soos_mite_ah

I've been thinking about this for a minute and I guess I can start off with some factors that are in the top of my head. I would love if people would add to the list. 1. Do you guys have similar sex drives? If not how does the person with the higher drive react? Does it affect them individually, or does it bleed into the rest of the relationship? 2. How important is sex to a fulfilling relationship? What role does sex play for you in a relationship? 3. Do either of you have certain kinks that need to be fulfilled or that you would like to try? How does the other partner feel about that? How open are they to trying new things and how does that make you feel? 4. Being able to communicate your wants and needs without being squemish around the topic of sex. At the same time, being able to communicate consent and feel safe enough to express what you are and are not comfortable with. 5. What dynamics do yall default to and how does that factor in with how enjoyable the sex was (i.e. are both of yall similar but clash with one another like if both of you guys are more dominant or do all compliment each other like one is dominant and the other is subissive for example). 6. To what extent are either of you comitted to your partner's pleasure? 7. To what extent are you guys are enthusistic about future encounters (ie. is sex like a chore for yall or is it something yall look forward to)? 8. What are the things yall are willing to accommodate for each other and what are the things that yall know is crucial to your sex life?

Questions I want to answer for myself in the next few years + things I want to learn about myself Figure out how to make friends as an adult I have a good idea as to how to maintain and develop healthy friendships but as far as meeting people and going through the whole I guess platonic dating process, that's something that I haven't done outside of an school environment. I feel like out of all of these, I can probably tackle this first. Figure out whether I want a kid or not I'm at a place where I either want 1 or none, not sure yet. I also don't know the means of which I would be having kids (i.e. adoption, birth etc.) but I know that if I have kids, I would want them in my 30s. Whether I decide to have a kid or not can determine how strong my urge to leave the U.S. is. It can also affect my dating life when it comes to aiming for marriage. Figure out what kind of career I want and what that trajectory looks like + navigating career transitions, corporate life etc. I feel like I have a good job but I'm still figuring out what kind of work I would be suited for and what will fulfill me. This can also impact where I want to live. Figure out where I want to live and the best ways of going about doing that. I know that I want to live in a walkable city and there is a part of me that really want to immigrate to New Zealand. But I need to have the money to do that and I want to have a clearer plan of how I want to execute this. Out of all of these, I feel like figuring this one out will take more money and planning based on answers to the previous two questions.

Summary of the video's tips Work 1) Don't overwork yourself 2) Sell yourself in interviews (like, really sell. lie if you have to) 3) Getting promoted isn't treason, be an ally as a manager 4) Don't be intimidated by your jobs 5) Everyone's winging it 6) Show understanding and you'll receive it 7) Loyalty to your boss is seriously stupid 8) Organize or join a union if you can 9) Your identity is not your job, don't get invested in a place that isn't invested in you 10) Always choose your health over a job 11) If you can, don't quit before lining up a new job 12) Share your salary with others; only your employer benefits from you being silent about your pay. 13) Don't work the full 8 hours, at minimum take breaks 14) Take advantage of new business models (like work from home) 15) Keep equipment the company gives you if you can 16) Use all your benefits and expenditures Summary of work section: you're a human, not an asset to your boss. support yourself and peers before anything else. Finance 1) Avoid brand obsession, focus on the true labor value 2) Avoid excessive consumption, shopping to feel good is an advertising tactic 3) No ethical consumption under capitalism, but being sustainable is encouraged 4) Take care of what you own instead of immediately buying new 5) Buy, don't rent if you can Small tips 1) Get a loan from a union before a bank (e.g. a credit union) 2) Balance food quality and price 3) Treat yourself where possible 4) Help the homeless

