soos_mite_ah

@Michael569 Definitely taking note of this. I'm not planning on going through with this any time soon. I still don't know how things will come up as far as cost goes or if I'm an ideal candidate for this at all. If I do decide to do this, it might be a couple years from now once I graduate, move out, and save up some money. Who knows, maybe I'll reconsider and not go through this at all. If that is the case and I find that kind of self love in myself, then I'll be more than happy to let this go. I'm venting at this point and putting my thoughts out there: I just think that it's a good idea to talk through this. I hope this isn't how I'm coming off as but I don't want people to come on this thread thinking that I already made up my mind and that I'm looking for a fight in the thread. I just want to talk things out to make sure if this decision is coming from a reasonable place. I am aware of the obvious pitfalls such as using surgery to escape unhealthy eating habits, getting addicted to fixing things, and making an impulse decisions for these things. But I guess what I'm look for is a sanity check to make sure this is coming from a consicous place. I'm not going to sit here and act like this is a super empowering decision for women in general. I am aware that a lot of the thoughts that I have about my body don't exist in a vacuum and have things like misogyny, capitalism, and whatever current trend there is affecting my perception. I also don't think that plastic surgery, lipo, or any surgery for aesthetic purposes should be stigmatized because that adds to the problem of people not disclosing things and perpetuating unrealistic standards. At the same time, I do see these kinds of surgery as a form of last resort if nothing else is working given that you're otherwise psychologically stable (i.e. as in not having an eating disorder, not having a 1000 things you want to fix, not doing this for approval etc.). This is definitely not for everyone and it isn't something to trivialize or normalize. And I know that I do hold myself to an unrealistic standard. I know that if I eat right and exercise, I'm still not going to be as lean as other people who do the same thing because we're all different and healthy doesn't have one look. But at the same time, my stomach is still something that really bothers me. I have worked on self acceptance and I will continue to do so until I have the means to do this but it's only doing so much. Again, maybe in a couple years I'll be able to move on with my life idk. I'm just wondering if I'm at that stage of *this is my last resort*

@Something Funny I've experimented for 10 years and got myself several nutritional deficiencies in the process. I would consider something granted that it isn't overly restrictive or unrealistic but honestly, surgery seems like the thing that would put this to end once and for all with less complications. Recovery takes 4-5 days and then it takes a few weeks for your body to settle in to it.

@something_else It's something like this. Like it isn't so much to where I would need to prioritize weight loss before the procedure and I can hide it with most clothes. But it is enough to really bother me and get under my skin. I would estimate that I have about 5lbs of fat here.

@something_else Well... it certainly isn't flat that's for sure

I have a healthy diet and exercise routine. I decided to work with a nutritionist so that I could get a professional opinion because following waaay too much diet advice from not the best reputable sources gave me a very fucked up relationship with food to where I lost my hunger cues entirely. My current diet has a lot of fruits and vegetables, carbs, protien (plant based and other wise), and healthy fats. I have variety in my diet as well as flexibility to where I'm not paranoid about the kinds of foods I encounter. I can also eat foods that might not be considered "healthy" in moderation without guilt. I haven't binged for a very long time now. I have more energy, more stable moods, and better blood work. I don't snack constantly nor do I have intense cravings. I had to put on a little bit of weight because of that which I am now ok with for the most part because I was basically starving myself before. I also built a good amount of muscle which I am proud of. I have an excercise routine that I genuinely enjoy and often look forward to which consists of weight training and low impact cardio depending on what I'm in the mood for. It's just that even with all of this, I naturally carry some weight in my stomach which I won't be able to get rid of unless I were to be extremely strict and go back to dysfunctional habits that will mess with my health over all. Because I still have body image issues which I'm afraid will cause me go back to restricting again, I think it's best to just get the surgery so I don't have to think about it ever again and continue with my healthy habits without being fixated on my appearance. I feel like it would help me greatly for my mental healthy both from a confidence stand point but also from the standpoint of addressing my body image. That said, since I'm otherwise happy with my body, I don't see this as something that would be spiraling out of control and result in me getting multiple procedures. I have thought about this for a few years now. I have made peace with the limitations of my body to where I'm not going to get on a crash diet to be something that is unrealistic for me but I also recognize that maybe a change is necessary for me to be at peace with myself.

