DizIzMikey

ab·stract adjective abˈstrakt,ˈabˌstrakt/ 1. existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence. "abstract concepts such as love or beauty" synonyms:theoretical, conceptual, notional, intellectual, metaphysical, ideal, philosophical,academic; rareideational "abstract concepts" I drop a book onto the floor Gravity has a concrete physical existence because I can physically drop a book on the floor and say it is gravity It is no longer a force within my mind, but brought out into the real world. However concrete would be something that is accepted by everyone? But concrete is con·crete ˈkänˌkrēt,ˌkänˈkrēt/ adjective 1. existing in a material or physical form; real or solid; not abstract. "concrete objects like stones" synonyms:solid, material, real, physical, tangible, palpable, substantial, visible, existing "concrete objects" When a book drops to the ground and we call it gravity, and if its possible to convince the whole world that it is gravity... is it gravity? I have come to the conclusion that even if the whole world would accept it, it doesn't make it true because It would still be a belief...it wouldn't be concrete... it would be a fading thought so gravity is still an abstract symbol But if it is so abstract how come we can come to an agreement of an abstract symbol? Persuasion, Convincing? ... Well indoctrination but without the religion, and in fact ideas like gravity do have a religious following and vocabulary.com needs to update there definition of of indoctrination .. totally inaccurate to say that certain religions don't let you question or criticize them, when you do it just comes with hefty penalties it seems. Anyways back to the point... So simply every belief or thought and image is questionable How mind bending, why even have any beliefs at all????? To have no beliefs or thoughts would to be mindless I have concluded that the only way to reach PERHAPS any kind of "Truth" would be to meditate and find silence within meditating. Everything is questionable ... pretty freaky, I don't like this at all

I am shy in groups - I have been shy in groups and people have laughed at me because I'm not worthy and they hate me, but that's all in my head... I don't know truly if everyone hates me, evidently some people like me it seemed, plenty of chicks have shown interest, and that's fine with me, but umm.. I don't know how to function with a female, because well my wife made me feel guilty for looking at other women, but when in fact it is not an unhealthy thing to do..to look at other women because it relieves some of the stress from not looking, but when you look at another women, it is beautiful because you feel better than you do feel worse, so I shouldn't feel guilty for looking at other women because there is nothing wrong with looking, just as long as I don't touch because that's when my wife will possibly cut my dick off, and I don't want that, right now I had a healthy laugh that I perceived...perhaps you should laugh more like that. So I'm shy because I don't want my wife feeling inadequate, but at the same time I feel inadequate in flirting because I haven't done it in ages, so how do you talk to a women?... I don't know how to talk to women friendly, perhaps I should make "ugly" women friends in order to get over the hump of this instead of trying to search for hot friends because that will evidently lead to sexual attraction, I need to find an ugly girl to make friends with so my wife isn't set off? This is totally abusrd, because if a women is confident in herself she shouldn't have to watch a mans every move, but if one has suspicions of one cheating they should indefinitely question that, and find out whether they are or not because it means they can choose to be free of the relationship or move on, because if the two had an agreement, that agreement should be honored. Anyways.. I'm shy because my wife gets really jealous of me looking at anyone else, she flips the fuck out like no one I've ever seen.. it was quite ridiculous how my wife got pissed when I was starring at another women, and man was it a horrible experience....I think I should be able to make anyone I want as a friend, and her not be so insecure about it, but that will take some personal development training for her to see, because I have found that every problem that is created by myself, is created from within my mind, so I shouldn't take what my mind says so seriously, and if I do have suspicions of someone cheating, than I need to do an IGGY and involve cameras to see what they are doing, because if it is a healthy suspicion than it should be further investigated, meaning.. healthy as in.....you shouldn't OVERLY flip out over anyone or anything, but maybe just a bit so it's healthy... Anyways... I'm shy also because of my past... I was never accepted by anyone or anything, or at least I perceived it that way. People in school use to bully me because I was different, and they never accepted me really for who I am, because kids raised back in my days I guess weren't taught how to deal with their emotions, and how to grow up and be healthy.. they were either ignored or taught wrong values that fucked them up, so when they have problems at school...they have problems at home, and if they don't have problems at home, they have problems at school because the ones who have problems at home bring there problems to school... So the basis of shyness is at home, the problem always starts at home, but now since it was a huge problem at homes for the longest period of time the schools have been infected like a plague or virus, and both schools and homes have to equally be cleansed in order for a healthy society to exist. In conclusion shyness started at homes, than the infection spread to schools which are like a plague that wont go away at schools because of the pass on from homes in the beginning. I am shy in groups - Arbitrary symbols

@99th_monkey and who is all this a problem for? Who knows... that's why we do self development work I could get technical but I'd rather not Neve rmind Whoever makes it a problem for themselves You see, it isn't a problem until you make it a problem, but that's like saying... Hey... We're feeding people massively horrible heart disease causing food to everyone, so lets have everyone else worry about it, because I don't need to worry about it, which you do not, rather.. maybe do something about it.

