Nathalie

@eskwire why not first clarify the whole Situation with your brother? Tell him what you feel, as far as possible without judgement.. Just what you felt as a child and later and what you feel now. Tell him you need to do so for yourself, to forgive and forget all this burden, but it wouldn't influence the fact that you will give him your kidney.. No blackmail here, just the Intention to make your relation even better than it already is.. And in the same way, optimize the vital quality of your gift.. maybe.. maybe too esoteric..?

Ok .. and do you have a clue why?

@Phil you're so right I think I felt in the trap of puting my focus in an unwanted direction, and even if it's a little diffficult regarding all the media (even in Europe) I put, from now on, my attention away from one of the people you mentioned, thank you for the suggestion

@Debbie B I also had profound experiences.. and still have, but I don't think that this is the point. The point is, YOU're open and present enough to be accessed in certain situations by profound experiences. You are responsible, not the situations. You waked up, maybe just for a while and it's amazing, right? Don't stick with any experiences, there are so many differents..

see what I mean with exciting?

@DimmedBulb The idea.. maybe, but the journey, one undertakes to letting all this silly stuff drop, is really exciting and liberating

Yes they do in the sense that your body believes your thoughts and feels as if they were real.. Imagine you're just thinking about a dreatful thing like being followed by a killer, in one hand you are sitting in a save room in the other your body react as if you are in danger! Observe it! It doesn't matter what you think, your body always react as if it were real.. So if you are more or less as everybody else, most of the time, you don't even realize what you're thinking about and this leads us to the problem: You can't always dream about a fantasy land, can you? Why do you wish you could? Maybe because you want to escape from other thoughts.. maybe some which interpret the life as something miserable, horrible.. But, don't they come over and over again and sabotage the one you like? You can't controle what you will think next. Isn't it a good reason to face and acknoledge "your inner world" maybe clean up a little and let it drop? At least you have a chance to encounter and understand yourself and the others, isn't it worth it? You don't have "to get" anything, if you think that a meditation is stupid, just stop it and go your way -consciously- you have nothing to loose, right?

@Mark96 What kind of life are you living?

Yes exactly what else? live fully just in order to live What kind of activity do you know which you can experience and enjoy while your thoughts drow you somewhere else? Meditation and self inquiry help to let the senseless thoughts drop.

@DimmedBulb why do you want to see a difference beetwen both? I my opinion there is none, I think everything is outside and inside so to speak.. If you dig deep, you remarke that every single wish you have is conditioned by the world you're living in, familly, friends, publicity, school, each kind of relationship etc.. Once you realize that "your" desires are just a conditioning and not a part of you, and begin to question it (like you do), you get step by step more free. Peace and real freedom are absolutly desireless. If you reach this state, you are able to enjoy what happens to you (what ever it is) and to release it over and over again.. therefore Heedlessness is a kind of dead right now (because you don't realise that life is happening) and Heedfulness is life right now, no future, no past and so logically no desire Does it make sense for you?

@Galyna Hi, I've just watched this video and it may help (you?).. wish you the best

@PretentiousHuman The most often the ego plays a big role in this kind of situation: it tells you how wunderful it would be, right? It shows you so many great situations and how fun it would be.. It perfectly knows how you will like it.. And finally, as a good movie, the show stops in the best moment.. So you want more of it Till you've reached enough awareness witch will lead you to the deepest reason, maybe a first step solution could be, to think how it would be after the date with her, I mean every detail, going back home, to your girlfriend, the thoughts you will have afterwards when you're alone again.. Will you try to hide it? Will you meet again? where? I would do this each time a dream comes up instead of trying to avoid it and finally I would change a little the dream: I would imagine meeting her in a café and telling her that you really like her and so on.. and at the end explaining her why you will not do it.. Don't know if it really makes sense, it just helped me once I needed it..

@Naviy you practice meditation, right? So use your experience to go out of this hole: Don't let your mind tell you stories. The pain comes by thinking over and over again about what was, what could have been, what should have been etc. Stop this. Let it drop and flow away. Eat something you like, take a bath, go out for a walk, drink a warm infusion very slowly, or what ever you like to do generally, and feel everything consciously, take deep breaths when a thought comes up, breath it out and come back to the now. I recommand you to watch a few videos from Eckhart Tolle, he use to be so quiet and profound, it may comforts you.. I hope.. Remember, every "bad" experience can make you grow a lot.. Maybe in a few days, you can look at it closely and find out how it can help you.. But for the moment take care of yourself.. Wish you the best

I also change my habits from time to time, even little thinks (like drinking black coffee instead of white, go ten minutes earlier to work..) seem to widen one's horizon, right?