*laughs in virgin with PCOS* I think such people do exist but I also think that being polyamorous regardless of form (whether it be having romantic/sexual relationships with multiple people, feeling comfortable in things like threesomes and orgies, or having an open relationship) can be valid for people so long as it is coming from a healthy place. I also think that polyamory can get super unhealthy when there is a double standard involved. At the same time, I don't think it's healthy to treat monogamy as the default option because it can invalidate all of the ways we can romantically and sexually engage with one another and because treating monogamy as the default can lead to normalizing toxic, possessive behaviors. Sometimes polyamory can be a way of experimenting, spicing up a current relationship, or branching out while still being affirmed in your current relationship. Personally, I'm not open to a polyamorous relationship because that just feels like there are too many people involved but I am open to experimenting with sex outside of the relationship or engaging with multiple partners at once, and I'm comfortable with my partner doing the same. I have talked about this with my partner before and we are pretty open to such conversations. Loyalty is less about being possessive with your partner and more about consent imo. Cheating hurts not necessarily because it's outside of the bounds of a monogamous relationship but because it violates a person's boundaries and consent and is done behind someone's back. Because there are people who are in nonmongamous situations while being in a committed relationshnip and that doesn't inherently cause problems or pain. I personally would be comfortable with my partner having sex with someone else so long as it isn't behind my back and we've talked about it. I feel very assured in our relationship and I want to make sure things are coming from a healthy place both from an individual and couple standpoint and address any other concerns I might have. But if those aren't your boundaries, that's perfectly fine too. People have different preferences and things that make them feel emotionally safe and it's important to honor that and honor your preferences/ boundaries as well. I also remember back when I identified as ace, I was still open to the idea of my partner having sex with others mainly because I thought that it wasn't healthy for people to put all of their eggs in one basket and expect one person to fulfill all of their needs, and because this was something that I didn't feel comfortable at the time doing. Because on some level, a lot of men see women as property and the thought of another man using their object fucks them up in the head and they get possessive. It's the same reason why using the excuse "I have a boyfriend" even if you are single is more effective in warding guys off than simply saying no. Men often don't respect women unless she is seen as belonging to someone else. Then there is a lot of religious arguments that are mostly bs and enforce patriarchial norms to control women, especially their sexuality. Because men are insecure and the thought of a woman having more experience than them (or in some cases, any experience) makes them feel like they are less of a man because sex is seen as a form of conquest rather than pleasure or a way of connecting with others.

People are asexual for the same reason why people are gay or straight, they're just born that way. As for having no desire for close relationships and not being able to be close to others, there are all types of dysfunctional reasons why people may feel that way. That's not a part of being asexual. Asexual people still have friends and family they are close to.

^^^ This post has much of the background information for this post. TLDR: I landed my first job after college. I'm making about $65k in Dallas, TX with decent benefits, a good company culture, with a lot of learning and development opportunities. However, it's not super well aligned with my sense of purpose and it seems like it will be rather monotonous. It's also like 90% remote but I don't have flexible hours (working 8-5). I'm planning on sticking to this job for at least 2 years as I figure out what kind of job I'm well suited for and just in general what is out there. I think that this a good start considering that I am just starting out in my career. As far as money goes, I already have some money saved up and I am planning on living with my parents for another 5 months to continue saving. I do pitch into household expenses and I try to be careful with how much I spend on recreational things. I'm also trying to put in a good chunk of money aside into a retirement account but as of right now, investing feels kind of overwhelming. I was wondering what kind of advice y'all have for me both in terms of career growth and money management.

I mean the real question is, what is your dynamic with these girls and how does their trauma impact you and the relationship? Because a lot of trauma, especially early childhood trauma, is completly out of a child's control. Obviously they didn't ask for this and nor should they be judged as somehow crazy or unfit as a partner because of it. But the important question is how they dealt with those things into adulthood and the degree of selfawarness they have about the situation. It's one thing to struggle with things and have a past but be able to set boundaries, communicate, and build a healthy relationship but it's another thing to have that manifest into horrible communication methodes (silent treatment, various forms of violence, self isolation, disregulated emotions, anger issues etc.), toxic dynamics (i.e. using sex in an unhealthy way, attachment issues, manipulation, etc.), or just in general be on the receiving end of having them take their trauma and insecurities out on you (backhanded compliments/ rude critique, projection etc.)

So basically, clients chat in throughout the day with questions and difficulties they have with the software and it's my job to take those cases, solve them, and correspond with the client. Some cases can take as little as 10 min while others can be like an hour. And you need to log that time. But when you don't have chats, you still need to be available, but you have the down time to do other activities such as answer email, do career development classes online, or any other admin work. You also need to log time for that stuff as well.