I've tried the low carb route and it personally hasn't worked for me. I am working with a nutritionist with this and I have made excellent progress on my blood work as I was deficient in multiple things and my horomones were out of wack due to my history of restrictive dieting over the years. Elimination diets are personally not for me mentally or physically. And also, during the times i have lost weight, very little of it has been on around my stomach. I'm relatively lean and muscular in other parts of my body except my stomach.

I'm studying abroad rn and I noticed that ever since I got here I'm much more suceptible to hunger headaches. I feel like I'm eating the same volume of food so as a result I'm not physically hungry, but I keep finding myself being dizzy and having a headache in between meals. I know these are hunger headaches because after I eat a meal, I feel much better. Granted I'm walking everywhere and I have to walk up and down 4 flights of stairs everytime I want to go to my room because my building doesn't have elevators so I have increased my physical activity. My guess is that even though I'm eating the same amount of food as far as volume goes, the food I'm eating is lower in caloric density. I noticed that when I have been going to restaurants around here, the calories are lower than what I'm used to. I think it's because the U.S. has a bunch of shit pumped into the food that are really bad for you since there are no regulations and that increases the calories (don't quote me, I don't know how calories are created or how they are calculated lol). Basically, the way I normally eat at home is that I would have 2-3 meals that are 600-900 calories and a small snack if I feel like it. But here, unless I eat 3 meals and a couple of snacks, I will end up with a headache. My guess is that because of the lower calories, I'm probably unintentionally underfueling my body. Also, I'm concerned about all of these headaches being a symptom of a larger issue with my health. What does this mean for my overall blood sugar? How do I deal with this going forward? What's happening to me lol? Bonus question: I used to eat really restrictively (like 600-1400 calories a day) and back in the day I wouldn't get hunger headaches (then again I wouldn't get hunger cues at all) but now if I do as much as oversleep and skip breakfast, I feel fatigued all day and here I also get dizziness accompanied by a hunger headache. Why is this so?

Update: I have gotten a few days of rest. Thursday was spent with me sleeping for most of the day with the exception of me going to my classes and eating dinner. I went out a couple of times to grab food on Friday and layed in bed all day. And today on Saturday, I woke up pretty late because I slept like 10 hours, ran some errands, got food, and managed to get some school work done. I still did feel a bit lightheaded between meals but I made sure to not overextend myself and I had some snacks on hand so I leaned on that. I feel like I'm going to sleep regular hours tonight and be back to my normal self tomorrow granted I'm eating enough. On and off for 2 weeks now, mainly in between meals or at the end of the day. Yeah I agree. There are a lot of factors involved. I'm finding that addressing them one at a time has been helpful. The headaches aren't super intense but they are annoying to where I have trouble focussing. The thing that really brings me down is the tiredness and the lightheaded/dizziness. I'm planning on going to the doctor if I still feel lightheaded in the next couple of days. I know that most of the time when you get hunger headaches it's because of low blood sugar. I highly doubt that's the case tbh.

