If it feels bad to determine and believe that writing, asking questions and conversing is a waste and a distraction and "not doing the work" I'd say feeling is saying, "nope" to that. I'm definitely not saying that. I would say, feel when you write, and read. You always are anyway
 
 Not two. Really, neither. It's not even a response because response implies it comes after. It does NOT come after. 
It "feels" shallow? Really? My dog loves to be scritched behind the ears. He absolutely does not give a shit as to "why" he likes that. He just thoroughly enjoys it, it feels good. I don't find that shallow, I find it quite pure and such a breath of fresh air. Feeling good does not need a reason why. You say you want a whole lot of stuff, understanding, etc, etc, but really you want it because of the way you think it will make you feel. Turns out the way to getting it is... feeling. Because it is an end unto itself. No duality. No time. Not two. 
 
The guilt is saying, "now, now, now, now. You can only feel now. You are guilty for not feeling, a minute ago? NOW is the only time you feel! NOW! NOOOOOOW!" 
Obviously beating an idea in your head... is not feeling? It's thinking. Trying to get it. Get it through, get it in there. Nope. Those are thoughts. Thoughts are not feeling. Those thoughts feel bad because, you're always feeling. So how could you guilt yourself for not feeling, when you're always feeling? You can't! You cannot! That's exactly why it feels bad. 
It's brilliant. Not in the "the light took a million years to get here from the star, but a you ARE the light kinda brilliance." It's immediate. Immediate. Immediate. 
And when you ask "how", I just say.... 
Wow. Look at the stars! This is sheeeeeeer brilliance. The astronomer told me some great facts about them that really expanded my ideas of what they were and what was possible, but now if he'd just shut the hell up I'd just look in complete wonder. 
I wonder? I wonder and I wonder. It's a wonder. YOU are a wonder. WONDER OF WONDERS. 
How does wonder feel? 
If I tell you that I love Leonardo Dicaprio and you send him to my front door and I open the door, freak out, crap my pants, and hide in the closet, I really only dualistically loved the idea of him. Understanding/Enlightenment will not settle for this fear/revere "longing after an idea of something" bullshit, it wants real love, cause you do. Real love is fully felt, real love feeeeeeeels like love. It knows no separation between small town girl and revered super famous movie star. All else is just an idea. Same idea if I love knowledge and understanding. It will not settle for longing after the idea of it. It knows no separation between the one who does not know and the known. 
All your knowledge, all your understanding is based in feeling. And you are trying to co opt it all by saying "Nope. I must understand first before I go there." While all along, you're feeling anyway. There's no where to go. 
 

That you are, or could be, or could realize you are a coffee table is actually a misunderstanding of direct experience.
‘Ethan’ & ‘coffee table’ are thoughts, which you are equally aware of, like any other thoughts. 
You’ve already taken in the belief you could prove or realize you are a coffee table. 
For an I to prove something to a myself, there would have to be two entities, an I, and a myself. Notice these are two thoughts (‘I’ & ‘myself’), not two things or entities (which you could point to). 
It’s not that beliefs are purified per se. It’s that arising thoughts are presently believed as quickly as they are arising, which could be referred to as thought reaction, thought attachment, or, monkey mind.
That ‘reacting’ is referred to as craving & aversion, being ‘stuck in the matrix’, ‘being asleep’, or most simply, what suffering is. 
Thoughts can be meditatively ‘let go’ by giving attention to the breath instead of the thoughts. 
Consider your car, as compared to miscellaneous cars on the road. There is little mental engagement with cars on the road, because they aren’t believed to be yours or about you. They come & go freely and this is of no concern to you. There is much engagement with thoughts, because they are believed, and thus seem like  “your thoughts”, and many seem to be true about you, like ‘Ethan’, ‘I’ & ‘myself’. 
As you allow thoughts to freely come & go, without reacting, emotions are more pronounced. Understanding the emotions you are experiencing therefore couples very well with meditation, and I’d recommend spending some time with each daily. 
Before beginning meditation and understanding emotions, I’d address any nutritional opportunities. I recommend the loophole shake as it is cheap, packed with nutrients, incredibly simple, and tastes great. (Thus, the diet ‘loophole’). 
This (nutrition, meditation & understanding of emotions) is most often the difference between a very rocky tumultuous path filled with spiritual ego, nihilism, God complexes, solipsism, new meta-beliefs, etc, and a smooth profoundly enjoyable life enriching relationship enhancing path. This is foundational alignment imo, and it is spacious, wonderful and the gift in & of itself so to speak. As in, not a goal to be reached, but a natural unfolding of Truth. 
This brings about cessation, or, the end of suffering. 
Then I’d consider psychedelics. 
I’d also make a dreamboard, and put everything & anything you want to experience on it, as it comes to mind. Then I’d receive everything wanted, by aligning focus with thoughts about what you want, which feel good to you. 

Didn’t lift a finger, didn’t do anything at all, literally. Simply sat on the cushion like any other morning. But, I never heard any of what you mentioned above, so there was no story about me, God, dying, etc, etc, playing in my mind, which was perfectly empty from the daily meditation. 
Empty your cup. Try to actually notice none of that stuff is actually happening. It’s literally just thoughts about. Like a narration of a movie. 
Super simple… same ‘answer’ / ‘solution’ every time… just return attention to feeling breathing from the stomach. 
You could turn making a paper airplane into a college course at this rate. 
?
Lighten up and have a laugh… “who exactly am I even talking about which is selfish?!” … “Why am I even thinking that, focusing on that, thinking that way?!?” (And laugh)
That you’re giving up anything is a thought. Meditation is most ideal for thought attachment. 

