soos_mite_ah

In the initial stages of dating, I still thought he was cute and I loved his personality and the way he meshed with me. And the more I get to know him, the more I find that he is a good man, that he is a good fit for me in a number of areas of my life, and we have built a very solid relationship together. Sure, I have my preferences. But my philosophy as I was dating was that I can compromise on my preferences but I cannot compromise on my standards. He met like half of my preferences and met all my standards. Like, I'm not going to reject a guy based on the fact he doesn't have curly hair. Like think about it this way. You love burgers and tacos and they are your go to meal. And then suddenly, you get exposed to sushi. You're not used to the sushi but you're curious and you give it a try. It take a minute for you to warm up to the sushi and next thing you know, it's one of your favorite meals.

@Judy2 You're good when it comes to commenting on here. And I agree, it's important to have things to replace the screentime with instead of constantly thinking of the screentime and trying to cut down on it. That's what leades to sustainable habits. I notice that my screentime is better on days I have tons to do or if I'm out and about socializing with people or hanging out outside of home. At the same time, I think I'm doing this journal temporarily to track any patterns I am noticing on my screentime and as a form of accountability. For the longest time, I didn't want to even look at my screentime because I was scared at how bad it was so I'm just trying to acknoweldge the truth and see where to go from there

Apology accepted.

Between Friends Because I have been listening to so much music on Youtube recently, I have been getting recommendations for new artists. I found this duo called Between Friends and I'm enjoying their music. I will admit, I am enjoying the music videos more than the music itself. Part of it is that both people in this due are so beautiful to me. Another part of it is that it feels very 2008 but also very 2018 at the same time. I can't really articulate it to myself and why I feel like that. I like how chaotic and fun the first two videos feel. The last video, I'm in a trance with how good her hair looks due to the fan lmaoo.

Update on Horny Thoughts It's been 2 weeks since I have posted the above. The horniness has calmed down quite a bit. At the time I made that post, I was flicking the bean multiple times a day and sex ruled all of my thoughts to where I felt like I couldn't really focus on work. Now, I feel like I can focus on most things but I still have this horniness in the back of my mind and bean flicking has gone down to regular levels lol. But I will say that I am reading smutty romance mangas, listening to very sexually charged music, and I'm making fake scenarios in my head before going to sleep. I can confidently confirm that the main reason why I was into R is because my birth control was messing with my head. I'm especially over him after I found out the questionable shit he has done at work. That basically disgusted me and also shattered the illusion I had of him being level headed and composed. I still think R has a pretty voice though. I mainly just think about L right now. I've been reflecting on what these fantasies mean and how I can go about fulfilling them in a healthy way, both sexually and psychologically. I've had a conversation with my partner about opening up the relationship and I found that to be helpful in terms of having transparency in our sex life. I feel that just having that conversation was like having a huge weight off my shoulders because I was in a place where my thoughts were coherent enough to communicate and because I'm not secretly losing my mind in the shadows lol. I felt like the horniness settled down after that.

If this comment was made 20 years ago back when the difference between the left and the right in mainstream politics was on taxes and shit, I would agree. But in 2025, there is one side that is very clearly worse than the other. For the sake of a casual relationship, I'm not going to be too strict in terms of how politically/ personal values wise we're aligned, but there is a baseline. Excuse me for not wanting to fuck a Nazi How is prioritizing my sanity, personal safety, and values stupid tf? And wtf do you mean "rational goals?" Are you talking about how my desire to have sex with a particular kind of man and that being overshadowed by context and additional factors some how irrational? Because if there is anything that's irrational, it's having sex with people without taking anything else into consideration other than attraction and being completely ruled by your impulses.

I feel like for me, personality and decent character matters more than looks hence my current relationship and hence why I never had a "hoe phase." I meant plenty of guys in college where I was like *hey, he's cute* and then they do/say something dumb or fucked up and then I'm like *welp.... I'm not into him anymore.* I guess if I were to do something casual with no intention of a relationship, yes, I would weigh looks more but the personality/character has to be at least a 5/10. Meaning no weird right wing ideologies, not annoying, decently well adjusted, I'm not going to have to file a restraining order etc. Basically, I don't fuck crazy or stupid. It's a safety concern but it's also a moral thing (not gonna sleep with someone with values that are drastically different from mine), and a *I don't want to feel embarrassed after sleeping with someone even if they are hot* thing.

That makes sense. I think this desire to have some variety of sexual experiences is also coming from a desire to connect with different parts of myself and understand myself. I want to embrace different parts of myself I typically don't in my current relationship and see how I react to different kinds of partners. And I think in turn, it would help me have a more well rounded and exciting sexual relationship with my current partner as well. I guess my thing is that if it's starts to negatively impact him or this relationship, I'm aborting mission. Those are my priorities. I have no interest in hurting him or going behind his back to do anything which is why we're communicating to know where the boundaries are and where these desires are coming from. Even if I was dating other guys outside of this relationship, I would let them know about the situation with my current partner because I don't want to deceive them into a situation they aren't comfortable with either. That makes sense.

Attractive is subjective. There are many ways to be attractive lol. As for muscular.. not really. I guess I prefer more of a normal to skinny / normal to a little sqiushy if that makes sense lol. I like guys with shorter guys with darker features and a lot of hair.

I have talked about this with my partner in the past. We started dating when we were both 22 (we're 25 now) and since we were both late bloomers, I figured that one or both of us may have a period of time when we wanted to explore more sexually with other people even though we both love each other and have a good relationship. And since we both have a very low degree of jealousy and possessiveness, we were both open to the idea of having an open relationship. Maybe not polyamorous because that can get chaotic with having multiple people in a romantic dynamic trying to coordinate their lives together but there isn't anything wrong with casual sex. This conversation was had like 2.5 years ago. Fast forward today, I had the open relationship conversation again with him recently. He's still open to the idea of an open relationship but he personally has no urge to act on it and have sex with anyone else besides me. At the same time, he doesn't want me to restrict myself sexually or hold me back in anyway in this relationship. I guess after that conversation, I found myself thinking the power dynamics of our relationship in the event that I was sleeping around but he wasn't. Because I don't want to do this at the cost of our relationship or at the cost of hurting him or making him jealous. Like sure, sexual fulfillment is one thing and it's nice to have, but I don't think that this area is the make or break when it comes to my overall satisfaction and fulfillment in life. I know he loves me and I don't want to exploit that for the sake of my own gratification. I don't have an issue with casual sex and while I do want an open relationship in theory, I have concerns in practice. I live in the state of Texas where abortion is banned. I'm on birth control and of course I plan to use protection, but there are a lot of sketch guys out there who might try to do shit like stealthing (and god forbid I forget to take the pill that night). I have reservations regarding sleeping with random men not in a slut shaming way but in a *I'm concerned for my personal safety and I don't want to end up preganant or locked in a basement* way. I have a lot of friends who are dating around and I know that the streets are rough (and the red pill/ alpha male podcast bros have made a lot of damage in recent years) lol. So it's also like, I feel lucky that I have found a good man but I also kind of feel like meme: Like as much as I want to put myself out there and explore, I do get turned off by men who are sketchy and who have questionable characters. As a result, sometimes I wonder if I actually want to explore and I'm scared to, or if I just like the idea of exploring but I should probably stick to shitty smutty romance mangas lmaoo.