Fake Growth v. Real Growth I have been thinking about this video for a hot minute now because I feel that compared to where I was 2 years ago, I've come a long way in terms of my self development and I've had a lot of good things to externally manifest. I feel that this has grown me internally as well but I wanted to be careful about deceiving myself by having bandaid, external solutions for internal problems. At the same time, I feel like for me personally, while I might know something intellectually, sometimes I need external experience for me to be able to turn the switch and emotionally integrate it. I believe this is because even if we know something logically, it's not always enough to integrate it because we don't have the life experience to back that logic up. For instance, in theory you might know that you are capable of having a healthy relationship and attracting a good partner, but if you have instances consistently in the past that contridict this (like maybe you're perpetually single or your past experiences were messy), it can be difficult to integrate that fully until you have an event that proves it to you. In other words, while there is only so much you can do with external validation, in some cases it can have a lot of merit. Regarding the video, Leo talks about ways to gage whether there was fake growth or real growth. I jotted down a couple of notes and I thought I'd go through each of the bullet points and reflect on whether my achievements were fake growth or real growth. The following achievements I will be reflecting on include getting my job, getting a good group of friends, and getting a significant other. Real growth creates a permanent release of issue I feel like a lot of issues around desirablity platonically and romantically have been dealt with. I remember that for a very long time from my childhood, I thought that there was something inherently wrong with me. I never feel that way now and I feel like a big part of it had to do with therapy, learning how to make and maintain friends as an adult, and understanding how my ADHD/neurodivergence affected me socially and how to as a result stop masking. As for work, I don't know how the issue would be fully dealt with. It's only been a month. If there is real growth, there is no overcompensation or obsession over the issue. You won't need defensiveness. I don't find myself over compensating in my relationships or at work. I have good boundaries from both and I do feel pretty secure. I feel that there is a little defensiveness there when it comes to my job. I'm in the stage where I do pressure myself a little to do a good job since I don't want to lose it as soon as I got it. But I also think that this has to do with me being new to the workforce and still figuring things out. But overall, I don't find myself wanting to overwork myself or feel this need to prove myself. When there is real growth, the problem leaves your mind, feels trivial or insignificant (you ask yourself how was this was ever an issue) At this point, quality relationships and a quality job kind of feel like a given. I kind of think it's wild that I had issues with both but can still empathize with my past self. If there is real growth, you won't need to exert will power/ need to force yourself to do things that are needed I don't need to exert will power or force myself to be around my friends or significant other. Can't say the same for my job though. However, I will say that I think it has more to do with my job lacking purpose rather than me lacking in growth. It isn't the worst thing in the world but it isn't exactly the thing I want to be doing with my time. Look at emotional responses in situations and ask yourself if they improved I feel that a lot of my insecurities around interpersonal relationship have greatly diminished and I do catch myself having a much more secure attachment style. I also find myself not prescribing to hyper independence as I used to before and I'm also much more gentle on myself. I also feel that I have grown both in the way that I feel comfortable opening up and sharing my life as well as having the support and input on ways that I can grow as a result of me talking about my life. Romantically, I think it's wild that I've ever questioned my desirability. I feel much more comfortable and self assured in myself in romantic matters. I feel very secure in my relationship and I also feel secure in my ability to get into other relationships. I know I had some femcel tendencies here and there before, and while I knew better, it was difficult for that switch to go off in my head to emotionally integrate it because I didn't have the life experience to back it up. I feel that a lot of issues around my imposter syndrome has died down since getting out of my college environment. I do notice my need to compare as well as my tendency to get jealous because I was insecure about my ability to support myself in the future considerably declined. Am I less reactive , less emotional need, am I calmer in this area of my life I would say yes when it comes to my career and romantic relationship as well as my friends, but as far as my friends go, I'm not perfect. I do still sometimes get triggered when everyone cancels on me at once or sometimes when I haven't heard from someone in weeks or I get sad around Christmas. I think part of it has more to do with how friendships in adulthood works when people have busy lives and many other priorities as well as some issues I've had with friendships in the past. As far as the friendship area of my life goes, I do feel much calmer but there is still room for growth. In conclusion, I feel like most of the growth I've had was real growth, especially when it comes to romantic relationship. As far as fake growth goes, I think acquiring my job seems to have more fake growth than the other two categories (there is a lot of real growth, don't get me wrong) but I think a large part of it has to do with me figuring my professional life out. I am still trying to do the whole life purpose thing and I'm trying to gage where I fall socially and skills wise in a corporate environment. I don't think that this is fake growth as it is incomplete growth. Finally when it comes to my friends, I feel like its like 85% real and 15% fake given the hang up in my last bullet. I feel like that's a post of it own that I need to do but wanted to keep it succinct here so that I don't stray from the topic.

@Emerald It's good to have you back, Emerald

The Happiness Spectrum I have been spending the day contemplating a lot of things since it's been one month since I have gotten my job and I wanted to reflect on the ways that I have changed since then, my first impression of adult life after school, and where I want to go from here. I have been revisiting some of Leo's older videos that I have watched as food for thought. One of the videos I revisited was the Happiness Spectrum. I did do a post about this a couple years back reflecting on this topic which I'll quote below and I wanted to do the same thing again to see where I'm at. My 2023 comments are in green.