"There is no free will" is a thought you're having.
Do not mistake concepts derived from language for actuality.
Think about dreaming without being lucid. Things happen, right? Well, what is creating the whole thing? Consciousness.
Do you have 'what you call free will' while dreaming at night without being lucid? It's all about how conscious you are, right? Well, is it? Think about it. If you have a dream about being a bee you will start behaving according to what you think a bee would or should do, right? Yes and No. It's relative. You have never been a bee in 'waking life' so whatever you do is exactly what Consciousness conceives you being a bee to be like. What would the refference point be in this case? Infinity
You might forget what a bee even look like and start morphing into a butterfly. Or you might change form on purpose. Why would you choose one particular 'avatar' over the other?
Now think about getting lucid while dreaming, being in a lucid dream. Once you get lucid, you can choose to do anything you want. You feel free and fully aware. Right?
So. I didn't say anything here, I'm just pointing at something. 
 
 

There is no one 'incarnated on Earth'. There is no planet. There is no time, space or physical stuff, internet, stars or brains.
There was no birth, you've never been a baby as you imagine you did. You being a baby at some point = what you imagine in your Mind right now to be the case. Investigate your conscious direct experience. 
There is no beginning & no end.
You're creating a mental construction, imagining and believing it to be true in the sense that smth happened or began in the past.
'The thing' that 'incarnates' is an idea you're imagining in the Now. Even 'in the Now' is a fabrication. There is just the eternal 'this'. It never goes away, it never vanishes, it has never been born, it never died, it is always 'here' no matter what 'here' appears to be. Just 'this'. 'This' is what's aware and reading this text right now. Without 'this' there is no text, no screen, no experience. Hi there, 'This'! I am 'this' too and I am the same 'this' as you!
Well, language is dualistic, look in your direct experience. 
❤
 
 

I don't know if there is infinite awakening literally. But there are many degrees of them for sure.
For example, many so called awakened people are not actually conscious of what God is. Because that requires deeper awakening.
Exactly!
Yup, where else could they come from but your imagination? You are God imagining a world. It's very similar to how video game rendering works, except the computer doing the rendering is also just imaginary!
That is the ultimate illusion.
That is a fantasy of yours.
What I am saying is that you can absolutely verify that only you exist and everyone else is imaginary.
This is not a matter of disproving solpsism. This is a matter of proving it.
You can do that since you are all there is! See how elegant it is? You don't need to crawl into my head to check, you just need to become conscious that "Leo's head" is a fantasy. Which you can do if you are seeious enough.
Yes, it's hard to accept because it's so radical.
Yes, exactly. You see, that is how God fools himself into buying the illusion. God fools you with your compassion and care for others. Your desire to help others and comfort them is a huge part of the illusion you have spun for yourself. This emotional hook keeps you locked in the dream. The dream would not feel real unless it had powerful emotional hooks.
What is a more powerful emotional hook than seeing your daughter get raped?
God is a trickster of the highest order. God uses every emotion against you to fool you.
Just a trick of God.
Of course not.
You don't even have a dog. You just invented your dog right now!
Correct
Take some 5-MeO-DMT
No
There is only ONE perspective. Yours.
It's about energy efficiency. God saves energy my only creating ONE bubble. Why would God waste energy on others when they are not needed? Seriously. Think about it.
Not missing.
They were always just aspects of your absolute perspective.
No
You tell yourself this to stay locked into the illusion.
God sees all. What you see now is all that God sees. God cannot hide anything from itself.
You are talking to yourself, obviously. Nothing else could happen.
Yes, because you resist it. If you accept it, it's so easy.
My pleasure
Look, what I am saying does not preclude you from visiting other worlds, so to speak. You can get on a rocket ship and fly to Mars explore it and it will feel real. And you might even meet some aliens there, fuck one of them, and have a baby together. But all that will just be happening as your experience.
It is a dream, but it is also Absolute Truth -- if you are conscious enough.
Yeah, you break free of being lost in the fantastical mind.
Spira, for example, believes in other minds as real. He's not conscious that he is imagining them.
Shinzen does not understand God or Infinity.
Ramaji is deluded as fuck with his 1000 system and his diety worship.

@kagaria you should learn to differentiate between mind and ego.

Mind is a tool.

Ego is the energy inside you that wants you (God) to believe that you are not-God, but the mind/brain/body.

You see?

The body, brain and mind are tooooools. Great tools man. Extremely powerful imaginary tools. So powerful that they -- when used properly -- can be used by you - God - to self-realize.

If there were only God/Oneness/Love -- i.e. Me/You -- and nothing to contrast it with, like i.e. separate minds, 'stuff', form, minds, bodies, waveintheocean, kagaria, then We could not ever "know" ourself.

So yeah, powerful tools. So extremely powerful that they can also for a lifetime trick God (you) into believing that you are a separate self/mind/body.

Don't let that happen tho. TAKE CONTROL OF THE TOOL!

Ego is just all that energy inside your body-mind-avatar-vessel that 24/7 INSISTS that you are not God but a separate mind/body/self.

How to let go of ego? Become conscious of it. Awareness/Love is all that is needed. 

You can't eradicate all ego, cos that would mean to stop being human. And hell, even Jesus and Buddha existed as human beings, right? (from a relative true, human perspective; of course absolutely everything is God, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here).

Just become conscious of ego. By becoming conscious of ego, you start taking control of your mind, instead of letting ego control it.

Ego = non-awareness / being asleep / unconsciousness / fear / feeling of lack / feeling of being a separate mortal self / tension in body and mind
Mind = a tool for Consciousness/God/Love/Nothingness/The Universe/The Self/Absolute Infinity to explore itself.