@Emerald I would especially love to hear your thoughts if you have any

7/5/2025 My screentime today was 5.5 hours. Out of that 2 hours and 45 min were for Youtube, Maps was 2 hours, Instagram was 58 min, and Hexa Sort was 2 hours. I was driving around quite a bit today. I wasn't using maps but it was just open. I was also listening to a lot of music. I also watched a couple of videos regarding the bill that had passed. I also called a friend for 2 hours and face timed with her today. During the call and while I was watching my videos, I was playing Hexa Sort. I wasn't on instagram at all today until this passed hour. I was just looking at memes tbh. Thoughts on today: The time on Youtube is kind of inflated. As I'm typing this out, the amount of time I have been spending on fucking Hexa Sort is a little concerning. I think it's my manifestation of my tiny attention span where it's like when I'm watching a video or talking on the phone, I feel like I need to be doing something with my hands. It's very much giving Reddit stories with Subway Surfers in the background. But overall, my screentime hasn't been too bad today. Something I have noticed is that my screentime is better on days when I have social stuff going on. Yesterday I was hanging out with my friend and her family for the 4th of July. Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend and his family, and later at night, I called a different friend to talk to her about shit going on at work to spill the tea lol.

I LITERALLY CANNOT SEE ANYTHING ELSE IT COULD POSSIBLY BE LMAOOO

Putting Life on a Pedestal I took notes on the concept of putting life on a pedestal in my previous post and I have since had some additional thoughts around it. Here is a recap from that post before I go into my additional thoughts: I think much of this attitude of putting life on a pedestal manifested when I was younger in my simplistic understanding in life and the grandiose attitude I had of what careers and adulthood was going to look like. In other words, this attitude presented itself in a very classic way in my teens and early 20s. But I think in my early to mid twenties, it manifests in a more inperceptible way, I think the way that I put life on a pedestal now can be seen through the lens of my anxieties rather than fantasies I escape to. I think that the at the root of my anxiety is how I overestimate the situations that are before me and I hype them up to be bigger than they are (basically putting them on a pedestal of sorts), causing me to get worked up in the process to where I don't put in my full effort. For example, I don't like doing the dishes. In my mind, it takes forever and it's this huge drain on my energy. But realistically, it only take me like 10-15 min tops to do and it's not that bad. That's a really small example. A medium sized example is dealing with some of the responsibilities I have at work. Sometimes I put off some tasks that I find tedious, annoying, and time consuming, and I make it much worse than it is up in my head. But then, when I go to do it, it takes me at most 25 min. Nevertheless, it's something that I put off dealing with until the end of the day. A larger example is me putting off the surgery that I had. Don't get me wrong, I did put it off for good reason because I was carefully thinking through it. And I hesitated right up until the end. But a week or two after surgery, I was like *you know what, that wasn't that bad. I got through it. I made it waaaay scarier in my head.* Granted, my surgery process was really smooth but I think after seeing the plethora of things that can go on via the internet during my process of doing research, it freaked me out and I was bracing for the worst. Another example that I can think of that I have written about in the post right before this one is how I tend to overestimate the people around me because they seem much more competent and put together as adults even though I know that they're not all that deep down. Like I know that I'm comparing my silliness behind the scenes to their polished exterior productions which causes me to infantilize myself and doubt myself. I overestimate the work that middle management does and I tend to think that it's harder and more stressful than it really is. I overestimate the realities of being a woman and think that I don't measure up to it or "feel like a woman" because I'm comparing my regular day to day to these broader narratives, fantasies, and stereotypes. There is a saying that all big goals are achieved by small consistent actions. But I feel like for me, because I overestimate my goals, it makes the small actions seem inconsequential which then causes me to understimate the very think that will lead me to where I want to go. That underestimation breeds a lack of action and apathy (because what's the point). And the overestimation causes me to sit idly, brewing in a state of anxiety. I'll use the job hunt as another example. I was overestimating how bad it was going to be for me personally when I was just about to graduate college. I thought it was probably going to take me 6-9 months for me to find a job and that it was going to be very mediocre. I was also freaking myself out based on what I was seeing in the economy in the mass scale. And it was to the point where I didn't want to take the small, consistent, and boring action of applying to jobs. Nevertheless, I put out like 10-20 applications, I got an offer, and I ended up getting a job 2 weeks after I graduated. I will admit, I got really lucky (I don't want this post to breed a sort of survivorship bias in me), but I was making the job hunt to be much worse than it was for my reality. I think it's good that I went in with a more realistic view of things in that I wasn't expecting an instant result of my efforts in this hyper positive, gradiose, putting the fantasy of life on a pedestal kind of way, but at the same time, I was putting the negative fantasy of the stuggles of life on a pedestal if that makes sense. I think there is merit to the whole *hope for the best and prepare for the worst* attitude I was raised with but I do think that the *prepare for the worst* portion of that attitude was emphasized much more. I think for me personally, I need to adopt the attitude of *hope for the best, acknowledge that things can go wrong and take necessary precautions, but focus on the journey in front of you rather than what you perceive it as.* I know it's not as quippy as the first saying but I think this a more balanced view for me personally.

7/4/2025 I spent 36 min on Instagram, 44 min on Tetris, and 1 hour on Hexa Sort. My iphone is saying that I spent 5 hours and 45 min on Youtube. The later sounds REALLY alarming but I was playing a lot of music today via Youtube and I did like an hour long workout using it. I was just in the mood to move and dance around today lol. I was dancing around my apartment and I was playing music as I was driving to my friend's house to spend the 4th of July with her. The commute was like 30+ min each way. I also watched a really long video from Dr. K about healthy vs unhealthy porn usuage which was like in total 2 hours and 24 min. I watched this at 2x speed while playing either tetris or hexa sort (1 hour 15 min roughly). I feel like this video was a good use of my time and I think I got some insight from it. I wouldn't say this was slop lol. So, the numbers look bad but I think my screentime wasn't the worst today. If we take out Youtube and like an hour and 15 min of games, we get 36 min on Insta and like 30 min on Tetris/Hexa Sort.

