that this guy is looking for something more serious instead of a hook up just by the way he is treating but still, it doesn't hurt to have things be explicit. But I didn't bring this topic up. Honestly, we just started talking about other stuff and the conversation flowed in different directions. It wasn't like we were trying to avoid the topic or anything. I still do think that this would be important to bring up but at the same time, I think it's a good sign that I felt like I could be present in this conversation and have it take it's course rather than me over analyzing and strategizing shit during this date. That's not to say that I'm not taking note of what he is saying and any potential red flags but much more that I don't catch myself clenching up and being hyper vigilant of these types of things. I think part of me feels that I can put my guard down to a certain extent around U since I did meet him through a trusted friend and because I have more of a context of what he is like. It's like because I met him through a friend, there is already some of that filteration work already done since if he can get along with my friend, chances are he and I have similar things and values in common since my friend and I have similarities. I would say this is so much better than me meeting people out in the wild lol. And just in general, I do tend to attract good people in my life as far as friendships go so in my mind, I feel like there is a good chance that I would meet other good men in that way. Speaking of attracting good people in my life, this is something that I have talked about in my main journal in a couple of posts: Overall, U seems like a bright green flag so far. I'm planning on seeing him tomorrow along with the friend he and I have in common so that should be fun.

Did you even read the post or replies lol? I try to remind myself that and honestly, thank you, I needed that. I remember I had a similar kind of panic wash over me when I was applying to colleges because, again, new phase of life and more responsibilities. And things turned out ok despite the financial bullshit that was thrown at me over the last few years especially with the pandemic. LMAOOO mood.

So I'm going to graduate college in December and I'm going to be applying to jobs during this summer. There is a huge part of me that is panicking becaue I don't know if I will be able to afford basic necessities and if I can move out of my parent's house even if I get a decent job. Everything is getting more and more expensive. Also, I'm not sure if I can get a job that I will even like. I'm not expecting my job to be this all grand life purpose that is going to fulfill all of my dreams and make me feel fulfilled in my life. I'm a big believer on finding fulfillment in other areas of my life instead of labor. I just want something that I can tolerate and that will help me have peace of mind and financial stability. I don't want to work upwards of 60-80 hours of week (I'm mentioning this because a lot of people who graduate from the program I'm in go on to work in things like investment banking and consulting that pay well but also work you to the bone to where you are burnt out and have no life). I've been stressed and/or burnt out for years at this point and sometimes it feels like there isn't an end in sight. I've always either been stressed out with school or I've been stressed out with my home environment and I can't really remember a time when my life wasn't like this. I don't want to keep living like this. And I don't think living with my parents for a few years to save money is an option unless I'm willing to crack my sanity like a glow stick like I did like a year ago which landed me into grippy socks jail for a few days and took me out of college for a couple of semesters. That's another thing, I know that I'm planning on cutting my parents off once I get a job and get on my feet but not having that financial support is freaking me out to where I am tempted to keep them in my life despite the shit they put me through. And I know it doesn't help to think about the past but sometimes I catch my mind drifting into the reality that my dad faced when he first immigrated to the U.S. where he was able to support himself, graduate college debt free, and have a decent amount of savings on MINIMUM WAGE. Meanwhile I'm here wondering if my potential job in corporate America will let me pay the bills. I stg if this was the 80s or some shit I would have moved out of my house in a heart beat once I turned 18 and cut them off without a second thought. I also sometimes feel like I don't have much to look forward to as it will be likely that I'm not going to be able to afford to have a family when I get older given how wages are stagnating and how I don't want to raise a child in poverty and I mean.... owning a home is a fucking fantasy at this point. I'm not really looking to settle down immediately after college so this is something that is kind of in the back of my mind, but it isn't the most pressing issue imo. But just knowing I would have that kind of option would have been nice. Also, rising rent prices is freaking me out since I always wanted to move out of Dallas and go else where into a larger city. I didn't do that because of college and I technically didn't have the option to because I didn't want to get into student loan debt by going somewhere out of state. It's like all of my goals in life have to be comprimised because of affordability and while I'm okay with things taking time and facing delays, again, it feels like there isn't an end in sight because of how shit is going. TLDR: I have 99 problems and having a fuck ton of money livable wage under good working conditions would probably solve like 80 of them.

