NatureB

You are right. I wrote this post on my first day back at my job after a really awesome meditation retreat and I was feeling the contrast pretty sharply. I've decided to give Forex trading a go and I have some friends who are already succeeding with this. I will wait until Covid passes hopefully sometime next year, and then I can really travel. Brazil, India, Spain, Africa, here I come. Thanks for the advice guys.

The more I heal my childhood trauma and my relationship with my parents the less needy and insecure I am. I recommend reading The Truth by Neil Strauss because it will give you a beautiful first-hand account of what it is like to work on these issues, and then I recommend reading and doing all of the exercises in Homecoming by John Bradshaw. This is what is helping me. Since I started I have even been having less cravings for coffee, my main addiction. Best of luck to ya.

Do a solo meditation retreat. It has answered a lot of my questions (but given me some better questions too). I am closer to my life purpose because of it, and I feel 2 years more mature.

Thanks for the detailed response @Yarco It's three months of travel, then reassess what I want. To move out of Vegas? To stay and do something different? I did one year of college but it wasn't my thing. I might start thinking about going to electrician school like my brother but that would just be for stability and something to do, like a plan d. You may be right. I feel like this is my impulsive side hijacking my brain at the moment. Fuck, you are right again. I guess knowing for sure would be a good thing though. I like a lot of places on the West Coast, and I can see myself living there. Leo said that if you are in a rut, moving can be a great way to break out of it. I can move for one or two years while developing myself. My mom will always let me move back in anyway so 'failure' isn't even bad. This is way more realistic. I realize now that I can take a more prudent approach. I can start by researching the top 10-12 cities I would like to live in, then visiting them while still working at my job. It isn't as urgent as it felt when I first wrote this post. I think I am going to quit my job anyway though. I don't care for the people and I leave feeling far worse than when I came.

Leonardo was gay and vegetarian actually. He also discovered that the Earth revolved around the Sun before Gallileo but didn't publicize it because basically he had ADD.

((Skip to the bottom to see my tips for you guys)) Why I did the retreat: I felt like more emotions were coming into my awareness than I could heal and integrate. I wanted to process these emotions and take the time to go deeper than usual. Specifically I wanted to heal some resentments towards my mother, look at emotions that have been holding me back from getting into a healthy romantic relationship, etc. What I learned about myself: I have taken on the role of the Hero in my family system, which has caused me to take up more responsibility than I should and which has taken the place in my emotional life where a relationship should go. This is just one more reason why I haven't had a serious relationship in my adult life (currently 24) despite dating many different women. I learned just how badly I want to travel and experience the world. I want to move out of my mom's and survive without the safety net that she is for me. I need to step up and be a man finally. So I want to move out, and since I am moving I might as well move out of state to get a real different experience of life, which I have faith will help me grow and learn about myself. Not to mention force me to make new, better friends than the ones I currently have. My family: My mother has created what family therapists call emotional incest with me. She treated me like her husband because she had dysfunction with her actual husband, my dad. In a moment of compassion I glimpsed how my mom is still hurt from losing her father to cancer. It wasn't her intent to create this dynamic with me, it just happened due to her own trauma and unawareness. I need to heal so that I don't pass these unhealthy dynamics down to my future children and simply for myself. I have a lot of neglectful patterns that I believe I received from my father and I catch myself repeating them with my younger cousins who live with me. Don't want that for them or my own children. My purpose: My purpose has a few different parts. 1A is to heal my childhood trauma, along the lines of John Bradshaw. Heal the guilt that has caused me to take on responsibility in a way that is not authentic to me. Heal my relationship with my mother and father, so that I can put it all behind me. 1B is to travel the U.S. and find where I would like to live next. 2A is to test my hand at becoming a meditation coach. See if I like it and if I do, pursue it. This calling came to me early in the trip and I think there is something there. The other purpose that came to me that I am not sure about is starting activism for a needle exchange here in Las Vegas. What Else? i let go of some long-standing resentments, such as resentment at my cousin Steven who has been dead for 13 years. These things don't just go away on their own, you have to actively let them go. A lot of fear was triggered in me due to being alone at night in a place I was unfamiliar with, and I used the opportunity to let that go. I also was surprised to find a substantial amount of negative emotions surface regarding past romantic involvements that I thought I was 100% over. Lastly, I let go of some shame I received from a high school friend, and I feel much more trusting of the world now. It feels like 2 years have passed. Like I was in the hyperbolic time chamber from DBZ. I don't want to think about where I was headed before this retreat. I feel so much more mindful and conscious. Even if the heightened consciousness fades, I gained some tangible results in the form of written down insights. I know where I want to go with this now and what I will work on for the next 4-12 months. Tips For Anyone Planning A Solo Retreat: Get a cabin. I got a private section of this family's house through AirBnB and I could hear their kids running upstairs and whatnot. Just get a cabin, it will be well worth it. You want to get exercise and sunlight as well to keep you feeling balanced and motivated to keep going, so ideally go for a cabin in the woods. Bring fresh food and cooking equipment. I ate vegan canned soups, trail mix and fruit every day. Stuff for a salad or some pasta would have been nice. Make it easy on yourself too. Next time I am cooking and freezing portions of homemade soup. Even bring a few unhealthy foods to hold you over until you can get back out into the normal world, like dark chocolate or chips. Consider bringing a blender and ready to go smoothie packs. For first timers, consider doing 3 days only. If you have already done a 10-day Vipassana course like I have, start with around 7 days. Of course this is just a recommendation; do whatever you will be comfortable with. I originally planned for 11 full days but dropped the last two because it gets really hard being alone and facing your inner demons. Request ahead of time that the hosts remove all TVs and the coffee machine from the property. This way you won't get tempted to numb yourself with coffee or slack off and watch TV. Make sure the place has a full size fridge. It would be a good idea to bring a few days more food than you really need just to have a lot to choose from. Bring a list of things that you want to work on and read it when meditation isn't providing fresh material. Bring a blow-up mattress in case their mattress sucks. Bring notebooks to write in. Bring 2 or 3 just in case. I wrote about 50 pages for reference.