Like I really do be viewing myself like my current profile picture. I feel like a a bug eyed chihuahua with her tongue sticking out with 3 brain cells bouncing around incoherently.

(Not) Taking Myself Seriously I'm 25 years old and I still have yet to feel like a woman. I have been feeling this for quite some time now and i have been reflecting on it off and on over the last 2 ish years. I feel like a girl and I feel like an adult, but for whatever reason, I don't feel like a woman. As for the fact that I relate to girliness as a form of femininity, I think it has less to do with me having an infantilized view of femininity and more to do with how adulthood feels very gender neutral. I cook, clean, take care of my surroundings, have a job that I'm relatively good at, pay my bills on time, have boundaries and good communication skills, a few solid relationships, a sense of responsibility, and a sense of direction in my life. None of these things feel particularly gendered. I guess with girlhood, I tend to associate it with a sense of playfulness, silliness, and whimsy that comes naturally to me. So then, I started thinking about what does it mean to be woman, what images comes to mind for me, and how I may or may not be falling short on that. Because I know from the alpha male podcasts that they have a very specific view on masculinity based on a bunch of societal stereotypes that essentially gets conjured up to a caricature of masculinity they idolize and fantasize about being. And based on the Dr. K video I took notes on, I think subscribing to this fantasy instead of embracing the reality and mundaneness of masculinity is what leads a lot men to act like man children. Here is a little bit about what I wrote: So that got me thinking about what kind of fantasy and archetype of womanhood that I have picked up on and that I'm subconsciously comparing myself to. I think the first image that I get in my mind when I think being a woman is has to do with this sense of elegance and classiness. And I don't mean to be self deprecating but I don't see myself as that. I wear my authenticity on my sleeve, even if it might be rough around the edges and I put character above class, since classiness without a sense of empathy can just be classism (think judging people for using the wrong fork in a formal dining setting and how that "gives them away"). I think that the words elegance and classiness can be pretty loaded in terms of socioeconomic status, racism, and misogyny. So, I'm trying to be cognizant of that when I try to define womanhood for myself. Like I feel like content like this is the woman equivalent of the alpha male fantasies men have: I encounter shorts like this in my social media feeds. And most of the time, it's not anything particularly toxic, it's just very surface level advice in my opinion. But I want to mainly focus on the imagery around this type of content. I feel like this next couple videos are more in your face about how things like race, money, stereotypes around femininity manifest in this kind of content: Yes, because womanhood is expensive makeup and designer handbags because women be shopping lol. (bruh...the straights are not okay) The second image I get in my mind when I think of being a woman has to do with being a wife, mother, or dealing with some kind of struggle that a lot of women deal with (sexual assault, not being taken seriously, objectification, physical pain from things like birth or menstruation, being underestimated, issues in the work force because of having kids). Firstly, you can be a woman and decide that being a wife and a mother isn't for you. That doesn't make you any less of a woman. Secondly, I think it's depressing to conflate womanhood with being the victims of society's ills. I remember when i was doing some google searches on women talking about the moment they felt like woman and a sad amount of those responses dealt with things like sexual assault, getting cat called, being underestimated, or dealing with the struggles of parenthood alone because their man isn't as invested in the kids as they are. Don't get me wrong, these societal ills are experiences that ties a lot of women together, but I don't want to view womanhood only through the lens of pain and disempowerment because I feel like that further reinforces the patriarchial dynamic of women being in a subserviant position and it reinforces the narrative of "well that's just how things are." Upon further reflection, it's not so much that I feel like I'm rejecting my femininity rather I'm rejecting this sort of inauthentic performance around femininity and I'm deconstructing the narratives I've inherited around what it means to be woman so that I can hold space for nuance, and define it on my own terms. To me, womanhood isn’t earned through suffering, it isn’t a costume of Eurocentric elegance or perfection, it isn’t bound to domestic roles or external validation, and it isn’t limited to the aftermath of trauma. And I guess, since I'm so good at pointing out what womanhood is not, it's harder for me to pin down what it is and, as a result, I feel like I'm putting these amorphous standards on myself. And because the standards are amorphous, they don't feel like a huge pressure or anything, but more so a vibe of me just feeling like an awkward gremlin. I guess the other thing is that, as far as connotations go, "Girl" can feel more playful, free, or unformed while "Woman" can feel more serious, composed, or defined. And I think one of my problems is that I don't take myself seriously all that much. I think that enables me to be playful and light hearted, and there is a sense of resiliance and warmth that comes from that. Like I'm just little silly goose on the loose lol. But I recognize that this can become a problem, firstly in the sense that I'm most definitely an adult and I shouldn't infantilize myself as that can be an excuse to shirk responsibility, and secondly, I can be selling myself short and underestimate myself, especially in a professional setting which can lead to being mistreated and walked all over. I have a good chunk of coworkers right now who are around my age. And sometimes, I just feel like a kid amongst them. This is especially true when it comes to guys my age. And I've even caught myself feeling kind of incompetent next to them even though guys like R and N have been consistently underperforming and acting tf up, professionally and personally. What I'm trying to figure out is why am I feeling this way despite it not really having a basis in reality. I think it comes down to how I don't really take myself seriously. At work, I don't take my competence that seriously because I'm working at a basic office job and I'm just sending emails. What I do feels really basic and bare minimum tbh even if my boss is happy with my work and is hyping me up. I guess I downplay the work that I do because in the grand scheme of things, I know that office work is often over hyped in terms of skill and socioeconomics and riddled with false emergencies. I do not need to be having a panic attack at work. I'm saving files, not lives. I don't think that's an unhealthy manifestation of not taking work seriously. But I do think that I have this tendency of overestimating the people around me while underestimating myself. To an extent, the stuff my boss shared about R was a shocking. Again, And to be fair, the guy does have an air of confidence around him and part of that is valid because he is competent at his job. The other part of it is him being a delusional white man. Since I didn't know about his shenanigans, I thought that maybe he was being young and dumb. It's both our first corporate jobs and I can admit that I'm still trying to figure out how to socially navigate things and I can understand if he's trying to do the same. But turns out, he's also shady af and tries to weasel his way into higher positions and out of doing the actual work. I was not privy to any of this because I'm not really getting to know him like that. I'm just reacting to the facade. Apparently, R is the type to start acting up when someone is a gateway to something he wants and he gets agressive/ salty because he cannot take no for an answer (which also raises red flags in my head on how this may manifest in other areas of his life). I guess he was able to hide that tendency around me and my other coworkers because we cannot do anything for him in terms of upward mobility. But he did have this tendency to ignore my messages every time I had questions about something when I first got hired. I didn't think much of it. I just assumed he was busy because at the time, he had more responsibilities (or that he secretly hates me, which I don't mind because same). And then I stopped going to him. But apparently, he does that to everyone and he's still doing that despite not having much on his plate... so that's kind of sus. And he has a condescending attitude with some other coworkers (again, I didn't encounter this because typically I just keep my distance because he gave me bad vibes early on). But yeah, I think it's worth examining why I and I'm sure other people can look at R and think of him as particularly competent despite that not being the case while I'm sitting here doubting myself. There are a good amount of people in their mid to late 20s in middle management positions at this company. And it just feels kind of weird to me because I don't really see myself in that same lens of competency and because for a large chunk of time, I just thought that those people (in other teams and locations) were 30+ based on the vibe I got from them. Granted, I do think that everyone, including myself, has some kind of facade at work to maintain professionalism. And I guess, that I'm just comparing my bloopers and silly mistakes to everyone else's polished exteriors. I know that this tendency is common on social media when you're literally viewing someone's highlight reel but I think it's a social tendency that predates the internet. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I also think another area of my life where I don't take myself seriously is my sexuality. I think part of it is healthy in that I can acknowledge the awkwardness and silliness around sex and approach it in a lighthearted, authentic way that doesn't come off as intimidating or performative. Like, girl, I cannot put up a seductive, Jessica Rabbit-esq persona. I feel ridiculous doing that. I think part of it feels like such a caricature of a woman's sexuality from the eyes of a man that it feels silly to engage with it. But I think another part of it is that I don't see myself as someone who is sexually appealing. It's not that I think I'm ugly, it's that I think I just give off a very neutral vibe. I think it's difficult for me to see myself through that lens. I don't see myself as someone who is attractive in a serious sense. Another reason why I don't take myself seriously in a sexual sense is because of my current relationship with X. Again, it's very lighthearted, playful and silly, and that carries a sense of warmth to me that makes me feel like I can open up, emotionally or sexually, without pressure. I'm also VERY ticklish physically so a lot of things that would typically turn someone on just makes me laugh. In contrast, I have been reflecting on the fantasies that have been coming up with L. Compared to my current relationship, the fantasies are more deep, sensual, and traditionally romantic. I find myself thinking about the physical sensation how my face would warm up or how my hands would feel tingly and shaky around the slightest interaction around L years ago. I haven't felt like that about a person physically since. I imagine the physical sensation of running my fingers through his hair on his head but also on the rest of his body. I imagine getting all dressed up, going on a nice dinner with him, having a good conversation, and going home only to have him take everything off. And this feels weird to type out, but in those fantasies, I feel like a woman. It's weird because first of all, my view on womanhood isn't limitted to a sense of sexuality/ sensuality, and second of all, I have those elements in my current relationship sexually as well as the dates I go on with X. But I wouldn't say that my overall dynamic with X serious and traditionally romantic. Like, we're both like giant kids around each other. And I don't think that it's a coincidence that I'm having these fantasies around L especially since L is older by at least a decade. As for the relationship between womanhood and a sense of sensuality/sexuality, I think what differentiates it from girliness is that sense of seriousness as opposed to lighthearted whimsy. I also think that my fantasy of craving something or someone more stern/cold also comes from me craving this sense of seriousness as well. I feel a little awkward in taking myself seriously in life as a whole. I'm a little nervous about coming off as cringy or that I care too much about things that don't really matter. I don't want to have this sense of self-importance or ego that causes people to be a caricature of themselves because they take themselves too seriously. I guess I'm still trying to find this balance of taking myself seriously as an adult but not having that come at the cost of my sense of authenticity.