Yes I'm currently in England. The heat itself isn't that bad. Back in Texas I'm used to summers being around 35-40 degrees Celcius but the AC and the fact that our infrastructure is built for homes keeping their cool makes the heat more bareable. I find it to feel much better outside than inside. I know that just in general I can be prone to eating less than what I need because of how I use whole foods as opposed to processed stuff. I try to count calories every now and then just to make sure I get enough in and I noticed that it's very easy for me to undereat around here. I know in the U.K. even if I'm eating whole foods the way that I do in the U.S, I'm sure something about GMO's/ organic food regulations are probably factoring into the caloric density. I'm not sure exactly what I would be withdrawing from since god knows what they allow in the food in the U.S. but like you said, I'm not ruling it out. I also did notice that a lot of food here doesn't have as much salt or seasoning and since I don't use much salt in my everyday cooking at home, my sodium levels are usually on the lower end of normal. I wouldn't be surprised if it would dip down more to where it would affect me physically. I'm not feeling super fatigued by all of the walking but I will say that I'm not super used to it as Dallas is much less pedestrian friendly. The thing that messes with me though is that I have to walk up and down like 4 flights of stairs to get to the room I'm staying in and I find myself doing that multiple times a day. I guess while I knew I was expending more energy, I didn't think of it as much since I do work out pretty regularly at home and still maintain a relatively active lifestyle since I am a college student who is living on campus and therefore ends up walking everywhere like 75% of the time. I suppose it's the combination of the walking and the lower calories because I guess part of it feels like an exaggerated more drawn out response to how my body normally reacts to an intense workout session when I haven't been eating enough for a few days. I did get a mild sinus infection prior to coming to the UK. I had it for a couple days before my flight here and then a couple days after (so like from 6/26-6/31). I just had a runny/stuffed up nose at times, fatigue, and just the annoying feeling of sinus pressure in my gums. It wasn't bad to where I felt sick but it was enough to where it was just annoying. I also tested negative for COVID. I had a check up a couple weeks before I left the country. While I don't know my HbA1C, I do remember the doctor mentioning that my blood sugar levels came out fine (as they usually do). I know my doctor tries to keep tabs on my blood sugar levels becaues of my PCOS even though I never had elevated or really low blood sugar levels before. They just do it since insulin resistance is commone with PCOS even though I'm pretty sure I don't have that particular variant of PCOS. Now that I'm writing it out, could PCOS also be a factor in my fatigue? I'm pretty sure that I have the adrenal kind since I know that I don't have insulin resistance, I never had anything come up for inflamation, and I know that birth control isn't the thing that gave me this condition (and if anything that's helping me regulate my PCOS). These all sound like good advice. I appreciate it. I don't drink coffee that often but I remember hearing the other students around me complaining about the coffee strength here earlier today lol. I figured something out for the heat in my room and that definitely helped. But I'll take the tea into consideration as well.

@Michael569 I’m in the UK rn. I do have a strong suspicion that it’s caloric deprivation and / or hypoglycemia. Idk if this is relevant but during the time when I’m not dizzy, I’m really exhausted to where I could have a full nights worth of sleep and a nap and still not feel restored. I highly doubt it’s dehydration or the heat but they were contributing factors. Last week I was in a room that was getting overheated with no fan or ac and it was 80 degrees outside. While that temperature isn’t bad, the building im staying in is old and is built for the cold, meaning it was much hotter in the building. On that same day I was also getting really dehydrated. I ended up feeling sick for two days and then afterwards I found a way to deal with the heat in my room and made sure to eat multiple times in a day and drink plenty of water. I found that this did help to a certain extent but I still feel exhausted and on occasion dizzy/with a headache. I will admit that I haven’t been getting much sleep lately either due to my workload and busy schedule. it’s just really weird for me because I didn’t experience this to this extent in the US. Sure there were times where I went too long without food or cut down on calories too much but it hasn’t been prolonged for more than a couple days much less a whole week.

Please.. I don't mean to be disrespectful or to beg for attention but I cannot find answers for this thing and I have been feeling like I'm about to faint numerous times since I posted this. It hasn't been helping that I barely got time to sleep or to catch up on work for this study abroad program. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I feel awful, and I'm not getting any solid answers from the people around me irl.