@thisintegrated Everything except the N came out kind of towards the middle tbh. Don't know if that means anything. Honestly, I don't have a fucking clue. I have been forced to take this test a few times from school/work and I think MBTI is stupid because people act differently in different contexts and personality isn't a static thing.

wtf lol.... yeah I'm not any of those things lmao... ok so i looked through this and the only things that resonate are "hard to manipulate" and "have a threatening aura." But there are literally so many of these that I'm sure that if anyone were to scroll through, they'd find something they'd resonate with.

what are the stereotypes associated with being an ENTJ?

This happened to me once even though I wasn't planning on going home with the guy. I had a few drinks and I guess I was more outgoing and coming off as more flirtatious as I normally do. I had one of my friends come in and then we all went home together. The nex morning we were just going over the events of the following night and that friend was basically like *hey, i didn't know how many drinks you had but you were acting a bit out of the ordinary and you just met this guy and I didn't want you to get snatched up at that state or have anything happen to you.* She then went on to ask about if I ever gave this guy my number to which I replied no. She was then like *oh, he was cute and yall seemed like yall were having a good time* to inquire more about that whole interaction out of curiousity to which I explained that I was enjoying the conversation but wasn't really into him to where I wanted to sleep with him or go on a date with him. Also, I had to explain that my drunk personality is generally really cheerful, outgoing, and sometimes on the touchier side (i.e. more open to hugs from strangers, giving light nonsexual touches etc.). This friend knows me pretty well and I know she has good intentions. This was the first time that she saw me around alcohol since I don't really drink and she didn't know what my tolerance was like, to what extent I was still in control of that situation, or what I'm generally like at that state. She just wanted to be on the safer side because that's better than having some type of tragedy occur. And even though I was fine, I do appreciate the extra degree of caution as there can be a lot of sketchy and predatory creatures out there.

I really feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Part of me feels that if I had a healthy family that just sucking up the next few years to save up money from whatever job I get (whether it is something enjoy or not) would be the route that I would take. Again, I'm not opposed to things taking time and facing delays, but in my case particularly, my home life isn't good for this kind of move. On the flipside even if I had a bad home life, if economically things were more stable and there were more laws regarding working conditions, I think in my head there would be a way out of my home life that I wouldn't be freaking out about. I think it's the combination of a bad home life and a fucked up economy that is weighing on me whereas if it was an either or kind of situation, I wouldn't be as pressed. I pretty much lock myself in my room whenever I'm back home. It's kind of depressing but it's bareable and it's much better than the alternative. Or I try to come up with excuses to stay outside of the house by working or being with friends so that I would encounter my parents less. Currently I'm doing an internship I don't particularly like so that I can stay away from my parents even though I'm burnt out. Yeah... that's another thing, I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to figure out a roommate situation if I do plan to move out of my area after college. The logistics of moving if that is what I choose to do is a whole nother stressor tbh but I'm planning on not focussing on that since this is pretty much a hypothetical at this moment.

I'm just gonna leave this here. Thoughts?

June To-Do List: Prior to Studying Abroad Hang out / reconnect with friends: It's something that gives me a lot of fulfillment. I also was trying to reconnect with friends earlier this year but I stopped like half way because I got sick and then finals happened. Do the readings for your summer classes coming up: Was heavily recommended by the professor so that we can enjoy the trip and not get bogged down by work. Plan some things to do for the study abroad trip: First time planning a trip, wish me luck! Go on a few dates: I'm currently dating a guy and I'm curious to see where it goes. Apply to jobs: Need to figure out my life for after graduation Continue the internship: Need that money and something that will take me out of the house since my family is toxic Work on the blog more: I haven't been on top of this because of how chaotic my semester has been but I really want to get back into writing because it's something that brings me a lot of fulfillment. Give yourself room to breathe and recover from burn out: Started getting symptoms of burn out in the tail end of the semester so I need to deal with that.