R just got passed up for a promotion that he has been pining for the last 2 years, he's going bald at 25, and he's being moved away from my team so I'm not gonna have to deal with his bitch ass. I also talked to my boss about what happened when he got passed up for the promotion and turns out everyone in my team secretly hates him and he tends to leave a trail of mess everywhere he goes and he's waaay dumber and more impulsive than what I gave him credit for. Anyways, life's good and karma is real.

@MuadDib Huh.. I didn't know there was a grown up version of that kid doing the same video

I actually want to cry. I posted the previous post and then the page refreshed and posted the version I had 2+ hours ago. I'm going to edit the post tomorrow so that everything is included. But first i'm going to sleep because I'm upset and it's like 11 pm. edit: Thank god it didn't take away the notes I had from the video. I think that was the more time consuming part. Putting in my commentary in the various colors only took me a little more than an hour to get done

Puer Aeternus Part 1 Puer Aeternus is the Jungian archetype of someone who remains an eternal child. It refers to someone who remains stuck in adolescence and is essentially developmentally stunted. Dr. K describes this archetype over two different videos at length. I have taken notes on characteristics of this archetype by watching one of his videos. I also decided to add my own commentary whether it applies to my past self, my present self, other people I have encountered in my life, or other patterns I have observed. Tends to be charming / charismatic and childlike. They can be smart, quick witted and likable. As a result, some people can be easily impressed by them. They have a lot of potential and have bursts of creativity. While they may have a good start, their ability to execute and stick through things is lacking. They generally do not like sports which requires patience and long training. They have a hero complex An example that is laid out is this guy who decided to go through yogic training, learn to sleep outside, and go without food just because he doesn't like carrying the weight of a rucksack while hiking. He would rather do the absolute most than to do the mundane things that require responsibility. They can be heroic and magnificent, but they cannot be ordinary. They have this ego where they want to be grandiose but not do basic tasks. This causes them to be stuck in life. I feel like this encapsulates what I was like when I was in high school. I was relatively sociable once I got past the social anxiety. I was at the top of my class, creative, and had quick come backs to things. And I was pretty self aware for my age as well. I had a lot of adults say that they saw that I had a bright future ahead. But I did suck at sticking through things and having a regular sense of discipline. I could do an entire course's worth of work or memorize a shit ton of information just because I didn't want to do the basic task of taking notes, noting things down in a planner, or allocating my time effectively instead of leaving things to the last minute. I feel like I notice this hero complex phenomenon show up among a bunch of leftists that idealize revolution. Like they want something big to happen rather than do the boring work of organizing and phone banking. They don't like conventional situations. They ask deep questions and go straight for truth. They hate small talk. They're big talkers but they cannot show up for the little stuff in life. This felt like a description of my 14 year old self who fell into the tumblr rabbit hole of *normal people scare me* and *I don't like small talk, I want to talk about something deep like the mysteries of the universe and space.* I think I also went through a similar phase in my late teens when I was in a constant state of existential crisis lol. I learned that wasn't the way when I started to become the therapist friend and I started to trauma bond with people. That's when I learned the importance of small talk and showing up for the little things because of how it builds to the larger things in a more healthy and sustainable pace. This also reminds me of the leftists who talk about "direct action" rather than slowly building up the momentum and actually putting in the work to actually have political influence and affect outcomes. They have big dreams but when they try to live life, they're severely disappointed because they put life on a pedestal and they cannot put up with drab, monotony, boredom, or just everyday life. They might have a vision of writing a book for example but when they sit down to do it, they cannot get through the actual, sometimes boring work of actually writing the book. I have written about this in a previous post about a year ago. I was going to post a quote from it but I think the whole post is about this very thing. So I'm just going to link it and also summarize some key points instead. Basically, I think I had a more simplistic understanding of life and the way things were going to turn out at 17, especially pre COVID based on my expectations of adulthood at the time. I felt like I could do anything given that I was at the top of my class, I was sociable, and I was creative. I had a bit of a grandiose attitude of what careers and adulthood was going to look like. And I guess at the time of writing this, there was a part of me that wished that I could return back to the naiveity from when I was 17 where I didn't know how deep systemic issues were, where I didn't know about COVID and how that was going to impact things going forward. I feel like my corporate job was good at taking this tendency out of me. Because I still need to show up and fulfill my responsibilities even if I'm feeling off physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm still trying to find a good balance of pushing through vs taking a break but I do think that this job has helped me build my discipline muscle and that has seeped into other areas of my life. The cycle is as follows: They have a vision in life (they're filled with excitement and potential) > they engage in life > it gets boring, gruelling, and disappointing or something comes up > they get dejected and lose motivation The puer aeternus can work hard and can even work long hours for a stretch of time but what they cannot do is work on a dreary morning where one has to kick themselves into work. This was very much me in the earlier part of college. I had the capability to work hard, pull all nighters, and cram at the last minute but I couldn't maintain a steady sense of discipline. I felt like that came on when I was like 21/22 as my frontal lobe began forming more lol. Romantically they're looking for "the image of the mother- the image of the perfect woman who will give everything to a man and who is without any shortcomings- is sought in every woman. He is looking for a mother goddess, so that each time he is facinated by a woman, he has later to discover that she is an ordinary human being. Once he has been intimate with her, the whole facination vanishes and he turns away disappointed, only to project the image onto one woman after another." Basically, they're trying to find the perfect partner, they find someone, that person inevitably disapoints them with their humanness, and then they break things off to then find the perfect person again. This reminds me of the guys who basically wants a mother for a girlfriend- someone who will cook, clean, do basic house tasks and do basic adult responsibilites around the house that they never learned to do for themselves- but they can fuck them as well. And then, the moment she shows him that she's a person with needs, boundaries, a personality etc. he loses interests and tries to find another person. to continue the cycle with. This also reminds me of the people who have Bumble brainrot (platonically or romantically) where they don't try to develop healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. Instead, they just ghost or cut the other person off because the next person, the perfect person, is just one swipe away. The thing is, even in healthy relationships, you're bound to encounter some kind of conflict and over time, people you have known for years are bound to annoy you at one point or another. And if it's a little annoying, you learn to self regulate. But if it's something that is really bothering you, you learn to have those difficult and awkward conversations so that y'all can work things out. I'm also glad that Dr. K later talks about dating apps in the video. They fear losing their potential. They have this notion that if they find the right circumstances, the right environment, the right job, that they can become superhuman. But the problem is that when they try to engage in life, the fantasy falls through and they cannot put in the actual work even if they're incredibly smart, creative, charismatic, etc. Becuase committing to something and making a choice means losing the potential of everything else. I feel like this was me in high school when I was trying to apply to colleges. I thought that if I went to the right place, that I would flourish and become this superhuman kind of person with a crazy work ethic. I was pretty disappointed with the college I actually ended up going to. But looking back, I don't think it would have made much of a difference in my educational attainment. I still got a good education and I still fell on my face regarding various things that came up. I feel like I dealt with that fear of losing my potential when I graduated college and things didn't go as planned. I had this image of myself and how college was going to go and my whole experience deviated from that. It was difficult and I had to work through that emotionally. And sure, it came with a lot of negatives (imposter syndrome and the such) but I think it helped me be more present and realistic for my expecations of my self and my life going forward. Dr. K describes some examples of the language he has encountered regarding this. "Oh, what should I major in? But if I major in this or if I date this person, if I major in this, what if it's the wrong choice? What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't like it? And they're so paralyzed by being trapped in the drab existence of reality. Like oh my god, if I have to debase myself