Yes I think so.. and you too it seems, because you give you also the answer: you will never become as good as your idealized pictures of a sort of super man.. TIt's the same loosing game as if you let your mind tell you some tradegies, catastrophes: you have no chance to win, because a part of your mind/ego cannot win against the other part. So I find if you stick to this way, you will always encounter a better, a reacher, a smarter picture of someone who you are not but would like to be.. What a waste of time Wake up from this dream. It isn't life. There are a lot of opportunities to stop to pay attention to those thoughts: meditation to "clean up" your head from this structure (indeed it's just a structure you've built) focus on the nature or empathize (without comparing) with other volks stop criticize (yourself and others) Paulo Coelho wrote once in a book, each time he remarked he was criticizing himself (it's what you do indirectly when you imagine you should act differently) he hurt himself to get aware of the pain he caused to his soul.. You're not the navel of the world, neither I am nor someone else.. And it frees doesn't it?

@Time Traveler First, you can choose to call it responsibility instead, which is, in my opinion, more objective . See it neutrally, it helps... because you are never the only one responsible, are you? Guilt has much to do with education, religion and it's often used by people who want you to act the way they've decided.. They want to shine like an authority but in fact they aren't.. So one could say, as long as you feel guilty you are the victim and not the doer. When I have this kind of problems, - I sit down and relaxe my mind (e.g. observing my breath until my mind is quiet) - I search it in my body (where is it? What does it feel like? Is it moving?...) - then I look at the problem from differents perspectives, ask questions, Do I feel it all the time? What's the use of it? For me? For the others? do I really have to get rid of it? Or can I acknoledge it because it also heps me to be attentive, if so can I use an other way?... Just stop to be the victim of underlying, unspoken expectations

@Lorenzo Engel Thank you for this, real powerful @Teags Thank you for asking this question, I did it a while ago, unknowing it is called "shadow work" but it fits good. But maybe, you could also ask yourself : what would it mean for you, if nobody gave you a definition? As I meditated including this kind of work, I first gave each emotion a face and a name.. It was useful because that way I could acknowledge each one and speak with him/her directly and further understand better why they "sabotaged" some of my actions.. Hope it may help you.. For me, it seems it's time to practice again, I negliged it the last time but it's a great exercice to practize mindfulness and self inquiery, so , thank you again

@Raquel In my opinion is the word "love" so often misused that it almost needs a definition before speaking about it.. For me it's a state of no thinking, a state of beeing and of absolute acceptance of what is.. I don't know anybody who feels permanently so.. Maybe enlightened people.. Meanwhile you surely can experience it sometimes e.g. by watching at a baby or being aware of the beauty of the nature maybe also by music or other arts.. just the short moment before thinking.. just while you feel happy and one with it.. You know what I mean? And so by a man or a woman too.. as long as you enjoy the person without wanting or expecting anything.. Sure it's not the "normal" vision, right? But if you feel it like this, there's no place for an ego there.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

I agree with you but this is not really personal I think.. so many people tell so..

from the charts..

@Raven_Mike Perhaps you think too much and don't live enough???

@Taurus i slightly disagree with @Mal when he/she says: because it's possibly the reason why so many people look for answer outside: they hope maybe one day they will be able to find a solution when... or if... In my point of view nobody has to become someone just look deep and honestly.. You already have all the answers within you and if you observe your problems quietly from every side until you reach the core, you get much better answers than anybody else could give you

@SaynotoKlaus the most difficult by meditation is to not expect anything.. Paradoxically it's exactly than that you get the best insides.. Sometimes they also are so low you can easily miss them.. and you have no chance if you're waiting for more. Maybe there's a special dynamic there too, like in other situations: if you don't appreciate little things, always waiting for the big to happen, you'll finally waste your life.. Personally, I normally start my meditations with no intention but just taking this time for me, like doing sports, eating fresh food or taking a daily shower.. It's just a part of a healthy life and sometimes it brings so much more..

@falobma .. in my opinion, It just seems that you have a lot of chains, so to speak, which hinder you to live fully.. Religion, familly, ideas and conceptions from good and bad dictate you what you have to do and what not. Apparently you want to behave like some of them and avoid the rest.. But it's well known that everything you want to avoid makes it even stronger.. Perhaps it's the moment to truly encounter yourself, through meditation and self inquiry and accept what is..