Bump

This is something that I have been contemplating for a hot minute and I just wanted to put my thoughts out there to see if it resonates with anyone and to open up conversations around it. I'm not really looking for solutions (though that doesn't hurt) rather I'm looking to relate to others and have a better understanding of my own situation and how it might also manifest in other people or other ways. Basically, I feel like I've been in survival mode for a very long time both in terms of my personal life but also how I see myself in a larger picture. I think as a result, it's sometimes difficult to picture what I might want in life or feel like I can go after it because I'm preoccupied with my needs. On top of that, I feel like I'm often in the position to make the most out of the bare minimum and to avoid my emotions if something is dissatisfying. This might not be straight up emotional supression but it's usually along the lines of forcing myself to look at the brightside of the situation, downplay how bad I really feel because other people have it worse, or focussing on other areas of my life to avoid dissatisfaction. I also feel like I'm used to sacrificing my wants in favor of my needs. And while that isn't always a bad thing, it's important to prioritize things in a way that you're baseline is fulfilled, but always writing your desires off as frivolous to focus on the necessities can be detrimental to your over all happiness and fulfillment in the long run. Even as I'm writing this out, I feel priviledged and entitled for asking for something more than the necessities. There is a part of me that is used to renouncing my wants both spiritually and otherwise to the point where it isn't really healthy and has left me feeling like a blob of a person. I feel that I renounce my wants because there is a part of me that feels like I'll never get it and that it will be easier to come to terms with that and deconstructing it rather than doing something about it. There is a sense of hopelessness in the air and I think a lot of it does have to do with a lot of things that are going on politically and economically around me. It feels like there is no sign of things getting better and it feels like I don't have many options to act because of the way institutionally, my autonomy is limited. I just find myself settling in a lot of areas in my life. Not to the point where I'm getting taken advantage of but to the point where I don't think I'll be happy or fulfilled. I'm going to list out some examples to articulate what I mean: 1. Finding a job that won't exploit me: I don't have a problem with advocating for my needs in that I am good at setting boundaries with people, advocating for myself to get a living wage, and setting realistic expectations so that I can avoid fields and jobs that are prone to overwork. But at the same time, I feel like I'm asking for too much when I say I want meaningful work engaging with people that I like. Like, it should be satisfying enough to be working normal hours with enough pay to support yourself and put things away for savings. That's more than what most people end up with given the systemic issues that are present. A job is just a job in the end of the day and it's important to find things outside of work that gives you fulfillment because regardless of whether or not your job is your passion, capitalism will still exploit you. I've also been seeing a lot on how it's more important to find something that is bareable and pays well rather than something you're passionate about but isn't financially sustainable. Which is fair because I'm not trying to be homeless. 2. Making more money: While I do have enough self esteem to advocate for a living wage, I don't have enough self esteem to advocate for myself to get paid what I'm worth because quite frankly, I don't see myself as being worth much. I have a pretty bad case of imposter syndrome and I don't really see myself amounting to much in my life or contributing something that is super valuable. I also just have this core belief that I'm mediocre in everyway and that there isn't much that is desireable about me professionally, platonically, romantically, or sexually. While I don't think that I deserve to suffer, there are often times that I feel like it would be best if I didn't exist. 3. Settling in the suburbs and buying a house: Financially speaking, it makes more sense to save up for a house than to rent an apartment for the rest of your life. Personally I love the idea of living in a apartment in the city beause I want to be in walkable community and a place with decent public transport. But living in the city is expensive and rent can hike up over time and it's not like you would be able to own anything in the end of the day (or as the boomers like to say, renting is basically throwing your money away so you need to buy as soon as possible so that you have an asset that appreciates in value over time). Sure I don't *need* to live in a city that is near my work and that is walkable and all I need is some form of shelter that is safe and doesn't have bugs. But I have been called unrealistic for having this desire in the first place because it's expensive and unreasonable in the long run. 4. Dating people I'm not attracted to: I'm very vigilant about red flags and unhealthy dynamics and I'm good at avoiding situations that can easily turn abusive. I'm good at again, identifying and advocating for my needs, communicating, and having difficult conversations. I'm good at seeing if I have emotional chemistry with people and if our values are compatible. But I'm not good at going after what I want because I feel like a lot of men don't even meet the bare minimum. So finding a guy who meets my standards feels like a feat because of all of the ways I filter for anything problematic. Finding someone who meets my standards AND my wants AND actually likes me back feels impossible since I'm pretty average in terms of personality, looks, etc. I feel like I'm asking for too much to want a guy that I'm attracted to since I myself am not particularly attractive. 5. Dealing with the current state of the world particulary the U.S: I feel like I've been living in a carnaval since the moment that I gained political consciouness when I was 15. I am exhausted with all of it from Trump's presidency, to COVID, to my abortion rights being taken from me. Not to mention that basic things like health care, student loan forgiveness, getting a higher minimum wage, and gun laws have been debated since I was a child with little to no meaningful change that would positively impact other people's lives. Sometimes it feels like the world keeps getting much harder to the point where I don't see the point in trying to go for anything that I want because I'm so focussed on keeping my head above water in this capitalistic hellscape. Like, unless I'm making a shit ton of money, I'm not going to own my own place, travel around the way I want to, have a family, etc. I have every healthy coping mechanism and I utilize them but I often find myself thinking that I'm not depressed rather that the world is just depressing. I'm not the problem in this equation because I know that I'm doing everything in my power to feel better but I still feel like trash. I don't think I can pull myself up from my bootstraps when it comes to my mental health as it is a rational response to the systemic issues that we are facing. I have been exhausted with fighting, discussing, and keeping myself informed for a very long time now. I can't see things getting better but I can see myself getting more and more numb and unreactive over time to how bad things are. While I do know that I better world is possible and I support policies that will get us there, I can't imagine anything being implemented. I don't have much of a fight left in me. But yeah, those are a handful of things but I'm sure there is more. I'm just going to stop here since I feel like this post is long enough.

