DizIzMikey

He is helping the world in his own way? You should be flaming at the people who sit and watch tv all day as a lifestyle, hell I wouldnt be surprised if Leo has sparked great minds for our generation to lead to less suffering, in the end supposedly enlightment brings that. If you cannot help yourself, you are in no position to help anyone else.

Depending on whether you believe someone is enligthened or not I think, is how you will get your answer.

So I was meditating upstairs by myself...and, about 1 hour and 30 minutes into the meditation I used this affirmation... Why Is A Thought True? I think...My ego flipped the fuck out, like...it didn't want to die..I started to look for myself because every thought faded. My ego started to tell me all I needed to do was study to find out who I am. I don't know whether that's true or not, but it convinced me at the time that this is what I needed to do, every thought faded into the oblivion and I was scared, I was whimpering like a baby having an emotional reaction, because I couldn't find myself. My ego I think also went into overdrive when I came down stairs with my family It said the nastiest shit about my daughter my step son and my wife. It was hard to hear this because it was the nastiest shit I've ever heard, I think. I get really really mad and I have a deep tone voice with my family, I don't flip out on them the best I can, What is this? What is happening? Sometimes when I do this I feel like I'm going to die but I'm not sure. I try to ground myself with the sayings "I don't know" "As above so below" Right now at this moment...I feel like rapping, and agressively..I want to hurt someone... I think I might be going crazy I don't know, but it is scary as shit The only satisfaction I get is when I tell someone what to do I think... I don't like this at all, I've always thought I was an individual my whole life. Any advice?

@Keyblade Viking Wow that makes me wonder... big time.. that's a trip...that movie sounds like a total trip, thank you for that experience. All my insecurities, everything like that isn't me.

@Neo Maybe I'll try.. Why Am I A Thought?

@Ayla Lmao.. it sure as hell doesn't want to be fired from it lmao..omg that was too funny.

@WelcometoReality That makes a lot of sense, thank you. Will poke the hell out of myself when I get the chance for some meditation time lol .. it was.. Why Is A Thought True? That made me flip...couldn't find the answer.

I have a hard time apologizing, I don't think I really did anything wrong, but I might give it a try tomorrow and see if it helps. I am taking a break until Tuesday, not from meditating but from work, was taking this Soy-lent 2.0 and somehow I forgot to drink enough water lolol I'm like... sitting here looking at video games rapping on Steam, too funny how ego is reacting....anyways Thank you dude, you are awesome.

Okie dokie! Glad to hear it from you if anyone, next time I get time alone without the family I'll be in a room alone for quite awhile hopefully doing this. Until than I guess I'll be doing do nothing meditation since you can do walking meditation with it. TYVM

@Leo Gura Life-flow is another option, I'm going to meditate with both than compare.

@Ayla Hmm..well I realized I want to stay away from pain for awhile and meditate away from it because...uhh... I'm going to die I think if I keep stressing myself out lmao, so it's walking meditation, studying nutrition, learning how to work out and fight at the same time, and writing rhymes for me for about a month, than see how i feel after that. HOPE THIS WORKS!

I would like to see this as well, raising a mindful child.

Ok I checked out the demo for the Holysync by the way, I'm not sure if it's a placebo, but I do feel more focused, and a bit less stressed. When I get paid again I'm getting it, unless something other than Holsync is better now a days. Thanks Brandie

@Arman lmao

Well... I think it is a possibility that someone in the world with a high enough consciousness or awareness is able to possibly read my mind if they so choose, I however can't prove it, so maybe I'm just being paranoid, but...I've had some really abnormal paranormal experiences in my life where it makes me always question if it is possible, and I think it is.

@Brandie I will attempt walking meditation, but I'm afraid people know what I'm thinking and I don't want to hurt anyone. Utterly paranoid am I, but I can't rule out the chance of someone with a higher consciousness not being able to do that, I suppose.

Thank you master!...I mean..Leo

Like... if you are awakened.. than you know of me than since you are one with everything? Correct or not?

Holosync it is! One for all and one for all! Research time Leo... do you recommend the do nothing meditation with holosync? In fact... I have been thinking of do nothing meditation as I walk everywhere by letting my mind go but uhh.. it can get real ugly when I'm around other people.