@99th_monkey Well yes a worthy endeavor, to prove whether a concept is or not is a daunting task And it's worthy for the sake of others and for myself, but yes... that is pretty much the basis of what I'm doing It is good to question everything because perhaps it will lead to peace of mind, until i can get rid of my mind Also.. when I write this out, it helps me dearly Hopefully it helps someone out there as well Nonetheless the conclusion thus far for me is every thought is an abstract symbol that cannot be proven to be the thing it is, UNTIL it is proven that it is or is not, and even if it is "PROVEN" AKA universally accepted, it is still subject to questioning.. which is pretty freaky eerie. Like even being enlightened whatever that may be, is still questionable because.. how do you really know you are enlightened? What if it is an accepted lie? ....... After all, before the Aztec population thought it was acceptable to cut out hearts, and that was plenty of people, what if enlightenment is a modern mind control technique invented to create a submissive populace?

GOD What is GOD? GOD the word is composed of abstract symbols, an idea IDEA OF ME What is Me? Me is an idea or thought ... Michael is arbitrary symbols .. I have been thinking that I am a thought The blackness that I stare at when I close eyes is me, but that cannot be me because it hasn't been concrete for me or proven to myself that that is me..... I am groundless of who I am... I don't know who I am... saddening depressive I don't know how not knowing who you are isn't emotionally disturbing, because for me.. it totally ruffles my feathers that I DONT KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM!!! lololol

THE EXTERNAL WORLD The external world is a thought or an idea until you experience it, pretty odd to think about that.. it saddens me that I cannot prove the external world exists when I close my eyes.... it is like it isn't there until I open my eyes .. makes me panic a bit, but it doesn't mean it is not there, It just means I can't prove its there until I see its there, and that goes for everything else including my loved ones, which hurts, but nonetheless I don't know if they exist or do not because they tell me of the experiences that they had, as if they lived it So it is a possibility that we all exist as individuals from my current understanding, maybe we are all "god" having multiple experiences.. this seems to make sense, however again this only a theory and nothing that can be proved which is a bit frustrating. So in conclusion the external world when I close is my eyes is only a theory But as well... it is still a possibility that they do exist in a different "timeframe" as well However both are theories until I know otherwise But it is comforting that at least it is a theory they exist with or without me potentially I'd like to prove the theory that they do exist while I'm over here but that's way beyond me as of right now I need to heal myself. VERY INTERESTING THOUGH

@99th_monkey The things my mind makes up with symbols

@DizIzMikey Btw I have seen some results, I even get more kills in video games while I'm meditating on awareness Much more pleasant and peaceful, still kinda hellish at the moment.. I think all that is needed is more awareness training, like Leo said it's like lifting weights.. todays my day off and fuck.. I can't even concentrate worth a shit yet on shit due to my shit awareness and horrible fucking thoughts that still haunt me while I'm playing video games so.. back to the meditation where it is most peaceful. Thankfully my mind is accepting that it doesn't know shit, thoughts are just concepts and are beginning to feel like sensations, most of them anyways for a time while I'm meditating with eyes closed, now the trick is to do so while I'm active On that note.. GOING TO GO DO JUST DO THAT!... AWARENESS MEDITATION HERE I COME!

@Leo Gura I challenge ye to a duel in Chivalry:Medieval Warfare the PC video game! 1 DUEL TO RULE THEM ALL! Let us pit our minds together and see which one dominates the battlefield! ARRRR! If we were your children? How would you feel about us? And... please don't shut down the forums Time to go meditate a little bit downstairs, hot as hell upstairs so had to come down here

So technically... if God is self aware And God is almighty Than god decides when we become self aware.... It's not something you take its given So .... I gotta not search for anything when I meditate and let it be, well... at least it's one less thing to worry about now. Seriously though... wow..

Can you please tell me what you see when you see this symbol !