@soos_mite_ah Thank you for the advice. I have not seen this comment until now but that pretty much sums up the approach that I have taken. Are you able to recommend any books, programs, or live events that helped you aside from therapy? I do have a therapist that I talk to about this stuff as well.

What things have you done to heal and love yourself, and get to a place where you are whole and can have a successful, healthy romantic relationship? I just finished reading The Truth by Neil Strauss. If you ever want to be triggered... READ THAT FUCKING BOOK! Mind = blown. So I have been working on the feeling-place that I enter relationships from since late March of this year. I started by trying to detect and release one negative emotion per day as it relates to dating, and I have had some huge successes with this approach. Yet, this is not enough. I am not progressing fast enough. I am considering doing a retreat or a week-long intensive about relationships. Would you guys recommend any? What has helped you get ready to be in a healthy relationship? What books have influenced you the most?

@Martin123 Have you purchased any of their programs? Or know somebody personally who has? i am looking to do some trauma healing in this area.

I recently read The Truth by Neil Strauss. Based on your post I recommend you buy it now and read it right away. Start looking at your family trauma. Was your father a womanizer? Were you abused emotionally, physically and/or sexually? Were you yelled at and given the message that you don't matter? "If you are healthy, any relationship you get into will be healthy." And if you aren't healthy, your relationships will reflect that. This probably isn't the first time you've had a similar dynamic in your relationships. Even if it seems unique on the surface, this dynamic must have been played out before for you.

I need help figuring this thing out. Leo's LP course wasn't doing it for me to be honest. All I want to do is something significant and that jives with my personality. I don't want to be a musician because, while it would be fun, playing guitar seems pointless to me in the bigger picture. I am not saying that it IS pointless, only that it FEELS pointless to me when I imagine pursuing it seriously. I got inspired by another member's post where he said he wanted to become a meditation coach for Africans. I feel like that would be fun, but not specifically for Africans in my case. I do love meditation, and if I did it for a job that would be entrepreneurial which I like, and it would be fulfilling to me. Maybe I can start doing it for others for free to see how I like it. My current job is pointless to me. I have a love/hate relationship with it and I cycle through different feelings about it. I don't care for my coworkers. In fact, today I was extremely angry at them just for being who they are. That has got to be a side effect of not liking the job! I think that at this point I need to make my own business and figure something out. Stop waiting for people to give me a job that I like, and instead CREATE one. I am also thinking about travelling throughout the U.S. for 3-6 months by myself. I feel like that would give me a more expanded view of myself, what I like and do not like. Plus the personal growth and getting out of this rut I am in are more benefits. I have the money for it in my bank account, which has never been the case before so I may jump and take the opportunity. What life purpose advice has been most helpful for you guys? Do you guys see anything in what I wrote that I am not seeing? Thanks.

My ideal life in 2 years would be this: I wake up and my girlfriend is already gone for the day. I get out of bed, drink a ton of water and do a short stretching routine with my curtains open on my wall-sized windows. I read for an hour and take notes. Then I visualize my life purpose for a few minutes. Work for me is doing research on meditation and consciousness, and teaching people to meditate one on one. Twice per year I go on meditation retreats, whether Vipassana, solo or other to deepen my practice. When I get home from work I help my girlfriend cook dinner. We eat, talk and have meaningful sex, then watch a documentary together, either about what I am studying in my life or something that interests her. Go to bed and repeat. Actually I also own a Plant-Based, Allergen friendly breakfast style restaurant, which I manage loosely. I give most of the real input over to my management team and let them run it for me, but I help out here and there. We have a nice profit-sharing system in place and all of my employees are happy. I have them on a 32-hour schedule so they have lots of free time in their lives. I help guide them in their own lives and try to enrich them, helping them avoid things that I did wrong in my life.

Since all of the Vipassana Retreats this year are getting canceled one after another, I will be taking Leo's advice and doing a solo retreat. I am nervous to do it. I may not make it the whole 11 days meditating. I am afraid that I will dilly dally after a couple of days and slack off. The reason I am posting is to see what your guys experiences have been on solo retreats. I need some encouragement + tips to help this go well. I am excited as well! Why I am doing this: This trip started out as an excuse to get away from my job which I dislike, but has grown into a desire to go really deep on trauma during my meditations and release in specific areas. These areas are family trauma, "low" self-worth, my negative relationships with women in the past and at present, etc. My goal this year has been to release as much trauma as it relates to dating and having healthy relationships as I can, so that when I meet my next partner I can be as ready as possible.