to become a pleb, make small talk in a water cooler, in a cubicle, as a sheeple, I cannot tolerate that at all. They are pathologically incapable of making a commitment or making a sacrifice." They're terrified of losing options and feeling trapped in making commitments and accepting responsibilities. This causes them to feel like they aren't living life because they're kind of in the void. They're living a marginal life because they're swimming around in this transitional / exploratory place or they disengage and go back to their fantasy world. They have a bunch of half finished projects and things they have started, but nothing has come to fruition. I think committing to my partner and to my current job has helped with this fear of commitment. Sure, it isn't perfect but it is a good start. And while I cannot say that having surface level conversations and relationships with my coworkers and doing menial tasks is the epitome of fulfillment, I can appreciate these things for what they are and find beauty in that. I also think that this job has helped me deal with my executive dysfunction by the nature of the role that I'm in and I've found more appreciation over the little things in my life from the stability that this job has given me. Another cycle they get caught in is the following: They have a fantasy life > They fail to commit > They get freaked out because the possibilities are cut off > leads them to be in a perpetual loading zone as life continues to pass them by > Even if they don't make a committment, life forces them to choose (they might be forced into a job they hate and think is beneath them) > they half ass things > the thing is less than their fantasy > then they long for their fantasy > but there is no initiation because they cannot commit > they go back to the loading zone. I'm a little guilty of this. I think in relation to my job, life forced me to choose. I tend to half ass things at work because part of me thinks I'm too good for corporate and increasing shareholder value and instead I want to preserve my energy for more meaningful things. I wrote about in my linked post above on how I sometimes long for the fantasy of adulthood that my 17 year old self had. But thankfully, this doesn't stop me from committing or taking initiation and I don't go back into the loading zone. I think this is something I want to reflect on more. Common beliefs: In the perfect circumstances, my perfection will come out. The road to my dreams isn't 10-15 years of long drab work that won't come into fruition. I just need to find the right job, the right friends, the right partner etc. I feel like R and N are examples of this. They kind of have this view that if they have the right investments that they're going to get rich instead of putting money into a 401k and watch that gradually grow. Instead, they're crashing out over Tesla stocks lol. These two also bought houses very prematurely instead of saving over the course of years and now they're struggling. R is especially guilty of this. He has that delusional white man tendency where he overestimates his abilities at times. Don't get me wrong, he is competent. But applying for and jumping into a managerial position 6 months into a job and 6 months out of college is delusional. I'm not here to say that tenure is everything, but it is something because there are some things in a job that can only be picked up over time even if you have the skill set right now. They blame their circumstances rather than taking responsibility. They tend to blame their prior selves. Rather than correct their mistakes, they blame their prior selves and are like *oh if I didn't make xyz decision, I wouldn't be here* but they aren't going to make the right decision today. They think that they missed the boat on xyz skill/ milestone/ life stage and that there's nothing you can do about it. (think *oh I never had a relationship in high school, I'm so behind, I'm 25 with no experience, no one will love me, it's too late for me etc.* They'd rather do that than put in the boring work to catch up) I will admit, I'm sometimes guilty of this train of thought. However, I allow myself to grieve and then after that I come up with an action plan to address this. They have an image of themselves that is fragile. They might point to a physical of mental health thing as something that is debilitating. And sure, it might have some validity, but they don't follow up with *well, what are you going to do with that situation?* They use this as a excuse rather than a reason. They'd rather do some psychedelics and say they're cured or they would rather just stay in the suffering instead of doing the hard work and menial tasks required to overcome the situation. My roommate in college was like this in terms of their physical and mental health. Don't get me wrong, they were dealing with some serious shit. But they do have a tendency to moap and analyze all of the systemic reasons for their ills instead of addressing things. They did balance me out since I'm in the opposite end where sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to take responsibility. I do like how we balanced each other out. I feel like I have seen this pattern A LOT on this forum where a lot of guys would rather do psychedelics or some super human kind of self inquiry instead of doing the basic work to deal with their problems. Spiritual bypassing is not cute lol. They have a defensive arrogance where they have an inferiority/superiority complex. They have trouble finding the right kind of job or partner because nothing is ever quite right or quite what they wanted. There's always a hair in the soup. They feel superior to people even though they see that themselves as below them. Think of the incel who wants to date a 10/10 woman and not look at a woman who is just average even though they're lonely. Think of the person who is amazing at video games and loves to dunk on noobs but won't write a paper on theology in the 13th centrury because the paper is beneath them. I think that a lot of the problems I have at work feels like a hair in the soup. Sure, I don't like my job and I don't like the shenanigans of upper management, but I do have good opportunities here and I know the job market is rough at the moment. I'm not saying all of this to brush off the toxicity that is there in my work place but I am saying that I'm not just gonna quit because there is a handful of things going wrong. I also feel like the fact that my partner isn't my type is the hair in the soup while the fact that I have a really solid, happy relationship, that is the soup itself. Sure I want to explore and get a few things out of my system by temporarily opening the relationship, but depending on how conversations go, if he's not ok with that, it's not the end of the world. I'm not willing to sacrifice my good relationship for the sake of sexual fulfillment. I'm not trying to say that sexual fulfillment and dating someone you consider your type isn't important, but I am saying that it isn't important TO ME as much in the grand scheme of things. There are a lot of areas of my life that gives me fulfillment but sexual fulfillment isn't at the top of the list in regards to how it contributes to my overal satisfaction in life. The idea of wasting time is so terrifying for them that they never make a commitment. But then, not making commitment causes them to waste more time, thus leading them to the life they were afraid of in the first place. Thank god I didn't fall into this trap. I did encounter people who shortly after graduating they found themselves in the failure to launch category. I also had professors tell me that you might not find the perfect opportunity after graduation but doing something as opposed to nothing is better because even if you go with a less than perfect opportunity, you will still get some experience and some footing to find something better afterwards. Another fantasy they have is that there is an abrupt force that comes into your life that will force you to grow or die (because they cannot motivate themselves in a normal situation so they need something dramatic to push them into action). Either, I'm going to be something and be a hero, or I'll be dead (because they'd rather be dead than ordinary). I'm guilty of this. Sometimes, I fantasize about getting laid off so that it will force me to apply and get another job quickly. How do you fix this: Put in the boring work. Make sacrifices. Make commitments. Do that even if the gurantee of the work paying off is not present when you start the work. An example of the puer aeternus is the person who says "I want to work at a company, but I don't want to get an entry level position. I want a strategic position where my ideas will be respected." They cannot pay a cost without a gurantee of a gain. Focus on the cost rather than the gain. Focus on the reality instead of the fantasy. I think a lot of boomers had this mentality because for them, a college degree was a fast track to getting a really cushy job that wasn't entry level. And the fact that our generation cannot do the same was like hitting a brick wall for both generations to varying extents. I also had a moment when I first got my corporate job where I was like *I got this complicated ass degree only to be sending emails? I could have done this when I just graduated high school tf?