@Nahm First of all I have no words to say thanks to you. Thank you for giving me so much of your time. Everything that you said above makes complete sense and I've read a few times to understand (my confused mind, blurry screen(i believe because of my constant thinking and wandering eyes on the screen aimlessly). I really appreciate and I believe its a sign i got to know about your post and I wrote here.
I know meditation is not a way to accomplish something. I've read a lot about its positive and calming effects on mind and that it helps you concentrate better.
I am sleeping in the morning these days as we are fasting this whole month so I stay up all night and then sleep in the morning. So before going to bed I tried meditation as you suggested and same thing happened, RLS in my right leg and it was so intense that I couldn’t continue. Then I woke up at 12pm and I did meditation right after waking up and did it for 15 minutes and there was no RLS at all. I felt good. I tried to concentration on breathing and hearing but I couldn’t get a gist on the feeling thing.
Whenever I tried meditation before, all my concentration was on my breath and not on the thoughts, today I felt the pressure, there are a lot of thoughts coming and going even if I pay attention to my breathing only.
I am sorry but after all your explanation I fail to understand the “feeling” part. I still need to read the answer again to understand it better. But my question is if I am concentrating on my breathing and hearing, how can I concentrate on my feeling? What actually is my feeling? For example I had a small pedestal fan in front of me when I was meditating in the morning and it was throwing fresh and cool morning air from outside, and I was feeling good, fresh, and a bit cold. So I was feeling the air and whatever it was making me feel. So, this is what I am supposed to feel? Or the “feeling” part is totally internal? If this is internal then there are thoughts continuously coming in like flies and I was letting go of them and I did really well. Please help me understand the feeling part.
The situation I am currently in, I have to depend on my family for food and other needs. I love to eat raw and fresh but I can’t as I don’t have any money to spend on my own. But once things will start to get better as I am constantly trying, I will acquire a very healthy lifestyle I know.
I love yoga and physical exercise but I am not consistent with it. One day I will do it with full enthusiasm and the next few days I’ll be like, I can’t do that, I can’t move my body that much, etc.
Sometimes I feel a craving for yoga and stretches. I want to stretch my body to its full and do complicated yoga steps and I try too.
2 months ago, I watched a few videos of an Indian guru, according to him, he sleeps for 3 to 4 hours and it is doable by sitting right and eating healthy raw food. By sitting right, he means in the right posture to minimize tension in the body and keeping the body at ease. I started sitting that way, and it dramatically affected me. I felt less stress, less tired while sitting, and I felt good. I started sleeping less than I usually do and I was waking up fresh. That was the time when I was doing yoga daily for some time, but I don’t know what happened, my back started to ache very bad. May be it was a wrong yoga move or what. I started sleeping more sometimes 12 hours, I felt less energetic. Those initial few days were good when I was doing yoga and could sit with my back straight, but after that backache problem I couldn’t even sit for long.
Now, my back is normal again. I am able to sit and keep it straight but I feel it hard to stand up and do exercise or yoga. These might be useless details but I thought I should share. I love aerobics too but right now I feel hard to stand up and move. Because of fasting I am losing extra fat from my body, which was barely there. I started getting little abs things and I quite like it but I am not able to continue despite loving all this a lot. I know it sounds like a lame excuse, laziness, maybe. But in reality, my mind is always occupied. I’ve always felt a dense cloud inside my head which feels like a volcano that is about to explode. This is the reason I can’t read something and words seem dancing, I know I don’t have any such condition, I know I was not like this. Even now it’s 6:50pm and I am not feeling that rush inside my head and I can read clearly. Words are not dancing and I understand what I am reading. Though I still need to read again to understand everything. I don’t know why I take time to understand things, I was never like this. Maybe over thinking has made me like this.
I am thinking about stopping all the “work” and work related thoughts. I want to work on my mind, myself, my betterment. Do you think it would be a good idea to give a few days to myself only? And if it is, then what should I do? Meditate only? I love to read books but the same problem of blurry vision/ dancing words.. Explained above.
I am sorry if i drifted in writing. I can't get my mind to focus on a point or a thought. I know I will with meditation. I am hopeful.
Once Again.. Thank you