Check out Campaign Zero in that case. Have proven that certain ideas, when instituted, lower police brutality. Some ideas include having a national database of bad cops. Believe it or not, there is no such database, so a bad cop can move and get rehired immediately. Another thing they say is to demilitarize the police. Take away war-surplus weapons. Ban certain uses of force such as choke holds. Carry less lethal firearms. Where viable, have a peaceable alternative to police. etc. etc. etc.

I donated about 10% of my 10 weeks of unemployment money to Andrew Yang. He gets it man. His non-profit MoveHumanityForward is focused on running pilot programs to study the effects of Universal Basic Income (UBI) and electing down-ballot candidates who support his revolutionary ideas. If you are interested, check out his podcast YangSpeaks.com or simply read his twitter feed. He is so in touch with ordinary Americans. And my other answer is to invest it in yourself. Do a solo meditation retreat or something.

This is a bleak message from Chris Hedges. I feel helpless and hopeless in a way. What can we do to help avert the collapse of the US and its global influence? All I know is to work on myself spiritually, to serve others, and to donate to politics that would benefit the collective.

@Lindsay I don't think AOC is the end-all, be-all for American congress members, though I do like her. To answer your question, I would say that this is not the most enlightened way to think about this subject. Based on Chris Hedges' talk, we need a complete overhaul of American politics before things become irrevocably damaged. If I had to come up with a solution, it would include wealth redistribution (with UBI) and giving people more power than corporations to influence politics, probably through what Andrew Yang calls "Democracy Dollars," where each voting adult gets a certain amount of money which can only be used to donate to a political candidate. That would have the same effect as getting money out of politics.

An ideal response to the spread of COVID-19 in the U.S. would have been to hire thousands of medical workers to test for the virus and track it through contact tracking, create a national database to aide medical workers and hospitals, have a concerted response so that every state in the U.S. is taking the same precautions, ramp testing up to the amount needed (which I hear is 10% of the population - right now we have only tested 2% of the population). Having every state be on the same page would increase our sense of being all in this together as one country united, reduce pessimism, etc. We would not have buoyed the unemployment by adding an additional $600 per week per person, because now people do not want to go back to work. We should have tried a UBI of $2,000 per month per adult until this crisis is over. Digging out of this mess will be long and hard. On the bright side, maybe we can increase the number of green infrastructure jobs and get a few million employed again. Our infrastructure sucks in the U.S. We still do not have a light rail in any one of our cities, not to mention between our cities. I get a lot of my info and ideas from Andrew Yang. If this is a topic that interests you, any of his podcast episodes are great. Yang Speaks is the name of it.

Nice. I don't believe I need a lot to be happy, and when I am at my happiest is when I am pursuing something out of a place of inspiration. I consider that to be as much success as you need, though you also need growth.

Curious about this as well. I recently blew my lid at a coworker in an effort to draw a boundary. I ended up intimidating him, then we talked about it and I cooled down. I feel like an ass though. I am going to reread Crucial Conversations again and take notes on what I could have done better. I can add that sometimes anger is good. If you are coming from a lower emotion, stepping into anger is a sign of progress. If you are usually above anger, it can be a sign of regress, or maybe one of your buttons was pushed that you were not aware of, and now you can release that. I am curios @Vercingetorix how you learned to breathe into your sensations. That is also what I do, but I am curious how you found that strategy.

Hi everyone! I am looking for some books and films to help better understand this moment we are in. We can all benefit from this list, I believe. Would you guys recommend any specific president's biography from the last 50 years? What about Van Jones book "Beyond The Messy Truth" or Bakari Sellers book "My Vanishing Country"? Anything to better understand racism in its enormous complexity? Also, any general political guidebook? I want to get Krystal Ball and Saagar Enjeti's book "The Populist's Guide to 2019" but I feel that it would be concerned with facts more than principles, which is not exactly what I want. Don't want to get enmeshed in details, more looking for a general political framework at this early point in my political education. But feel free to share books that do get specific, someone may benefit. Any good documentaries (on Netflix)? I can recommend "13th" on Netflix. It was so revealing and at parts heart-wrenching. You will learn a ton about the prison system, how it relates to slavery, how the laws are stacked against blacks (and POC) so that 1/3 of young black men can expect to go to jail at least once while that is true for only 1/17 young white men. Systemic Racism is systemic haha. In the worst way. Thanks guys. I hope we can all benefit from such a list.

Agreed. Hard to love the cop but still agree.

@Lindsay Sounds like you have read and enjoyed both. Thanks for sharing

This is a public service. Thank you John Oliver.

If you are interested in this topic and want more insight, you can check on Andrew Yang's interview with Jean Twenge who is a neuroscientist researcher here in the U.S. It is on YouTube and on YangSpeaks (dot) com.