An Update Soooo.... The first date went well. Again, he seems like an over all normal and respectful person and an all around decent human being. But I think I'm past romanticizing that after this date. And that's not a bad thing, I mean we should expect to be treated well insted of thinking of it as something so amazing and unattainable. I remember initially I was pretty nervous going in, as nervous as most people are when they are meeting someone they don't know well and don't want things to be awkward. The date as a little awkward not gonna lie. But it isn't the kind of awkward that would make things weird or raise red flags. It's the kind of awkward where you don't really have much to say because you don't know the person really well yet. I guess if I were to put it, it was realistically awkward. I don't expect people to be their most charismatic, chattery selves on a first date so I'm not disappointed or turned off. I did enjoy my time though. We went to this nice pizza place and the food was amazing. I'm getting a good vibe from this guy over all. I enjoyed talking to him and I'm interested in going another date with him. I feel like we're on the same page with a lot of things when it comes to things like our sense of humor, general way of looking at things, and the way that we like to relax and enjoy ourselves. I will say however that I didn't really feel like a *spark* or anything as of right now. Again, probably has to do with me not knowing him super well. Granted, part of me was romanticizing him prior to the date so on one hand, while I'm glad that I'm pretty comfortable around this person and I don't have to hyper myself up over this, I guess there is that hopeless romantic part of me that wished this was one of those whirlwind, getting swept off your feet moments you often see in the media and is slightly disappointed. I do think that it is healthier that this whirlwind isn't happening though because getting attached and projecting your ideas on to a person when you don't know them isn't healthy for a variety of reasons. Like the pace as of right now feels very reasonable and comfortable. Sure, my thristy self kind of craves for something faster, but I'm willing to take some time when it comes to creating something more stable and sustainable. That's kind of how I would characterize our dynamic so far. We're just getting to know each other and so far it feels very stable, respectful, and just a dash of expected awkwardness. From what I'm gathering at least from this date and the conversations I have had with him afterwards, I'm pretty sure he's on the same page with all of this. I can tell that he's interested in getting to know me and that he enjoyed his time, but a lot of the way that he is treating me as more to do with general respect than romantic infatuation. And I think that is a very realistic way of taking this situation. Overall, glaring bright green flag. While I don't feel a spark or this kind of instantaneous feeling of connection and attraction to him, I'm not worried because I noticed that since I do like talking to him, keeping up contact doesn't feel like a chore. That was one of the things that I was thinking about where I was like *do I like this person* since I do have a bad habit of dating people I don't really like and hoping I'll grow to like them since I really want a relationship. But, I think this is different because in the other times, I would find myself getting slightly annoyed when someone would text me. I think there is a saying that's along the lines the brightest sparks fade the fastest so while a firework might be exciting at first, it isn't going to sustain you through the night unlike a fire that takes a while to get going and burns slowly. If this does turn into something, I think it would be one of those slow burn situations. Again, glaring green flag. Final verdict: Good guy, had a good time, both he and the dynamic seems stable and healthy, but I don't have many expectations as to how things are going to go since we're getting to know each other. Still feeling things out but I know for sure that I want a second date.

First of all, I want to start off with saying that your thought aren't irrational and that different life transitions can come with diffcult emotions at times. I remember when I first turned 20 (currently 22.5 right now) I had a wave of panic rush over me where I was like *shit I need to get my life together.* And then soon being locked in my house due to the pandemic really didn't help and I found myself feeling insecure about how I was wasting away my 20s especially since I was dealing with a lot mentally at the time whereas I felt like my peers were thriving. And congrats on the languages!!! I'm not particularly skilled in that department, so I would say that is pretty impressive and it's something to appreciate. As far as developing skills and hobbies, I kind of see it like dating. You try out different things and delve into them and it's just part of the process. Some people find what they are passionate about earlier, and some later similar to how they find love. Some people start dating younger and some older. And honestly, you don't really need a skill based hobby, especially at that age. I say that in the sense of you enjoyment of the hobby comes first and next thing you know, you have a skill. If I were you, I would focus on finding something that you genuinely enjoy and if monetizing it comes into the picture, that's great, but I don't think trying to choose something on the basis of that is healthy. You're allowed to just enjoy things and let yourself be. Not everything can, should , or has to become a side hustle (or potential side hustle). OOooofff don't even get me started on the SAT. One of the best parts of graduating highschool was never dealing with that stupid test again. I would say try to understand why you have a bad work ethic. I remember feeling similarly a couple years ago and then I realized that a lot of it had to do with my environment and living situation and how that was contributing to my ability to be focused or energized. I don't know what your life is but what I have noticed typically is that people aren't naturally lazy rather there is usually an underlying cause to it. As for the wage slave thing, I feel that. I remember being super depressed about the same thing like a year or so ago. It's still not fully resolved in my head. And I think all of this is valid considering the capitalist hell scape we are in, how things are getting more expensive with stagnating wages, etc. But I will say that I feel like I'm in a better place right now regarding this. For me personally, I found it helpful to work on other areas of my life to build a more solid foundation for myself by focusing in school, getting an internship and getting involved on campus, nurturing the friendships I have etc. Sure, wage slavery sucks, but it isn't the only thing in life and you can find joy and purpose in other areas of your life and that is completely valid. I spent my late teens in hermit mode and the first 2 ish years of my 20s isolated in my house with this forum being a huge outlet for connection at the time. And I can really just say, it's never too late to start and that it's important to not dwell on the amount of time you "wasted." If anything, you can use that as motivation to put yourself out there and master a skill. Just out of curiousity, do you know what it is you're trying to master by any chance? If you don't, that's perfectly ok. You have plenty of time to figure that out and pick up new skills along the way. But I will say, that feeling regret over the amount of time you feel that you wasted is valid. That feeling of regret will take some time to process and there is some degree of mourning that can come from losing time. That's something that I've had to deal with recently since a large chunk of my college experience was taken from my health issues along with being locked in my house. I decided that I was going to salvage what I can from my college experience before graduating and see what I can do. I did catch myself feeling upset for not enjoying these last 4 years as much as I could have and not getting as ahead in my career as I thought I was going to get. It takes time to work through these things. Yeah... that's a normal part about entering your 20s. The nostalgia goggles get thicker for better or worse. I think it can be good to look back and deal with any unresolved issues and extract any lessons or even appreciate the good memories you have had from those times. But there is plenty more to look forward to and more good memories to be had in the future. Sure you won't get those particular years back, but you have plenty more years to go and those will come with their own ups and downs, challenges and celebrations. It might seem like those days were much easier but a lot of it has to do with the fact that you have picked up more skills on how to deal with life along the way. Now, you have new challenges and in 10 years, you will look back at this time and also thing *wow, things were so easy* even if they weren't because 30 year old you would have the skills and answers to deal with what you're going through rn. The way I look at it, comparing your childhood years to that of your adulthood is like comparing apples to oranges. Sure, they are both fruits, but it's unfair to compare them and say one is better than the other. Why do you say that?