@Michal__ .... yeah I just have a work out schedule so that the endorphins keep me happy. I do a 10 min workout before work so that I can wake up and start my day. I have a couple of breaks during office hours so I have another 2 10 min workouts then. During my lunch break I like to go on a walk. And then after work I go to the gym for 45 min - 1.5 hours, depending on what I feel. I notice myself feeling stir crazy after sitting for 8 hours and I try to take every opportunity I can get to incorporate some movement and take advantage of my role being so remote. I also make sure that I am engaging with my hobbies, interests, and self education in my free time as a way of taking care of myself emotionally and intellectually. I have a handful of quality, meaningful relationships that I make sure to maintain by talking to people and by hanging out with them a couple times a week. I also volunteer once a week for a cause that I care about so that I can engage with my community and I can interact with people who are not my coworkers. And because I work from home, I am typically able to make healthy meals from scratch with no issue. I think overall I have built a good life for myself. I think that it could be better if I found more fulfilling work that utilizes my interests and values. But hey, I just graduated, and you gotta start somewhere when it comes to experimenting and putting yourself out there to see what's available. And I do think that I have a good start, I'm still adjusting to and processing this transition in my life from being a full time student to being in the professional full time workforce. As someone who has been a corporate girly for a solid month now, I feel like the worst part of corporate/ 9-5 life is the monotony of it. Basically, it's like living in this meme: And thankfully, I can dodge some of that from working from home. I don't have to sit in a depressing, existential crisis inducing beige cubicle (I did work in the office for one day and decided that I never want to do that again lol). I don't have to sit in traffic during rush hour twice a day. I can make meals from scratch during my lunch break because of the time I have and usually I make a little extra so that I won't have to cook dinner. My job is chill enough to where I do have down time between cases and during that time I can do the laundry and some light cleaning and as a result, I don't have a pile of chores waiting for me when I get off at 5. Also, the whole sedentary lifestyle that comes with a lot of full time jobs feels very dystopian, especially for my ADHD self that needs to move around to concentrate. Like we aren't supposed to be living like this where we sit in traffic for 2 hours, where we are hunched over on a computer screen for another 8, and we feel so exhausted by going against what our bodies are meant to do for so long to where we sit for another few hours before we go to bed and start all over. Hence why again, moving my body consistently throughout my day is so important for me. I have it pretty good. But it can still feel montonous. I find myself counting down to 4/5pm and just emotionally checking out in the meantime. And that millions of people have the same 7am-6pm schedule can feel depersonalizing. Like there's just something about sitting in traffic one hour there and one hour back and clocking in/out in the time that most other people do that does make you feel like a drone lol. I think a lot of this are things that I would have encountered if I had taken any other kind of corporate job with standard hours, so I'm not saying this as a way to dig at my current job, but more of as a way to reflect how my life has changed since I have become an adult with a full time job from being a student all my life. However, while I appreciate my job being relatively straightforward while requiring critical thinking, the thought of having to do the same thing day in and day out without my schedule having certain blocks (like I would when I was taking different classes in school) does make my day feel like a monotonous blur.

also I thought this was an interesting video though it is extreme. It talks about how hustle culture can mess with your passion and how I think sometimes your purpose/passion can also turn into a wage slave job when you put all of your eggs in one basket.

So I have been contemplating about somethings regarding my career and financial situation and where I see my life going regarding this. I suppose that this could be a thread of its own but I want to keep things in one place. I believe that I'm well educated in the whole "pyramid scheme" that soceity can be (using this particular phrase because it is one that Leo uses a lot in the video). A lot of it is due to what I ended up studying in university. These are basically the conclusions that I've come to given my life experiences and my education. You are not your job and exhausting yourself for your job and career is rarely worth it. It's okay if your purpose isn't in your career because you can still live a well balanced purposeful life outside of your job. There are so many ways life has meaning. The entrepreneurship path isn't for everyone and there is nothing wrong if you realize it isn't for you. That doesn't make you any less ambitious, creative, or purposeful person. I do, however, see a fulfilling or at the very least stable and sustainable job, as something that is important to aim for. Nothing exists in a vaccuum even if you are an entrepreneur. You will always be a part of the pyramid and there is only so much right you can do. Do what you can to mitigate the damage or get rid of it (take initiative of it) but also know that there is only so much you can do and that you aren't a bad person for contributing to things indirectly. I think that there are many people who can be fulfilled with a 9-5 job because they want to spend their energy else where to find fulfillment and that is fine. Sometimes, a job is just a job. But I do think you need to conciously choose your position whatever they may be, People who unconciously choose to be a entrepreneur and who unconciously choose to be a lawyer are both in the wrong and can both lead unfullfilling lives. At the same time, though being a lawyer was cited as a wage slave job, I feel that if your life purpose or major sense of fulfillment comes from being a lawyer, that isn't a wage slave job. And I think that it can be condescending that you are destined for a mediocre life if you choose a different path where instead of one grand purpose that you choose to follow many different things that give you purpose/ meaning/ personal growth in life. -------------------------------------------------------------- I'm currently in a place where my job is just a job. I don't necessarily see this as a forever thing, but I think that providing myself stability and data points is an important foundation for me to figure out what it is I want. I will say that my current job isn't the thing that fills me up with the most fulfillment and that is something that I'm super interested in. I am hoping that while I am figuring my life out, this job will give me a clearer idea of what I might want to do both in terms of career and lifestyle, savings for a more stable future, and some valuable skills I can add to a resume to advocate for myself while also sharpening skills that I'm already good at. I'm still not sure if I want to go down the career or entrepreneurship route but I will say that especially in the past decade or so, the whole "find your dream job" and the whole "be your own boss" has been over romanticiszed and needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

