yolosmoothie

@peanutspathtotruth Cool, me too It is always so nice to give it a listen when I'm tired of seeking.

https://youtu.be/liEEHD-4vZc

@PurpleTree Haha yes, all can share. Do you know what makes you physically attracted to someone?

Maybe I need to be red-pilled, or black-pilled. Maybe I'm just a beta chode ?

Lol ?

Cool, thanks for sharing. This was a great read.

I also went out with John to a bar and a club in Budapest 6 years ago. I definitely got the sense that he embodies what he's teaching. The way he flowed and brought good vibes in the social domain was great to watch and experience. And no doubt that he was good with women, at least from my perspective.

@knakoo planning on doing his 6 week pre-recorded course on social heartistry. It will be a challenge to put aside my pickup lenses, and open myself to living a different a paradigm. But I like it, sounds like a cool exploration.

His work is quite mindblowing, especially for me since I invested significant effort into doing pickup. Pickup was the lens trough which I perceived myself and other people in social situations. His work goes meta on the pickup system and questions it's core assumptions. It is intellectually stimulating and insightful stuff, but requires radical open-mindedness from pickup enthusiasts. I think it fits great with the values and topics discussed on actualized.org

Yeah that's how it goes when you starts ? Good job for taking courageous action Reminds me of my first approaches. My mind would go blank as if I forgot all my conversation skills. My body would tense up and my heart contract. My legs, hands and voice felt shaky. Fight, freeze, flight response. My unconscious programs started becoming more salient. Programs like 'I'm not safe' and 'I'm unworthy'. By approaching a lot my social confidence (especially with women) increased significantly, but I still often feel insecure and socially anxious. I don't think approaching alone will be enough to heal insecurity and social anxiety, as long as there are unconscious deficiency stories believed and unhealed emotional pain stuck in the body. But, talking with attractive girls, will definitely shine a light on your unhealed parts, which gives you the opportunity to work with it.

Wow ❤️

I don't want to see you as means to an end, something to use for my own benefit. I want to see you as the unique manifestation you are. Beautiful in your unique way. Worthy of love. Loved ❤️

I can just speak from my own experience. But for me when coming from fear and scarcity the focus becomes taking (getting validation, getting sex, closing, etc.). When coming from love, the focus is what can I give and co-create.

@SQAAD Also an option is to own it. Accept your stutter, if you can solve it fine, do that, but for now you don't have to let your stutter make you feel less worthy. You can inquire into what you believe and feel about your stutter. Do you feel embarrassed about it? Do you believe that it makes you less in the woman's eye? How would you feel about a girl who stuttered like you? Is it a big deal, or maybe you could just love her anyway. If you feel comfortable with your stutter, others wont mind. And if they do, then they are probably struggling with their own demons and it's not really about you. Obviously I still get that it can make socializing more difficult, but it doesn't have to stop you.

Haha that's so cute you guys. Thank you for sharing the love

Haha ?

the last video is best to start with since it is a very brief summary.

I have come across this really interesting paradigm called social heartistry created created by John Cooper. He used to work as a dating coach for the natural lifestyles. But he felt that there was something unhealthy about even 'natural game'. He tries to provide a different framework for men to improve their dating lives that has different foundations than pickup. The foundations of pickup rests on the primary intention of taking/acquiring, rather than unconditional giving (taking numbers, taking validation, taking sex, taking her home, etc. Even when giving value it is conditional giving because within the pickup frame it is used as a strategy to get something from the girl). Working, rather than playing in the present with no strategy or expectation (working for an outcome in the future. Even if you are having fun that is used as a strategy to get the outcome you want of getting laid). Feeling hole, rather than feeling whole. Like pack-man people in game go out on the hunt for women in order to acquire the missing piece of the pie (the girl) to temporary make them feel complete. When coming from a place of lack like this, you will be inherently very needy. Therefore, pickup comes up with strategies to try to cover up the needy smell like push-pull, alpha-male behavior, cocky-funny, disqualification, qualifying, time-constraint, etc. The idea of social heartistry is that a man who feels whole, is on his purpose in life (girls are the secondary priority), embodies unconditional giving and play, will naturally attract women naturally like planets gravitate towards the sun. He just shines his light on everyone, and some people will love it and others will prefer to step into the shade. No matter how girls react to him, he keeps shining his light like the sun on everyone. You could see it as black hole energy (hunting for women to make you feel complete) vs sun energy. Of course, when the foundations of unconditional giving, play and autonomy is established, one needs to project their desire to women, take masculine action and learn emotional intelligence. However, it will be coming from a place of co-creation, flow, empathy, connection, love, rather than fear, control, force, selfishness. I'm just outlining some of the ideas of social heartistry, but I don't know if this paradigm is a realistic solution for many guys struggling very much with girls. Since it is very difficult to let go of how we have been conditioned, especially for guys who have invested a lot into pickup. Social heartistry tries to integrate the feminine and masculine aspect of you, while pickup focuses primarily on the masculine. A danger with social heartistry is that you can use it as a way to shy away from taking masculine action with women where you express your sexual desire and pull the trigger. I'm critiquing the pickup frame now, but it helped me a lot some years ago. Due to pickup I did around a 1000 approaches, mostly daytime, gained a lot more romantic and sexual experience, improved my skills, and worked with many limiting beliefs and insecurities. I did this for almost a year, and then had 2 years of spirituality as my main focus in life. At times I got quite obsessed with spirituality at the cost of other aspects of my life. I also did have many awakenings on 5meo and LSD during this period. It deeply changed me, my values and how I want to show up in the world. Now that I feel the urge to further explore romantic and sexual experiences again, I find that listening to pickup content or taking on that perspective doesn't feel right for me and makes me feel a lot of internal dissonance. It just doesn't resonate like it used to. I want to find a way to be with women that embodies love and wholeness and I suspect that I won't find that within the pickup paradigm.

