MarkKol

Today I felt like letting all of this out I'm usually never depressed, in fact I beat depression years ago and haven't felt that bad ever since, normal things like woman, death of loved ones and addiction don't usually effect me as much as they do others. As a kid I didn't give two f*cks about my congnitive abilities and over all function, but now I do. I drown my self in sadness, guilt and shame when I make a mistake, especially if it's a mistake I recently made twice or more times. I Hate being dumb and I look up to characters and people who are extremely smart. I love watching FBI investigations and their insane deductions. I find it hard to be confident in my knowledge and facts even when they are extremely obvious things that I can clearly remember. If I saw a red car outside of my house and you come in asking "hey who's yellow car is that" you'd make me question my existence no problem. It gets even worse when others notice my stupidity and call me up on it. In school I was viewed as the stupidest kid, which is probably what caused my insecurity in the first place, and I wasn't just dumb socially I was dumb on paper, I'd have easier tests than others because my teachers tought that I wasn't as capable as others, I also remember my mom taking me to various speech and conginitve testing institutions as kid, you know those IQ tests that peope usually do online for fun? Yeah I had to do those... but not for fun... it would literally be stuff like... "okay Marko can you build a pyramid shape out of these blocks?" And I'd just look at the examiner with perplexion thinking- "wow... that's what she asked me? they actually think that I'm this stupid" I don't know how and where people get tested for autism, but I'd like to try. In those testing intuitions I was sitting next to obviously disabled children. I never thought about it much, but now as an adult it's coming back to me. I want better memory, better attention, better concentration/focus, more mastery of a specific field to the level where I can lecture others, more money (although not a priority just a basic survival need), and most importantly more creativity, independence and a happier life than everyone else. Of course I'm only stupid compared to other people, I'm smarter than a monkey and that's probably why I'll have a better life than a monkey, I want to have a better life than most humans as well. People like Jordan Peterson claiming that IQ is strongly related to success and jobs really aren't helping, but I guess he's speaking the truth. Even though it's painfull for me to admit it. It's the fucking academics man, they want me dead. If I can just be 10x more creative than everyone else, I wouldn't mind being dumber (as much). When I think "genius" I think "creativity" not "IQ" although it's hard to measure creativity and it's hard to realize when you're actually being creative. From my experience most creative people are crazy, I don't listen to his music but kanye west is a good example. Its a silly goal but if you've seen death note (the series) you'd know of characters L, Light and Near. That's how smart I want to be ? top notch FBI investigator level smart. I usually write stuff like this all the time and delete it without posting because I don't see a point in asking or admitting something like this, but I'll force myself to post this one. Whatever becomes of this thread, it doesnt matter. All I know is that... I think I'm dumb and I want to be smarter. Fourtenetly I'm not ashamed of asking people questions and seeking help, I guess thats something. Sorry for the typos. I won't be reviewing this as I usually do, it's making me feel sick. EDIT: I feel better after writing this, made me take my mind off things

Judging by her looks his spirit didn't come from hell, It came from a manga This is just too Satanic

Niagara falls more like...

@Danioover9000 How real does she seem 0-10, 0 as a dreamy figure standing in the distance, 10 as in a solid figure speaking and sitting next to you

@Michael569 Yeah 1800-2200 should do the job I'd say

18.4

@Danioover9000 Seems like you met a new friend

I was looking at organic food delivery services and noticed "organic" food usually contains a green certification logo on the packaging, I googled it and it seems pretty cool. the food that contains it is usually a lot more expensive compared to food that doesn't have it slapped on the packaging. Can this be trusted? EU Website, by the way... organic food delivery, a life saver.

@mostly harmless Why? Isn't it @mostly harmless food?

I remember reading the suble art of not giving a F, quit halfway through because it bored the shit out of me and I don't usually get bored reading. He doesn't seem to have any big expertise in any specific field besides writing of course. Personally I like reading about people who spent their entire lives trying to understand 1 thing

Probably this https://m.soundcloud.com/saylor-lobbestael/pocket-love I mean... It has love in its name. Summer Prom nostalgia Couldn't find it on youtube but there is an artist who sampled the instrumental

@mostly harmless Thanks for the info I visited Germany a couple of months ago, I mostly saw Bio & Bioland products. Never heard of DEMETER and their certification looks more like a brand logo than a certification lo. Isn't it silly? having to worry about people putting shit in your food in the 21 century? You can't trust anyone because everyone just wants money...