Can't forget to have all the strength of a raging fire and be mysterious as the dark side of the moon lmaooo

Nice! I wanna hear more female views on this topic. I do feel hesitant to share my views of what makes a good man. I feel that a lot of female feminists feel this way too because sure we can describe toxic masculinity because we often deal with the consequences of that but generally speaking the hesitation comes from the notion of *who am I to define masculinity and manhood when I haven't lived as such* but then because a lot of men lean more orange as opposed to green, you have a bunch of men doubleing down on the age old alpha male narrative. That aside, for conversation's sake, here is my perspective. I feel like all of this has to do with being a good person in general but I will talk about this in the point of view of what I perceive to be a healthy form of masculinity. Not Stoic And what I mean by that is not stoic in the truest sense, because to me that is more of emotional regulation, the ability to detach from things that aren't serving you, and having an emphasis on self reflection. All of that is fine and encouraged. I'm talking about stoicism in the day to day sense that a lot of men tend to internalize which is the whole *men aren't supposed to be emotional* narrative. I think a good man is aware of his emotions, can feel his emotions, can articulate himself (at the very least for communication and connection, creativity is a nice plus), and can regulate his emotions. I think that a lot of men think that men are less emotional than women and I honestly think a lot of that is bs. A lot of men lack self awareness to recognize their emotions, repress them, or have everything come out (including things like stress, sadness, grief etc.) as anger because anger and agression are seen as acceptable and not really like emotions. Cuz lets be real, how many women do you see punch walls when they get upset and how many women will harrass you on the street when they got an answer they don't like? Also, rather than being a lone wolf, a good man knows how to deal with people. He might not be everyone's friend but generally speaking he can atleast get along and empathize with most people. He has quality friends and other deep and fulfilling human connections because part of being brave and being a leader is being brave enough to show your emotions and share about yourself and your vulnerabilities, and a large part of being a leader is knowing how to deal and connect with people given the circumstance. And the last part about circumstance is important because trauma dumping at inappropriate times is not healthy for a singular person or the dynamic as a whole. I felt like I needed to make that last point because I feel like men, when they are told to show emotion, somIt etimes they straw man the whole thing and take it to the extreme because there aren't many examples of healthy emotional regulation and expression in a lot of male dominated spaces and often a lot of relationships as a result only go so deep. Stable and Consistent This is something that I look for in both friends and partners regardless of gender. I believe that a good man can consistently follow up with you and make plans, consistently abide by his values and boundaries, and consistently treat people with dignity, empathy, and respect. I believe that this kind of consistency is the thing that makes most people feel safe, secure, and protected. Empathetically Honest I think that I am talking about empathy a lot in general in this post so I'm not going to elaborate on it too much. But while a good man is honest, he is also empathetic and wise enought to know that just because something is honest, that doesn't mean that you need to say it. I mean, we've all dealt with those people who say "no offense" and say the most vile stuff after that or back up awful things they saw to people by justifying it by saying "I'm just being honest." And I think those statements reflect a lack of empathy, self accountability, and awareness, or in some cases plain common sense. And a lot of that also reflects self honesty as well becasue in my mind self accountability and awareness falls under that category. Committed to Self Education / Is Open minded This is not limitted to getting a formal education or reading a lot, but it can also include putting yourself out there and trying something new or engaging with different people and persepectives. I think that shows strength, bravery, and initiative. This also means taking information from quality sources and generally knowing better than you know being an Andrew Tate fan.