Bump

Ok so I like being around this person and I feel that he is going to be good for me because he is an abundance of green flags and meets all of my standards. But I don't fully feel attracted to him and I don't know if this is something that can grow over time of if this is going to be a fundamental thing that fucks everything up. I'm leaning on attraction might be something that will grow over time and that I'll eventually warm up to the idea of being physical with this guy. But I'm still confused lol. I think this is where I stand on this issue. Just confusion. I'm guessing that you're referring to me telling him that I'm not attracted to him. Well, first of all, I feel like just saying that can basically translate into me calling him ugly and I can see this being pretty rude. Second, I don't want him to think I led him on because I kept going on dates with him. I did that because I genuinely enjoyed his company. I don't want him to feel like I took advantage of him, his feelings, hjs time and low key his money (he paid for most of the dates even though I offered). I am 22 but I haven't really dated much until I turned 18 and then the pandemic hit so I didn't go out on any dates or tried to meet people for a solid 2 years. I'm also a virgin so I think that adds to feelings of hesitation and the desire to take things slow for me personally. On top of that I'm currently living in Texas where you could get put in jail and be charged with murder if you get an abortion so that doesn't exactly make it comfortable for me to have start having sex as someone who already had a full on fear of ever getting pregnant before that legislation was ever passed. Also, we live like 1.5-2 hours away from each other and we both currently live with each of our parents. We've just been meeting up in places to get food and haven't had much privacy to do anything. The last thing I want to do is drive 2 hours only to show up to his house and run into his mom. Or worse, him coming to my house and having my parents freako out on me. I'm moving back to college in a month and a half so I'm going to have my own space when it comes to that.

So I’ve been thinking about this and I wrote something out and I wanted to share and get an additional opinion on it. Would especially love to hear your thoughts @flowboy : Hey *name*, there’s something I need to talk to you about. I would call you but I am trying to manage the time difference and also, I’m with my parents so they are low key looking over my shoulder. When you asked me to be your girlfriend, I did feel like I was put on the spot since I was getting ready to get in my car and leave. And I said yes because I wasn’t really thinking straight since I was in a rush. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be your girlfriend and keep dating you but I feel like I’m still in the process of getting to know you. I would like to continue dating and keeping in touch but I don’t think I’m comfortable with commitment just yet. I’m still trying to figure out my feelings toward you but I really enjoy your company. And while I’m not comfortable with commitment just yet, I am still serious about this and I’m more than happy to be exclusive with you. I really hope you don’t get the wrong idea. I just want to be transparent with my intentions and where I fall in this because I feel that a simple “yes” is not telling the whole story and that I can be more honest in this situation.