I'll go first.... not I ! *wink*wink* And have you noticed.. Most people on here have a strong self agenda!? Or help others to help themselves in their conviction.. eh eh eh! Why god.. why did you give me big ambitions but such a chimp brain...those 2 do not fucking mix... i was better off a sheep..talk about divine comedy. Lololololol

Intro: My name is Micheal, I suffer from an "illness" that has led me to write this personal journal. You may ask why write a journal and share it, well I have come to a point in my life where I am confronting my own inner thoughts. With this Journal I am opening up my thoughts after thoughts and how thoughts can take over ones mind, ones life, and personal goals. I am humbling my self to you universe, so please read. "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."-Mark Twain The only reason this world is shit is because of people like grandpa, grandpa is the most selfish person I have met on this earth, and he cares for no one but himself because he is alone, no one wants to follow grandpa because he is really evil, that's why all his children left. He really doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, and everything he is doing I have no doubt he will pay for everything he is doing like he is now. That man.. is sick in the head and needs psychological help. His words are poison, and everything he does is poison. I'm not moving out though... because that wont work with me, he is not chasing me out like he did aunt hope, he'll have to die first before I move out because I am younger and more healthy and more centered than him. This guy.. I am almost convinced is an asshole, and he needs psychological help, and I think uncle victor has been brainwashed by his dad that's why he is so loyal to someone so dysfunctional, either that or he has higher understanding but I fucking doubt that highly, this house is fucking nuts as fuck, this house is sick as fuck, these people are fucking crazy, and Leo is the sanest person I've met thus far, This house is deluded as fuck, These people are fucking nuts... this life supposedly is a story but god damn if it isnt a shit story with a crazy man trying to plant seeds in peoples heads Thoughts can really take over if you let them....

@Natasha lol IMO I'm going for the individuality I don't think I'm ready for the dream to end just yet.. What I'm going to do is work on the basics of self help and chill off enlightenment a bit... Also going to attempt to create a basic plan for life using discipline As ..I'm pretty lawless in my beliefs which is interesting So discipline works just right for me Oh.. off topic.. NAAAAH So thank you for your opinion it was very appreciated Natasha

@Mal okie

@Natasha yes but are we not at the same time individuals? Because if not, I'm going to start to feel really lonely lol

@Mal Tell me Mal, what are you simtaneously experiencing? I see my hands and a white car What do you see?

Anyone ever have sleep Paralysis and than have a demonic voice speak to you? Didn't imagine it either my eyes were wide open at least that's what I remember perceiving. Mine said hell is waiting for you I think at the end I tried not to fear it the best that I could This voice also... was more freakier than any auto tune voice as well.. constantly talking shit in my head like it was expressing doubt, and it wasn't my voice that I usually hear in my head. Anyone know about this sleep Paralysis demon theory?

@Piotr I still think god gives you what you need in time, and that means if I put in the effort to find him, he will reveal himself to himself. That's how I see it as of now, correct me if I'm wrong.

@Falk Beautifully said, don't even feel like responding with a smart ass remark Wait.. was smart ass a smart ass remark? =) hehe Thank you so much for that insight <3

So if I were to look at my life, it's been pretty shifty So.. is it possible that God does not like me?like since there is no free will? He does not want me? Very disturbing indeed but something I thought about when I saw the chemical burn scene from fight Club. Anyways I'm going to meditate and well hopefully gain some understanding Maybe there is something I don't know that God knows so.. I'll uhh..keep meditating Writing this has helped me out

@Friend yeah but it somehow disappears than comes back.... disappears comes back Gonna go meditate thanks

You can thank me later for exposing those I respond to those who have strong shadows, those who respond to me with a strong shadow, or I respond with a strong shadow aka ego probably have a lot of work to do on themselves Thank you friend and arik for the realization that people that respond with vulgar insults are more than likely needing to work towards destroying there own egos I'll be the devil tempting those to expose those assholes.. just like myself Ok since many of you are probably annoyed (which I couldn't give a fuck about) I'm going to go meditate some more

@charlie2dogs Oh.. well my concept of sheep just went out the door for me, so I don't think that. What was Charlie doing with 2 dogs? Bad bad Charlie! Ever seen that popular youtube where Charlie bites another baby? You "should" if you havent it'll stimulate that beautiful god given mind you have.

That and I decided this would be my clever smart ass response thread, sorry that you weren't aware of that. I guess I'm just a natural dick No worries, that'll disappear I hope soon Yesterday I broke up with my wife, not that anyone gives a flying fuck probably so that could explain some of the perceived cowardice or.. God that guys is such a fucking asshole! We are back in our dysfunctional relationship Gonna work on it though