* I feel like college can sometimes put work life and entry level jobs on a pedestal and make them more complicated that they are to where you feel delusional enough to think you're worthy of a strategic position right off the bat. But the truth it, most organizations are complicated and it takes time to learn the ins and outs of various departments and create the professional connections and competency to get a role like that. Don't be afraid of "settling." Focus on the loss of the possibilities and potential and work through that. Stop blaming yourself for falling behind in life and expecting some outlandish thing to fix things for you overnight and put in the gruelling work. I think my corporate job helped me not feel behind in life because I was in a mixed age environement where I wasn't just in a bubble with people my own age I could compare myself to. I think this job also helped me make peace with a sense of monotony and the skills that are built from that as well. Recognize that your real issues are internal. The issue isn't that you need to work towards a promotion, the issue is that you need to learn to grind. There is a tendency to focus on the heroic forms of growth. Dr. K uses the biohacking community as an example where instead of eating generally healthy and exercising, they need to biohack, optimize, and get more with less. Instead of doing what normal people do, they want to find a really specific protocol with special technology to create a special kind of health. Just eating basic foods and a little exercise here and there basically gets you to 95% of the path there. You might need an extra vitamin D supplement or something for the remaining 5% but you don't need to overcomplicate things. But that's the real question, why do you need to overcomplicate things and go to fantastical lengths? I know the video was mainly geared towards men but I do think that this applies to women in the wellness influencer space as well. Like Sydney, no, I don't need a 12 step skincare routine, expensive facials once a month, and botox. Most of us will be just fine with a face wash, moisturizer, sunscreen, and maybe tretonoin. No I don't need greens powder, a very specific diet, 30k steps, and a work out plan that only makes sense if you're unemployed in order to lead a healthy life. I just need to ensure that I'm eating enough food, get 20-30 min of movement in, drink water and maybe take a supplement. And sure, these healthy habits MIGHT cause you to lose weight for some people. But for a lof of people, they're going to get healthier but they won't lose weight. And that is alright. Not everyone is meant to live up to the fantasy of looking like a Victoria Secret model. Just because you don't look like a model becuse you have basic healthy habits doesn't mean that there is something wrong with your body and that you should starve yourself, or have a very elaborate wellness routine. There are people who, no matter what job you put them in, they do pretty well because their work ethic is right. There are people who have many successful relationships because they have good relationships skills/ good attachment style. Stop hunting for the right circumstance and start showing up as the right person. I feel like this is me with my relationships. Sure I was more of a late bloomer romantically but I think that I'm capable of being friends with a wide range of people in terms of their background and personality. And because I have a track record of good friends, that has helped me gain the relationship skills to be a good partner as well. I think this is me at work as well. I know that I have mentioned that I have a tendency to half ass things at work but I would say overall I have a decent work ethic relative to my coworkers. I feel like I'm half assing things but my boss is pretty happy with my quality of work. And I am proud of myself for excelling in something that I don't have a lot of passion in and that I show up to and fulfill the responsibilities of regardless of how I'm feeling that day. I met a guy like this in high school. Sure like everyone, he had subjects that he was better at and worse at, but he made it a point to excel everything and have a consistent work ethic. I'm not sure what he's doing right now, but knowing him, I'm sure he's doing well in whatever industry he has chosen to go into. Focus on small things. Do the little habits. Do the laundry, the dishes, etc. Be a normal adult lol. Alpha male podcast bros and hustle culture accounts LOOOVE to prey on people who don't want to basic small things and instead want to escape into the fantasy of like a guy in a sports car surrounded by women in bikinis. And then they say that you can get all of this if you just buy their course. These guys also shit on normal people who have working class jobs or have regular 9-5s. This reminds me of the alpha male morning routine where this guy started his morning at liek 3am and basically painted this fantasy of being super productive, aesthetic, and on the grind. But in the end of the video, it was his girlfriend who was doing the fundamental work of making him breakfast lol. I also found myself thinking about Ramit Sethi, a youtuber who makes videos on money management and improving your relationship with money, and how he hates the finance bros that overcomplicates money to where regular people are scared to learn about financial literacy. He also hates on how there are lot of people in the financial space that sells this idea that you cannot build a decent amount of wealthy if you're not an entrepreneur and he has a good amount of advice for people with regular 9-5 jobs. A more feminine coded version of this phenomenon is the woman who gets pregnant because of the fantasy of motherhood and how people put mothers on a pedestal but they don't want to do the basic shit of caring for the kid and ends up being negligent. They would rather coach their 3 year old to say something profound for 4 hours so that they can post that for views have people say what a great mother they are instead of changing diapers. They party, get plastic surgery, hold on to their youth, become influencer moms, instead of putting in the work of parenting. This reminds me of Huda from Love Island season 7. She kind of uses motherhood as a kink of sorts and it's really not adding up how she has the time to be wilding out the way that she is while having a kid at home. This also makes me think of the men who like the fantasy and prestige around being a husband and father but don't actually want to be either of those things. And then once they have a kid, all of the childcare falls on the shoulder of the woman and then they either work long hours or take on hobbies like golfing that takes them away from home so they can avoid their responsibilities and because they secretly hate their wife and kids. I personally haven't met people like this, but my friends in more high pressure jobs have. I also think that my own mother fell into this category as well. I think she liked the idea of motherhood much more than the reality and she projected a lot of fantasies on to how she wanted me to turn out. And since I fell short of that, as one does because they are human, she's often disappointed in me and while I do think she loves me, I don't think she likes me all that much. But don't also go so far the other direction to where you kill the child within you and you get stuck in the grind. The child within you isn't a bad thing. You need to have a balance with your inner child and discipline them. Creativity, spontaneity, playfulness is still important. I feel like this is something I had to learn last year. Once you get to working, there is no extended breaks for you to look forward to. Instead, you need to actively create things to look forward to and create your own traditions so that life doesn't run together and feel like a blob. Also, take your PTO. Chatter questions: "If someone is stuck in the classic puer aeternus state because society provides no rites of passage or stable adult roles, is it really their fault?" Does society provides no meaningful rites of passage? Are they all gone? Are there rites of passages that aren't meaningful? What's the difference between an empty rite of passage and a meaningful one? How do you define a rite of passage? It doesn't matter if it's your fault, it's your responsibility. Sure, these are decaying in society, but you need to craft meaning for yourself. Asking if it's your fault is the wrong question. The right question is what are you going to do about it? "Do I just need to force myself to do boring stuff." You need to ask why you need to force yourself in the first place. Deal with your issues with your motivation around boring stuff (hero complex, issues around commitment, fantasy of what could have been because you started to late, the fantasy of holding things at a pedestal, convenience/ efficiency culture etc.) This is something that I feel like I have been indirectly contemplating. "How does one get better at making sacrifices even for small choices? Sometimes I get stuck in this loop of trying to make a choice and it's so exhausting." Look at the sacrifice at multiple angles. Ask why you're such a miser with your resources and why you can't spend your resources. Why can't you afford to make a wrong choice? I think I had this problem more so when I was in high school/ college because I was afraid of falling behind from my peers and making mistakes that could cost me years of my life. I was afraid of that because I wanted to be happy and successful quick without struggling as much with dumb problems like my peers. Looking back, I do see the superiority complex that this reeks of. Because why am I exempt from making a couple dumb mistakes in my youth? Dumb mistakes are part of the age appropriate learning process. Why am I thinking so highly of myself to where I'm demanding perfection from myself? It's a shame that back then I felt like I had to have everything together because I didn't have the safety net to mess up, but while I used to look at that as a positive, now I'm seeing that it was kind of messed up. "What are some questions to ask yourself about your inability to close doors?" What's the problem with losing this possibility? Why do you need a perfect life? Why can't you have an ordinary life and why do you look down on it? For the puer aeternus, progress isn't the goal. They want a sense of completion, a sense of victory, a triumph rather than incremental movement. Start to see progress is enough and build a sense of contentment. They want pleasure and safety, not contentment. Because mad geniuses are never content, they are consumed by their brilliance. They want grandiosity, not ordinary existance. I remember in another Dr. K video on how he describes FOMO as a form of greed because the one thing you chose for yourself isn't enough and you feel like you need everything. So it's like, if you have a bunch of interests and you don't want to just choose one, why? If you can find joy in so many things, why is choosing one and sticking to it so scary? "I watch self help content but I cannot apply it. Why?" Self help content can give the illusion of progress without you doing anything. It's cognitively intense at times so you end up taking a break. But then you don't do anything. Don't ask that question to the content. Ask that question to yourself.