Financially, emotionally, and mentally stable with good health. Living a purposeful life after finding out what career path is right for me. Have traveled to a few places and lived in a different country. Built existing connections and made some new authentic ones and continued nurturing them and spending time with people who help me grow into a better person and whose presance I really enjoy and feel uplifted by. Maybe a dog or cat. Have an idea of where and how I want to settle down.

@Someone here That can happen. I personally haven't experienced it but I have heard that some people deal with postcoital dysphoria. It usually happens with consensual sex with other people rather than masturbation but this happens because the orgasm feels like such a high, and then you crash horomonly speaking. This can be especially true in bdsm related activities and thus can be psychologically related as well. In those cases, it's usually the sub (but it can also be the dom) who experiences postcoital dysphoria because of how emotionally laborious the whole sexual dynamic can be. There are some people who feel the urge to cry after all of this. I have experienced this a couple of times after masturbation. Which is why things like aftercare is so important regardless of what kind of sex you're having or even if you're masturbating tbh.

I mean.. it isn't always religious. In my experience at least, while a lot of the purity culture from my American peers does come from things like Christianity and how that shaped American culture to an extent, I found that for a lot of South Asian, particularly Hindu people, it isn't so much religion rather it's more of colonization and misogny (which is also related to colonization to an extent). Sexual shame can come from lots of different areas in life, it isn't just limitted to religion. That actually happens for both genders.

@Someone here I think a lot of it is pretty simple and just has to do with how there is still a lot of sexual shame spiraling around in society. Some corners of society has more of this shame than others but it's still there. Also, I think it can have to do with how you're using masturbation. If you don't have a healthy relationship with it and you're addicted to porn to deal with some type of issue in your life, then yeah, masturbation isn't going to feel so good afterwards becasue you're using it as a tool to further reinforce an unhealthy dynamic. One way I like to see the relativity of situations is by seeing different actions as tools rather than from a point of view of how A always leads to B. To illustrate, masturbation isn't always going to lead to guilt and shame rather it is how you use masturbation that determines how you're going to feel afterwards. I hope that makes sense.

@Someone here By decreasing sexual appetite you mean I'm not horny anymore afterwards, yeah. But if you mean my over all libido is gone, no. I do get a certain degree of decrease in energy in a sense of sometimes after something more on the intense end, I just want to close my eyes and take a nap or cuddle for the next 15-30 minutes. Instead of seeing this as a decrease in energy, I just see it as relaxation.

I picked relaxed because often times I do it so that I can fall asleep. But it also makes me feel energized or focused depending on time of day, why I'm doing it etc. And while I don't feel confident right away, I do think connecting to my sexuality long term has helped me in terms becoming more confident.

Wrote about this a while back:

@modmyth I appreciate it and I'll post an update in the next couple of days