VerballyHazardous

Sometime while meditating, i wonder if i'm reaching inner peace or just falling asleep

It works for me, i guess the genre is too different (i play sandbox/physics based games) All have left to say is "daily repetition" and make sure that you eat the right diet, feel comfortable/peaceful and get enough sleep.

First really familiarize yourself with the rules of the world, then train the instinct of "what to do next", build that muscle memory. After that, intuition will pretty much guide you through out the entire game.

Don't think of your "real" self Don't think of whatever is happening in the "real" world The only thing that exists is the game itself Don't think of what to do next, feel that intuition Immerse yourself within the dream world Establish a flow state, there's only you and the game Delude yourself like God deludes herself

ChecKmaTe, atHeisT

My lonely ass reading this entire thread

Leo Thanos ! Leo Thanos !

These past few days has been quite hard, bad/suicidal thoughts have been coming back. I am in a constant state of dispair, loneliness and shame, acompanied with a need to be cared for. After my last awakening to love, it's clear that i'm living a loveless life, my family doesn't love me, my classmates don't love me, my teachers don't love me and i don't love myself. The porn i watched, the girls i used to obssesed with, how i used to crave for attention, it's just me searching for the love i didn't get. I also opened a lot of traumatic memories, some are about how i was abused, some are about the lack of love my parents gave and are giving me, some are about how people shamed me for being who i am. That leads to toxic emotions/thoughts being manifested. It got so bad that i wanted to inflict serious physcial injuries onto others, aspecially those who "got their life togther". From my perspective, i couldn't handle the thought that some people are enjoying a loving relationship, living the "good life" while i'm over here suffering, feeling lack. Mass murder is also a thought that i noticed was going through my mind. I don't think i would act out any of these actions, but the fact that i even think about it shows that something is wrong. I've already vented these thoughts elsewhere, i wouldn't dare to post them in full form on this forum Extreme loneliness is also a problem. I keep having thoughts that i'm unlovable, stupid, incompetent, useless, ugly, weird, and i'm condemed to living a lonely life (even though God's love shows the exact oposite). Past rejection, people's opinions of me and overall low self estem, self love might be the causes. One more noticable thing is my need for a caring mother/partner and intimate physical touch. Call me weird if you want but everytime i struggle to sleep or feeling sad/lonely, i would imagine a caring, loving mother figure who would hug me, show me compassion and acceptance, who would cuddle with me on bed. It's a very cathartic experience, i cried everytime. That's it, if you know any way to resolve these emotions other than just letting myself feel them (is sort of working), please reply.

Video games can brings you the experience, a book can not. If you want to learn how to drive a car, playing a video game that simulates driving a car can gives you more knowledge, and "real world experience". Opposed to just sitting and reading a book, which can provides practical knowledges but you wouldn't have that experience of driving a car.

@Thewritersunion Doubt it

@andyjohnsonman Ok, maybe that one is true.

@andyjohnsonman I don't think the artist deliberately compared black people to apes.

Alien corpse or i won't believe

Feeling hurt myself

Such an intelligent man.

@Ethan1 Having some problem with loving my "enemies". I like shaming on people who shame on me . It's difficult to love someone who denies my own way of being.

@bejapuskas I think i'm just really turned on by human bodies malfunctioning. All hail dark lord Verballyhazardous.

@UnconsciousHuman I had to sort of look through the eyes of these creatures. See them as though you has been living there your entire life. These creatures when exposed to our reality, would probably feel the same kind terror. Imagine being one of these creatures in a human scociety, have empathy for them for they can't be anything else but themselves. That's all i can tell you given the limitation of language.

@bejapuskas @bejapuskas Maybe this fetish comes from my love for human atonomy, it's kind of like seeing a car demolition derby plus the erotic side. Seeing the human body getting destroyed in specific ways and how it react to it really make my pants feels tight (i don't want to hurt anybody, this is just a wild fantasy) My thirst for physical touch might comes from the lack of love recieved during my childhood. I really want a cuddly girlfriend lol

@UnconsciousHuman Um no, i feel a strange connection to these creatures.

@UnconsciousHuman "Ew, they are erecting their hand penises and waving them around" And yes, i would like to see how it is like to live in this reality.

Remember, no brain

@mmKay My man got cockblocked by God

I think the hentai showed me that i didn't love my body enough (the character was being belittled by her size), so the whole crying thing is just me saying sorry to myself. That also lead to me losing interest in 99℅ of porn, i am officially immune to bobs and vegenes. Regarding guro, i see it as a sexual fetish. Don't go to gurochan, you'd definitely regret it this time (this is not me using reverse psychology, please consider this for your own well being, the entire website is a bad trip) My realization of love made me drop a lot of my judgements toward myself, and that include my "weirdnesses", so no regrets. Depression seemlessly go out of my life ever since, i still experience depressing/suicidal thoughts but that's just me cleansing myself of emotional baggages. My need to touch people is stronger but also tamer after that "awakening", plz cuddle :3 I didn't smile because i was taught that not smiling is cool and macho. Now i know why i was so disfunctional.

@LfcCharlie4 Regarding school, I always cringe when someone come at me with a "It's necessary for you to have a good life". It's astounding the amount of devilry and delusion that happen within the education system at large, and my school specificly. Over here, we judge how good a school is by looking at how well the students score on test. The teachers aren't very "teachery" either, belittling their student combined with vocal/physical abuse. Which lead to mental illnesses and sometime suicide. It's torture watching my classmates wondering through life not even knowing they are being mistreated. Completely backward, the system is. School should be available for free to all people of all ages. School should be available through out the week. Students should be taught differently depent on their SD stage. Students should be able to pick their desirable subject(s), basic math and mother language is mandatory, spirituality is also a must. Sex ed, emotional mastery, critical thinking,... should be taught as well. Not suitable for today's society, it's something i hope we will inch toward.