I have one A good man proactively protects by creating a safe place for the people around him and those he loves. He creates an environment where people can authentically express themselves and be vulnerable by setting up a foundation of empathy and respect for everyone involved

I scored a 4 but I'm going to be honest, I thought that the test is pretty bs and I didn't like the quality of the questions. Firstly, a lot of the questions are contexual. Saying yes to one or the other can't really indicate whether you are narcissistic. Some examples of this include: I have a natural talent for influencing people. vs I am not good at influencing people. I am assertive. vs I wish I were more assertive. (This and the previous question might just be people evaluating their personality traits and figuring out what they want to work on) I insist upon getting the respect that is due me. vs I usually get the respect that I deserve. (I get that this question is asking about entitlement but you could also look at it as your ability to advocate for yourself or others. It depends on how you define respect. Some people define showing respect as acknowledging the authority of a person and others define showing respect as treating people with basic human decency) I don't care about new fads and fashions. vs I like to start new fads and fashions. (This can be interpreted as some people's interests. Some people are interested in trends and find it enjoyable to partake in it or find new creative ways of doing things) Next, a lot of the questions can be misconstrued to where people might confuse having a healthy sense of self and a postive self image as being obessive with oneself. And those are two very different things. I also find these questions to be rather one dimensional because while people think of grandiose narcissists as the first image that pops up when they hear the word narcissist, covert narcissists are 100% a thing and they do not get talked enough about because they can seem at odds with the grandiose narcissist even though they are just as self obsessed. It's like comparing incels with Donald Trump. Trump is a classic grandiose narcississt, but incels are more of the covert varient because their extremely poor self image and victim mentality is simply their way of being myopically self centered the same way the grandiose narcissist is. Some examples of this include: I am going to be a great person. vs I hope I am going to be successful. (The first doesn't have to be about having a grandiose vision of yourself. Believing that you are capable of doing great things can also just be a symptom of having good self efficacy) Compliments embarrass me. vs I like to be complimented. (I think it's fine to admit that you like compliments. I feel like being embarrassed with compliments consistently can point to low self esteem and social anxiety in a lot of cases) My body is nothing special. vs I like to look at my body. (Sometimes people have good body image, that doesn't mean that they are obsessed with how they look) And finally, some of the questions are so on the nose to where I highly doubt a actual narcissist would admit to it. I feel like it paints a charicature of narcissism rather than accurate representing it. Which is why I think it isn't wise to put a lot of emphasis on online tests beause only a professional can only determine certain things. Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with taking quizes for funsies but that's all they are lol. Some examples of this include: I get upset when people don't notice how I look when I go out in public. vs I don't mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public. I find it easy to manipulate people. vs I don't like it when I find myself manipulating people. I try not to be a show off. vs I will usually show off if I get the chance. I am much like everybody else. vs I am an extraordinary person.

The first few months I heard was the hardest because you need learn how to use their software and hope to god you don't give the clients the wrong information regarding their questions about the software even though you're a newbie at it. I don't know how the monotony would exactly effect me just yet since I'm still in training but I do know that I'm still trying to get used to being seated for like 8 hours a day. Honestly by the end of it, I catch myself craving some kind of physical activity, whether it is going on a walk or going to a gym, because or else I feel like I'm going to go stir crazy. They don't care so long as your work gets done. I might have to go into the office a couple times in a month and I have the option to come in more often if I think that will help me be more productive. I went to the office once. It was very beige and the empty cubicles were existential crisis inducing lmao (they were empty because the vast majority of people work from home). I am trying to make my hours 7am-4pm instead of the standard 8am-5pm so that I can get in the habit of waking up early and so that I can have more of my evenings free (and if I were to go anywhere after work, the traffic won't be crazy). Usually after work I go the gym, once a week I go volunteer, and there are a couple of days in the week that I try to do something social so that I can continue keeping in touch with people and I get in some face to face contact lol. I also have an hour for lunch and I notice that it takes me about 30 minutes to cook something from scratch and eat that and the remainder of the 30 minutes is just for me to chill. As for during work, there isn't too much time for me to sit there in a head-empty-no-thoughts state because I have to consistently log in my time for their productivity reports. I feel like all things considered, I could probably have 2 hours to myself in the evening just to do whatever I want, whether it be self care, read something, watch something interesting on YouTube etc. I was also thinking of spending this time doing things such as checking in with myself, journalling, and I guess figure out what I want to do with my life. I think it would be great if this is a job that I enjoy because the company seems pretty healthy and there are growth opportunities in my position so I would have something that is mapped out for a long term basis. But I'm also not naive to think that this is going to be a company I'm going to spend forever in because careers, especially now, can be subject to a lot of change especially when you're still figuring things out. To be honest, I came out of college wanting a relatively chill job and decent pay/benefits so that I can be more independent. I wasn't thinking too much about a career because that felt overwhelming and in a way limiting. I have an idea of what purpose filled work that utilizes my talents look like but I have yet to figure out a tangible way to carry it out. So in the meantime, because my main concern is have decent pay/benefits and I don't have a particular career in mind and I don't have a set thing that I wanted to do, I thought that I'd just throw random things at the wall to see what sticks, see what options I get, and just go from there. Because the advice I got was mainly along the lines of "If you aren't sure, instead of sitting there idley, try things and go from there but make sure that you don't let yourself get treated badly in the process." That, and be openminded to career paths you didn't consider or you haven't heard of before instead of having a one track mind. And the best way to do that is have an intention of where to go / a general sense of direction and know what your next step is. You don't need to know what the ultimate destination and there is no point in stressing yourself out over steps that are in the distant future that you can't account for yet because you don't know what life will throw at you in the meantime, both in terms of challenges, opportunities, and changes and priority.