Been doing it... I've been torn I don't know how many times. ...I'm not mad already? I thought I lost my mind a long time ago! =) Living in the two worlds thing sucks though, wife isn't doing shit for herself, and my step son is one cocky guy with a big ego who thinks he knows it all, very very annoying. Here I go down the rabbit hole!

Well I've been contemplating for most of life, and that sucks...I hate it, and NOW...I think I have the balls to finally do what I was set out to do in this life. I'm going to freaking make video games, and that's great for me. I was thinking of rapping before but than I realized, now that I don't have that pressure of personal image due to me still having a big huge ass ego(I THINK), I can be freely whoever I want to be without worrying so much about what people think of me, it is the biggest relief I have ever felt in quite awhile(I THINK) I am still deciding whether or not I will be using GameMaker:Studio or Unity as they look like the two top contenders as of now, but I still have a lot of research to do in order to find out which game engine I will be using. I have two options 1. Go with GameMaker:Studio and make a game fast because of the convenience of the code language being simplified for users who don't know anything about programming(LIKE ME) 2. Go with Unity for the long run and learn C# or whatever language it uses, suffer financially longer, but gain real life skills due to me learning the coding language that can serve me in real life, because that's what I heard it can do. As well.. Unity is a big gaming engine that is used worldwide by major companies Well uhh..now that I write it out, I think the logical thing for me to do is go with Unity for the long run...Amazing how writing something out can put things into perspective! lol But the truth is I still need to analyze all the game engines and specifically see what will work, I know now the game engine I use to make games will be major due to it helping me be successful in the area I wish to work in...MAKING VIDEO GAMES! However... I have this unhealthy fear for working for someone else and failing them, probably because of the trigger of failure, I am associating it with my Grandpa, when I was younger he really got pissed off when I didn't do something write and it fucked with my head till this day. That's one thing I need to get over because that asshole(SORRY GRANDPA) damaged me in ways he was is even unaware of. Anyhow... no point in crying over it now(I THINK) I need to do some serious childhood therapy with my therapist and that's what I'll do to see if it eventually heals the wound or takes it away...however I don't think it will be healed until I kill my ego completely, the only thing is that now that I have a career goal I am afraid my ego will grow to an even more unhealthy amount, but alas I have this belief.. AS ABOVE SO BELOW Heaven ordains everything, and if that is so, than anything on earth is acceptable... so it helps me cope with shit Well time to go study, and thanks for anyone who read any of this because sometimes, I think it's nice to be heard when you've never been heard. See you soon(I THINK) =)

A lot of famous people get nose jobs too, they got the whole world on their ass...so hope this makes you feel better maybe to think you don't have it that bad, and if all is one...than every part of you that you have on yourself is real, nothing is fake, because all is a part of you.

That's...actually a really good idea, thank you. I shouldn't be so certain though! Jokes aside, writing that in my plan to remind myself that it is possible that they may be helped, by helping myself.

So from my understanding, instead of learning anything more that will add to my knowledge graph, I have to destroy it in order to reach a higher state of consciousness? I so wish I could go in a cave and meditate for 10 years or something to reach a higher state faster...but alas I have a family and obligations. My wife is needy and needs my attention and care, she is so dependent on me...I go upstairs in a room to meditate, but she gives me that sad face like... I don't want to be alone right now, and I can't but help feel guilty because I feel like I'm abandoning here when I go to meditate for about an hour or so. I feel like she is not able to stand on her own two feet and I have to be her superman and try to repair her by making her nutritional shakes, giving her vitamins because without me giving her the vitamins SHE WONT TAKE THEM. Shit even water sometimes I hand it to her for her health and it feels like I'm taking care of three infants sometimes, but I don't know I have like some sort of loyal dog syndrome, of course when I was down and out(which I still kinda am) she was there to take care of me, so regardless I will not abandon her and I will simultaneously take care of my needs and hers as much as I can, however she takes me for granted sometimes, either that or she is so unhappy with her state of being and where she is at in life, that sometimes she tries to take it out on me, but I guess, with such a terminal illness you wouldn't be the happiest person in life. I really want to see her at her prime, and succeed in life, I want her to be happy and alive again. Of course this isn't the full picture, just a glimpse of how things are...I don't feel like writing a bible so I'll just leave it as is. Thanks "Mike"?

What do you need?