@m0hsen I realized this by inquiring into the contractions like I learned from Scott Kiloby. First I feel into the contraction. Then I can inquiry by f.ex. asking who or what is this about and then just wait to see if any images or words come up in my mind. Then maybe what will come up is I hate my dad. Then I will purposely think the opposite, I love my dad, to bring up the resistance. The resisting thoughts that comes up are then just observed neutrally until they dissipate. I'll just repeat this until I can think I love my dad without resisting thoughts coming up. And I can notice as I am going trough this process how the contraction changes as the hidden stories are brought up and released trough observing it. And often also this process releases feelings. F.ex. the thought I hate my dad may release anger, which is then felt and observed until it dissolves like the thoughts. This is just one example of how to do it. I'm just getting started with this myself. So, if you're interested in this, I recommend you check out Scott Kiloby's channel to learn more

I have personally experienced myself having intense contractions in my body, especially heart area and stomach. And I couldn't find any emotional quality or stories connected to it for a long time, it just felt like random pain. But that's because the stories and emotions wouldn't present themselves to me by simply feeling it or resting as awareness because they were repressed. By inquiring into the reoccurring body contractions, I realized that these contractions where to a large degree the manifestation of unconscious deficiency stories about myself (I am incapable, I am unworthy, etc.) and repressed emotions

You could also check out Scott Kiloby. He has some very interesting tools for working with chronic pain. And he suggests that a lot of chronic pain is actually caused by unconscious repressed emotions and beliefs that can be seen and released trough inquiry. This is how he claims he healed himself from severe chronic pain in his spine. Shinzen Young also has some good Vipassana techniques for dealing with pain. You could get his audio book called natural pain relief or something like that. He claims that as long as sensory clarity, concentration and equanimity is strong enough, there will be no suffering regardless of the intensity of the pain, right up the fainting point. Also as one goes into the pain it can break up into a flow pattern rather than being dense, then it feels like the pain is massaging and purifying you. Good luck!

How to remain disciplined and act responsibly when I experientially see that I have no free will? I notice that being aware of the lack of a separate self that is a chooser/controller is often used to rationalize laziness. Thanks for all the value you're providing

I notice that becoming more conscious and engaging in spirituality makes me in some ways feel lonely and misunderstood. Although, I can connect to people and make friends, I feel lonely because I can't share my deepest passion in a meaningful way with almost all people I meet. What I really care about is investigating the core root of most suffering, non-duality, psychedelics and investigating existential truth. It's not like I can just sit down with someone at a party and start telling them that who they think they are is a complete illusion, that death could be an illusion, that time doesn't exist, etc. So, therefore I would love to connect with people from this forum in person in order to discuss such topics, learn from each other and support each other on our journeys of becoming more conscious. If any people in Netherlands want to meet up, let me know I live in Amsterdam.

@Psychventure haha yeah it's a grey zone. Just trying not to disturb the neighbors with psychedelic throat singing ? @General 2 sure, feel free to dm me I haven't learned Dutch, but as you say their English is great. I'm studying though, but I have heard that on the job market it's a lot easier to succeed if you know some dutch.

moved from Norway