Nihilism Part 8: Anti-Intellectualism There is a Tiktok that I saw recently that said the following: I have an annoying ass coworker who gives off big cultural nihilism vibes. I'll call him N. N proudly admits that he hasn't read a single book fully since he was 16 years old (he's 26 now). N recently told me that he thought college, reading, and writing papers were all just pointless and doesn't teach you anything useful. Meanwhile, N is the type of person who gets scammed by crypto pump and dump schemes on a regular basis and folds like a lawn chair at the sight of a get rich quick scheme. N is the type of person to travel but never leave a resort or make an effort to learn something new about the place and culture he's in. N can be pretty selfish in the face of systemic issues where he only cares to the extent of which it affects him. I also get the vibe that he secretly idolizes Elon Musk solely on the fact that he's a billionarie given on how much he loves cybertrucks. But the good thing about N is that he's not antagonistic or like deeply entrenched in an ideology. Unlike R, I don't think N can really articulate his political views and falls more in the camp of being what I call politically incoherent. Like he gives more of a selfish dumbass who is more dangerous to himself than other people kind of vibe while R seems like a sketchy person outside of work who is more capable of hurting others. So my strategy of dealing with N is that I just lightly roast him and playfully make fun of his beliefs so that there is some degree of shame there lol. Like the other day, he went on this thing on how your life sucks after college and now you have responsibilities to our interns (who are seniors in college). And the way he was going about it, it was very much giving *I don't like having agency over my life, I don't care enough to excersise energy to make life meaningful, and I basically slacked off all through high school and college.* My response was "N, what responsibilities are you talking about, we are sending emails lmao. You're 26 acting like you're life is over and you have a foot in the grave! You're gonna be young for a while and there is so much you can do and experience in the mean time." And then I told the interns just some typical challenges you encounter right after you graduate and how there are a lot of opportunity to use that to your advantage within those challenges. Like, I didn't say it was easy but I did say that having agency over your life and what you want to create doesn't have to be scary and it's something that can be incredibly freeing. Another time, he went this whole thing about how he loves cybertrucks and I just told him that those cars low key look like dumpsters and if he decides to get one, he should watch out for the raccoons that typcially try to attack them. I also compared the car to bad ps4 graphics. I sometimes feel like if I was open about my opinions at work, I would have people like N either not comprehend a single word I'm saying and have it all go over their head or be told that *it's not that deep* or *why do you care, it doesn't personally affect you.* I feel like the people like R would say something about me being over educated, out of touch, and not practical enough and paint the fact that I'm more informed in a topic instead of falling for conspiracies as me flaunting a sense of elitism. Or the people like R will say something like *you're just over thinking, nothing ever happens, you're being dramatic." Like, the over all vibe that I get from a lot of my coworkers are that these are the people who probably didn't take school seriously at all and they all just did the bare minimum to skate by with Bs and Cs. And as a result, they're apathetic, don't have a decent work ethic, and/or fall for half baked conspiracy theories instead of rubbing two braincells together and learning how the world works. Like there is a reason why both R and N get along and make similar life decisions. They also both impulsively bought houses without property running the numbers just because they qualified for the mortgage. And, I'm not trying to judge them for their priorities as someone who isn't super pro home ownership, but I think both of them are bought into the propoganda of home ownership in the sense they thing it's the only way to build wealth. Little do they know, that house is gonna come with a bunch of home improvment issues over the years, your electric and AC id going to be more expensive, you're gonna spend more money furnishing the place, and you're gonna have to deal with things like property taxes, HOA fees etc. And all of that adds up and even if your home becomes really valuable and you sell it way above the amount that you pay for, the amount you gained over time is overstated because it doesn't factor in the hidden costs I have explained above. And both of them are finding out the hard way by making decent salaries (I get paid roughly the same amount) but they're eating ramen noodles every night. Homeownership is one example. I wouldn't be surprised if they bond over dumb bro science off to the side where I cannot hear them. And sometimes I wish I could go up to them and be like *that's not how any of this works you dumb bitch.* The ignorance and lack of desire to learn anything in a credible way is not completely their fault. I feel like the way they think also ties in to my previous post on how the information environment as of now is just a wreck. This is the vibe that I wish I could bring into corporate: It's so satisfying to hear her call people a dumb bitch. I don't know what it is lol.