@integral I have literally never felt that way about anyone including my friends. Also, don’t you think that’s kind of extreme and codependent?

Lol yeah I'm not thinking about forcing anything and we're both also on the same page where we both want commitment but not necessarily something super long term (but if it turns into that, we aren't opposed it either). I feel like when it comes to attraction I have this very specific type and I think it would be quite limitting and superficial if I were to just limit myself to that. Also, gonna be completely honest, I can't see people I find attractive ever feeling the same way about me since I look like a troll most of the time (honestly, I'm kind of surprised if anyone ever looks at me in that light because I personally can't see it). Also when it comes to attraction, I identified as asexual for the longest time and as a result I'm used to simply not prioritizing that. I'm still not sure if I'm straight. There is a chance that I might be demisexual meaning that I need a certain degree of emotional attachment in order to be attracted to that person. I guess what I need to ask myself is how long should I wait for attraction to build before I realize it's just not happening? My trip is for a month and a half. It really isn't that long. I also don't mind being exclusive with this person when I'm dating them. I just don't want to go around having this girlfriend label on me in the off chance that I realize that this isn't going to work 2 months down the road. Lol just said that for the eye catching title. I don't intend to insinuate a lack of responsibility on my part. Yeah, I tried to take this into consideration when I first started dating this guy because even though I didn't feel instant sparks or attraction, I thought it would be unfair to write him off when he seemed like a good guy and someone I otherwise really enjoy hanging out with. But at the same time, I am a little skeptical of the possibility that I might have gone too far in the other hand where I didn't honor my preferences and just went with something that wasn't good or bad, but just fine...? I hope that makes sense. Like a guy doesn't have to be a glaring embodiment of a red flag for him to not be a good fit. That's another reason why I kept going on dates with him. Even though I wasn't feeling sparks or an attraction, the whole thing was developing in a relatively healthy pace considering we started off as strangers with a common friend 2 months ago. Like I don't expect to go from that to hanging out multiple times a week and knowing each other's tragic back stories in a span of a month lol (if anything that's concerning, not romantic). But then it's also like, at what point is slow, too slow,...?

No I'm not talking about psychdelics lol But when yall are trying to plan out travelling somewhere, what types of experiences do you focus on and seek out and what is your travelling style like? I'm just curious

@seeking_brilliance were you trying to say something or is the site acting weird again?

No, I’m 22 years old and I haven’t even finished my education. Marriage isn’t remotely in my mind at the moment. But I do have plenty of examples of healthy relationships in my life that are both platonic and romantic. Sure, it can be challenging to find a man who genuinely has their shit together, but they are out there and healthy relationships aren’t reserved to .001% of people. It isn’t nearly that rare. It isn’t social media, it’s money. Birth rates are low because people can barely support themselves much less a child. The main things that have changed are the fact that women aren’t financially dependent on men and that they have more control over their lives and career due to birth control. We have seen our mothers and grandmothers put up and shit up when they were treated wrongly because they didn’t have anywhere to go. And we have been warned and told to not do the same. And since we have the economic means to support ourselves, we are less likely to put up with y’all’s bullshit. We aren’t growing apart from men, we just aren’t held hostage anymore.

Am I the only one that doesn’t think that this type of interaction is rare platonically or romantically? Who tf do y’all hang around??

@Raze A lot of it has to do with claiming that women are crazy and shrill, over emotional, or sensitive whenever they do bring up their concerns or injustices they deal with

I agree. I mean the overall point that I'm trying to make is that rationality and emotions aren't opposites (and certainly not gendered). Having and acting on emotions can be perfectly rational. At the same time, things that are devoid of emotion can be incredibly irrational. The opposite or rationality, is irrationality and the opposite of emotions is simply an absense of emotions.

Then how do you justify the presance of irrational thoughts? You know a lot of the notions around rationality historically have roots in discrediting women and people of color when they do speak about their pain and injustices right? People have used "biology" as a way to justify all types of messed up biases. Not exactly the strongest argument.