I am trying to save at least 75% of my income for the next 6 months (the other 25% or less is for pitching in around home to get used to that kind of responsibility as well as recreational stuff such as hanging out with friends). My goal is to one day have 6 months worth of expenses saved up. I don't know how much that would be because I am living at home and don't really have bills of my own to pay, but my intention is to see how much I have saved once I finish moving into my own place. Also I do have the intention on cutting off my family eventually. I don't know when that will be or how that will go down but part of me feels indebted to them. They paid for my college and basically let me use their credit card for any purchases I need. They did this because they didn't want me to feel pressurized to work so that I could focus on school and even though I did have a couple of jobs during college, they put all of that money into savings and into a retirement account. So even though I guess I could have paid for everything on my own, they insisted that I use their money instead. I know some of this might sound odd because the west is very individualistic, but relying on your parents through college and living with them until you are married is pretty common in South Asian culture. I doubt that they will ask me to pay them back but since I do feel indebted to them, I will be honest, I act like a person who is in debt and I am saving up as such. This is a whole thing that I'm trying to unpack as it has to do with culture clashes, weird family dynamics I'm trying to distance myself from, and some trauma regarding me feeling like a burden to my parents even though they have never financially struggled or guilt tripped me about money. As a result, I do tend to be quite frugal with my money Idk I just thought I'd talk about this here since I am exploring my relationship with money and since it naturally came up after I started writing about the car.

Emotional To Do List 1/29/2023 These are some things that aren't in the list above that I am dealing with a therapist and that I want to emotionally be mindful of. I feel like the above list is largely stuff that I want to do to build myself externally wheras this is more internal stuff on the day to day. 1. Deal with the economic guilt that I have 2. Deal with my body image issues 3. Feel out your 9/5 job and see in what ways you need to change your life style and habits to accommodate for that 4. Learn to celebrate yourself and your achievements 5. Talk to your therapist more about your current romantic relationship

Posts I want to think about more

I think you can learn a lot from situations that have caused you to suffer if you handled it consciously. But I think it's important to not romanticize suffering as the thing that build someone's character. A person isn't strong because of what they went through, they are strong despite it and they were strong before it. Plus, you can learn the same valuable lessons without going through suffereing and a lot of pain. Being challenged it good, suffering is not.