I was rewatching both of the spiral dynamics videos and I'm trying to pinpoint the difference between being triggered at yellow vs being triggered at green. If you need a refresher of what the triggers are, I found a couple of good posts that highlights it so that you don't have to shift through the original videos: Here is a short list of some Stage Green triggers: Injustice and inequality Oppression of minorities The status quo and hierarchies of power When religion is used to justify oppression Human rights abuses Racism Bigotry Fascism Neo-Nazis The K K K Unchecked capitalism Consumerism Corporate Greed Here is a short list of Stage Yellow triggers: The blindness and infighting of tier 1 Yellow will feel frustrated of the lack of progress and backwardness that exists all around the world! As a Yellow person you will rarely find likeminded individuals, you won't be represented in the media, on the internet, in politics, you have to be prepared for a world which isn't ready to accommodate you! Black and white thinking, because Yellow is exactly the opposite which is means Yellow is a nuanced thinker Non-Systemic thinking, people who think too short term Excessive rationalism, reductionism, scientism People who turn science into a religion or dogma Frustrated will all kinds of dogmatic and ideological people Conformity and groupthink Polarization Demonization Radicals and radicalization People who don't understand spiral dynamics Consumerism and profiteering Religion can trigger Yellow I guess my thing is that if a stage yellow person is triggered by demonization and the infighting of tier 1, wouldn't that also yield them to be triggered at the face of racism, human rights abuses, and the KKK since those are forms of demonization and by products of the infighting of tier 1? I'm sure there is some overlap (consumerism shows up in both for instance) between what triggers green vs what triggers yellow since we're in a very stage orange and blue heavy world. But I'm just trying to draw the distinctions between the two stages. Is it the degree of emotionality they exhibit when they are "triggered." How are we defining being "triggered?" Is it the way that they conduct themselves and utilize things like conflict resolution and conflict management skills?