@Carl-Richard is Norwegian, but he's silly

then bullets shall fly instead, kill each other as much as you want while removing the current guns would help immensely, stopping the production and spread of them is so much easier to do. I didn't say anything about removing 400 million guns? although eventually those guns would need to be removed as well. we flew to the fucking moon man, its possible. Look at how the government (plans) to get rid of gas cars, nobody is going to take your car once they're banned... only production will stop. I forgot to mention ammunition, stop producing ammunition along with the guns and the shootings will decrease

Its quite clear that guns shouldn't be sold at all. nobody besides the military & the police should be allowed to possess guns, no gun permits and no self defense bullshit

I personally couldn't give less of a shit about my net worth but I want my company to be worth millions, I'd be happy with 100-150k a year

18* But look 15 Is what I meant, thanks for the advice

Hopefully getting back into shape this summer, this time I want to do it as healthy as I can. I was thinking of getting vegan protein powers, I remember I heard about Vivo life somewhere before. They're expensive but that's also a little comforting to see, maybe is actually something high quality? I'm open to others (healthier or cheaper alternatives) I also want to say, my main motivation is health and reaching normal weight (energy and clear mindedness) but I also want to get in shape because of my young asthetics, It's more about game... I get it but I've never seen a 15 year old kid with a 25 year old woman. Leo talks about how silly it is to desire asthetics, but it's difficult to get girls your age when you look 5 years younger than them, I happen to be attracted to older more mature woman, so that makes it even worse As far as I know there's no healthy way to look older, actually fuck looking older I just want to look my age, and it's not just me, my dad got asked for his ID card at 32 when he was trying to buy cigarettes, just to fucking think that a 32 year old man could be below 18 years old, wow... I got sume fucked genes @Michael569 seems to know what he's talking about.

I discovered the whole Myers Briggs personalities thing a few days ago, and I found it fascinating. Did someone actually say this?

Alright, I'll try them out. I'll use the code and give a review here. I've had some bad experiences with Protein powder but (I think) its mostly because I was using it with milk, I only recently discovered that I'm pretty intolerable of it. Another question completely unrelated to this @Michael569, What do you think about having a 7 day diet plan that I repeat over and over? I was originally thinking of eating the same thing everyday (for the sake of simplicity and time management) but discovered that its not the smartest thing to do, So I decided to stretch it up to 7 days. You thoughts? The purpose of a protein power (for me at least) is to make my diet simpler, Its unrealistic for me to constantly look for new brands and foods to meet my nutritional and caloric needs. I plan on eating these potentially everyday: 4-5 Eggs (per day), lead Chicken, 50-100g Rice/Quinoa, Vegan protein + Bananas. and frozen vegetables (Which I will switch everyday because they're all quite healthy) Just so that I wasn't clear: I plan on eating the foods I listed above everyday just to meet my basic caloric needs. The rest of the food will vary everyday.

Nice

Brother just wait till you hear my story, I also identify as sorta straight, never watched gay porn never watched anything besides Man + woman, it's very clear to me that I'm straight but I also don't find pussies attractive in certain positions like... like from the bottom up, or when a girl is standing up... I just don't find it amusing. But doggy or missionary... man I'm hard as a rock. I don't find dicks attractive BUT I get aroused when I see a tall slim male, wouldn't say that I'd have sex with them but im very attracted to that specific stereotype for some reason. If Hitler was president, we would probably all be dead.

Thanks everyone, I read all your posts. I'll try all of them

I feel gay cuz I'm touching a penis

I used to play Minecraft a lot, I played it for 7 years actually. stopped playing it because of addiction, but I still hold it as the greatest game ever created. It was probably one of the first things in my life that I ever truly loved. I still love it and I hope Mojang succeeds in the future. I remember being borderline bullied for playing it, I was insecure about it back then but now I'd probably be proud to say that I played it for so long. However I never played anything else besides it.