My First Job Out of College I landed my first job out of college in December and I've been working for 4 weeks so far so I thought I'd make a little post detailing how I feel about this so far. Pros: Benefits and pay is pretty good I'm making roughly $65k a year and I feel that this is pretty good for someone who just graduated college. It's definitely enough to support myself in the Dallas area. I am getting paid hourly so that means they aren't about to overwork me without giving me overtime. I have pretty good health insurance, better than what I had before with my parents. I have bereavement, and maternity leave along with 10 paid holidays, 15 vacation days (= 3 weeks of vacation), and 5 sick days. I feel like this is pretty good considering that I live in the U.S. 90% of my job is remote and the company doesn't care about me coming into the office so long as I do my job. So far I have taken naps, showered, and made lunch and dinner from scratch during my breaks. I'm also so thankful for not having to commute and deal with traffic on the regular basis. I really like the flexibility that I have here. Overall work culture is pretty chill. Generally speaking, I'm not picking up on any red flags here. The one time I went into the office, everyone was super nice and generally it felt like this wasn't a super corporaty environment. At most people were wearing business casual and most people showed up with jeans and a nice shirt and a handful of people had colored hair, visible tattoos and piercings. Overall, this company doesn't give a fuck so long as you're doing what needs to get done. Generally I'm picking up on a good work-life balance. I can tell most people in this company prioritizes having a life outside of work and it doesn't feel like an overbearing culture where people gossip a lot or put a lot of social emphasis on the work climate especially since most people are working from home. The job that I'm doing itself does not seem like super stressful work. Like it seems pretty chill and straightforward but I do think there is a bit of learning curve as you're getting used to their software. But most of the people I'm working with are pretty understanding with that and I don't think people are going to hold it against me. Supervisors seem pretty accomodating and if they can't, they usually have a good reason. Most people stick around in this company for +5 years. I feel like this is a good thing because in the last company I worked at, most everyone was either new or wasn't at the company for longer than 3 years and there was a reason for that. That reason being that the company was over working people and expanding way too quickly to where there was high turnover. And I don't think that this is the case with this company. That isn't to say that these people are stagnant, most of them do have a decent degree of career progression as well. Decent learning and development/ promotion opportunities I am noticing that a lot of people in my position do get a promotion about a year or so into this work and over all I can see a similar path of advancement as far as time lines go. If I do end up loving this job, I will have a lot of clarity in my career. This company does a good job in investing in training for their employees which I really respect. There are also a lot of resources that you can utilize as well which is always a good thing when trying to pick up new skills. Multiple locations Given my nature of work, I feel like it would be pretty easy if I were to move elsewhere to be transferred into a team in a different location. I feel like this can be a huge plus as someone who is fresh out of college and is still figuring a lot of things out. And I mean, one of the main headaches that comes with trying to relocate is trying to find a job in the place you're trying to go and I think that wouldn't be as much of an issue if I were to stay with this company. Cons: Not super well aligned with my values. I do think that the company over all and the people have similar values as me and does spend a lot of time and energy in various social responsibility projects. They also seem to go about in a pretty healthy and authentic way. I also feel that our values align in the way that the work culture operates. However, this company does make software for property management companies and the thought of me helping make a landlord's life easier doesn't really sit well with me lol. I get doing things for commercial real estate because the whole point is for businesses and profits, but I have a whole thing about thinking it's unethical to treat residential properties as some kind of investment because that is something people need to live and is a basic human right. I don't think they are full on unethical but I can see how they can indirectly contribute to things that are harmful. I don't know if I will like the job. I'm currently in training for my role and the job itself doesn't seem too bad but I do get the impression that at times it's going to be repetitive and annoying. I also don't see much purpose filled work here. I think I will know about this better when I actually start working but I'm not too concerned about this because it is a starting point for me to figure out what I want to do and what I like/don't like in a job. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy having decent pay and benefits in a healthy work environment to ease into this next chapter of my life. I also get this feeling I might get bored of this job in a few years lol. Things that would be nice in the future In my future job after this one I think its naive to think that I will be in this company for my entire career trajectory and I think as I learn more about the kinds of roles I want and what is generally out there that it doesn't hurt to have something in mind that is a step up from what I have right now. Unlimitted PTO and sick days OR being in a country that really prioritizes this: While I am pretty content with my PTO package as of right now, I know there are places in this world that have a MINIMUM of 4 weeks PTO (I currently have 3) and has more legal protection regarding minimum maternity leave laws. This is something that I can see caring a lot more in the future especially if I decide to settle down with a family. I feel like moving to a different country is a whole nother thing I could make a post about. Flexible working hours: I heard this was a thing and I would've loved if that was the case for me. I am working for an hourly wage as of right now and it makes sense for my role if I'm going to be honest but I feel that if I were to work in a salaried job that I would expect flexible working hours and a decent work culture so that they don't try to over work me. Paying for grad school: This company does cover a little bit of it but they told me they won't cover it if it doesn't directly have to do with my job. That isn't bad but since I'm still figuring my stuff out, what if I realize that I want to pursue something else? I get that this isn't favorable to the company which I understand but still lol. Something more aligned with my values and has more purpose: See, but at first I need to know for myself what that looks like so while I do have a stable job right now, Imma use that stability to explore what other roles there are out there for me to find more fulfillment. More money: I'm happy with what I have but I mean, why wouldn't I want more as I get older and have more experience off my belt. Over all thoughts: I think that this is a good start considering I am a fresh graduate. I feel pretty good about this job and this company even though I have a couple hang ups here and there. I am very greatful about where I landed because not everyone has it this good after graduating. I am fortunate to be working at a company that has reasonable hours, a chill culture, and compensates me well enough to where I have a lot of peace of mind. I also consider myself incredibly lucky in the way that I only applied to like 10 jobs and I landed this role less than 2 weeks after graduating college.